A few days earlier
"Spike, have you seen the second volume of Magical Artifacts and You?"
"You left it on the nightstand." The dragon replied from within the kitchen.
"Ah, thank you!" Twilight shouted back and headed upstairs. Without Spike I would probably never get anything in order. she thought, giggling. She found the book exactly where Spike told her it would be. Grabbing it with her magic, she walked back downstairs and put it back into the shelf.
"Tidy up library, check." Twilight unfurled a scroll and picked up a feather, marking the task as “checked”. "Let’s see, with this done the next task for today is…of course. How could I forget about the picnic with the others. Well, that’s why I keep these checklists and have Spike. Speaking of....Spike? Do you want to come along for a picnic?" she asked.
"No can do Twi." Spike came out of the kitchen. "I promised to help Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo try to get their cutie marks in hoofball playing."
Well at least it’s something safee. Twilight thought to herself. "Okay, I'll see you later today. Don't be late for dinner!"
"Yeah, yeah. Bye Twi." Spike waved his claw, looking for the ball. Luckily it was a Sunday, so the library was closed. Twilight happily trotted through Ponyville, smiling to the ponies she met on the way towards the fields on the outskirts of Ponyville, next to a cherry tree to be precise. Just a few months ago, she would have laughed at anypony who told her she would be friends with some....let's say unique ponies.
How things change. I wonder what would have happened if I would have met them earlier in my life. Oh well, I'm glad I met them at all. she thought to herself.
It didn't take her long to arrive at the picnic place, where she found Rainbow Dash relaxing on a borrowed cloud and Rarity telling Fluttershy about her newest fashion line, Applejack and Pinkie Pie had brought the food this time and they were complimenting each other and exchanging recipes.
“Heya Twilight!” Pinkie Pie appeared next to the mare, although Twilight could have sworn the other pony had been at the side of Applejack just a moment ago. As a result, the purple mare let out an involuntary shriek.
“Pinkie…”
“Gotcha!” the pink party pony “booped” Twilight snout, before rejoining her friends. Everyone got a good laugh out of it, at least, even Twilight. She greeted the rest of her friends and joined them on the blanket.
"Where have ya been?" Rainbow asked, rolling onto her back.
"Sorry, I decided to take some work off from Spike's shoulders and clean up the library myself. He has done so much for me in his life, I decided to give him some more free time."
"That's so nice of you, darling." Rarity complimented. "You're right. He's always such a gentledragon and always so dedicated into helping others."
"So," Twilight settled next to Pinkie Pie "anything interesting happening lately?" she asked.
Just then Pinkie Pie's tail started twitching uncontrollably. "Oh no." Twilight muttered.
"Everypony take cover!" Rainbow shouted. They all quickly ran to the nearby tree, looking frantically up in the sky. "Do you see anything?" Fluttershy asked timidly.
"No." Pinkie replied.
"P-perhaps it's a false prediction." Rarity offered.
"Ah sure ain't gonna tempting fate." Applejack stated, looking at her with a deadpan expression.
"Wait a moment. Something is strange." Twilight said all of a sudden.
"What do you mean? Oh! Do you have like a Twily sense?" Pinkie asked excited.
"No darling, I feel it too." Rarity supplied. "It's a unicorn thing."
"Well, what IS that unicorn thing?" the cyan pegasus asked impatiently.
"It's like a sixth sense unicorns have." Twilight explained to the others. "We can sense it when a spell is being cast. If the unicorn is powerful, it can detect even really weak spells. The fact that Rarity can feel it, means it's a really powerful spell. Oh, er...no offense."
"None taken, darling. Still, I wonder if it is just coincidence that we feel this aura and at the same time Pinkie's sense is reacting."
"Maybe it's because of the really sparkly thingy over there." Pinkie pointed her hoof towards her upper left. The others followed with their gazes and soon found out what she meant. A clear white crystal spewing red sparks was floating not too far away from them.
"Stay back, girls." Twilight advised, motioning her friends to back up.. The red sparks began to spin around the crystal, and a deep vibration filled the air. "I don't know what's happening." Twilight stammered. "But we should really take cover. Now!" Suddenly, the low humming stopped and the whole meadow seemed to freeze in place briefly. That moment was ruined as the transparent crystal exploded. It sounded like somepony broke a window with a sledgehammer. A red flash illuminated the entire field and as fast as it started, it was over.
The six mares came out of their hiding spot to look at the aftereffects of the crystal explosion.
What they saw made their jaws drop. Twilight, Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash, each of their expression was a mixture of awe and shock. Fluttershy’s had a bit of fear written over her face, while Pinkie picked up her jaw rather quickly and brought her trademark smile.
Hovering in mid-air, wings tucked tight to her sides, was a white alicorn with a red mane and tail! Her cutie mark was an ink bottle and a black quill. The girls gasped and rushed to the unconscious alicorn.
"An alicorn..." Fluttershy said in awe.
"Well, ah'll be...." AJ was at a loss for words.
Nopony really knew what to say in this kind of situation. Twilight noted the pained expression on the alicorn's face. The purple mare stepped closer and put her foreleg at the alicorn's forehead. She gasped.
"Oh my gosh! She's practically burning up! We need to get her to the hospital!"
"What?!" Rarity exclaimed. Fluttershy’s mother instincts immediately kicked in and she flew over, seeing if she could help. But Twilight had already had a plan.
"Rainbow! I need you to get Spike to send a letter to the princess - tell her what’s going on I’m going to teleport with her to the hospital!"
In a flash of light, she and the alicorn were gone.
XIII
In the Ponyville Hospital, the receptionist was just filing away a few papers, when all of the sudden two ponies appeared via teleport. The receptionist was so startled, she dropped all the papers to the ground. She was ready to give the ponies a stern talking, when she found one of them unconscious in Twilight's magic grip. Another good moment of looking at her, revealed that there was a freaking alicorn!
Alicorn=Princess
Princess was unconscious.
Unconscious Princess= Execution
That was the thought process of the receptionist. Since the Nightmare Moon incident was still fresh on everypony's mind, it wasn't that long ago after all, she immediately called for a doctor.
I'm pretty sure Lauren's personality is different than what you've shown last chapter, but I don't exactly care about that. It's a good story, nonetheless.
5874313 Thanks. I've only seen an interview of her, so yeah, I'm drawing a blank here. I can only hope that I won't offend her in the future in any way.
This has lots of potential. I look forward to seeing how this will continue.
5874344 I hate it when people say that. Now I'm REALLY scared of screwing up.
You could've completely ignored the personality problem if it was someone else who woke up in the body of L Faust's OC.
5874348 hey dont worry about it. You have started it well so im sure it will go fine.
5874353 I thought about it. But nah, I plan in doing something similar. There're way not enough crystal pony OCs
5874357 Heh, thanks.
5874364
Umm... not to be a spoil sport, but isn't the adding of real life people into a story off limits? I mean the Fausticorn is a fictional metaphor that is suppose to be her counterpart, but Lauren Faust herself? As best I can remember even using someone else's OC/avatar (representation of themselves in pony/etc form.) was supposed to be taboo.
(If not, cool. I just wanted to make sure. And if anyone deserves an alicorn OC/avatar without it being accuseable of being cheap plot device, I personally think it's Faust. )
5874450 I'm not the first dude to do that stuff. And it got approved, so yeah, that's why I didn't make an OC as Faust.
If I were you, I might wanna put that AU tag on just in case.
Also, I'm tracking this story because I'm curious where you're taking this.
5874460 Me too. I'm a spontaneous writer. Nothing's set in stone.
5874450 I've seen a few stories around that have Faust as a character in them, so if it is a rule it doesn't seem to be enforced.
5874462 You too? Are you like me that sorta make up your story as you go? That's how nearly all of my stories are like.
I like the way this story is progressing, whilst you haven't shown much yet, you gave me enough to keep me intrigued
derpicdn.net/img/2012/7/24/54697/large.jpg
5874526 Is it just me or is Twilight a little too small in this picture?
5874463 I can't personally find the rule again myself, but if it is still there then I suppose it's there not so much as a way to be mean and cold about it, but as a way to keep the argument clean should the Fimfiction staff have to do anything about a problem arising from it. Kinda like copyright laws and... Fanworks... *gulp*
5874548
Still a unicorn
5874526 I would like to point out that it looks like Pinkie is climbing a building.
THEN WHO WAS BREAD?!?!
5874999 I ate it. With ketchup.
5874636 Still a little small...
5875004 Wait... if tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
Alright, who said putting strawberry-banana smoothies from Hayburger on haydogs was a bad idea!?!?!?
Can't wait for another chapter!
Best idea. Best idea ever.
Character seems a little generic so far. Most of it's okay thus far. I just feel like she'd be a little more likely to roll with it. Also, I'm not so fond of stories that double back to before the previous chapter. Especially at the beginning of the story.
Every what, pray tell?
Also, a crystal can't be white and transparent; It would have to be translucent (see link at bottom) to perceive it as having a color. Try comparing your average piece of quartz to a really nice specimen (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a5/QuartzUSGOV.jpg VS http://admin.satyacenter.com/item_files/article_574_8.jpg). Red also feels like a very strange color for it be emitting, much less as sparks. Glowing a particular color or emitting line makes far more sense than emitting sparks.
http://grammarist.com/usage/translucent-transparent/
5875461 woops. Thanks for pointing it out.
Fixed it.
About the other critic point: I just wanted to do something I haven't tried yet.
It's cool, I guess.
Some comments though:
(not related to story) OC-Generator pics are overused
you could use a proofreader
good concept
Run Lauren, RUN!!!
5875483 1) just wanted a picture for this story. Dunno if the artist made it himself or used a programm
2) I know. I always forget to look for someone.
3) Good concept? I'm surprised this one isn't overused.
5875527 Thanks. Fixed.
Interesting start. Will watch.
This should be interesting...
5875500 tbh idgaf if overused, its still good concept
And apparently this story is the 7th most popular story on FIMFic now ^^
Great job at getting Featured
5875817 That's it. I'm getting myself a gun now. I'm ready to die.
Some suggestions
#1
as if wind
(technicality/not really a problem) Silly Lauren you still have an arm - it is a hand you lack ;)
#2
back on (/onto) the shelf
marking the task as checked.
interested to see where this will go...
Wow, two days in with two chapters and you already have 90 likes... GG
Unconscious God=Utter obliteration of the MLP universe
Ewwwww. An explanation chapterrrrr.
Huh.... I'll stick around.... >_>
That was the best pony logic i've seen yet, look forward to more
5874548
I think it just looks like that because Fluttershy is on her hind legs.
5874463 Faust the Alicorn is one thing, Lauren Faust is another character entirely. Still though, someone out there has probably written Lauren into one of their stories.
As for the rules, I think they silently changed some of them awhile ago. I know they quietly removed the "No Five Score sidefic" rule. Perhaps the one about real life people was also repealed.
5875849 Don't joke about stuff like that. Suicide humor is worse then cute Diabetes jokes.
Maybe I'm misinterpreting things, in which case, have fun at the firing range.
5874587 I get two down votes on a comment where I agree with a person that had two up votes.... For the love of all things sacred people, is it just the way I place my words that makes people hate what I say!? (Edit: Apparently so...)
Congrats on the Feature!
GREAT FIC!! here's hoping this story wont suddenly be forgotten, ignored or cancelled please dont be like the others PLEASE!!!
Love this!!!!!