~Dear Diary~
Today I was given a sobering reminder on how long its been since I last watched My Little Pony.
I was reminded on how long its been since I was last an adult woman.
I was reminded on how I shouldn’t fixate on making the now a perfect replica of fiction, or on transforming the future into a more easily controlled form.
I was reminded that I’m only human dragon at the end of the day.
And, most importantly of all, I was reminded how much I love
Most importantly of all, I was reminded that Prince Solaris is, to use a human phrase...
... A DIRTY TROLL.
◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠
“... No.”
Toss.
“Nope.”
Toss harder.
“... Nope!”
Toss the hardest. It’s all squishy and icky and, just... Ew!
Boy... none of these apples look good!
With the bright summer sun beaming down on me from on high, as it had been doing all morning long, I dive back into my fruit pile and continue my assigned task. Though Dusk acts as my moving steed in this time, and holds my bundles aloft with the aid of two baskets firmly saddled to his sides, he pays me little mind as I go about my business.
“Thank you kindly, Dusk, for helping me out!” chuckles Applejack as he carries his own large load of freshly harvested apples down the dirt path. He resumes speaking shortly thereafter, needlessly reminding us of what our goal for the day was. There's some times where I think that he just likes to hear himself speak. “I bet Red Gala I could get all these Golden Delicious in the barn by lunchtime! If I win, she’s gonna walk down Stirrup Street in one of Gramp’s lederhosens!”
As the farmer chortles over the job well done, I find myself mentally smiling over the sight of him practically bouncing up and down, not unlike a child on Christmas day morning. For as rough and hardy as this pony likes to hype himself up as, Applejack is actually a rather cute colt when he's in his element.
Dusk calls back, “N-no problem at all, Applejack,” in response; doing his best to hide how tired and winded he clearly is. I roll my eyes at his pathetic attempt, but I pay it no further mind as I go through the apple piles still secured to his sides. The basket on my left (Dusk’s right) are filled with the sorted good fruit, the ones on the opposite side are the unsorted items, and the bad apples belong on the ground where they can decompose. Just like Applejack taught me... Hmmm... While we're on the subject of apples; according to what I’ve organized so far from Dusk's piles, he sure has picked quite a bit of bad crops today. Either bruised or misshapen or what have you; they're not suitable for pony consumption in the slightest! That's rather disappointing to see... though I guess this was to be expected in the long run.
There's a reason the term 'Unicorn Farmer' is a popular oxymoron here in Equestria, folks.
Here's a quick summery for the less informed. The odds of Equestrian fruit and veggies going bad early can increase substantially when active unicorn magic interferes with the passive Earth Pony magic used in the crop's creation or its harvesting process. It’s the unfortunate downside of growing food with forces that guarantee an always plump, delicious, and fresh product; said forces are very delicate and prone to going haywire if they’re disturbed too much. This is why Unicorns still use utensils, even though they have their horns. Not only that, but it's also considered rude and barbaric to eat with just your aura. It's kinda like eating soup with your hands; technically possible, but unsanitary and needlessly inefficient all at the same time.
This fundamental arcanic balance between when to manipulate magic and when not to is a pretty basic concept to understand. Even a 'common' child like me knows the gist, and of course both Dusk and Applejack know all about it too. They probably know it better than most.
Both boys knew the risks of upsetting this harmony, which is why Dusk tried his darnedest to buck as many apples off these trees the Earth Pony way. He did all that he could so as not to be a bother... but he’s no workhorse.
Never has this truth been made more blatantly clear to me than it has today.
With his lungs burning with an unaccustomed fire, and with his face drenched in the foreign fluid known as 'sweat', it didn’t take long before my scholarly friend’s heavy pants and whimpers of pain could be heard halfway across the fields. This made his discomfort known to all, despite him trying to hide the fact. Once the anguished cries finally got on Applejack’s last (and probably only) nerve, the stallion reluctantly gave Dusk the okay to use his telekinesis on a small dotting of trees here and there, just so that they could at least finish with an wisp of timeliness. This offer was given with the mutual understanding that a small fraction of today’s collection would become inedible as a result of the spell. Sure the contamination effect might not be completely guaranteed, so long as the caster is cautious of their actions during the spell, but I’m willing to bet that Applejack would have never been so willing to let him light up his horn if it weren’t for the fact that nopony else (extended family or otherwise) had come to his aid today...
... or for the fact that his family is currently boasting about record harvest numbers for the season. It's the talk of the town right now, literally everypony knows. It's probably why nopony else came to help; today's harvest is solely a victory lap for the sake of competition and perhaps one or two extra bits. A bushel of bad apples will little not hurt a darn thing. Working extra hard for produce he might not even be able to sell... I guess the power of sibling rivalries is just as strong here as it is on Earth.
Not that I would know or anything. I was a single child in my last life and I still am one now...
...
... What would it have been like to be reborn as another's sister, I wonder? It probably would have been an interesting life to lead... Would it be nicer to be the older one, or the younger one? My eldest daughter and youngest son both seemed pretty happy where they were in the hierarchy, even if they did fight every once in a while... I suppose the experience would depend heavily on whether or not the universe sees fit to grant me parents on top of a sibling. Being an orphan has granted be a few perks when it came to redefining myself, true, and probably freed me from the guilt I might have pushed on myself if I had potentially robbed a stranger of a perfectly normal child... but that won't stop me from thinking about the possibilities. What would being a part of a real dragon family be like? Do they even have the concept of family? Or... maybe I could be given the chance to be a member of a pony family here in Equestria... I'm not talking about what the Prince offered me years ago; the chance to be adopted into one and leave Dusk behind. No... I wonder what it would have been like to be part of a pony family from day one, either as a dragon or... maybe a pony?
What would life have been like if I was a filly?
....
... As I play with this fantasy silently, continuing to mindlessly sort my piles all the while, Dusk's conversation with Applejack marches on. “I’m glad the goal is lunchtime,” he remarks tiredly as I throw a few more bad apples to the ground. Toss. Toss. Nope. Nope. “All this hard work is making me hungry!”
“I know, right?” I add as I force my way out of the daydream. I toss another lumpy orb over my shoulder as I do, and make to throw myself even further into my work...
... but the soft thud sound the object made, once it had accidentally hit Dusk Shine on the head, snuffs out these plans before they were even given the chance to take root.
Ummm... Opps?
Crisscrossing my claws over one another, trying to appear as cute and innocent as I can, I give my most generous of steeds a large (though an admittedly guilty looking) smile.
Dusk glares back at me disapprovingly.
Double opps.
“Ple-ease, Barb,” snorts the deputized Element of Magic angrily. “You’ve been lounging on my back all morning while we worked, missy!”
“Exactly,” I shoot right back without pause; obviously referring to our earlier discussion about being hungry. “You two are taking sooo long that I missed snack-time!”
Hmph. Rude much, am I right?
Snack-time is the most important time for a growing baby dragon, I’ll have you know!
…
...
… Oh don’t look at me like that! I wasn’t slacking! I just can’t buck trees or levitate apples, so I’ve spent most of this morning simply trying to figure out why Dusk brought me here in the first place! Sorting these apples out is about the most I can really offer to this endeavor.
Frankly I think I was brought here solely to act as Dusk’s emotional support. He’s still new to the whole ‘there’s more to life than old dusty books’ thing, so I'm assuming that I was brought along just to make sure that he didn’t slack off himself.
It's the best guess that I have right now; being Dusk's number one assistant means that I have to occasionally be really good at guessing what his intentions are. I suppose that there's never enough time in the day to explain silly little things like what you're doing, or where you're going, when your snout is half buried in a book about Ponyville's agricultural development or the like.
Well, whatever his plan may or may not have been; the sudden rumbling of his stomach, followed by his nervous chuckling over it's loudness, thankfully drops the whole conversation between us all together.
“Hehe… Eh, I-I guess we better get some food,” Dusk notes shyly before turning away from me in an attempt to hide his now darkening cheeks.
With a roll of my eyes, I brush the words aside as I resume my sorting. The quicker I get this done, the faster we can eat... Let’s see… “Nope. Worm… A-ha!”
Hearing my joyful cry, Dusk turns his head back just in time to witness me holding up the most perfect, juiciest looking apple I’ve ever laid eyes on. Judging from the sparkles in his eyes, the audible smacking of his tongue, and the sudden saliva dripping from his lips; I think it’s safe to say that it’s the prettiest apple the colt has ever laid his eyes on as well.
“Oh Barb,” the hungry pony drools unabashedly as he stares longingly at the textbook definition of fruity perfection. “That looks… delicious…”
Yeah… it really does…
…
… Crunchmunchmunch~
“Barb!” Dusk growls at me disapprovingly as I finish off the single tastiest thing this world has ever produced for my taste buds.
Again I must repeat... snack-time is super important for baby dragons!
I have no regrets.
“What?” I shrug cheekily as I wipe the last few crumbs from my face. “Ladies first!”
Dusk continues to glare.
Before I can say anything more, a tickle reaches my nose, and along with it comes the familiar scent of brimstone.
Oh no; I-I think I feel a letter com-
“ACHOO!!”
‘Man I hate being a walking, talking mailbox,’ are the words that grace my thoughts (and not for the first time) as a single long jet of emerald tinted dragon fire dashes forth from my face. It unfortunately does so before I’m given the opportunity to prepare myself. Dusk thankfully ducks his head out of the way just in time to avoid being charbroiled, but he doesn’t react fast enough to also catch me before the recoil can send me flying right off of his back. My spines hit the dirt hard as a result, and the pain from the happenstance forces my eyes back open long enough to see the expected scroll materialize itself out of the ashes of my flame.
Applejack watches all this transpire silently, only to then approach the hovering object with a look of pure curiosity plastered to his face. Perhaps in sensing his friend’s well warranted interest in the bizarre sight, Dusk helpfully explains for the uninformed pony how “It’s a letter from Prince Solaris.”
Slowly returning to my feet, so that I can grab the letter out of the air as it floats down towards my level, it dawns on me that I’m now feeling an intense sense of... déjà vu? Huh? Why would that be the case...?
...
… Wait...
… Is... this an episode??
... Oh crap! I think this is an episode!
H-how did an episode start without me realizing it?! I... I-I had ONE JOB! How did I screw this up so badly?! How far are we into it now?! How how how how h-how-
Wait wait wait, caaaaalllllmmmm down, Barb. Calm... down... Think… Gotta remember… Loading memories… Looooaaadddding, annnnddd… done.
This...
... This is… Ticket Master, right?
Y-yeah... Yeah... I vaguely remember this one now. Twilight and her friends get tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala after lessons are learned about sharing blessings or whatever. What were the highlights…?
Um… There’s two tickets.
The girls fight over the spare.
Twilight returns them and gets the right amount back.
And Spike’s involvement was… minimal, I think. Slice of life fluff; good. Only thing of importance here are the tickets; I just have to keep that in mind and simply let Dusk do his thing… I can manage that just fine!
... Still can’t believe I forgot that this was where this little day with Applejack leads to though! I wrote in my book last night that I kinda sorta remembered it being an important event that led to another, but I thought this was for that other Applejack episode; the one with the baked bads and so on. I thought there was a day skip during this too, and that I still had a bit of time.... How did I forge-
“Barb? Why are you just standin’ there, girl?”
Oh... Oops. I got distracted and forgot that I'm in the middle of something right now. Just act normally, Barb; don't overthink these things or else everything will go to hell in a clawbasket just like last time with The NIghtterror.
“J-just letting that apple settle in my stomach,” I deflect quickly as I turn away from Applejack and his raised eyebrow. I focus all of my attention on the scroll in claw, and unfurl it so that I can read it out loud for both stallions present. Beginning by clearing my throat, I put on my best royal voice and project, “Hear ye, hear ye.”
… Did Solaris seriously just write ‘hear ye, hear ye?’ Hmm… while I wouldn’t put it that past the big dramatic guy, I doubt this was written specifically by him. I know Solaris’ hornwriting pretty well after all these years, and this isn't nearly as flashy. This looks more like the work of his secretary than it does his. It must be a mass-sent letter, meant for ponies besides Dusk… Wow I’m surprised by how little I’m remembering about this right now! 'What else am I forgetting...?'
I ponder all of this in my head, though on the outside I’m still reading this letter for my friends without any clear delay. “His Grand Royal Highness, Prince Solaris of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala is to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of, eh…”
I… I think it’s saying it’ll be, like, three to four months from now, unforeseen events notwithstanding… but the language is way too flowery to keep straight!
“Yadda yadda yadda,” I sum the writing up, choosing to instead skip ahead to the next important bit that catches my eyes. “... cordially extends an invitation to Dusk Shine plus…”
I blink my eyes.
That… doesn’t look right.
I read it over once, twice… three times in total, before deciding that it’s more important to not keep my friends waiting any further.
So, with that in mind, I reluctantly finish the letter by stating…
“... two guests.”
Neither Applejack or Dusk catch my suddenly unsure words.
No... Instead, they're more focused on hooting and hollering over anything else.
“The Grand Galloping Gala!” they both gasp and wail in unison. The two of them exchange hoofbumps and arm pumps with one another as they together cheer loudly for this sudden boon.
I, meanwhile, am left to simply scratch my head.
Dusk plus… two guests? So then, that would mean three tickets. But… Twilight only got two in the show! My foggy memories are becoming a tad more clear now on this subject; I remember watching this episode with my little Ashley in another lifetime. I recall how my sweetheart asked me, in a way only a child could, why the Princess sent her student two tickets when she knew she had plenty more friends now.
‘Acceptable conflict contrivance for a show aimed at preschoolers’ was the writer in me’s quick answer at the time, but I instead told my angel how big important people/ponies ask others to do things for them when they’re busy, and how little details can slip through the cracks by mistake. That felt correct at the time, and if this letter had stayed the same then I probably would have assumed the same here.
Not so much now...
“ACHOO!”
… the three gala tickets resting in my claws are convincing me that this was evidently a set-up from the get-go.
“Look,” I say dryly, drawing the excited boys’ attention back towards me and the fire scented tickets in my grip. “Three tickets.”
“Wow, great!” chimes Dusk happily, his head obviously full of ideas for the eventual ‘Best Night Ever’. “I’ve never been to the gala… Have you, Barb?”
“No,” I state plainly and bluntly. “And I plan to keep it that way.” Momentarily putting aside my internal concerns towards this minor change in canon, I explain, “I don’t want any part in that social hierarchy tango.” I hate dealing with nobles in normal public settings; why would I want to go to what’s practically their national holiday? I can guarantee that it’ll be more of the same for me when I inevitably go...
"... Oh why isn’t that creature leashed up? Oh who left their belongings unattended? Really now, one should keep their things at home where they belong."
… Self entitled ponies can kiss my scaly butt, thank you… Except for Princess Bluebelle. She can instead kiss my hot, unwashed, sweaty fee-
“Aw, come on Barb,” Dusk interrupts my dark thoughts to quip. “A dance could be kinda cool.”
Ah poor, naive little Dusk Shine. You may have Canterlot blood flowing through your veins, but I’m glad that city never found its way into your soul. Good thing we live in Ponyville now, and away from all those jerks up in the mountains.
“Hehe… cool?” interjects Applejack, catching both mine and Dusk’s attention. Honesty’s bearer snickers slightly under his breath as he saunters over to my former ride’s side and casually lays a foreleg over his withers. Pulling him closer into a one-sided embrace, the suddenly smug looking stallion shoots his friend a toothy grin. “It’s a heap good more than just cool, Dusk. I’d lov-, no… I need to go to this here shindig, ya’ hear me?"
With an unfocused, distant look in his eyes, Applejack’s bearhug tightens as he wistfully elaborates his case to the slowly suffocating unicorn in his hold. “Land sakes… If I had an apple stand set up, them noble folks would be chowin’ our tasty vittles ‘till the cows came home!”
For the non-equestrian’s in the house; that’s a very long time. Cow Raves are infamous for lasting all night long, and thus are illegal in over thirty settlements throughout Equestria...
… I can’t make this junk up if I tried, people. Honest.
“Do you have any idea how much business I could drum up for Sweet Apple Acres?” Applejack continues to make his appeal. I’m unsure if Dusk can even hear him though; his face is turning a rather striking shade of purple as we spea- Oh. Wait. That’s just how he always looks. My bad. “Why, with all that money, we could do a heap of fixin’ up ‘round here! The roof the plow, Gramp’s hip… Shoot; if Barb ain’t want that extra ticket, we could even bring Red Gala with us and double our coverage!”
I… I think I spot drool dripping out of this dude's mouth as he salivates over the Bits clearly dancing merrily in front of his vision.
Ew.
Easing up on his accidental death strangling of my oldest friend, the orange pony wipes a good amount of the spittle from his lips before concluding his speech. “W-why, I’d give my left hind leg to go to that gala…”
Having been granted a window of opportunity, Dusk quickly acts on his ‘assailant’s’ wistful daydreaming by using his magic to remove his foreleg from off of himself. Now once again free from the 'horror' that is physical contact with another pony, Dusk takes a greedy breath of precious air for himself before considering his hearty friend’s words.
“O-oh,” the scholar eventually croaks out fully. Smiling weekly, he offers Applejack a small olive branch by saying, “Well, in that case, would you like to-”
Snap!
“WHOA!”
Time slows down for me as a rainbow colored comet violently descends from on high, smiting my boys with unfiltered animosity. As the dust settles over the assault, I find my claws involuntarily covering my lips as a messy, three-way pony pile reveals itself to me. Apples, baskets, and a well worn stetson find themselves scattered about as our newest arrival sticks his head up first and moans loudly.
“Ugghhhh…” bellows Rainbow Dash as he shakes himself off slightly an-, wait… There's something different about him today. What is it…? “Sorry about that… But are we talking about the Grand Galloping Gala??”
“Rainbow Dash,” Applejack groans loudly too upon picking and cleaning himself up, and upon returning his cap to his head. He narrows his eyes as he stares deeply into Rainbow’s own. “You told me you were too busy to help me harvest apples! What were you busy doing? Spyin’?”
“No,” counters RD with a flip of his mane, and a snap of his tail. “I was busy…”
He then points a hoof upwards towards a snapped tree branch above us; one which holds a pillow, a blanket, and a… book.
“... Reading,” the pegasus finishes. “No way was I going to miss the latest Dashing Dare book! It just came out!”
“THAT WAS TODAY?!”
At this surprise outburst, three sets of heads (mine included) turn in unison towards our fourth.
Dusk blushes deeply in response.
“S-sorry,” he mutters shyly, looking away. “I -I just can’t believe I forgot that the newest book was releasing so soon. I usually keep a close eye on that...”
“You’ve had a busy week, Dusk,” I offer sympathetically as I pat the pony’s side. Poor guy; it’s clear that he’s still trying to get adjusted to this new life of his. Needless to say, I know a thing or two about handling drastic changes like this. Hopefully I can help him along with his own. “It’s understandable…”
I then look towards Rainbow Dash once again.
… What is it about him that’s so different today? He’s not wearing his flowers from when we first met him, but I don’t think that’s what’s bothering me. I’ve seen him around a little bit ever since I first returned to Ponyville a few days ago, but he was always up flying about. With him back on the ground and in front of me again, he just feels… off, but I can’t put my claw on exactly what.
Hmmmm…
…
… Oh! Wait, I think I got it!
“Rainbow Dash,” I start to speak up, causing him to turn his head towards me. Now seeing him from the front end, I’m finally given somewhat of an answer towards my current burning question. I say somewhat, because... well... I’m still not really sure what it is I’m looking at right now.
Guess the only way I’m going to solve this mystery is by just asking Dash, plainly and bluntly...
“... Are you wearing lipstick?”
Proudly, and without hesitation, Rainbow Dash cheerily answers me with a resounding, “Yuppers!”
… He chooses not to elaborate any further...
…
...
… Oh well.
“It looks pretty,” I tell him truthfully. Try as I might, I can’t really remember too much more on how this opening part of the episode goes anymore, so I’ll just go with the flow for now. I have to remember that these boys are fundamentally different from the original stars of MLP, so minor deviations are acceptable. No point in trying to push them to be somepony they’re not.
Besides… it really does look nice on him.
“Thanks!” Rainbow Dash chirps happily in gratitude. He then points towards his lips and explains that, “It’s a coral blue, number five, semi gloss matte. I think it matches my coat pretty well if I do say so myself.”
“I think so too!”
“Ah you’re too kind, Barb. I’ve got spares if you want!”
“Thanks, but I don’t think blue would look good against my scales...”
“Really? Hmm… maybe you’re right… But maybe you’re more of a traditional scarlet… Wait! I think I have some purple laying around back home too!”
Gasp! “Ooohhhhh! Purple might be really cool, Dash! I’d love to give that a try!”
“Hah! Then I’ll totally hook you up the next chance I get, girlfrien-”
“Ladies!” suddenly roars Applejack, halting the private conversation Rainbow and I had accidentally slipped off into. “We were in the middle of somethin' here...”
Blushing slightly, I cough and take a step back from Rainbow Dash. R-right, the tickets and episode. I shouldn’t be interrupting this, it's important...
“Barb... You’re not old enough for makeup yet, young lady,” scolds Dusk crossly before turning his back towards me and facing the rest of his friends again.
I blow him a raspberry once his back is fully turned.
“Oh, right,” Dash laughs in reply, rubbing the back of his head as he does. With a quick shake of his mane, he returns to his usual cocky attitude as he resumes the earlier discussion. “Anyways, did I just happen to hear that you have a few extra tickets to the gala, Dusk old buddy?”
Snorting, Dusk answers “Yeah, but-”
“YES!” cheers Loyalties’ conduit as he performs a quick midair back flip. “That is so awesome! The Wonderbolts perform at the Grand Galloping Gala every year!”
As Rainbow Dash’s words begin to flow out of his muzzle at a rapid pace, regaling for us all his fantasies in showing the flight team his moves and earning himself a spot on their roaster, I notice out of the corner of my eye as Applejack’s earlier scowl slowly begins to turn nastier and nastier with each trick mentioned, and with each hypothetical scenario imagined.
“... Don’t you see, Dusk?” the blue flyboy wraps up, drawing his lofty dream to a close. “This could be my one chance to show ‘em my stuff. You gotta take m-”
Splat!
The sudden appearance, and explosion, of a red apple right against the back of Dash’s head cuts his pleas off completely. Stunned, the rainbow adorning pony turns around and spots the culprit quite speedily.
Not hiding his transgressions in the slightest, Applejack threateningly tosses a second apple up and down with the flat side of his front hoof.
“Now hold on just one pony pickin’ minute here, Dashie,” the irate looking stallion growls, staring down at the petite pegasus’ frame. “I asked for those tickets first!”
Though he looked briefly stunned thanks to the earlier fruit attack, Dash’s expression smoothly warps back into a laid-back smile as he beams happily at the (truthfully kinda intimidating) earth pony.
“Hmmm… so?” Rainbow neutrally replies, not allowing his friend’s words to get under his coat. “That doesn't mean you own both of them, Jack. There’s, like, three tickets in total from what I’ve overheard. Isn’t that right?”
Again Applejack grunts at Dash’s words.
“Yeah, you’re right…” he spitefully admits. “... But that means there’s only enough for Dusk, Red Gala and myself! Nopony else!”
“N-now wait a minute!” Dusk cries out, trying to gain control of this situation before it can get any more out of hoof. “Applejack, these are my tickets! I’m the one who gets to choose who's coming with me!”
“...”
… This seems to mildly work, as Applejack is now easing off a little bit from his pressuring of Rainbow Dash.
In sensing this calmer state, Dusk continues to speak. “Now then... since Barb doesn’t want to go to the gala, that means there’s enough tickets here for all three of us to go! It’s unfortunate that Berry, Elusive, and Butterscotch can’t come too, but I’m sure the guys will understand it if we just explain to them how you both have valid reasons for wanting to g-”
“Ah ain't goin' with him.”
“... W-... What was that, Applejack?”
Splat
Applejack allows the bad apple in his hoof to land harshly on the ground as he intensely locks his eyes with Dusk’s own.
“Ah said that ah ain't goin' with him, hayseed,” he repeats, spitting on the trail next to him as he does. “Don’t think for one solitary second that this blowhard won’t try to do somethin' stupid that gets us all tossed out of the gala in one fell swoop!”
“... What?” Dusk asks the fuming pony flatly. “You think he’ll do-… Where in the wide land of Equestria are you getting an idea like that from, Applejack?!”
“From the last Ponyville Wonderbolts Derby,” deadpans the stallion without missing a beat. Rainbow whistles casually to himself shortly thereafter, refusing to look at anypony in particular...
There’s a brief moment of silence after this statement. Upon realizing that no further explanation was forthcoming, Dusk asks simply, “What about it?”
Applejack takes a deep breath.
Rainbow Dash’s ears fall flat against his skull.
“Well, tumbleweed,” Jack starts slowly and softly; his words hardly above a whisper in volume… but this doesn’t last long as they soon explode into a mighty roar of “IT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO!!”
An accusing hoof is now aimed fiercely towards the still whistling pony.
“They used to come yearly! Brought in a lot of visitors to this here town; wealthy visitors who bought mah families' wares each and every time!”
The outstretched foreleg inches itself ever closer to Dash’s muzzle.
“That all changed when this one,” the hoof presses itself against the accused’s muzzle, ceasing his tune. “just had to bug them Bolts one too many times and scare the whole lot of them off… So which one was it anyways, Dashie?” Applejack demands angrily, driving his hoof roughly into Dash’s chest. “Was it that Leewave chick, or that Fireball guy?! Huh?! Which one were you tryin' to flirt with?! I honestly can never tell which is your type, you darn flip-flopper!”
Blinking blankly in response to the accusation, and to the orange pressure still placed squarely against his chest, Rainbow recovers surprisingly quickly; quickly enough, in fact, that he’s able to swiftly don his earlier casual expression with zero difficulties.
“... Why are you suddenly asking about my type there, Jackie~?” the feminine stallion teases with the batting of his eyelashes, and the slow batting of Applejack's hoof out of his presence. “Are you..."
He leans in ever closer.
"... interested?”
“...”
“...”
“...RRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!”
Dusk and I both jump back in fright as the once-upon-a-time homely pony cries out in what is possibly the gruffest roar he could manage. Rainbow Dash’s grin never falters as he takes on the verbal assault in stride.
Applejack then pushes his leg forward, and thrusts it back into Dash’s reach.
“YOU, ME, HOOF-WRESTLE!” he orders with a venomous edge. “NOW! Winner gets the tickets!!”
“Guys…” Dusk tries to interject with a raised foreleg.
This tiny attempt to defuse the situation goes completely ignored as Rainbow Dash quietly observes the larger stallion’s massive foreleg. Looking down at Dash’s own, there’s an obvious size difference going on between these two colts. Rainbow’s foreleg is practically a twig in comparison to Applejack’s finely toned work legs. Dash is certainly not weak by any stretch of the imagination; Elusive and Dusk’s legs are even more thin due to their unicorn natures, for example. That said, this whole conversation is jogging my memories a little bit about certain aspects of the original show. Specifically, I vaguely remember another episode involving these two ponies where they were clearly evenly matched to one another… at least as mares.
As stallions, however, I think it’s clear to see which of the two ate their vegetables when they were growing up...
… Despite being at a clear disadvantage in this competition in all conceivable ways, Rainbow Dash surprises Dusk and I both by eagerly putting his own spindly leg forward.
“Deal,” he states clearly without the slightest hint of hesitation.
Applejack grins wickedly as a result.
“NOW you look like a dude, ‘dude’,” he openly mocks, laughing lightly. Taking the ‘arm’ within his own, he tightens his grip and readies himself. “Well then… On the count of three?’
“Sounds good to me,” Dash confirms with the single nod of his head.
“Alrighty… One.”
Dusk and I hold our breaths.
“Two.”
Sweat drips from our brows.
Silence reigns supreme.
“... THRE-”
Smoooooooch~
… It’s not everyday that you get to see the exact second in which a pony’s brain transforms itself into a thought devoid husk of flesh and chemicals.
That’s about the best way I can describe Applejack’s current state of being though; I can only assume that this is what's currently happening inside of the completely stunned pony’s slowly disintegrating mind.
I may not be a dude and/or a bro, but even I can imagine the confusion I might feel if my heated rival all of a sudden decided to lean forward in our ‘embrace’ and plant a nice, wet kiss right across my cheek.
With a new blue hickey glowing brightly off his face, Applejack clearly and intelligently states “B-baw?” as his thoughts turn to mush.
Rainbow smiles kindly at him for this…
...
... WHOOMP~!!
… before applying great pressure to his still interlocked leg, which ends up practically tossing poor Applejack right into the dusty dirt road.
Leaning down over his defeated opponent, so that his face is right up next to the downed farmer's own, Dash utters cheerily a short and simple declaration of, “I win~”
The speechless Earth Pony remains still and unmoving on the ground.
For his next trick, Rainbow Dash causes both Dusk and I to jump in place by addressing us with, “I guess we should figure out our third now, right, Dusk? If Barb doesn’t want to go, maybe we can ask Butters instead? I bet he’d love to check out all the critters the gala gardens holds on t-”
“Rain… BOW... DAAAAAAAAASSSSSH!!”
“Huh?”
A mighty battle cry roars out fiercely throughout the orchard as Applejack, having recovered from the surprise ‘attack’, lunges at the victorious pegasus and drags him into a full body wrestling match. I bring a claw to my eyes and try to protect them against the sudden kicked up dust cloud. Having to weather against it for but a moment, I’m thankfully yanked away from the scene with the aid of Dusk’s magic before it becomes any more intense. The unicorn huffs angrily towards his friends for a brief second before turning back towards the path that laid behind us.
“Come on, Barb,” Dusk orders, all while motioning towards the road ahead of us with his nose. “Let’s get out of here.”
“A-are you sure, Dusk?” I ask after a pause, glancing back towards the cartoon-like fight cloud that had engulfed our two friends. “Shouldn’t we do something about this?”
Dusk snorts at the suggestion.
“I’m pretty sure they can work their way out of this themselves. That's what they did back in the Everfree Forest anyways, when they-”
Grumple~
The sound of the Dusk’s stomach eating itself cuts off whatever else he was trying to say. He blushes a second time before looking back down at me at his side.
“A-anyways, Barb; I’m starving. I don't know about you, but I can't make important decisions or help ponies on an empty stomach. I'll think about this stuff over lunch and get back to them later, okay?”
“O… okay,” I answer uncertainly. Eating lunch right now isn’t going to affect anything, right? That happened in the show too I think…
… I really wish I remembered more of this episode. There’s tickets, there’s fighting, there’s a lesson… but everything in between is one big old blank void in my mind right now. Applejack wanted to go for her family business, Rainbow Dash wanted to go for the Wonderbolts, Fluttershy wanted to go for the animals, Pinkie Pie wanted to go for… the party itself, I think? And Rarity wanted to go for… ugh! I can’t even remember anymore!
Focus, Barb; remember The Code. Time is a River and a Stone; I don’t have to be Spike one hundred percent in order for us to reach the endpoint of this day. I can be just me and that will be good enough. Same with the boys; they can be themselves just fine and still get the same results, no worries.
Even though Rainbow just kissed Applejack, which I know couldn’t have happened on the show, we’re still on track towards finishing this episode properly. I just have to have faith in all of them, and try to vaguely remember anything important Spike did besides simply being there for Twilight. As long as I do that, everything will be just fine…
… Though the one thing I do still remember is that there were only two tickets originally! Why did Solaris send us three this time? I think it’s safe to say that his ‘prettier’ self, Celestia, sent her student two tickets on purpose to instigate this lesson; I have enough evidence to prove at least that much. The Prince is doing the same thing now, but he’s doing it without the aid of my Sight. Taking myself out of the equation, logic would dictate that he should have done the exact same thing as Princess Celestia! What could be so different this time as to cause such a change...?
...
... Suddenly, the last few words I shared with Prince Solaris come rushing forward to the forefront of my mind.
_______________________________
“... About the only advice I can give is to just… do more. Like, give things more thought, and maybe keep Dusk and I more in the loop about things...”
_______________________________
…
…
...
… I find myself unable to do anything more but sigh.
“Solaris dammit,” I utter quietly under my breath as I follow Dusk into town for a well deserved lunch.
You know, when it was gals arguing over the tickets, it was kind of funny and a little cute. When it’s guys? The only thought I seem to have so far is, “What a couple of a-holes!”
A spongebob reference from the time the show lived in its golden years. Thanks for the nostalgia.
Holy shit it lives
... who the heck is this guy? It cannot be me, right?
I knew you have a feminine side in you, darling.
I really enjoy these interactions between Applejack and Rainbow. They are adorable
Gotta say I love this version of Rainbow, I'm still trying to get him
It's like watching Bugs and Elmer, horsie edition.
roll
Merry Christmas!
Ok so, if this RD is all over feminine stuff in contrast with regular RD. Does that mean that this RD has a secret stallionish side he is embarrassed of?
9370378
I'm simultaneously proud of myself for not having a massive amount of spelling errors this chapter like I usually do... and upset with myself that I wrote "roll my eyes" twice in one page without catching myself XD
Merry late Christmas too!
As for your question... well... let's just say that Suited for Success is going to be an interesting episode to cover and I'll leave it at that
Applejack: I can't believe Dash would cheat by kissing me with coral blue, number two, semi gloss lipstick.
Rainbow Dash: Actually it's coral blue number-
Applejack clocks Rainbow Dash in the face
That reminds me. Is the whole 'barb is property' thing is going to be brought up by Red Gala again?
9373620
Weeeellll, canon-wise Spike and Big Mac don't share a scene together for a very long time...
... bbbbbuuuuttt headcanon-wise, Big Mac must have been doing SOMETHING while he was recovering from his injuries in Applebuck Season. Having a friendly chat with a friend sounds like a great use of one's time now doesn't it? ;)
Hey! Just thought I'd comment here about how this fic and its prequel are the first in many years to have engrossed me so much to the point of being the very first things that popped into my mind the next morning. For reference, the last time that happened was with Five Score Divided by Four, so hats off to you for completely grabbing my interest with this one! I noticed it's taking you a bit longer than normal to write the next update, so I can only hope it's because you're working to make the next chapter somehow even more creative and enjoyable than you've managed thus far ^^
Keep on keepin' on~
9550626
Ah, thank you! And yes, the gap between the chapters has been a tad longer than I like It's because I'm not rushing the next set of chapters, yes, but it's also because I currently lack the time IRL to properly work on them... I'm hoping that this will change soon however! Comments like this really help me in the motivation department as well, so again thank you
Hope to see you next time! I don't know when that will be, but it should hopefully be quite an avalanche of activity when it does happen
As long as there is still hope, I'll wait for this fic...
i.ytimg.com/vi/XECQApj9IJs/maxresdefault.jpg
9616289
OH GOD THE SONG IS STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!
...
...
... *Ahem* A-anyways, hi. I still live, somewhat, and I'm still watching the show. I really WANT to write right now, but life keeps smacking me in the face whenever I try
I have a feeling that at some point in this year I'll probably return to writing for this regularly. I mean, I'll need to do SOMETHING in order to fill the pony-shaped hole in my heart the show is about to inevitably put inside me once the curtain closes for good...
... So, to you and everyone else reading this; thank you so very much for your patience! I hope to see you all again in the near future
This story isn't healthy for me. I've got college, dammit, but I keep on staying up well into the ones, twos, and threes of the morning. It's a damn shame that I blew through this so quickly, cause I
wantneed more! I absolutely love how this story isn't just a retelling of Season one so far, but a look into the background of it as well. We see things from the perspective of the side kick, and that perspective grants us a different insight to the lessons learned - alongside the very interesting omissions, lies, and deflections Barbara undergoes to maintain their guise. I can't praise you enough for bringing the R63 versions of the characters to life, either. You have such a way with words when it's truly your originality speaking, and not a retelling of another story; in other words I really, really like when the tale diverges from the beaten pathI await with stupendous anticipation for your next chapter, may it come before the year is out, heh.
9853492
Thank you so much for your kind words ^_^ I'm saddened that life has been preventing me from returning to this piece. It's been certainly hard to stay on this site as well what with the show ending... but your comment caused me to at least re-read this chapter for the first time in months. Thinking about how Spike's canon arc is almost complete now as well, and how I don't want to let go of the feelings or people this show has connected me with I... well...
... Please don't hate me if I fail on this promise, but I WANT to continue this story before the end of this year. I want to get back into this site and all those stories I've yet to touch. I don't want to keep my ideas just to myself either and... I don't want to give up on the the Tale.
Thank you kindly again for your words, and reminding me where my strengths lie. Hopefully I will see you again in the near future!
-Derply
9854828
How could I possibly hate someone for giving us, the readers, only part of a gift, when you've no debt to us? Life is a cruel mistress, Manlyderp, when I tell you not to worry about upsetting us, I mean it. Don't worry about it. Cutting time out of a busy schedule for work you don't get paid for, that might not even be received well, and is purely for entertainment purposes is, and has always been a huge investment with very little pay off, sans the joy of creation itself, and all the happy little fans you get, such as myself. You've got a solid track record of creating works of art, and all the time in the world to get back to this project of yours; if the story goes on another three year hiatus like it did back in 2015, then so be it.
Better late than never, right? 😏
A message for all readers both new and old:
The Poisoned Barb's Tale will be resuming December 1st, 2019.
At the time of this writing, 5 new chapters have been typed up and are currently in the editing process...
... Thank you all for your patience ^_^
-Derply
I never expected to find myself laughing during this tense and dramatic story. You are a wonderful writer!
10380400
I've thought about how AJ ended up selling apple products at the gala. I've come to the conclusion that she should've been making connections instead of selling her wares. That's what the gala is for after all. Mingle with fellow business ponies, make deals for distribution. They already have a similar agreement with Filthy Rich and Barnyard Bargains.
Unfortunately, the Apple clan probably doesn't see selling apples through a distributor as honest.
10772144
That does, in fact, seem to be the case; and I think it was proven quite thoroughly through that one Teen Applejack episode in the later seasons, where the idea of selling apples through Filthy Rich was apparently blasphemy.
The show often described AJ as a stubborn pony, which was certainly true to an extent, but I think her largest sin was perhaps pride. It was a quirk she shared with Rainbow Dash, and was maybe even the main catalyst for their rivalry throughout the series. "Ah can't have some city slicker sell our apples! Ah'll shown them fancy types just how much better the apple clan's cookin' is compared to their fru-fru garbage, then they'll be buyin' pies by the wagon full!" ... is probably what she was thinking in the days leading up to the gala
When it comes to writing male Applejack, I've been keeping the prideful nature of the original in mind. Since male Rainbow Dash is a lot more level-headed than his female counterpart, AJ's "ah-know-what's best" tendencies unfortunately have the opportunity to stick out more here than they did in the canon show.
Expect more bone-headiness from the prideful, but well-meaning silly pony in the near future