Three years. Three years it had taken Celestia to finally be able to see the real Sunset Shimmer hidden beneath all the greed, disgust and hate. But now that she saw the real Sunset for what she was, she was determined to finally help the girl. It wouldn't be easy; Sunset had many skeletons in her closet and the path before was marred and twisted with her past mistakes. But perhaps, perhaps if she plays her cards right, Sunset could have the one thing she always dreamed of. A family.
Inspired by every fanfic where Sunset gets adopted by Celestia and/or is Celestia's kid.
Chapters (18)
My only issue is that you keep on using 'Principle', when you mean 'Principal'. Otherwise, great start.
5768664 Yeah I gotta fix that. And I plan to eventually. Glad you like it so far. I actually almost have chapter two done. :D
5769254 Sweet.
...but the Fall Formal was on a Friday night...
5771987 ;_; Well another thing to fix. Thanks for telling me.
I like the take you put on this story (Scootaloo being related to Celestia and Luna and her relationship with Sunset). I'm eager to read more. I noticed a few grammatical and spelling errors, but nothing huge. A word of advice, though: when a character interrupts another character, don't keep both speaking parts in the same line. Instead, end the previous speaker's quote in a dash and begin the new speaker's line in a new paragraph. For example, you wrote
A better way to write this would be
This way, it's more clear that the previous speaker was interrupted and it isn't quite so jarring to the reader. By the way, I caught a typo in that you spelled "quite" when I'm sure you meant "quiet".
Thanks for writing and thanks for listening!
Literally*
I like Principal Gamer Luna. I hope that Sunset can resolve her differences with Scootaloo soon, I hate seeing sisters fighting. Maybe if Sunset were to save Scootaloo from some punks she bumps into while riding her scooter?????
Oh, and if Scoot's dad left Celestia for a stupid reason... I hope Luna, Sunset, and Scootaloo can bond over making his life hell.
5829665 Actually, I plan on doing something similar in terms of trying to get Scoots and Sunset to bond. Won't come for a while though. And thanks, lol. Glad you like Luna in this story mind you though Gamer Luna is 100% not original and every other fic has her as a gamer. Lol, still I like the idea and honestly I have no idea who started Gamer Luna. Ah yes, the father. I was hoping someone would ask. Truth is, while I do have an idea on who he is and his background I'm not sure if I want to implement it in this story or save it for a sequel or something. Regardless he is NOT a nice person and I just don't mean that in regards to him being a deadbeat father.
5830034 So he's a douchebag??? Great, then I can totally see him gloating over a beat up Celestia only to turn and get a baseball bat to the face from Luna, Sunset, or to the groin from Scootaloo.
Well, things have got to start looking up for her at some point, shouldn't they?
I'm sorry, but I've got to express this now: HOW DUMB IS RAINBOW DASH??? Smoking kills your lungs, if she can't get the oxygen she needs she'll be hurting herself in the long run for a sports career. Unless getting turned into an anthro pony turned her to 100% healthy, Twilight's next visit better involve her grabbing the cigarets and throwing them in the trash before lecturing Rainbow.
Best evidence I have: Classicly done, straight to the point
I'm glad Sunset stepped in to stop Scootaloo, but I think she should find a way to tell Celestia. I do think if violence was about to erupt against Sunset, Fluttershy should grab her and run off. She wouldn't want to see anyone hurt, even Sunset.
Hmmm, what are the odds Sunset finds Human Twilight at the Starswirl school???? And is Cadence the principal of the Crystal Empire Private Academy or Sombra??? I can honestly see Chrysalis being a hard case at school, but a loving mother at home. It might be good for Sunset to meet her and get an adult friend, or someone not close to her who would be willing to point out mistakes she is making.
5851776 Well I know it seems a bit unrealistic that Rainbow Dash would smoke but I wanted to add...Idk. My logic behind doing so is that Scootaloo is trying to emulate Rainbow Dash and wants her to like her so bad that she's willing to try anything. Seeing as Rainbow Dash is arrogant, I'm going on the idea that Rainbow Dash thinks she's invincible and that there are no repercussions from smoking or from things similar. At least for her. As for CEPA, I will mention that it is Sombra that is in charge of the school. Cadence however is just the secretary. As for Twilight, You pretty much guessed that Sunset is going to encounter her at Starswirl's but the extent of their encounter I will not reveal.
As for Chrysalis, I'm still trying to determine her whole human counterpart's background but I see her as this woman with a chip on her shoulder who has been through some shit.
5852397 Then I definitely want to see her meet Sunset at some point. Or have Chrysalis get together with Celestia for a meeting and give Celestia some advice.
It would make sense for Principal Celestia to adopt Scootaloo in this universe. Also, I've been looking for Sundoption fics.
I already hate Trevor with a passion, years of Boy Scout service projects and school assignments make me loathe slackers that don't do their parts and make excuses all the time. I'm a little curious if some rubble might fall on Sunset and she'll instinctively manage to use magic to save herself at some point. I hope she can have a talk with Scootaloo soon and help Scootaloo see the danger of smoking and how it's one area not to follow Rainbow's example.
5852397 I can imagine Sombra as the grim principal and Cadence as the sunny secretary.
Yeeesh, even I have standards.
5922043 That's essentially what they are; However Sombra is a bit more than Grim. He is meticulous and cold and runs a school where colour and individuality no longer exist. Cadence is the only color in a world of grey.
Hoping you meant greed there.
5933387 Yes, lol. Thanks.
I have no words for what i was just reading. Oh wait yes I do This was freaking hilarious.
6014726 :D Glad you think so.
If you're a kid and your parent/guardian uses the full name card, you're in big trouble now.
Why... just why!?
6015126 :D Humor. I mean in many fics I read; ponies are always saying something like: For Celestia's Sake or By Celestia's Beard! For Sunset, growing up in a world of ponies, she heard people say it all the time, it became a habit. I, myself am an atheist but after all these years I find myself saying: Jesus fucking Christ or for the love of god at times. Why Because I grew up hearing it and it's habit. I feel like a hypocrite saying it but it just slips out of my tongue when I'm pissed at something or someone. I swear a lot so yeah. So when it comes to Sunset saying it in front of Celestia; it would be totally weird and awkward. Sunset out of habit is just saying a phrase she is so used to hearing and in Celestia's case, all she is hearing is someone talking about how her boobies are saggy. :D In this case though it started with Scootaloo thinking Sunset was talking about her moms boobs and then deteriorated and turned into a fight about the state of Celestia's breasts. Honestly I was going to make the chapter longer but I felt the need to end it on that last line.
Oh man, the ending of this chapter had me laughing. but I hope Celestia follows up on finding out what Scootaloo was up to and finds out about the Cigarettes. Sunset made a good point about Rainbow and following her example though.
For the first time on this site, I am completely speechless.
Nice one, Rainbow Dash.
Oh shit
Wow. Just...wow.
These interpretations have....some of the most foul mouths I've ever heard from their characters.
And TBH, I've half expected Celestia to tan ONE of their backsides by now.
Poor Sunset. And pony turned human vs car... this will not end well. I just hope the texting jerk gets sued for all he's worth by Celestia and ends up in jail.
Leave it to RD to screw things up faster.
6048242 Yep
6048238 Probably. People need to learn to put their phone down when they're driving.
6047367 :D
6047384 Well I wanted to add flavor I guess. I can see Rainbow Dash swearing as well as Luna and when it comes to Celestia she only really swears when she is very angry or in a bad mood.
6047135 Yep. Though not unexpected is it? After all Rainbow Dash is the element of
honestyloyaltyWhy are you writer the chapters with less words?
Somethingh that I liked of the chapter last was the clash of two cultures of the human world and equestria.
You are the first that I know who do this in human world, it ever pass in equestria with sunset making references to human world, and here she does to equestria.
And I love that
6048598 I didn't read that scene!
6048598 Ironically, on my way to work today I was leaning on the horn for a minute to get this idiot to move her car and I could clearly see her head bent over her phone.....
6051157 Sorry I took so long to reply, anyway. Damn, really? People need to put there phone down when they're driving, they are basically a ticking time bomb when they do. Might not crash today or tomorrow but it's bound to happen.
I officially want to see this guy get given to Discord as a plaything and suffer eternal torment. I will not be unhappy if karma strikes back somehow.
I like Gilda, she seems a good girl for Sunset to know and I hope they become friends. I also hope she can possibly get through to Scootaloo if they meet.
I did see a couple of spelling errors, the biggest misspelling "epiphany" as "epifany". However, another thing I want to mention is the way you handle characters being interrupted by other characters. For instance, you wrote,
This made it difficult for me to realize that Sunset had interrupted Gilda. Instead, try writing this part like so,
This way, it's obvious that Gilda began to speak before being interrupted. It's much cleaner this way. Remember that when a different character begins speaking, start a new paragraph.
Other than that, it was a good chapter, and I'm glad Gilda is finally being shown in a good light (even though she was a delinquent at CHS).
This is the first time that I've seen a Gilda that's not a complete jerk.
6055678 :) Glad you like the chapter and thanks for the input, I'll make sure to use it when I clean up the chapter later.
6055795 Well she'll have her moments but for the most part I want to make her different then her counterpart. That's the whole thing with this story, how different the human versions are from their pony counterparts.
6057072 Sounds good. Can't wait till next chapter!
...the feels at the end.
Makes me want a muffin.
Awww...Derpy is best sweetie.
Ok, that scene with Derpy was amazing. The feels...
Also, can I punch Rainbow in the throat? Please?
My little Muffins: Friendship is Baked Confectionaries.
And also, I second the notion to punch Rainbow in the throat.
Don't be an arsehole. No one likes an arsehole.
6072527 You and 6072134 can try but don't be surprised if she tries to punch you back.
6072527 Also, yes someone needs to make a series named that. Have it just revolve around Derpy and delicious muffins.
6072049 Yep.
6071995 Same, I was feeling hungry for one when I was writing this chapter.
6071977 Good! Now I have all your feels just like planned.