Chrysalis Wins
Ch.56 “So Proud…”
-Center of the Equestrian detachments.
Shining Armor stopped his march at the top of a large hill. From his new viewpoint he could survey the Crystal Empire in the distance. There was a large grassy field that separated the prismatic city from the army he had gathered.
Several lower ranking officers were scattered here and there as they kept the legion as a whole organized. Over a thousand of the royal guards were mustered. Another thousand armored guard had been recruited from around Equestria. The most numerous were the legions of militia that volunteered to assist in the princesses’ retrieval.
A great hurricane cloud whirled nearby Shining’s army, and was kept in constant check by a massive congregate of pegasi. The stamp of hooves and the howl of wind kept a steady symphony of sound around the Equestrians.
When Shining Armor stopped, so did the rest of ponies in army in a long chain reaction. As he stood and studied the fields, a tall maroon colored mare strode forward and stood next to him. She wore a pair of stylish spectacles and possessed a luscious golden mane. Her voice was quite somber and serious.
“So, captain, how do you wish to plan this approach? The western militia’s nerves have steadily worsened as we neared our destination, as have some of the royal guards... I don’t wish to over step my bounds, but most of your ponies are having second thoughts.”
The white stallion kept a stony expression as he turned to the Mayor of Manehattan. Her features remained placid and observant, rather unreadable, which added to the stallion’s internal frustration.
“Again, you have my thanks mayor More. I never suspected you had the ability to organize and mobilize so many bodies. Your militia has been amazingly resolved. But this was always a volunteer motion, if any want to back out, now is the time. If their fear out matches their sense of loyalty to our princesses, then they can go back home… and accept whatever ruler comes out on top.”
More raised an eye brow to that, and gently scrapped at the ground with one hoof.
“Captain, are you sure you want to relay the message that way? Is this not the time for your ponies to find their courage?”
Captain Shining Armor ground his teeth, and barely restrained a growl at the irritatingly calm and collected mayor.
“Then how would you go about it More… I’ve addressed the troops several times over the last week. I’ve said everything about loyalty, honor, and duty that I could think of… My eyes aren’t blind, I’ve noticed the shake in many of my soldiers’ knees, the slack postures, the nervous twitches in their eyes and ears… Equestria has been peaceful for too long. The guard has taken a serious blow to their confidence. Canterlot was an utter embarrassment, we were supposed to be our nation’s best, and they wiped the floor with us…”
The captain’s muzzle fell into a deep scowl, and his gaze was thrown to the ground. The grind of his teeth became quite audible, and the rest of his fairly muscular body tensed in a threatening manner. More actually started to smirk, for she saw a deep inner fire in the captain’s dark pupils.
“Let’s be honest Captain… Loyalty, honor, duty… This is not what really motivates you in this endeavor, and that’s not what will really motivate them.”
More gestured at the captain, then out to the rest of the equestrians.
Shining’s left eye twitched something fierce, and he abruptly brought himself up to his full height. Which was slightly shorter than More, who was unusually tall for a mare, but he was still a good deal bulkier.
“And what, mayor, really motivates me?”
More smiled openly at the captain’s barely contained rage. Her tone finally picked up an excited and serious edge as she goaded the energy around her.
“Stop playing games with yourself Shining… Chrysalis, you hate her, you loathe her, and you despise her. She humiliated you personally in front of the nation! She humiliated the guard! She humiliated Celestia herself, and took all of the princesses away! She took YOUR PRINCESS! Now she squats on them in her northern hideaway like a coward!”
“I know, I KNOW! WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT MORE!”
“USE THAT!”
The tall mayor smacked the captain’s armored chest as she shouted, and emphasized the angry smell of tension and sweat in air. Shining’s horn actually ignited with a burst of magic, he wanted to blast something so very badly. More’s voice leveled out a little, but she still talked with a powerful, almost reverberant tone.
“If those ponies are going to risk their lives, then they better feel damn sure it’s worth it. Make it personal to them, because it is. That is no lie.”
Shining struggled and failed to keep his composure level, the mayor’s words cut apart his professionalism. In a vain attempt, he tried to voice his guard training.
“I can’t risk losing discipline because of revenge.”
“You can’t risk losing moral because your soldiers lack conviction. I’d rather have one pony resolved against his foes, than a dozen uncertain warriors that lack investment in their cause.”
Despite his anger, Shining couldn’t help but crack a bemused smile.
“Pssh, where did you learn to talk like that mayor?”
More shared the smile.
“There’s a reason I’ve been re-elected every year for the last decade. But I think the troops would benefit from hearing you one more time. I’ll be close by if you need reminders.”
“I think you’re right mayor. Perhaps I’ve been holding back too much. It’s time to let the troops feel my fire.”
Shining pounded his armored chest with a hoof as he expressed his vehemence. Then he turned towards the officers under him. Several of which stood attentively closed by, each with different expressions of conviction.
“Officer Precision, rally the troops, I would have another word before we descend these hills.”
“Yes captain.”
Within an hour the body of the Equestrian military organized themselves at the base of Shining Armor’s hill. Row upon row of earth ponies, and unicorns lined up over the ground. They were neatly divided into armored divisions, and the more scant militias. Groups of pegasi that could be spared from storm maintenance hovered over the congregations. When all appeared ready the white stallion stood to attention, as did the officers, and in turn the rest of the army.
Mayor More nudged one of the unicorn officers, and indicated her throat, then to Shining. He nodded then cast a spell at the captain. When he spoke, he spoke with a voice of thunder.
During the brief pause when Shining caught his breadth the eastern militia group, More’s group, erupted into uproarious agreement, and they stomped their hooves in unison.
The mayor took a step back and pushed her glasses higher up her snout. She wore a not so subtle smile, and a faint tint came to her crimson eyes. Then she locked her gaze onto the captain… and things started to get strangely contagious. Shining’s words started to get the crowd more, and more worked up.
“She stole from me! She stole my bride! She stole from all of you! She seeks to steal the love right out of you! If she has the chance she’ll take everything you hold dear and consume it for her bloody pleasure! If she had her way, all of you would be rotting away in infernal nightmares with your souls torn to shreds!”
The army really worked itself up. The eastern militia had started it, but now the rest of the forces continued to stamp, bray, and whinny at their leader’s words. The energy that leaked off the captain started to leak throughout the hills. Even unto the storm in the sky.
“She won’t keep my princesses captive anymore. She won’t be allowed to manipulate us anymore. Her schemes will stop. Her minions will be thrown down. Her power will be taken away… and when Celestia is put back on her throne, we’ll throw that witch to Tartarus, and she’ll burn!”
Off to the side Mayor More closed her eyes. The anger, the desire, it was so very passionate, so… intoxicating. The riled up state Shining worked the equestrians into neared its peak.
“This is my war! This is your war! When we set hoof onto the field of battle, the time is ours! We will make them tremble in fear, and we will teach them what happens WHEN THEY STEAL FROM US!”
The equestrian army became a thunderous cacophony. The sound of their stamps and roars was deafening. The ruckus was so great that it could be heard from a great distance off, even to the ears of the denizens of the Crystal Empire.
“Equestria! With me!”
Shining Armor called with his amplified voice to rally the ponies in front of him. Then he turned about, and began the march once more. The march from the hills and into the plains would bring them to the fringes of the empire.
Mayor More opened her eyes again, and wore a deep, devious smile. She remained at the top of the hill, and watched as an army of cantankerous angry equestrians marched towards the empire… towards a rival royal.
---
The sound of distant thunder caused Chrysalis’s ears to perk, and she set down the blue-eyed royal broodling she played with. Her sudden stiffness caused Colony to become uneasy, and the drone lowered her head.
“What was that?”
The thunder increased, and sounded like a distant chant. The queen stood up from the bedside, and with a very serious look to her head-drone, she spoke.
“No matter what happens. Keep them safe. Be ready in case I tell you to flee.”
Chrysalis gave a quick tap to her noggin, and Colony nodded in return. The drone’s breath had notably picked up however, and the queen felt torn when she turned to go. With a final glance at the broodlings she left the room, and sprinted towards a palace exit.
The anti-teleportation field set up by her vanguard would also disrupt portal conjuration, so she would need to fly there.
As soon as she reached a window she leapt out, and buzzed furiously with her wings, and bolted for where she had last told Crone to go. To close the distance even faster she burned love reserves and increased her physicality many times over. Soon she was a dark whiz in the sky.
The breadth of the Crystal Empire blurred before her in what felt like moments. She slowed once she neared the wall, and when she did so there was a great bustle to witness. The walls and ground around it scurried with activity. Spare drones, vanguard, and sentinels rushed about the fortifications with fervor.
To make sense of the mess Chrysalis opted into the mental spectrum, to try and find Crone’s signature, which she did easily enough. It was quick and easy matter to close the distance. She was just behind the wall.
The queen landed next to her sister with a thud, and quickly noticed a certain changeling king was there as well. Both of them eyed her as she made her entrance.
“The real Chrysalis I presume?”
Specter’s tone carried a fair bit of harshness to it, which instantly brought a frown to her muzzle.
“If you’re the real Specter…”
The tall king let out a sigh, and nodded his head, his tone was far more amiable the second time.
“I’ve been trying to talk your sister out of her misgui-”
“He wants us to abandon the swarm and go with him.”
Crone quickly interrupted, and caused Chrysalis’s eyes to go wide with surprise, her wings even jutted out defensively.
“What?”
Specter raised his voice, irritated at Crone’s outburst.
“To stay would mean death. The other royals have gathered against you. The equestrians, germane, and a contingent of prench have gathered against you. They figured out your retreat for what it was… A sign of vulnerability, and they plan to capitalize on it… I offer the way of least bloodshed. I know our basis for trust is thin, but your other options are far worse.”
“But you would require us to abandon our swarm?”
“I could make space for a few favored servants. But I really believe this is for your swarm’s best interest. Your enemies want you, not your underlings. They’ll give them a fair chance at re-integration. It was a common practice for widowed swarms not too long ago.”
“Widowed swarms?”
“Swarms that lost their royals. But our time is short. Your sister has refused, but will you see reason?”
The queen with the jagged horn bit her lower lip. Her mind flashed almost instantly to the two royal broodlings back in the palace. Her voice was filled with trepidation.
“What about Celestia and Luna? They will hunt us down.”
“I know places they will never find you. In a few decades, this will all blow over and they can forget about it.”
Chrysalis’s gaze flickered with uncertainty, and her tail picked up a particularly nervous twitch. Crone saw this and her brow furrowed angrily, she pulled her sister close and whispered into her ear.
“You’re not going to consider that are you? He already called me a fool… In turn that means he thinks you’re a fool too. If we go with him, he’s going to treat us like juveniles; he’s going to make us dependent on him. Can’t you see this is just a conniving ploy on his part, to get two young royals on his side? If he doesn’t care about our swarm, then he doesn’t really care about us.”
“…But the broodlings Crone.”
“What about them?”
“I’m not sure we can guarantee their safety.”
Chrysalis closed her eyes and emotion started to rile up through her throat to her face. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be… Royal broodlings had finally come, but why did it have to be right before an oncoming catastrophe?
---
King Torque trotted along at the front of his army, which numbered in the thousands. All of them were armored head to hoof in the finest craft.
Not that the ponies of germane really needed armor to resist blades, their coats and flesh were already durable as spring steel. No, the armor they wore was composed of null-iron, a substance which proved particularly resilient against magic. It was unpopular in Equestria because contact also removed the wearer’s ability to use magic. This meant unicorns couldn’t cast spells, pegasi couldn’t fly or manipulate weather, and earth ponies would lose much of their strength if they tried to wear it. The germane, who weren’t magically inclined, didn’t find that much of a drawback.
The giant germane king tilted his head towards the south, where the equestrians could be heard making a loud ruckus. Also the thunder and lightning strikes under their conjured hurricane proved to be quite a distraction. So he bellowed out an order.
“Generrral Welding, interrrcept the equestrrrians. I don’t want them doing something they’ll rrregret.”
“Right away your majesty.”
An armored mare to the king’s side signaled a few of her subordinates. Soon a several germane runners were off, and sprinted towards the equestrian forces.
Meanwhile the rest of the battle company rounded about, and followed the runners course, albeit much slower. This was heralded by the sound of powerful war-horns to reorganize their force. When the instruments sounded, every metallic-born pony swiveled with uncanny unity.
The unified stamp of germane hooves echoed loudly, loud enough to compete with the battle chant and thunder of the equestrians. For each germane pony stomped with the weight and mass of many non-metal ponies.
Torque eyed the fields around him in another brief assessment. He was head and neck taller than any pony in his army, so they didn’t obscured much of what he saw. His vision roamed from the great spire atop the crystal palace, to the walls that were freshly built around the empire, and finally to the other advancing army.
It appeared the bulk of the equestrian force had leveled out into the plains, and fast approached the walls. The runners general Welding had sent blew their shrill high pitched horns, and successfully garnered the attention of the equestrian force.
The germane king was pleased to see the other army slow and stop. The swirl of a hurricane also ceased its advance, and now hung at the edge of the empire, as a great dark menace.
Soon the distance was closed, and Torque, at the head of his army approached the middle ground. He put on a broad comfortable smile when he saw a small bands of Equestria’s leaders come forward. Torque signaled Welding to come to his side, then the two of them advanced toward the field meeting. When they were within distinguishable distances, King Torque recognized the equestrian captain, and bellowed out with his deep reverberant voice.
“Grrreetings, captain Shining Arrrmorrr. I must say I’m surrrprised to see ya. Last I hearrrd you werrre capturrred.”
Two other officers of the royal guard stood next to Shining Armor, and the captain collected himself before he replied.
“King Torque, what are you doing here? With the rest of germane behind you no less.”
“Oi, I imagine somethin’ similar to what yourrr doin’. I’ve come forrr some rrreclamation.”
“I would gladly accept you as an ally then. I think that would embolden both of our ponies greatly.”
“Aye, that sounds nice an’ all, but tharrr be one thing I’d like ya to do firrrst.”
Shining just raised an eyebrow in response. Torque’s expression suddenly went from kindly and amiable, to harsh and threatening. He stomped a hoof, and caused a ripple in the ground that made every nearby pony jump.
“CALL OFF THAT FRRRAG BLASTED STORRRM! The crrrystal ponies are family to me and my ponies. After a thousand years we finally have the opperrrtunity to be family again. If you think about throwing that storrrm in tharrr like some senseless baffoon, queen Chrrrysaw-lis will be the least of yurrr prrroblems.”
The germane king stretched his body to its full stature, and towered over every other pony in that meeting. Despite the intimidation, Shining kept himself steeled, his tone was quite serious as well, but his voice didn’t carry with the same volume or magnitude.
“I have one priority, king Torque, and that is to retrieve my princesses. I don’t want to use the storm if I don’t have to, but I will keep my options available.”
“If yurrr so inclined to keep yurrr options open, then let’s see if we can get Chrrrysaw-lis to talk. Afterrr all the parrrrading you and I have done, she might feel inclined to come to terrrms.”
“Talk?”
The alabaster captain’s expression fell into a dark scowl.
“She’s already said everything she needs to with her previous actions.”
“Slow down Mrrr. Armorrr. Beforrre ya go barrrgin’ in, ya need to considerrr it first. She could have the prrrincesses ready to be executed if you set a hoof into herrr domain. Then ya would lose yurrr purrrpose bein’ herrre.”
“She could have done that a while ago if she wanted… horse apples, she could have done that to me if she wanted. I don’t think she will, I don’t think she’d dare.”
“An animal is most dangerrrous when it’s corrrnerrred Captain. I won’t rrrisk spilling unnecessarrry blood. Stand herrre if ya like, but I demand time to speak with this queen. If ya won’t wait, then I think we betterrr resolve our differrrences rrright now.”
A precarious, deadly edge danced in the expressions between the two stallions, and a long stretch of silence stood between them.
In the background the equestrian army was still riled up, and complaints started to build the longer they held their ground. Thunder rattled endlessly from the stalled out storm. Meanwhile the germane stood still at attention, a wall of iron clad statues ready to charge at a moment’s notice.
---
-nearby woods scattered amongst the hills.
Hidden amongst the brush and foliage was a fairly small group, a few were changelings, and a few were changelings disguised as prench ponies. Close to the back was a large changeling queen, her bright orange neck fin stood tall and proud, and her silver mane hung long and straight.
She sat on her rump, her horn aglow, and several long sharp objects were manipulated carefully with her arcane touch.
A blue maned vanguard stood silently at attention. He shifted his eyes from their natural teal state, to the golden orbs of eagle eyes. With the increased perception he spied through the slivers of vision permitted by the woods.
“So who are the targets then? Are we aiming for all of their leadership?”
The large queen gave her servant an odd look, something between a smirk and straight face.
“We’re not here to kill any ponies Fetish. We’re waiting for any one of my old friends to show themselves. When a target is confirmed, I’ll feel free to strike.”
One of the sharp objects, which appeared similar to a spear head, glowed brightly under the magical scrutiny of the queen. It shifted, and the complexion became smeared. Now, instead of reflecting light like a normal object, the dark blade appeared to absorb it, and the physical presence dimmed everything near it. Satisfied with the transformation, the giant changeling placed the piece on a flat stone table, and worked on the next sharp metal object.
The vanguard next to her shifted his eyes with a green flash, and they changed from eagle eyes back to his regular blue orbs. He iterated a few mental commands to the rest of the small group. Then turned to address his preoccupied queen.
“Very well Monny, the scouts are scrutinizing every inch of the field. If something comes up you will know immediately.”
Plink… another light consuming blade was added to the flat stone surface.
“Thank you Fetish. Hmm, even if we manage only one trophy out of this venture, I’ll come home very satisfied.”
She shuddered slightly at the end, and her eyes rolled back into her head at the thought. Fetish kept a straight face and bowed.
“For your pleasure Monny.”
---
Chrysalis and Crone continued to whisper at one another with increased agitation. Both of their wings had the same nervous flick, both of their tails had the same nervous swish. The even scrapped at the ground the same time with their hooves.
As amused as Specter might have been, his irritation took precedence. The two queens didn’t appear to slow their debate at all, and time wasn’t something he could waste.
“It’s clear both of you are having trouble deciding. Perhaps the consequences aren’t clear enough. I’m going to leave now, and let you play your silly game of defense.”
“What? Wait!”
Chrysalis suddenly asserted herself and stepped forward. But Specter held up a hoof to quiet her.
“Don’t worry, I’ll check in again soon, after the bodies start to pile up, and both of you have had time to think…”
Before either sister could utter another word, Specter faded away… quite a literal fade, as there was no fancy flash of magic, no sign of a portal, and no flash of teleportation. The king was just gone after his form evaporated.
Both sisters stood there speechless, their options had narrowed yet more, down to the razor’s edge it appeared. Chrysalis’s posture readily slumped and her face contorted in a most displeased manner. The thunder in the background became more ominous than ever, and the nearby changelings could feel their hearts beat more rapidly within their chests.
Meanwhile Crone’s face hardened, and she approached the other changelings that occupied the ramparts. Things needed to be organized for the inevitable conflict, and if her sister was too busy with her own thoughts, then she would manage it.
Alone by the wall, Chrysalis just stared idly at the ground. Being invaded was not nearly as thrilling as being the invader. Another roar of thunder rumbled particularly close by, and she flinched.
Her ears perked when she heard an unfamiliar voice speak from behind her.
“Oh, why the long face? Things are absolutely fantastic!”
She rounded about to see who it was, and she gaped in shock. A tall chimera of a creature stood there with the largest grin on his twisted face. The next noticeable detail was what he carried. Chrysalis had to blink once to understand what she looked at.
Held in his lion paw was a string, connected to that string and floating in the air like a balloons were two cocoons. In those cocoons were Celestia and Cadance. Her look of shock and disgruntlement sent the tall conglomerate of animal parts into hysterics.
“Hahaha! That look never gets old, especially when it comes from those who think themselves high and mighty.”
The changeling queen shook her head and tried to come back to her senses.
“Those two are mine! Put them down!”
“O’cmon queeny, don’t behave like Celestia here, I was very much looking forward to meeting you. I mean it’s not every day I get to see princess party-pooper plastered into submission like this. I find it a wonderful irony and vindication to see her strung up and imprisoned. I mean she did the same to me not to long ago. Though if you really feel so possessive I suppose I’ll concede one of them.”
He grabbed one of the strings in his eagle claw, and offered it to Chrysalis. She looked at him with a primal sense of apprehension, and things started to slowly click in her mind. His form, though alien, she had seen somewhere before. She reached out a grabbed the string offered to her, it was the Celestia cocoon balloon.
“Discord?”
“Yes, the very same. I’m glad my reputation hasn’t decayed altogether, I mean my time was so brief on the last occasion.”
“Weren’t you stone… in the garden?”
“Oh, I was, I was, up until the last few days. I have you to thank for my newfound freedom.”
“Me?”
Discord swung around his eagle arm down and around Chrysalis, and both of them disappeared in a white flash. The next moment they were high up in the air, perched on a solitary cloud. From this viewpoint they could easily observe the armies of ponies in the fields, and the empire behind them.
The sudden shift in placement caused the queen to fidget in surprise, and her mouth fell open. Her disorientation was over soon enough, and she could hear the draconequus laugh again. That’s when she noticed he still had his eagle arm around her.
“Hehehe HAHAHA! Oh my, too precious… But to be serious for a moment. My dear… Its not typical for me to admit any kind of feelings for another pony, but right now… I’m just filled with pride.”
The queen pushed his arm away, and he didn’t resist. He seemed in much too good a mood to complain about anything. She, however, began to feel quite irritated.
“What are you on about? What do you want to accomplish here anyway? I have a war on my doorstep, and I should get back to tending it.”
To that discord just blew a loud obnoxious raspberry, and chuckled as he continued.
“That war on your doorstep is precisely why I’m here, and why I’m so proud of you. You see, it’s been a very long time since I’ve seen any one pony cause so much chaos. A long time since I’ve seen any pony get so many individuals mad at them. I mean you’ve dragged multiple nations into this, and even now their fighting at the chance to merely get at you!”
With a snap of his fingers, Discord brought up a pair of binoculars, and put them over the queen’s eyes, then gently angled her head towards the field below.
Chrysalis could see Shining Armor and some giant germane pony stomp and bray at one another, the conversation appeared as if it could go violent at any second. The struggle below actually brought a flicker of a smile to her muzzle, but she quickly put the binoculars down.
“While that is nice to see, I’d still appreciate it if you answered my earlier question.”
Discord picked up the binoculars for himself, and giggled like he was some sneaky foal who thought he got away with something grand. He also dignified the queen with an answer.
“Do you really have to ask why I’m here? … The chaos ofcourse! You’ve made this area the largest potential for chaos central I’ve seen in ages. How could I miss this?”
The binoculars were tossed to the side, and after they fell for some distance, exploded violently.
“Plus I wanted to actually meet the one responsible for putting the equestrian royalty into comas, and the one responsible for getting the elements of harmony locked up. I mean, you did it very directly, but I find that no less admirable! I mean, not every creature can be as manipulative as yours truly.”
Chrysalis sighed, as hope drained out of her again.
“So you plan to merely sit back and watch?”
“Sit and watch? Hmm, while that certainly has some entertaining merits, I find this too good an opportunity to simply sit by and watch. Not to discredit your ingenuity or anything, but this situation appears fairly predictable.”
With another snap of his fingers the two of them, and their floating princess toys, reappeared much closer to the center of the empire. Discord not stood upright, and wore some strange military outfit, decorated with dozens of medals that made no sense to Chrysalis.
“You see out there are thousands of armed and trained warriors ready to rush in here and take what they want. You, you only have hundreds that are actually experienced in combat… but half of your population is preoccupied cradling babies. Not something most veteran generals would view as an asset.”
“I am well aware.”
“So you’re also aware this is a great stage for a massacre. Again, not to your discredit your majesty, I’m sure your soldiers are as valiant as can be, but the fact of the matter is your outnumbered, out experienced, and out maneuvered. You may put up a good fight, but everything is simply working against you. At the end of the day, if things go as planned, there are going to be a lot of dead ponies and changelings…”
The nonchalance and factualness discord intonated left her feeling worse and worse. She had already been nervous, anxiety had steadily risen within her, and her ability to stay composed was already weak. Hearing some indifferent creature that apparently ‘liked’ her, say she was royally doomed almost shattered her at this point. Her voice actually started to break.
“Y-you h-have legendary powers d-don’t you? Would you p-please… help me?”
Discord simply raised a wiry white eyebrow.
“If you know me, you know I’m not in the business of doing favors.”
Her face fell, and she slumped down on their cloud, she even let go of her Celestia cocoon balloon absentmindedly. The princess started to simply float off into space, and Discord flicked his eyes back and forth between the queen, and float away alicorn. A smile cracked over his uneven mouth.
“But there’s no need to be depressed my dear. As I said earlier, things are absolutely fantastic. I already have plans to rearrange the circumstances. As lovely and chaotic as war can be, the after affects are often most dull.”
With another snap of his claws a pony mannequin appeared in his hands, and he proceeded to twirl it around.
“See, a dead pony is no more fun than a rag doll. Sure, the slapstick of a ragdoll has its value, but it gets boring a lot faster than a pony which continues to live. A live pony can keep quarreling, complaining, fighting, and otherwise stay expressive.”
Chrysalis’s brow furrowed as she tilted her head, now she was just confused. The draconequus noticed her confusion, and burst into laughter.
“HEHAHAHEHEA! It’ll be much easier to simply show you want I mean. Get your game face on queeny, because I’m going to compose the battlefield! I promise, you’ll love it!”
Discord raised both of his paws up high and made an epic double snap! All Chrysalis knew before things flashed white, was that she didn’t trust that mad grin.
Sighs. Every single chapter things just get more and more confused and forced. AGAIN, things just fall into chrysalis lap. Again and gain and again and again.
This story is a statement against proper plot progression.
more please
6698755 Go away Troll
Well things are heating up. Who will win? Who will lose? I guess we will have to wait for the next chapter.
6698822 Dude have you EVEN taken into account what has happened in this story so far? After fifty chapters of running around like chickens with their heads cut off, only NOW are there some kind of consequence. and even the, again, chrysalis gets an easy out. well easier compared to what was about to happen. WE have character long dead reviving for no god damn reason. We have no one giving a fuck that a monster has taken over. We have a million ways that changelings have beren shoved into equestria's past, robbing the ponies of most of their own achivements in the process. We even have a mirror clone chrysalis who is only allergic to magic when the plot allows it. Did i mention somehow the events of trixie's little dark magic breakdown happening somehow point for point, and her being used as an utterly false threat so that they could just FIND the mane six again through contrivance?
And now we have several armies of changelings about to attack inspite of the fact that, by all logic, they would just be exposing
THEMSELVES to the world even more than chrysalis has.
So how am i being a troll by saying that the story gets more convoluted, confused, and backwards with every single chapter that comes, when it has literally become that way with every single chapter?
6698887 You are such a idiot, Look at the likes compared to the dislikes? this is a good story that I like, if you don't like, THEN WHY DO YOU EVEN BOTHER? your nothing more then a troll. Why complain about a story that has 150 likes from the first chapter to the 56th? there is no logic in it. if you don't like this story, then go find one that you like and stop complaining.
6698887
So what are you even hoping for? That the story you've been complaining about for the last 50 chapters is magically going to change? Or do you just enjoy complaining?
6698912 For starters, its Such and idiot, not suck.
And secondarily, i have no idea why you would like it. What for? The characters, who are often thrown to the side like nothing or are jsut given things without a fight? The story progression, which has circled back to the status quo twice already if not three times? The events, which when they are not just ripping off scenes from the show in illogical ways, they are very forced scenarios that include Sombra being discord and Luna somehow getting beat up by a changeling when she has kicked the ass of many baddies in the past, including helping to take down sombra head on?
Or the idea that just a bit of goo would be enough to keep Luna from unleashing blasts that can pierce rock and move the moon?
Seriously man, the entire thing is a mess. Its like someone threw ingredients into a bowl and did not bother to mix anything before baking it.
6698945 Look at how many likes it has.
I just wonder how the elements of harmony are going to get out of the ressurected queen.
Other than exploratory surgery, I have no idea how they are going to get out.
6699030 wait. they are INSIDE of her? or for god's sake >_<
6698987 people like michael bay movies dude. people will like stories just because they are 'bold and edgy' enough to kill off canon characters even. i mean it as no insult to the people who do like it, but i cannot understand what is to like about it. there are all these random plot elements and seemingly no attmept to actually bring them together as a whole.
Even shlock like Twilight makes an attempt to bring it elements together.... Honestly they are far worse than this story though.
6699066 the only think am wondering is why are you even complaining when you could go find other story that you like instead of complaining about this one. let people enjoy what they want to enjoy and find something you like instead of complaining about this one.
Lordofmyth, why are you so mad about the fact that canon facts and stuff have been changed? In this universe, the facts are plausible and make sense, and the author is not using IDW chrysalis information in this universe, only the show info.
6698945
Sweet Celestia, this guy still exists?
Since you started, here we go:
tsc tsc, dont write in a hurry my dear, look out for mistakes.
Secondly, you are the worst type of critic that exists. You only want to point what, in your opinion, is wrong with the story, but dont express what could make the story better, again, in your opinion.
Third, as a lot of people already said before (even the author), and i will point again, its already in the 56 chapter, more than 150 readers liked, and the stoyr so far is probably very enjoyable to them (in my point of view, i dont see why people would give a "thumbs up" in a story that they dont like....).
So far, thats it i usualy dont answer this type of comments, but since became so repetitious, i needed to say something, because, for all the errors that "Chrisalys Wins" have (Oh, they exist, no story is perfect) at least Arkolo have the will to share it, more courage that other people have, like me...
Thaaats all folks, keep the trolling to a minimum!
PS.: yep, theres a stoyr there, but was only to catch you guys :)
6699099 Sighs. As i keep on saying, its how things are set up. They jut don't work. NOTHING about these changes, about these characters, or these events have a natural feel.
I know, this is the story of a magic bug pony taking over a land of magic ponies. But that is no excuse to having a meandering plot where stakes are meaningless and the status quo spiral back five times over. Why is it that so many defend the story? Or, worse, never acknowledges that there are flaws to begin with?
6698945
you correct his mistake... with another incorrect phrase. I believe his intended phrase was "Such an idiot." not your correction "Such and idiot."
In either case, I want you to take the rest of this comment very seriously. Because I feel quite strongly about it.
Because you keep saying it EVERY CHAPTER! and quite frankly i'm getting tired of it. I think you're hanging around because you want to poison the story experience for other people. Apparently 87% of the people who gave this story a rating found it enjoyable, despite the flaws.
You haven't gotten any more polite, you haven't gotten anymore civil, you haven't gotten anymore respectful. Your approach has been the same for the most part, nice try with oakofmarble btw. but no.
You're not making legitimate criticizm. you use bullshit personal headcanon logic in most of your reasoning. You're too blind to see most of your reasoning is highly subjective, not objective...
You're not offering anything helpful. You scream contrivance all the time, you don't offer solutions, you only offer complaints. Your attitude is toxic and only proliferates negativity.
I'm fine with critique, but honest, good, useful critique that contains an internal balance as well. It's fine to say the story delivers poorly here or there, but you've already stated your problems... repetitively, every chapter. the same ones on and on. You complain about balance, but you display a total lack of it yourself. Which makes your opinions carry very little weight with me, and makes you appear hypocritical.
If you bring up the following complaints again i'm going to start deleting your comments.
You haven't given the story time or chance to make use of that character... you can wait until it happens to say more.
People are scared of monsters... Also you're clearly ignoring obvious evidence. Multiple instances in the story show strong reactions to Chrysalis's assertion to rule. I'm not going to quote them to you. There already there, but apparently you're to lazy to actually search before you speak. Your opinion is invalid and false in this instance.
Gross exaggeration... Ponies have indeed made their own acheivements. Again, there is evidence, and I'm not going to bother pointing it out because its there in the text. Others such as lordsegal and Razzy have already pointed out examples for you... yet you still insist on bringing the point up when others have given you reasonable explanations.
Yes you did mention. You mentioned plenty back in the relevant chapters... I don't find it relevant anymore, especially in Ch.56's comment section. The point was brought up then, discussed then, and I didn't feel the issues you brought up were important enough to rewrite from there. Again other's gave you plenty of explanation then.
Again, old argument, not relevant in recent chapters. I don't find it a legitimate complaint anyway. Sombra has so little character development in canon that I took liberties. Compare him to discord if you like, but I don't find that an argument against his depiction.
mega sigh... your complaining out your headcanon so hard its painful to read. You're completely ignoring the circumstances of that fight. Luna was drained, barely oriented, and outnumbered. AND STILL WON THAT ENCOUNTER! You want her powered up to levels I would call bullshit.
Oh well, by that logic Celestia should just be ripping out of her cocoon as well. Nothing stops the op godly sisters...Well guess what... In this story's canon it plays like this. Chrysalis straight up beat Celestia... My perception, Celestia is the better duelist of the two sisters, except for when Luna goes full Nightmare moon.
In this story Chrysalis has had plenty of time to power up well beyond her original strength. My current tier of power goes Chrysalis > Celestia > Luna... tada. Rage more nub or go write your own story.
Guess what... moving the moon or sun isn't that big of an accomplishment in my book. Hearth warming eves tells us a group of standard unicorns can do it... woop de doo. Twilight can do it, Discord can do it, I assume others can as well. The world isn't over if Celestia and Luna can't do the job anymore.
Now you're just straight up throwing around insults. Nothing constructive or helpful at all...
I've tolerated it for 50 chapters, i've been giving you the benefit of the doubt. But after so much of the same you're simply coming across as harassment.
You can continue to comment if you keep yourself respectable, but I won't take anymore of your recycled garbage. Starting after this comment.
6699138
What would make the events feel natural, while preserving the overall plot? You have offered no alteritives for various events, while keeping the stories premise intact. You keep denouncing the fic for the events, but what can be done better or differiently, while keeping to the premise of 'chrysalis wins, now has to deal with ruling a unruly country and dealing with the politics involved'?
What events dont feel natural, and why are they done badly? What parts are done well, since you seem to come back to read this all the time?
6699138
Are you kidding me? FLAWS HAVE BEEN ACKNOWLEDGED
do you remember the original ch.39 & 40... oh looks like you conveniently forgot.
10,000 words were admitted as a big flaw... They were removed and rewritten. But apparently all that effort and time doesn't count for shit to you. None of that apparently increased my credibility in your eyes. So why should I give two cents about what you have to say? I've been willing to show I can change... can you?
Trickster gods gota love them heh...
well Lordofmth does bring up some points here.
Heck I can see a bit of why Discord would be out with all the chaos but still feels contrived. The Sisters encased him in stone for well over a thousand years and i beleive he only broke out because the reforming and bonding of the elements weakened the spell for the CMC to deliver the final blow. The Mane 6 still have the bonds of friendship so he should still be in stone.
So this universe is going to have a completely unreformed Discord and with the Elements stuck inside of that other queen. THEY ARE SCREWED. Admittedly this becomes another red flag for me. As it stands you have 3 minor reds and one major red that was removed when you scrapped the first Crone arc.
the concept of this story is great. the bulk of the story is great but it's these issues that hurt it.
I don't have an issue if he wants to bring up some points. What I have an issue with is him being rude, and argumentative for the sake of it, and being endlessly repetitive.
The points I highlighted were ones he's been complaining about for ever. Such as the luna thing way back before ch.20 or just really old arguments that I just don't feel are even good points, and don't need to be repeated with as much fuss as he's making.
You on the other hand bring up your points respectfully. You talk about the issues you have with the story without being condescending or venomous, and I really appreciate that. It let's me know you're sincere about actually seeing the quality of the story improve.
Well, a character like Discord is difficult character to quantify, and is naturally surrounded by contrivances. Its in the nature of something with his arsenal of poorly defined, but nearly limitless power. for example, just going over his defeat at the hooves of the mane 6. The plot required Discord to lose... straight up, with no real good excuses.
One really obvious point not brought up in the video, Discord should have noticed they weren't grey anymore. Before you dismiss that as something that was just for the audience to recognize the difference, it's recognized by both Spike and Pinkie, they both note the wierd "grayness" the ponies had before.
So if Discord was smart, I mean the show establishes him as fairly cunning, he would have recongnized the difference, and teleported the mane 6 all very far away from each other, or something along those lines.
What did we get instead? He makes dorky faces, ignores the obvious changes, and basically let's them blast him at the end the episode...
However, I think see where you're coming from. The retuning / transfer of the elements from the sisters to the mane six would be a blow to the spell. Though using the CMC seems like a rather silly example. I mean, if all it took was a few kids arguing to break the camels back, then the build up of large angry armies surrounding Chrysalis with the intent of destruction should do a great deal more.
A few other things to consider as well. The plunder weeds are still a thing, they are always aggressing the tree of harmony and trying to sap from it. As the land becomes more chaotic/unruly, I would argue the tree's hold over the land becomes weaker, and the plunder seeds are embolden/strengthened.
Also there's the effects the elements had on Shellish, which would consume even more power.
I can't really argue against you on that point. You are correct, the Mane Six are still friends, even though they're seperated at this point in the story. So all I can say is I think some of the points I illustrated above combine enough to let discord break free. There really isn't a quantifiable answer to a question like that. The show won't really explain how much external chaos it takes to break Discord's prison, not in exact amounts. So this is my troubleshoot.
Why is that a red flag? Is it because there isn't an obvious answer at the moment? Does it not line up with your predictions? I don't understand what the problem is.
If you're that worried, I suppose I can drop a hint. Discord isn't the only draconequus that's going to have an impact on this story.
How does you flag system work again? And what are all the red flags for this story exactly?
Thank you for the compliment. I know it has issues, and I thank you people for pointing out your specific qualms. It keeps me on my toes. Also it has helped me make some choices for the better. Escpecially with that old Crone arc.
lordofmyth have you ever wondered why you're here?
Now Discord is getting involved! I knew all this madness would result in his escape! That's what you get for pissing entire nations off, Chrysalis.
But now comes the scariest part of all... Discord going to war Since he's a deity of chaos, there's no possible way to predict even a possible outcome he can do! All that is certain is that it will be entertaining for him (and us )
6699963 If i could pipe in here. By my logic the more twisted and convoluted your explanation for Why something works this way or that way, the less plausible it becomes as an answer. Though at the same time, making complex concepts overtly simplified has an equal effect. A balance is needed.
In your case it seems you grossly oversimplified the elements of harmony, despite the elements showing some amount of volition on their own. And even if you can say the elements themselves are mindless or instinctual, the Tree of harmony is connected to them and thus could perform actions through them.
Because of that oversimplification you have to make up a convoluted reason discord is out, pointing out episode elements that could be more classified as Non-diegetic... That terms means elements that are shown in a series that are not actually 'happening' as we see em. That is what many of the songs in the show are, and some of the humor as well.
An issue that would have been solved if you had it that the elements of harmony could be influenced by the Tree and that it is trying to control the events going on outside of its reach. Release discord so he can disrupt the war, and have the elements inside of the revived changeling so she could move them out of the grasp of Chrysalis. Just as examples.
The primary issue with your story is that you do have good ideas and possible elements yet there is no real effort to combine them into cohesive whole. This would of course require sacrifices of concepts of course, yet there are few stories that don't end up sacrificing concepts, both fanfics and professional productions.
Besides, there are definitely things that i feel should have been left on the cutting room floor. Though i think other people have pointed those events and concepts out.
6699963 To put it another way. I do feel that i should feel some amount of investment here. Yet the story is just such a mishmash of elements and concepts and events that it is highly distracting.
And at some point you almost went a very unnecessarily dark route earlier on with Crone. Fortunately you redacted that but still added many more layers on top of that.
I hope Chryssie and hey swarm will be okay. The lack of a tragedy tag gives me hope.
Yeah, I do hope the elements can be removed from the older queen without harming her.
Monarch needs to die mossy painfully, I don't think I've ever hated any fictional character as much as I hate her.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6703552
That's more like it! I appreciate the diplomatic approach Nice griffon avatar btw, looks much better than blank pony face.
I pretty much agree with that statement. The project i'm trying to tackle here, and the scope of things I want to cover gets to me at times. Sometimes there's just so much that I want to put in there, but I know restraint and consideration are definitely needed.
I have no pre-readers but myself. I have no one to bounce ideas off of but myself... I guess I have my comment section. But that kinda defeats the purpose, since the material is published at that point. Not impossible to revise perse, but first impressions are hard to take away.
For example the original Crone chapters for instance. I had a feeling some people wouldn't like the direction it was going, but I didn't find out how negative a reaction it was until after it was published. I think I lost some readers permanently after that mistake, and that hurt. But I figured it might be worth it to try and redo. Now I feel that particular path has salvaged itself for the most part. Though it still left scars
Most (key word) of the decisions or elements I put into the story I have later plans for. It just becomes difficult or frustrating at times. Because there's a certain amount of suspense I want to give readers, a certain amount of surprise. I like to keep you guys guessing, at least I think that's something that makes many stories enjoyable. Whether I'm able to deliver on that or not comes when the whole context is revealed. When I've laid down all the explanations then you're free to judge whether something accomplished its goal or not. To call something useless after its barely introduced feels preemptive, and doesn't take other possibilities into account.
I'm fine with the Tree of Harmony having its own sentience. That idea seems perfectly reasonable, I mean if the tree conjures specific things like magic boxes that turn into castles (Hmm, Tree of Harmony seeds are boxes? go figure.) Or makes the element bearers do highly specific tasks to remind them of their elements, for keys* then yes, it seems reasonable to conclude that the tree is some kind of deity presence with specific intents, purposes, thoughts...
When I gave that explanation for the elements earlier in the comments that was my basic perception of them. The elements themselves have been used rather like tools in the show. I mean, the ponies just kinda wore them around their necks and used em to blast stuff. The stones didn't really make decisions, not like the tree has atleast.
I mean, you can bring up the one instance where Nightmare moon shattered them, and then they reformed themselves for the convenience of the Mane Six.
But they were hardly making a decision for themselves in that instance. The Mane Six wanted to defeat Nightmare anyway, and the elements just enabled them too. Infact, the elements just seem to do what the bearers want them too. What with all the random effects the elements have. One instance blasts the target to the moon, One instance puts the target in stone, Another just removes what looks like a curse. There's not a real consistency to it, other than apparently repeat blasting Discord just puts him in stone.
The Tree on the other hand had plans that spanned all of season 4, and created other useful tools that made plots for most of season 5. I see the Tree making decisions without being directed by the Mane Six.
The elements seem more like super magic harmony batteries or something. I mean, if we put it in metaphorical terms, The Tree of Harmony would represent the will/mind of harmony, or whatever. Then then elements would be the hand of harmony.
The tree required the elements being returned to refuel/empower itself against the plunder weeds. Which makes them seem more like a powerful battery reserve of some sort...
In short, the Tree makes decisions, the elements act them out.
You know, this is where having an idea wall is useful. The funny thing is, that could still totally be the reason behind things. Nothing at this point would have to be rewritten to include that. When I gave my perception of the elements (in the comments) a few chapters ago, that wasn't a perception set in stone. Just a basic idea I'm willing to evolve. The story isn't done and over after all
Releasing Discord would seem a better option (in someways) than letting the land fall into bloodshed. Because Discord has aptly proved he doesn't care to take lives. Personally I find Sombra more opposite to the Tree of Harmony that Discord ever was. The draconequus doesn't even really like to imprison people. (Since he sardonically calls out Celestia for that)
Problem is... Tree of Harmony aint that talktative. I would have to include some wierd monloguish POV from the Tree of Harmony to get that particular explanation across. Which, for the most part, I don't like writing pure monologue/narration as a way of explaining things. I much prefer it to be shown / explained through character interactions.
Its kinda hard to see the "cohesive whole" when the story still wears the "incomplete" tag proudly
Lol, and I know that's not an excuse for things, subplots especially. But still, I do have time to tie things together.
Oh yes, I know there are. But unfortunately sometimes we just simply disagree. What one persona thinks is a bad idea, another thinks is a good one. What bothers some people, doesn't bother others.
The more objective we try to be with something that doesn't have a strongly defined premise, the more apt we are to fall back on our opinions as the best sources of reasoning. When we do that, we find more differences with other people.
Sometimes we simply have to respect that certain things can't be looked at in an objective way, but come down to personal interpretation. Whether we agree with that our not comes down to taste.
No one taste pleases everyone.
Lol, if you would indulge me for a minute, I find food an apt comparison for fiction.
For example, I hate pickles (But I love cucumbers), and rather dislike most vinegary products all together. Now, does that mean pickles are bad for everyone? No, you'll find plenty of other people who like them.
I could go around voicing my opinion, and say things like "Man, you people like to eat spoiled cucumbers, why would you ruin a perfectly good cucumber by turning it into a pickle? You people make no sense."
To me, objectively, factually, pickle = bad. Whenever I eat a pickle I don't enjoy it. Fact or opinion? Then you'll find another person (probably close by) who objectively, factually, enjoys eating a pickle.
I'm sure you get the picture by now. I would make a pretty terrible pickle critic wouldn't I... I mean, sure, I could come across as very knowledgeable and informative, I could articulate very well why pickles are bad. Their too salty / bitter / bad texture / overpowers other better flavors. blah blah blah. But to people who love pickles why would they care? They like pickles precisely for the reasons I dislike them.
Now both food and story elements definitely have things that are objectively good and bad. Food gets rotten... you shouldn't eat it because it will make you sick. For stories, plots and plot elements are things they have, and they definitely can be executed poorly or effectively.
Point at the end of the day, I think we should give some room to understand we have our own biases. Some times those biases make the lines blurry when we try to determine the true quality of something.
(For example, you'd be hard pressed for me to find any redeeming qualities in pickles )
Well Clearly you have some kind of investment here. You invested the time it took to read 210k words. You invested the time it took to comment. You're invested enough that you're willing to make your thoughts public, open to others criticisms and receptions.
You've clearly invested enough that it bothers you to see problems in a project you've invested so much effort in. That the problems bother you enough you let the author know, and you seek to correct them.
As far as the distracted nature of the story, it's kind of that. A distracted nature. I'm aware there are concepts that make a story good, but executing them is another process in of itself. I'm still learning, I'm still developing my abilities, its something that changes slowly though.
I'm continuing with what I think will end up working in the end, and in the end, that's all I can really do.
If you actually read through all that wall-of-text, you have my respect, and thanks.
Until next time,
Arkolo.
6703786
...wow, I'm kind of flattered. XD. I mean, Monarch doesn't even have that many words dedicated to her. Yet she's generated that much hate? hehehe, well, I look forward to writing the next chapter soon.
6703954 By a cohesive whole i mean that the events and characters and situations fit together in a sufficiently believable fashion.
As has been said, the amount of things you've included the changelings into has probably gone over the weight limit for suspension of disbelief. You even had a situation at the core of Equestria's existence, be just the changelings getting involved. That is a bit much to ask for viewers to believe. The windigos and the fires of friendship may be open to interpretation, but having creatures that steal love be the downfall of those that thrive in love's absence, has a lot to be desire.
You've gotta be extra careful with what you include in the story. Cause if it is strange or an issue, it will stick around. Crone's very existence via the mirror well, so many character just so happen to be changelings, sombra acting as a surrogate discord, the many times that ponies apparently did not have their own history without the changelings involving themselves. It all just piles together. Especially at this late a stage. The only option would be to totally reboot the entire story.
Then again i think it could honestly benefit from that. Go at it with more experience and a better idea of where it is all going.
Guess its potential is why i come back on occasion. Then again it has only been recently that we have had legitimate ongoing threats to Chrysalis wandering around rather than lasting only a few chapters and ending up in pods. Or in some stalemate where the enemy does nothing.
I need the next chapter. Now.
Seriously, things just keep getting better and better!
How in Tartarus do you do this?!
6699147
Too right. This "lordofmyth" fella is like that one annoying little cockroach that won't die and just keeps coming back every goddamn time. I have to assume he has nothing better to do than bitching and whining about this story for however long this story continues to be updated. It's quite asinine if I have to be honest really.
Hmm, Discord is tricky at the best of times. Hope of all of Equestria is to get Elements together. And if Chryssi helps make it happen - she'll have a lot more pull when it comes to negotiations.