A Very Boring Train Ride
"Uuhhhhhhh..." groaned Button Mash. The train ride was getting monotonously boring. Taxi rides were fun, and they weren't boring. They always had space on the cart, and the added thrill of the pony pulling the cart was a bonus. Plus they were only about 15-30 minutes long, especially the one that they took to the train station. It was only 20 minutes long, as they weren't too far from the station. However, this train ride was boring his bones. He wouldn't have been surprised if he died before this journey ended.
"How about your video games, sweetie?" suggested his mother as she rolled her eyes. She was getting tired from her son groaning.
"O-oh yeah! My Joyboy! I'll try to complete Super Mareio World 4!" grinned Button as he began to open his bag. His bag had all of the video games he owned, which was probably all the video games in Equestria. The really heavy items were on their way to Ponyville, while they decided to take the smaller items with them, so that they wouldn't have to pay the company that brought their things too much.
"I can't wait until I beat the Flower Pony boss!" exclaimed Button. He started to sink into his chair, and prepared himself for interactive heaven.
"Yes, you can try to defeat Bowser and all that!" mumbled Button's mother as she drifted off to sleep.
Button took no time and immediately put the gaming cartridge into his Joyboy. He started off by getting a fire flower and hitting bee with the fireballs. After a few minutes he raged. The amount of frustration that was emitted from Button's brain was so testosterone-filled it could power the Canterlot Royal Guard with enough energy for them to thrive for 10 days without need for rest or sleep. Because Button and many other ponies around him were sick of the noises he made, he put the Joyboy back into the bag and pulled out the iPaddock.
He loaded up Manecraft, and created a new world. He spawned in a desert biome, around 50 blocks away from a forest. He ran to the forest, avoiding many cacti, and started punching some wood, his tongue poking out of the sides of his mouth. Once he got enough wood, he made himself a crafting table and made a few sticks. He used the sticks to make a wooden pickaxe. After 15 minutes of relentless mining, digging and mining, he got a bit bored so he changed it over to Creative Mode, blew up a few villagers and started to make a nether portal, so he could enter the fiery underworld. He turned down the volume, and when the snack trolley came out, he'd put the volume up and spawn a ghast. It startled the poor pony who was pushing the trolley so much that all the food came off the trolley and landed on the pony's head!
Button switched the iPaddock and put on the camera, recording the whole incident. Button wasn't just a gamer; he was also a smart pony, learning tricks, gaining ideas and making plans from video games. Once Button was finished recording he loaded Manecraft up again and continued with his survival world. He continued mining, finding 15 pieces of iron and smelting it down into bars. He also found a few rubies, emeralds and opals, found a nearby village and traded the crystals for rarer ones and a few coins. Starting to mine again, he followed his rhythmn, striking the stone with 3 swift hits, cracking the gray, flat stones, soon exposing the beautiful, brilliant stone that every miner would die for to find... diamond. He jumped up with joy, which startled her mother, not just because Button had startled her, but also because they had reached their stop.
"Welcome everypony! You are at Ponyville station." shouted a voice over the speakers. "Please mind your hooves, as you may fall into the space between the gap! We wouldn't want that to happen now, would we? We don't have enough ponies to push the train far enough for you to climb out, after all."
Button and his mother stepped onto the station, with the luggage clutched in hand. The station was not as busy as they expected; few ponies were waiting around. It was different to the natural way of Manehatten that they were so accustomed to.
"It's nice to see you again, lil bro." greeted a young stallion with a light-brown mane with a sky-blue coat, chucking a Joyboy to his little brother. "Bet you can't beat me!" continued the stallion, putting the cartridge with Manetal Kombat on it into the device.
"Oh, I've gotten better since we last met!" boasted Button, as he did the same as his older brother. Button's mom rolled her eyes. Childish attitude, Gibson should be too old for that she thought, as she stared at the oldest pony in front of her. Suddenly, a pony came up to her and nuzzled her. She noticed who it was and she started to do the same.
"It 's nice to see you again, Sweetie!" she exclaimed as she nuzzled the stallion in front of her. "But I'm worried about how Gibson is acting a bit..."
"Immature? Well, childish attitude never changes, I mean don't you remember?" finished Button's dad. Button's dad was a bit older than Button's mom. He had black fur, a dark blue mane and was incredibly handsome. "Welcome home everyone!" cheered Button's dad. "Welcome to Ponyville!"
5929678 Thank you it's nice to see people like my first fanfiction!
5929678 This. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the writing, but the chapters are too brief and short, try exceeding about 1500 words per chapter. Other than that, I'm not really sure why there are dislikes. A like for your story, sir.
I thumbed down cuz ships/pairings were too obvious.
5931014 Yeah sure man. I tried to get the chaptes to at least 1000 words and thought that was enough when it wasn't so I'll try to do what you said.
5931290 Thanks for an honest answer for my fanfic. I've got another fanfic in mind and try make it less obvious.
5931014 Yeah, I swear some works thta would be liked all over are just disliked randomly. Sometimes I think there's just people always disliking everything they come accross. I mean, really. Some things should be dislkiked that are liked the absolute snot out of: like Rainbow Factory, My Little Slave, and Cupcakes. I mean jeez. Is this what people like nowadays? It's just mature material all over the place
Ok, here we go again! ("How about your video games, sweetie?" suggested his mother as she rolled her eyes.) There should be a capitalized letter after a conversation. Example: "Hey mom! I'm going to school!" He called out from the living room. That should be how it looks like. You shouldn't show everything that is happening in a game because then it looks rushed. You make it look like that 'possible' 5 hours of work happened in less than 10 minutes.Also do you understand that when you use this: "B-but mom!" it represents stuttering? Some uses that you have here where not needed. Also in the beginning you used a run on word: (The train ride was getting labouriously boring. Taxi rides were fun, and they weren't boring.) You shouldn't use the same word twice in a paragraph unless it's a name, even then it still has rules. Instead of using the same word twice, you should say something else like 'Taxi rides were fun, and they were way more exciting than train rides' as an example. Also you should have put a short explanation way he likes taxi rides more than train rides. Also the word labouriously is mispelt here. The correct spelling is laboriously and means something else as you have it put here. It means to put a lot of effort into something, so it doesn't really fit here. Most people won't pick up on that but it just takes a critic like me to show them. Again poor sentence structure and you put detail in places where it didn't need to be and less detail where there should be more detail. You need more practice, to put it in a shorter form, so don't feel bad
5939224 on look! One of my favorite ButtonBelle authors commenting on a ButtonBelle! Quick, throw opinions and character development at him!
greeted a young stallion with a light-brown mane with a sky-blue mane
Something tells me thats not right but good job overall
5992834 hahahaha! That's funny and cool!