A long time ago, a desperate mare sought the aid of a disgraced enchanter. He believed her a useful, naive child—bitter and malleable with a gift that could raise him to heights he had never dared dream of.
By the time he realised his mistake, it was far too late.
The original version of this was written for the March 9th 2019 Writeoff, under the prompt "Through A Glass Brightly". It won 3rd place.
It tastes like a thunderous church organ piece with chromatic counterpoint in cunning cadences, author. Or like a deep, sparklingly bitter, lightly intoxicating juice with the scent of grapefruit and blood. Were I the appropriate one of the main characters, and had I the abilities she has in certain canons, I would devour you to take your ability to write like this. Amazing.
- Light_Striker, reviewing the Writeoff version.
That was a fun read
I thought this was going to be the origin of Chrysalis.
10094797
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
10094878
Well guessed.
I must admit, I’m a bit lost as to what transpired beyond Loom and Solar’s meeting and the talk between Tia and Starswirl. Your writing is on point; I think I’m just exhausted from pushing out a lengthy contest entry between being busy offline. Apologies for that.
10115998
I mean it is a bit purposefully obtuse - do you want to give it another crack when less tired, or would you like an explanation via PM/spoilertext? And I'm glad you thought the writing was good at least!
10117579
Spoilers/PM would be good because I'll likely enjoy getting to dissect the story from the intended angle without usual comment section constraints. I tend to have lengthier responses and such in 'em too.
10117596
Alright, I'm going to go with spoilers so that anyone else in your situation can get a handle on what I was going for.
For future readers, in case it wasn't obvious: the following will give away the entire story.
So, the basic premise of this is that it's Chrysalis' origin story. Gossamer Loom is Chrysalis pre-changeling, and this is how she and by extension the changelings themselves come to exist.
Now, a lot is left deliberately ambiguous, room for the readers to provide their own interpretation of events, but the things that are set in stone are as follows: Gossamer Loom wanted this. Why? Who knows. I tried to layer in hints that she's... not exactly a normal person, with a normal view of the world, and a pretty sociopathic view of other ponies, but I think it's more effective that we don't really know why she's so twisted, just that she is. As for what specifically happens - the ritual is a success. It allows 'bond magic' AKA love/friendship, the things that connect ponies to each other, to be visible, tangible things. Gossamer then rips out her bonds, and her actual capacity to bond, which is basically like ripping out your own soul. This turns her into the pockmarked, jagged horned wreck that is proto-Chrysalis, and she proceeds to lay waste not just to her partner-in-spellcasting but the entire town; salting the earth so to speak.
The snippet from the griffin general's diary is intended to be a clue to what's going to happen, and the Starswirl snippet was a neat way (or at least I thought it was) to explain Starswirl's unexplained obsession with the Magic of Friendship.
I hope that all makes sense! Let me know if there's anything off/wrong.
10117631
I did think that Loom as important and picked up on her being unusual. Solar himself felt a bit like a red herring in a story that wasn't deliberately focused on those kinds of elements, and it was mostly him that puzzled me when Loom was already set up as suspicious clue of a figure. The ritual did sound like it ended poorly and Loom was transformed in some way, but Solar just...dropped off from focus and that had me a bit confused.Thanks for clearing that up.
10118506
No problem! In some ways you're not wrong about Solar? But I still wanted him to matter as a character, other wise the ending loses a lot of its impact, I think.
10124190
It does have that impact once you figure out what's happening. The mystery tag might be worth adding since it does require the reader to use clues and deductions to solve the plot.
Adding it to a few more groups could also help get it some love. It's too nicely written to languish.
10124906
Those are both solid ideas. Thanks!
excellent work! such a tragic end for poor solar swirl