Chapter Two
The Nose of a Camel
Wherein Twilight learns, to her dismay,
the limits to which logic will carry unpopular arguments,
and makes plans to further educate herself.
September 13th - 22nd, 1011
Canterlot, Equestria
"Pirate" is such an ugly word. It is almost always applied as a pejorative, and it doesn't take into account any subtle gradations of circumstance. One pony's "archaeologist" is another's "treasure hunter," without necessarily devolving into the classification of "grave-robber." With "pirate" it's all or nothing.
Well, I suppose there's "privateer," but that term is used only in time of war and means nothing except to the nation that issued the Letter of Marque. Seeing as how I would have to be the one to write my own permission slip, nobody would take such a document seriously. In any case, I couldn't let even a hint slip out that the Free Company of Friends was connected in any way to an Equestrian princess, so I had to accept the label of "pirate." But I didn't have to like it.
As far as Princess Celestia was concerned, my foreign travels were for purposes of cultural and magical study, which was perfectly true in a way. The idea that quite a lot of people wouldn't want me to study some of their most powerful and secret spells and artifacts, or that I wouldn't take "no" for an answer, hadn't occurred to her. Or, if it had, she was too polite to mention it.
Besides, some of the "objects of interest" I collected were fairly dangerous and I was doing the world a service by removing them from where an overly ambitious or unstable person could misuse them. No, really. Think of the Orb of Annihilation in the claws of the Mad King of the Forgotten Lands, and tell me any sane pony wouldn't rather have it securely locked away in one of my magical laboratories, even if it wasn't technically my property.
The thing is, many governments don't behave in a strictly sane manner. Once a government gets ancient enough, its layers of nonsensical laws and bureaucracy get so tangled that a pony could get sentenced to beheading for stepping on the shadow of a king, or gifted with a fortune for petting the correct type of cat on the spring equinox.[1]
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[1] [And if you think I'm exaggerating, get a copy of volume XXVII of The Holy Codex of Quaggastan and look in the index for "cats, acceptable colors, markings, and treatment of."
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I never imagined I might become the sort of pony that would dare to even bend the rules, let alone break them. But I lost my unquestioning respect for the exact letter of the law shortly after I took the time to closely observe the Equestrian Parliament engaged in creating new legislation. I discovered that the process was more about political favor-trading than doing good for the common ponies.
I read through several of the most respected legal compendiums and discovered that the body of Equestrian law, on the whole, was a trainwreck. If Princess Celestia didn't have final legal authority, and therefore the ability to untangle all the contradictory legislation, the system would have collapsed centuries ago.
My disillusionment was more traumatic than I have the time or inclination to convey, so suffice it to say that I tried to resolve my inner conflict by synthesizing a new way to enact and reform legislation based on the philosophy of doing the most good for the most ponies. I would be perfectly willing to follow rules to the letter if they were good rules.
I published A Modest Proposal for a New and Scientific System of Laws and Judicial Proceedings and distributed it as widely as I could. It was completely disdained by the entire political establishment. One particularly critical MP very publicly suggested that I would better occupy my time cutting ribbons at school and library openings, and that I should leave politics to the politicians. I refrained from any direct reply, though I did send a copy of his financial records to the High Court and the Canterlot Times with notes pointing out the one hundred and seventeen ethical and legal violations that any competent forensic accountant should have noticed years before.
Maybe that was petty of me, but he ended up getting off with a fairly light sentence.
The book was only the first part of a plan to create a more perfect system of governance that I strongly felt was not only possible, but morally necessary. Yes, I was quite young at the time, and more naïve than my years. My treatise sank like a stone, leaving behind only ripples of derisive laughter. I was both surprised and depressed by the whole affair.
One morning shortly afterward, I sat with Luna on the balcony of the Tower of the Moon, sipping coffee and feeling sorry for myself.
"Maybe all of my ideas weren't perfect, but there were some good, solid reforms in there! Everypony dismissed the whole thing without offering any cogent counter-arguments at all!" I bit at my croissant like it had personally offended me.
"Perhaps," Luna said softly, "that is because your approach was very—ah—direct."
"You mean blunt," I said.
Luna carefully studied the swirl of foam in her cup and said nothing.
"Why should I have to pussy-foot around when I am making concrete recommendations? Not using clear and direct language just leaves room for misinterpretation!"
"Perhaps, it was not your remedies that were hard to swallow," Luna murmured, "but rather, your observations." She looked up at me out of the corner of her eye. "Blunt as they were, your criticisms may have cut some ponies deeply."
I scowled. "I tried to keep it impersonal, but these were things that needed to be said! Playing nicey-nice won't get anything done!"
Luna set her coffee cup down with a sharp clack and said, "Thou hast the right of it, no doubt. Wilt thou excuse me? 'Tis past time I was a-bed."
Uh-oh. When Luna lapsed into archaic Equuish, it meant her emotions were running high.
"Luna, what's wr—" The flash of a teleport spell left me alone on the balcony.
I replayed the conversation in my head. Was she upset because I had dismissed her opinion, or was it something else? I had no idea, but I knew that I would be greeting her after sunset with a bouquet and an apology. But it would be best if I knew exactly what I was apologizing for. I needed advice.
Luckily, Rarity was in town. Her social calendar was full to overflowing, but she happily added me to the guest list for her "business brunch."
When we met her associates at the restaurant, Rarity placed a hoof against her chest in a demure manner and fluttered her eyelashes, saying to them, "I do hope it won't be inconvenient. The Princess is a very dear friend and we never get as much time together as we'd like."
I smiled mechanically through the meal, and gave vague, polite replies whenever somepony spoke to me. At least the food was good.
"The general consensus seemed to be that my presence was a tolerable annoyance," I said to Rarity afterwards as we walked along Martingale Street toward Parliament Square.
"Oh, please, Twilight! They were thrilled to death to be brunching with a princess, and you know it! What's gotten you into such a sour mood?"
I scuffed the fore edge of a hoof against the curbstone and frowned. "I upset Luna this morning and I don't even know why."
Rarity's expression became an odd combination of concern and avarice. "Tell me all about it, darling!"
I did.
"Well, since you appreciate bluntness, Twilight," she said when I had finished, "allow me to be blunt with you."
Suddenly, "blunt" and "direct" seemed like distant synonyms. I cleared my throat nervously. "Of course."
"You called your dear Luna a parasite! Who wouldn't be upset by that?"
"What are you talking about? I never said anything like that!"
"I didn't read your book, Twilight. But many of my clients did, and they assured me that you were not kind to the 'do-nothing' nobles. The word 'parasite' was mentioned in particular. I can't count the number of times I've had to reassure ponies that your work was academic theory and not meant to be taken seriously."
"But it was serious!" I protested. "I meant it when I wrote that, 'A class held apart from common ponies is justifiable only if it is a symbiotic relationship, rather than a parasitic one,' but I wasn't calling anypony a parasite, and certainly not Luna! She guards everypony's dreams and raises the moon! She battles monsters in the night to keep ponies safe! She's a perfect example of what every noble should be like!"
"Perhaps she knows that intellectually, but does she believe it?" Rarity sighed. "Princess Luna is from a different age, and in her heart she feels naturally superior to the common pony. She has had her problems in the past, even though she now serves her subjects as well as anypony could expect. Your little book probably made her feel guilty for several reasons, and your outburst this morning only twisted the knife."
I groaned and plopped down on the sidewalk. "I'm an idiot."
Rarity sighed and leaned her head against mine. "Twilight, you are the most brilliant pony I have ever known, and if you would just consider how your words will make ponies feel in addition to what they mean, you'd be fine."
"I do know better. I just get carried away sometimes." I looked up at Rarity and gave her as much of a smile as I could muster. "So—will her favorite flowers be enough, or should I bring wine and chocolates, too?"
Rarity started to say something but cut herself short as wicked grin slowly spread across her face. "I know this discreet little shop not far from here. The owner makes the most delightful halters, hobbles, and accessories...."
"I don't think—"
She was definitely enjoying my discomfort. "No, really, darling! It would be like gift-wrapping! Add a snaffle bit, a crop, and a small sign reading, 'I've been a very naughty princess,' and it would be a fabulous way to apologize!"
"Not going to happen!"
"Oh, Twilight! You have no sense of adventure!"
That made me laugh out loud, and I got back on my hooves. "How many wild escapades have we been on together, Rarity?"
"Yes," she admitted, "there have been so many that I couldn't begin to count them. But if it wasn't trouble that came looking for us, they've mostly been ones that Princess Celestia or the map have sent us on. When have you ever set out into the unknown just for the sheer fun of it?"
"Every time I open a new book," I said, starting back down the street.
Rarity sighed. It was an eloquent sigh.
= = =
I patched things up with Luna, who was well accustomed to me shoving a hoof or two into my mouth from time to time, and life went on as usual, but the conversation with Rarity stuck in my mind. Maybe I did need to broaden my horizons in a very literal sense.
I had hardly put hoof outside of Equestria, and my only direct experience with different cultures was via visitors to Equestria, so I decided that traveling abroad to experience foreign lands and societies for myself would combine fun and a wonderful learning experience. My criminal career, if you can call it that, started out as mere curiosity.
After the failure of my book, I promised myself that my next attempt at reform would not only be more subtle, but it would also be based on much deeper experience and direct knowledge. I was determined to take the best from every race and culture I could learn about and synthesize it all into a blueprint for a utopia.
I quickly discovered that the public respect and celebration I was offered as an Equestrian princess, all the ceremony and protocol, could too easily be turned into a barrier to prevent me from learning what I really wanted to know. So, I decided to take a more clandestine approach to my new studies.
I had gotten very good at disguise spells, thanks to constant practice. My secret affair with Princess Luna had been very beneficial in that regard. Appearing to be a simple non-alicorn was an easy task, and I could cast several disguise spells simultaneously, which meant that my friends could accompany me on my travels whenever they could manage the time away from their increasingly busy lives.
I commissioned an airship from the Canterlot Yards as a replacement for my poor lost Evenstar. Their chief naval architect, Gudgeon, wanted to build a sleek, super-modern craft for me and was initially disappointed when I asked for something very different. In the spirit of keeping my explorations incognito, I asked for a ship that looked like one of the old style cargo vessels that hung beneath its gas envelope, but that lacked the disadvantages of that sort of construction.
Gudgeon's face was vastly entertaining as he tried to process my request, and then began to go over the possibilities of such a strange set of strictures. After a few minutes, I could tell he was lost in thought and had probably forgotten I was even in the room. I left him to his plans.
It was a week later, and I had almost come to believe that Gudgeon had forgotten my request or given it up as impossible, when he sent me a brief note. He was much better at his craft than I had given him credit for. I met him at the Canterlot Yards and got a pleasant surprise. He hadn't merely drawn out a design; he had constructed a rather large model of the proposed ship and hung it under one of the protective shelters in the yards. His pegasus assistant kept a steady breeze flowing over the model as Gudgeon explained its features to me.
"The bundles of cables are stiffened with rods inside to dampen any oscillation between the hull and envelope, d'ya see? And the shape of the struts help keep her tracking well and provide some lift at speed."
"Yes!" I said, catching his enthusiasm. "That's very clever. The hull is in the old style, but there's something—I don't know—sleeker about it?"
"Ya've got a good eye, princess. We tested the shape with wind and smoke and I shifted her planking about until the flow over her hull was smooth as silk. Would ya like to see?"
"Of course!"
Gudgeon lit a small tube of paper on fire and held it in front of the model. The wind from the flapping pegasus pushed the stream of smoke over the hull in a coherent snake-like trail that held its thin shape until it was well behind the ship's stern. "No turbulence to speak of that would drag down her speed. She'll fly true, there's no doubt of that."
"And—if I may comment, Your Highness?" the pegasus creating the breeze spoke up for the first time.
"Please do."
"As a flier, I really like the open deck design. The enclosed gondolas on modern ships feel too confining. Pegasi are happier when they can feel the wind in their feathers." He glanced at my own wings and became a bit flustered. "But of course, you'd know that, Your Highness."
I ignored his embarrassment. "That is an excellent observation, thank you."
He blushed and bobbed his head in acknowledgment.
I turned to Gudgeon and said, "This design is wonderful! Can magic armor and self-repair features be incorporated—discreetly?"
Gudgeon smiled. "Aye, I recall that ya be a bit rough on the ships ya pilot, princess. I've made accommodations for all manner of such things."
It was my turn to blush. "I promise I'll try to take better care of this one."
He gave me a mock-stern glare and said, "See that ya do, Your Exalted Highness."
I chuckled. "Your design is brilliant. Go ahead with construction and don't hesitate to use the best materials and parts for the job, whatever the cost. Call on me if you have any questions."
He nodded. "The spell-work will be tricky and will need to be woven in at just the right moments during her construction. I'll try to give you a good schedule in advance, but these things can't always be predicted with precision, particularly when it involves such a unique design."
"I understand. Believe me, I will put this near the top of my priority list. Could you send me a brief progress note each week, even if you won't be needing my input?"
"It'll be my pleasure, Princess."
"Thank you so much! I may even drop by from time to time, just to see how things are going, if that's alright?"
Gudgeon grinned. "I've got a dozen lazy apprentices, two old dogs, and half-blind tom cat underhoof, so I can't see how adding a princess to the lot will do much harm."
= = =
Surprisingly, Celestia thought that my plan was a very good idea. "Posing as a merchant should give you many valuable experiences. I would recommend actually trying to make a profit by trading. That exercise should teach you some economic lessons as well."
"You're really okay with this?"
"I am." She nodded, then added, "And what if I did have reservations? You are your own pony and should make your own decisions. I am grateful that you asked my opinion on the matter, though. Even if it is several weeks after the keel of your new ship was laid." She was smiling when she said it, so it was only the gentlest of rebukes, but it made me feel just a tad guilty.
"Well, I needed a new ship, anyway," I said.
"What will you name her? Evenstar II, perhaps?"
"No. I thought about it, but it would always make me remember the original, and I'd rather not stir up sad memories."
"I understand. But would you be willing to make a slight connection between the two craft?"
"What sort of connection?"
"Well—" Celestia hesitated, and frowned, considering her next words. We were sitting in the castle's private rose garden that looked out toward the Unicorn Range. She turned so that she was facing away from me when she spoke again. "You know that Luna became a bit disturbed when you were trapped in the Wheel of the World, and some of her actions may have looked odd to some ponies."
I had gotten the story of the civil cold war from several different sources, of course, including those principally involved, but something in Celestia's tone told me that a lot of interesting details had been omitted.
"What is it?" I could feel a nervous flutter begin deep in my chest.
"She saved all of Evenstar that wasn't burned, and brought everything back to Canterlot. It's all in a great vault deep inside the mountain."
"Why didn't she tell me?"
"It isn't just a pile of wreckage. She restored your cabin, and—" Celestia cleared her throat before continuing. "—she slept in there quite a few times. She might be embarrassed to admit that, but I thought you might at least like to salvage the oak paneling."
Despite being a little weird, it was one of the most romantic things I had ever heard. I vowed right then that I'd incorporate my entire old cabin into the new ship, and then I'd find some very special way to show my appreciation to Luna. Maybe I'd take just a little peek into that shop that Rarity had mentioned.
= = =
=
Sweet! It will be great to look back and see how Luna and Twi's relationship healed after the false physical attraction was removed.
Also what happened with NMM's magic?
Interesting. :)
Woo-hoo! Awesome skyship battles and fascinating plot! I can't wait for more!
Good chapter. I really like the opening about pirates, because pirates make everything more exciting.
I do think you should have put in a quotation from Twilight's book, just so that we know exactly why Luna is upset and why she would take it personally. Right now it's too nebulous for me to really care.
Oh man, what I would give to see Twilight actually do that with Princess Luna!
It sounds to me that Twilight has just invented the first Equestrian Q-Ship. Add things like fold-down armour panels to hard-connect the gondola to the lift envelope and pop-open gun ports for unicorn combat mages or Earth Pony bowmen and she'd be a formidable corsair ship.
You know, the Pegasi have never really got over their militaristic past, have they? I wonder what sort of cult of the personality would develop around the 'air-pirate princess'?
6489890
NMM's magic will play a significant part.
6490262
The one quote pretty much nailed Twilight's Bull-in-a-China-Shop style of political writing, and Luna is... very touchy about her royal duties and past sins.[1] No direct criticism was needed, and if Luna's reaction seems unjustified to you... yeah, it probably was.
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[1] You don't know how happy I was to have the Tantabus episode bear me out on this.
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6490885
Yeah... Nebula is already half-way to being a kick-ass Q-ship, and with Twilght aboard....
Second comment... no spoilers, but it will be part of the story!
Awwww yeah. F*** the Prin-cess, we gonna fix the world one immensely powerful magical artifact at a time! Whether the world likes it or not!
Reminds me of
...
~Then I thought who gives a damn, if no one else can see~
~I'm gonna be a pirate of the mighty sky and sea~
~And it's a heave hi, ho hi, sailing through the skies,~
~Stealin' gems and weapons from all the other guys~
~And it's a hi hey, ho hey, kingdoms tuck their tails~
~when they see the jolly roger above the Nebula's sails.~
...
This also made me try to imagine a shortened ship name, the Nebby, which I am now imagining Cadance or Gudgeon or Twilight herself calling it. XD
EDIT: Whupps, thought the ship was called the Nebulous. Moon's Apprentice showing through. XD
6490997
Holy carp! I hope you realize that I am totally going to steal this![1]
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[1] With proper citation and credits, of course. There's no reason a pony can't be both a pirate and a gentlecolt!
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P.S. The shortened version of Nebula will end up being "Neb" or "Old Neb." (Though Pinkie Pie will undoubtedly call her "Nebby" from time to time.)
6491326
Rewording songs to fit other stuff is one of my favorite things, and that song has been stuck in my head for a while.
The mighty Nebby
And I love when authors take stupid ideas I have. Ideas need a good home, even (or possibly especially) the ones that get vomited onto the monitor and then swept into the comments section, often never to be smelt again.
6491349
I have a place I put all my really terrible ideas. It's a very scary place.
I wonder how a nation does react to their royalty just outright going pirate. Like, imagine the reaction if Queen Elizabeth II just decided one day to fly the Skull and Crossbones on a Royal Navy destroyer and sail off to the Caribbean.
6491769 I 'm pretty sure twilight's disguising herself as a unicorn for the attacks. Probably changing hers and her friends fur/coat(never sure witch is more appropriate) colors. Easy enough to hide cutey marks with some clothing.
Side note anyone else notice how many adds are dating sites now?? Had to laugh my flank off at the broney dating site they advertise.
Holy balls, there's another story in this series? ALL MY EXCITEMENT!
I don't like TwiLuna shipping, but other than that this is an excellent series.
Carry on!!
6491769 Would you believe there's precedent? In about 420 AD, Sela, the sister of the King of Norway actually did become a pirate captain. She was, by all accounts, rather good at it.
6494175
Well, to be fair, that's Viking Times. Still, neat.
"Cogent". Learned a new word today!
6491769
She might just do it, too!
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/15337940/QEII.jpg
6496052 dam granny has aim!!!
Chapter two now under my belt. Another great chapter glad to see TwiLuna is still a thing and the backstory to last chapter sorta.
Only one mistake I think I spotted again not to bad.
I believe (He was much better at his craft that I had given him credit for.) should be (He was much better at his craft then I had given him credit for.) not 100% sure but I think that's correct, reads a bit more smoothly too. But that's just me.
Anyways keep up the great work, and now I'm off to chapter three.
Edit: ah 'twas than not then, should of known. Oh well I never was the best with grammar but it's fixed now. Good on you mate.
liking this one too, the style of split timelines reminds me of the beginning of "The Celestia Code"
6491492
is that place perhaps fimfiction?
See, now I want to know about the Forgotten Lands. There's a Mad King too? You spoil us.
No, seriously, I have to know.
Can't wait to see it all blow up in Twilight's gave and she ends up causing a world war with her actions. Maybe a place that is protected by an anti magic field and their disguise is stripped off of them.
Looks like she sees herself now as the new all end all authority when it comes to how the world should be run.
this makes me think of a silly online comic called "swashbuckled": the main character is a princess-turned-pirate...and if i remember, she intends to eventually overthrow her parents!
This should probably be "chuckled"... Unless Twilight wanted to throw the model that Gudgeon made.
Okay first really chapter.. assuming that was just a quick in media res introduction/prologue. This is going to be odd, doing it for a story with such short chapters... compared to what I usually do this for. Anyway... that chapter title.. why is it all I can think of is a line from Project Sunflower. More specially a comment that line caused namely "You just know at some point in the last thousand years, Celestia has rimmed a camel." Granted not likely with this version of Tia, but that will lead to something better to talk about in PM later. Okay actual story time.
Well then, not sure how to feel about these openings, kind of vague and maybe lead to to much misinterpretation. Could be fun looking back but just meh on the opening things right now, but will keep it in mind. See where they go.
And looking back.... 1014 so okay three years, we ARE going WAY back, to her first getting this together? Wasn't expecting THAT large a gap, looks like this story really WILL be jumping around a lot, hopefully in a way that feels coherent. Also, 1014.... let's assume the show lasted ~5 years in 'verse. And this is ~1 year after Luna, which was itself 1 year after Celestia, giving her four years to get to that point, that works out pretty well. Glad the story is going with this being a more mature Twi that had time to learn this stuff. It really did feel that way. Now.. wait, that puts this about 10 years after the show, well the 1014 part.... and Twilight is messing around with Zebra stuff, in ways that could...... TWILIGHT! No, bad pony! Do not start the Great War! Yes, Littlepip IS awesome, and yes she does do a lot to fix the world, but only after it gets MUCH more broken! Bad Pony!
*cough* Daring Do *cough*
You know.. I can see Twi's teachers just getting to the point of letting her do that, just letting her do whatever she wanted.
Okay so this is still after she started her expeditions, or still in the planning stages? Also with that name.. there being six of you, your coloration, so many stand out ways... how is anyone supposed to NOT recognize you? I mean props for realizing this but, not trying very hard to hide it with all this.
This is Celestia, you know she knows. Also Twilight, just because they say 'no' does not mean you can take it. I hope you have better reasons then that. Still, gives her plausible deniability. Also, wouldn't someone notice that this FCoF shows up about the same time and place as you?
Well going by those names I'd say yes, but names can be decaiving, also I want to here that story! Still, trying to contain any possible dark or overly powerful magical items, not a BAD idea, but who is there to keep you in line and keep you from going to far? How are you the one who gets to decide thee things and holy fuck why am I suddenly sounding like Team Iron Man from Civil War? Still, he had some good points in general, and while I do trust Twi to mean well, I don't trust that her judgement will always be 100% sound.
But there is a good reason for this, and it's not like there are a lot of ways to do things better, no matter what you think. Yeah this whole affair is going to get very messy.
Well, cats are just one step removed from divinity, at least if you ask them and they are feeling humble enough at the time to include the 'one step'
Well, this whole... yeah can see how that would make you doubt shit. Celestia, totaly going to do what is best for the whole while avoiding sacrifices by anyone but her wherever possible. Anything called either "paliment" or "Congress" yeah.... total waste of space. Still... I can see why she is getting this idea, I get why she feels this way, but I just know this is not a good idea. In general, I'd say Twi is right but, in this case I think she's going a bit to far. Yes, already, just from her attitude here.
See this really would have helped her "this is WRONG!" position from the last book to include this, rather then it seemingly focusing just on Celestia. Still, very very nice job on switching it to something that feels a lot more natural and right. It's not Celestia herself that is the issue, but all the bureaucracy around her. Still, well this is frustrating because I'm having a hard time arguing agsint Twilight. Everything she says makes sense, it is logical but, it just won't work the way she wants it to, and I agree it should work better but... yeah this is an interesting conundrum for me.
Passive aggressive Twi is fun. And hey, he WAS breaking the laws he was claiming meant so much. Still, you expect anything but BS from a politician? But, very nice reply Twilight.
Assuming you aren't still naive about this. Though yes, less so now, just likely getting bitter, which will lead to very bad things. I am really feeling for Twi here already, WAY more then I did at the end of TLC. I really want her to get this to work yet, I know it can't, and also she's being a bit to ridged in her thinking about it. To idealistic. But I can't say she's fully wrong for wanting this. Seriously this is a full 180 on my opinion of her whole "It is WRONG!" position for me already.
I feel you Twi, I really do... yeah I am SO emphasizing with Twi here...
Okay Twi, what did you fuck up? Or, just remind her of some personal issues she's dealt with along those lines. Still I get where Twi is coming from, but I also get Luna's point too. And think I'm on her side, delivery matters, and you can't expect broad sweeping changes quickly. Better to try and work slowly. Of course be easier to judge if I knew just what Twilight recommended.
And the relationship instantly has me liking it here. Downplayed, feeling normal, you can tell they've got past that initial rush and are settling into being used to each other.
Of course. The go to pony for relationship advice... both good and bad. So which will it be this time? So far she's had a good track record in this fic.
Very smooth Rarity, like that delivery. Okay Twilight new plan, you come up with your ideas, but you have Rarity write the actual report you are going to give.
Always does when it's going the other way.
Okay even for a naive, 'direct' pony like Twilight, outright saying "parasite" and expecting it to go smooth is hard to buy. I can see her being unflinching in how little they do but, to go that far? Wow.. just wow. Yeah I'm on your side in principle Twi but, damn do your methods need work, that is.. that's a tad extreme.
Okay, in that context, yes I can see how she thought it would work, it IS technically correct, but damnit Twi, know your audience. Yes that works for a technical paper to be read by ponies able to notice the nuance and distinction. Not for a bunch of idiot politician.
never got to really talk about this facet. I do like this flaw in Luna, it feels natural, especaily after everything she went to. Likely built that feeling up as armor agsint their insults and slights. But she knows about it, and knows to keep it in check. So yeah, very nice job on this one, it's a believable flaw and one she is trying not to let go to far.
Yes Twi, yes you are.
This is going to take a bit more then even that.
Wait wait... is she.. suggesting what I think she is? Okay first off, does that stuff count as pony lingerie, or pony bondage gear in this 'verse? Cause, I mean I know those two get hot and heavy, but damn. Yeah, that might just do it, just a bit chocked Rarity would be that direct about it. I mean I can see her doing it for Twilight, in private, but still a bit surprising.
I'm guessing bondage gear. Very kinky Rarity, also very nice bit of trolling. You don't need to be the Element of Laughter to have a bit of fun.
So we have Rarity to blame for this whole thing?
You know...... I can't really argue with this fact. I mean I know I should but, nope, great comeback Twilight.
Dang it story, this is kind of what I was concerned about, skipping around a bit to much. I really wanted to see them make up. Just hope to much detail doesn't get skipped for the sake of making the story larger in scope. Cause one of the things I really loved about the last two was when it got into details, it does those SO well. Still, so we DO have Rarity to blame for all this. I'll keep that in mind.
Trying to change a system she feels is wrong no matter what... getting in over her head and going to far starting out of curiosity, savior of Equestria. Twilight.... when did you start becoming Littlepip? PLEASE tell me you pick up on some of her vocabulary while you are at it.....
Grand idea, will never work in practice. "One ponies utopia is another's dystopia." Also, good luck Frakensteining that many different things together, most of which only work because of the culture they are in.
Avoid the pomp and circumstances, all the eyes on her, the big show, and the other nations trying to hide things they don't want you to know. Makes sense. Granted there are bond to be times the reverse is true, being so revered would get them more willing to open up about some things.
This one is on me story, I totally forgot about that part. Of course she'd be using them, and yeah this makes a great reason that I totally forgot about till now. How'd I miss that?
Poor thing, it was to short lived in it's awesomeness.
Noting makes an engineer happier then a challenging problem to work on. Still where are you planning on keeping this ship that it won't be noticed hanging around Canterlot and/or your castle a lot once you become famous?
I love when stories have such mundane usages of pony abilities. things that, just fit and make perfect sense, but are so mundane in what they are doing, you'd never think about it.
Just a little. So, who's laying odds she goes three for three with this one?
I really like this stallion. Perfect grizzled, experienced engineer type, who just really enjoys his work, but doesn't take everything to super seriously.
So, wonder if there is a hint of her living vicariously here? Wishing she could just disguise herself, disappear for a few weeks and go do whatever the buck she felt like. Still good advice. Learn these things from the ground up.
What happened to "Always attended to your duties" and what not from last time? Still, THIS is the Celestia I've been missing.
Were you at least able to salvage the specially paneled stateroom?
Given last story (as of now) made it look like she was out right bringing Equestria to the verge of Civil War, I'm hoping this is clarifying that it wasn't that bad and not an understatement.
Any that can make it more clear to me just exactly what happened? (yes yes the rewrite will do that, hopefully. Still good to see this is addressing some of that.)
Wait... 'burned' what? It crashes yes, but it wasn't burning. And.... no way, did she actually save her stateroom?
Holy crap she did.... wow.
Well, odd seeming yes but, I can fully understand why. And no reason for Celestia to act like this is all that odd a thing.
Story.. just.. I wasn't really expecting that but, damn that is rather awesome in a very touching way.
You go filly.
Okay, better first chapter. Actually setting things up. And Twi's journey feels natural so far, starting out like this for good reasons. Even if I can see how she's being wrong. And yes I am definitely liking her stance and motivation here better then I did at the end of the last one. And giving some more ideas for possible ways to refine that when we get around to it. But, having her exasperated at the politics, and the bureaucracy, it makes a lot more sense then trying to point the issue at Celestia. While yes, still some possible issues there, after all she did let it get to be this way. (One fic had an idea I really loved, that the Nobles were such infighting arrogant, stuck up assholes obsessed with nothing but their own status and trying to one up the rest no matter what, because they thought that's what Celestia WANTED them to do. To prove their worth to her. Because she had for so long hated them doing this, but been passive aggressive about it, avoiding them, arranging 'accidents' like the Mane 6 at the GGG to mess with them and the stuffy events. Just doing things to get at them that were never overt enough for them to get a hint. Only to find out her lack of directly telling them it was wrong, meant they saw it as tacit agreement.) So yes can still put some blame on her. But only SOME and only for making a few mistakes. Still the majority is on the machinery of politics.
Celestia already comes off better. Caring, but giving Twi her space, not lecturing, but teaching. Just all around, this is right back to the awesomeness I loved in the first book, although seeming even better already, loving the story from the get go. And yeah I really feel for Twilight and fully understand her point of view, where she is coming from and why. but also see what she doesn't, how all her reasons won't hold up, as good as they are in theory. And can see the flaws from here that will likely lead her to going off the deep end. Tiny things now that make sense for her to do in context, but will lead to a frame of mind that, well is going where I think this is going.
Just because someone actually is a parasite, it doesn't mean they like being described as such.
So it's Rarity's fault. Thank you, Rarity, and I mean that sincerely.
Weird, creepy, who's counting?
Twilight, this is why one hires an editor. So that the not so subtle, "fuck you and your corrupt ways" only offends the intended targets.
Ah, good to see that Twilight and Luna's relationship is in a healthy place now. It feels natural and generally pleasant.
I'm not sure if it's an intentional callback, but the time-skipping reminds me of the anachronism at the beginning of The Celestia Code, which is nice.
Oh my...Twilight's gone full Robert Owen...
Maybe even Charles Fourier!!!
political favor-trading that doing good --> political favor-trading then doing good
8127702
than doing good
9908440
At this point, the misuse of then in place of than has become so common that I think it's going to stick. I'm still going to use the words correctly (typos aside), but I know enough about language to realize that the 22nd century OED will contain an entry for lol.
Getting One Piece energy here and I love it.
ayy lmao
Interesting take on the political-side of things from Twilight's perspective. I try not to dive too deep into that sort of thing myself, but it's good context for the upcoming events of the story. Politics make my brain hurt, so I'mma just assume Twilight means well, mostly knows what she's trying to do, makes some mistakes, then fixes them and everyone comes out for the better.
Haha, I LOVE this. This is great! She'll have parts of her old library in her new airship and AAAAAAA I LOVE IT.
Interesting. I don't think I've read a fanfic with this type of back-and-forth jumping with the timeline. I usually prefer my stories to be straight forward, since I sometimes lose myself in the details. Forgetting little things like specific character motivations because of a teeny tiny X thing that happened, etc.
But, I'm still excited all the same. Probably gonna relax with some tea and Pokemon soon, but consider The Twilight Enigma officially on the list! I'll be reading more tomorrow! :