- Member Since 29th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 12th, 2015
Black-eyes
Some guy, doing something, with the help of someone, in some place. That enough info?
Black-eyes
Joined 29th Apr, 2012 ·
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this...this was great. I loved it.
This is a bloody brilliant, genius concept. The subject matter was perfectly melded with your prose. Reading this one-shot was much like a hypnotic experience for me. It was just so surreal, and yet quite simple in it's execution.
If I was to have one complaint, it would be that the characterization of the foals seemed slightly off. None of them were speaking like children, and I have to wonder whether or not that was intentional. To have characters like Snails or Sweetie Belle talking like seasoned adults most of the time seemed to only add to the surreality of the piece itself. I doubt that you would be able to achieve the same insightful level that you have now if you had the characters acting their ages. So in the end, it's more of an observation than it is a complaint.
Beautiful work overall. There needs to be more stories like this.
What happened next? Is nopony looking for him? Come on, a foal disappears from a boat, they organize a search party, they find him with Unicorn magic or Pegases searching from the air.
643485 you could make that comment my favorite if you only added mustache spike, but thanks
643504 thank you for your comment, because the best kind of comment for an Auhor who is unsure of his work, is a biiiig one with no complaints. You hit the nail there at why I didn't have a snails and sweetie talking like children. I swear I have a draft of Sweetie talking to Snails and saying all kinds of big words which confused him, but the reason why I stripped it was because I was adding more and more comedy to what was supposed to be a sad scene. When I write about a character I always try to focus on their characteristics, if I wrote a story on Zecora I would have her rhyme, if I wrote a story about dash I would include her rather tomboyish voice and her constant use of the word awesome, but I have to draw a line somewhere
643552 Once again I have an unpublished draft where Smails spots a search boat in the distance, but hides himself to make sure they would not come, because he wanted to stay. But I guess at the end I felt like a better ending would fit what I was looking for. So no, nopony might find Snails' island, and Edd won't tell
This deserves to be featured. No kidding. But the main problem, if you ask me, is that your cover image shows Snails in town, while i bet you were probably thinking of a cover of Snails on an island. Unfortunately there's nothing much i can do about that.