Sup viewers and fellow bronies and pegasisters. I'm Dogelol just an ordinary brony who likes reading and writing fimfics 
Im willing to become friends with everyone 
A story featuring Nightfall on his journey to seek power, while managing his daily life. Join him and his friends on a journey in which he finds lots of magical unicorns, and learns from them, or corrupts them in order to obtain more power-- or does he fight back the urge and manage to keep his mind straight?
Only one could find out.
Special thanks to:
Chicago Ted (editor)
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But the real question is what's a creepy mare voice? Can't you just say creepy voice why does it have to be mare voice?
6096026 Its a creepy mare voice cuz think about it if you hear someone saying something behind you im sure you will figure out its gender am I right ?
6096096 I wouldn't have time because i would be too busy running away from the thing that spoke to me in the Frikin shadow.
6096096 Creepy mare's voice...
"Why are all the speaking parts like this?"
6118855 Its because im new to this and couldnt make bether one
Got any suggestion how to improve it
6120844 "Normally speech is written like this."
The following is not standard, but I've seen it done.
"If someone's speaking with a deep or dark voice, I've seen them write like this. This can also be done when words are being spoken particularly LOUDLY!"
"If someone has a strange speaking voice (like Queen Chrysalis), their voice might be written like this. Or words are being emphasized in some other way."
6121160 Thanks I fixed them
And will change the creepy mare voice to a normal mare voice
Also I got it proof read and OH DEAR there is lots to be fixed here
6121172 good deal.
6121172
I'm on it.
Dont mind part 2/2 for now, got to fix it first
The Editor had done really well on this one, nevertheless a nice story.
It isn't the best but it sure isn't the worst.
Hope this becomes something (I love slice of life fics
)
6121911 Indeed he had
And I'm really thankful for that
6121911
Gee, thanks mate!
Chapter 1 - part 2/2 is now fixed
Those first two , aren't needed.
Should a 'to' come after that?
There is no need for the 'apparently'.
Since it's a new voice talking, it should be on a different line.
There is no ending (!,.,?) after "Show yourself".
Sent, not send.
Should end sentence with ?
What is the " doing there?
Should end with a full stop.
After mare, there doesn't need to be a and. But of course, then the channeled a powerful spell part wouldn't make sense so idk what to do.
Why was that repeated twice?
No ending to the sentence.
No ending to the sentence, and there should be a comma after exactly.
No comma needed.
The mare's sentence should be on another line.
No comma needed.
No comma needed again.
Should end with a full stop.
Should be:
Noises should end with a full stop, he is the front of a new sentence so it should be capitals.
Capital for new sentence, and new line for the filly's voice, as well as a full stop after tone.
Okay, I'm not going to edit that much anymore, since this comment would be way too long. But I would like to say despite what I've said I like this story. Just one thing though, most sentences don't seem to end with full stops, or they end with commas that aren't needed. I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories!
6490021 Thank you very much for the time you separated to check my story it means a lot to me and I'm glad that you liked the story
6490124
No problemo!