Firefighter, 911 operator/dispatcher, racing & anime fan, onetime prolific fanfic writer (in his own mind)
Side story to Starscribe's fine work The Last Pony on Earth. The main character was on vacation when the Event happened and hands were replaced with hooves. An attempt to find food & shelter is made after the apocalypse.
Now with 100% more cover art! My good friend Lionheartcartoon, also known as half of the creative team on the PMV "Children of the Night", happily put this together for all to enjoy.
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Huzzah! Earth Ponies in Canada! *crowns B-chan the Canadian Earth Pony Delegate*
Anyway, the side stories are split roughly 50/50 US and Canada. (I'm so proud...)
And I stand corrected. More members for Wings Over Canada (name tentative, pending consensus)!
Edit: Jill can be Unicorn Delegate though.
Walmart's are very useful stores. Sears too. A little bit of everything. Might even find pre-assembled beds if you're lucky.
I eagerly await the next chapter and it's shocking conclusion to Tom's rooftop adventure!
I'm sorry, couldn't resist. Still... I could have this storm show up in my story, going by typical weather patterns and wind speeds...
Okay, constructive criticism time (rather than just casual comments); Tom's taking the transgendering well. Of course, considering the magnitude of the change from human to pony, he's already had a lot to deal with. Jill's set up is pretty neat, an places her in a good place. Most survivors would make for a big store like Walmart (or just the mall) at some point. The flow of your story feels good. The shifts and transitions between scenes and locations was nicely done. Not jarring jumps or anything that leapt out at me as I read.
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Thanks for all that (and for adding the story to the group - I meant to do that about five times today and kept getting sidetracked once I got in the group page). And yeah, Wings over Canada is a fun name! I had a fleeting moment of desire to try to fit a title into the acronym EPIC, with "...Pony (or Pegasus) in Canada" ending it off. I threw that idea aside, but maybe Every Pony In Canada could be a future sub-group for the stories from north of the border? ;)
Like I said, I have ideas to go forward with, and I have no problem with things like weather impacting other stories nearby. That makes complete sense (unless of course something transpires to make that not make sense - but I think that's possibly in Starscribe's ballpark).
It's been over 10 years since I submitted a story to a website, and this was a weird feeling to see my "name in lights" again and inviting people to look at the things my muse lets me churn out. Thanks and I hope to have another chapter soon.
Oh, look, a story! I get so excited when I see a new one appear in the group. Even if I fear the group's super young, and at the moment there are more stories than we can all ready (how many of us have actually read them all? Not very many, paticularly since so many feel the need to post daily). I'm actually glad to see you aren't doing that. It's an enormous burden to write an entry every day, and to also release high-quality content is not a responsibility I would wish on anyone. Indeed, I couldn't ever do it myself if it wasn't summer break.
I like it when a story stands apart, doing something different.
1. well written (surprisingly, this is not a given with fimfiction)
2. not a journal (these aren't bad in themselves, but we've got plenty now)
3. TG (granted, this one is getting more common. Something to make repopulation easier, maybe? I wonder what the ratio of females to males is in the side-stories right now)
4. Earth pony (I think)
5. Canada.
Let me check the scoreboard... yeah, looks good. Looks like we've got a five-spike story right here.
I'm always excited to see a story that isn't the same pattern as what's already been explored several times. Not starting at home, and clearly with a different set of skills. Let's see where those skills take us.
Earth Pony! Yes!
And off to a good start with a markedly different personality to the others. Also, more despair. Despair is good!
Well... not for him. Or her. Fuzzy grey thing.
Will take time to read the rest later, looking forward to it.
Canada: An alien place where malls contain grocery stores and wal-marts and the milk comes in bags. Truly a wonder that our two neighboring lands can coexist in peace in the face of such differences.
So no point on earth pony for Tom, unfortunately. That's okay though, because the story is still going in a new direction. Even if Lonely Day is going to be lonely forever in the absence of earth ponies. Guess it really only takes two to restart the species...
Poor Tom, forced to earn her own Cutie Mark the "natural" way. Pretty much the only thing that's natural, eh Tom?
Too soon? Too soon.
Excellent work so far. Was a little bummed out when I ran out of chapters to read. I can't wait to see where the story ends up.
It's a shame that everyone who's used the radio (so far) has ended up not finding anyone. I wonder if, perhaps, Tom's experience will be different. Maybe her far vaster knowledge of how they work will mean she actually manages to find another "human" on the radiowaves. Guess we'll have to wait and see.
I love when a story adds something that hasn't been contributed by the others. I'll be reading along to see where the story takes us!
Pity the community is so small (so far). Lots of interesting stories out there. I'm sure as it grows a great story like this will get some more attention. Even if it doesn't have an earth pony protagonist.
No earth pony then. Hmm.
Well, no problem! :) Your pegasus is great so far. The scene with Jill was already sweet, sad and really really awkward all in just a few paragraphs.
Oh yes, this is good! I'll second Starscribe on this.
Pacing is quick, but not too quick - just don't let it accelerate any further.
So Jill already figured out her magic? Or was it a stress reaction...
Near fatal accident for a pony is a first here in the group, isn't it? Approved.
So many good things going on here... eagerly looking forward to more. Onward!
Tracked and green thumbed.
My only major complaint is that there aren't more chapters to read, but that seems to be the case with most stories.
Obviously I have no idea how someone would cope with turning into a mare, but Tom seems to have come to terms with it rather quickly.
I have reasons for Tom handling the transformation (both parts of it) in-story - they will come out either in the next chapter or the one after that, depending on how long I let them ramble about something else (that tends to happen when I write - the characters kind of take over the process and I may have to shelve ideas until I can wedge them in later ;)).
As for why I chose to make Tom become a mare - my observation of the MLP world is that it's largely matriarchial, and forgive me Starscribe if this is too presumptuous of me, but I figured the Event might've re-categorized some people to keep that balance.
6116736 I think that comment right there is the closest you've come to confirming Alex/Lonely Day's gender. It only takes two, but that requires one of them be a mare, and we know Oliver is very much a stallion.
Wait... so... they are in Markham right now??? If thats the case then you are literally 103 km from AJ. Legitimately, no joke.
6128459 That's why I said 'wait what' earlier. Happenings in the GTA are important to me. :)
6128530 That makes so much more sense! Also don't worry I was planning on AJ staying up by Lake Simcoe for a bit, before eventually moving down toward Niagara Falls
*jaw just dropped* Ho..ly.. shit... I just realized something. Me, you, and graycait ARE ALL CHRONOLOGICALLY SYNCED!!!
There's no way that can't be the most depressing thing in the world. Finding your family didn't stay behind. The odds are just not in your favor no matter what. Still, there's the radio broadcasting constantly now, so maybe these "mares" won't be alone forever. A little hope. NYC has got to have the largest colony (though it might not exist yet), if the transmission reaches that far. Not sure if it does or not.
6128530 6128551 My tale's still quite a ways out from the rest of you guys, but I'm keeping track as well. If only Robin knew how to work radios. Still, I've been keeping note of major events that may or may not influence others in the province. And that's Grey with an 'e'. Get that American out of your spelling!
6129180 New York the state is pretty close, New York the city is still an eight hour or so drive (roughly) from Ontario.
Here's some locations for peoples' benefit:
i.imgur.com/5321h6C.png
#1 is where Tom started his journey.
#2 is the mall where most of the chapters (so far) transpire.
#3 is where "One Step Forward..." ends.
i.imgur.com/5OPxVuI.png
#1, #2, #3 as in the above pic. New York, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Ottawa, Montreal and various other cities for an idea of scale.
Bonus round: Purple star marks Alex J (OblivionProphet)'s story's start, and the faded dark blue star (hard to see against the lake but look to the NE end of Lake Ontario) is Robin's hood (sorry, Greycait, I couldn't resist that pun).
6129525 Heh... oops. Sorry greycait.
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Robin Hood and Nightwing. So many awesome and unintentional nicknames for him. Honestly. It was my prereader that pointed out the batman thing during the planning stages.
6129670 And don't you forget it!
Triple Word Score! Canadians!
i.imgur.com/ByVtZ8k.png
Wings over Canada, Unite!
“Tell you what. Do what you can by yourself, and I’m going to spend some time playing with my horn. When you get to the bits you need help with, call for me, and either my hooves or my horn are yours for the rest. Okay?”
Get out of the gutter my bloody dirty mind.
(mmm, daisies - wait, what am I thinking??!)
And for the rest... oh man. That went from hilariously entertaining to really hard hitting depressing. Great writing.
This is a great story so far, wonderfully written.
6129720 Ok yeah. We just HAVE to do SOMETHING so that we all meet up somewhere. And if we include Lucky then the two most central places are either Winnipeg or Minneapolis.
6129986 Central in terms of nation. But resources and infrastructure? Vancouver, Montreal and Toronto would be the best on those points. Not to mention all the company head offices and such they hold. And the major transportation hubs. Train lines, airports, shipping ports...
6130110 True, very true
Woot! My currently by far favourite side story updates the moment I turn on my laptop!
Long comment later, you've already ensured I'll be late to where I promised to help out today. :)
Love this story so much.
Me too! And why? Because it captures the feel of MLP so well! Plenty of other stories have their own moods, and that's fine, but this one despite being bittersweet at times (it's a sad situation after all) seems to be aiming for something similar to MLP itself. Since that's what we all came here for, a tale of friendship and acceptance, this story continues to be a winner in my mind.
Stormy has a rough time ahead of her. She's pretty stable, considering everything that's happened to her. Here's crossing our fingers the newcomer is friendly too.
Aiming for something similar to MLP? Heck, I'm just making up an adventure that I enjoy and figure other people will too. :) Like I said a while ago, when I write, characters seem to run away with their own contributions to the story. Eventually what i planned to get out there will get done, but in the meantime, my characters might have gone in 11 different directions I never saw coming.
6129986 Don't you mean... WHINNYpeg and WHINNYapolis?
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Ottawa to the GTA? Damn, man. Which route did he take?
6161184 I didn't particularly specify, but generally southwest.
This is absolutely gorgeous writing with beautiful characters! Why doesn't this little gem get more attention and appreciation?!
6169595 I wholeheartedly agree. I think this is my favorite side story so far.
"CDs of music by people who were no longer around " - made me think.
Enjoyed the chapter - thanks!
I know I'm repeating myself... but this just sooooooooo good!
Your characters are wonderful and you keep them in their established character perfectly all the time and the dynamic between them just works.
That cobbled together sign? Brilliance.
And this.
Perfect.
This playfulness is what drives this story for very large parts. Of course, that also makes the small suspenseful parts we've seen feel a lot more suspenseful when things suddenly get serious like with the dog pack (also neat with buddy as diplomat btw.) and now the HPI. That's like 'uh, playtime's over, what now?!'
See, the problem with your story is that if I want to describe everything I liked I'd be quoting at least 85% of your story back to you :) Hence the very short notes of appreciation so far. Add to this your regular updates of nicely sized chapters... *content sigh*
You go!
So, I've just begun to re-read the whole thing to pass the way for the next (regular and nicely sized, as you do) update. And it's worth it, since you've packed so much fine details in your descriptions that I missed in the flow of the first read through. Your regularly spaced shifts between descriptions where not much happens but that paint the scene and the following action that then plays out on that vivid scene work really well.
And again, characterizations. You take your time, introduce properly, bring the character to life and first then throw in the action in the best manner of making the reader identify with the protagonists and first then put them through trials, making the reader interested in how they'll get through that in their own unique ways.
I loved the description of 'Casa Jill', it's exactly the surreal setting that I'd imagine in a situation like this. Just hope it's far enough away from the grocery section when all the meat there does go bad. Now Tom is taking the transformation surprisingly well after the initial breakdown at the racetrack. That was important, by the way... too little despair at that deeply shocking experience in most stories.
That he's a mare now has somewhat faded into the background by now though I does hope it will play a larger role again at some point. The giggling instead of chuckling is a nice touch and reminder though.
speaking of the transformation:
This has to be one of the very best scenes and really cements Jill (or Swift, of course) as the somewhat annoying but caring and lovable character she is. You also introduce us to her other, strong side when she rescues Tom from falling to her death -'a fierce look in her eyes'-.
Just works.
So... have an essay because I'm having a nice cup of coffee on a slow morning.
*pushing this story on several people by now - better half is really enjoying it, doesn't have a fimfic account though*
I think I've figured out what I like about this story so much: It knows what it's trying to be. I've read side stories that've tried to be the main story, or that haven't really had much coherence to them at all. This story isn't either of those things. Instead, it sticks to weather and pegasai and radios and uses those things effectively. Not that it's restricted to having those things, because that's not how stories work, but it uses those as the central tenants in such a way that I don't feel like I'm wandering. I get the sense this story is building towards something concrete. I hope I'm right.
Brilliant description of the effect of the HPI's magic shielding, seriously. Poor Swift, that definitively hurt.
Also, dreamwalker Luna, like briefly mentioned in LPoE... really nicely fleshed out.
Also a neat idea to try and actively send a radio message to the HPI. Punching Bag's prolific use of her radio skills is great and really is a driving factor of this story. The radio isn't just 'something survivors do, whatever', it's pivotal to everything. That really works.
And... *drumroll* CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. *swoon*
This is now officially my by far favourite side story and you only having 22 likes for this is a travesty. This is of better quality than many things I've paid money for to read.
Alright, I'll dial down the fan-ing.
Never stop! Take your time, but never stop.
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Now I have a vision in my mind's eye of a pony trying to make an N95 mask work. i.imgur.com/Sq4QphA.jpg
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I have to admit that I have ideas for the end of the story (and less so for between now and then), but that I do have some bits yet to be dreamed up. I hope to have my muse chewing on some ideas (and doing brave battle with writer's block) in the ensuing days/weeks.
One of the things I struggle(d) with was the day-by-day storytelling (not the same as the daily posting regimen - I'm talking about storyline now). Years ago for a different fandom, I played with the concept of a story based around a concept called The Hundred Day War, wherein I was going to write at least a few paragraphs for each of those 100 days (plus one or two on each end). I think if I recall correctly I got to 58 days before I really started to have trouble making things work. I should dig it up and see if I can get some inspiration from how the younger me wrote (or more precisely how the younger me smashed fists on the keyboard and pretended it was decent writing).
Quite frankly, I'm satisfied if you all are entertained.
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Hmm... find a dedicated riding supplies shop and use some of your character’s ingenuity?
http://www.theponytackshop.co.uk/for_pony/pony_care_stable_equipment/hy_grazing_muzzle_grazing_mask
Jot everything down that comes to your mind , no matter where you are? That's what usually helped me when I was writing (years back, regrettably, with one exception). Having a whole list of stuff to juggle around after a while made those jumps easier and made room in the head for new ideas.
I don't think you necessarily need a day-to-day tale after the first extremely hectic survival set-up is done. A few days or a week between should be fine every now and then, no? Day to day is fun of course, just isn't absolutely vital to this story.
As entertained as ponily(?) possible.
I'll just keep spamming you with overly long comments in the meantime :b
Loved the little details, like the sign image. Really cute!
Excited for the first sight of the HPI outside of LPoE! Well I guess we've already seen them now, but...
I really think the story format is working. I love how it doesn't try to imitate the journal of the main story, it just tells its own story and tells it well. At the end of the chapter I tried to upvote the story again with how impressed I'd been... but of course it didn't work. X.x
Soooo... awesome...
No response from the HPI it seems, which might not be surprising. Might not be if I knew the date. I don't, so I can only speculate. I do wonder what Luna thought about anti-magic helicopters that she didn't mention them in the meeting with Lonely Day in August...
Don't give up! You've got a lovely story here, one of my favorites right now. I look forward to riding along wherever it ends up.
6203657 According to what you set as canon the HPI can't talk to ponies until the 27th of July, otherwise they'd know that ponies aren't just animals, is that right?. 'Deeper' takes place on the 2nd of July, so that might explain that.
On the other hand, they might contact our protagonists here but fire on them when they see them due to their 'pre 27th shoot on sight policy' you established, thinking that the survivors' shielding was overwhelmed by the presence of the three ponies and the 'three inside alive' are dead.
Come to think of it, that's actually rather dark.
*squee*
Your take on how the HPI would handle this is great; the bigger fish they need to deal with first are in LA I gather? That'd be a real smooth way of fitting them into this story. You're also really good a littering your chapters with these small bits of pony survivor flavouring like the toss a coin or rock paper scissors moment.
And of course: Stormy's flying attempt.
So, please take your time to fit writing this into your schedule. You keep this quality up then waiting for it doesn't hurt at all (well, it does, but it's worth it).
Do Wal-Marts in Canada close for the night? All the ones I've seen in the US have been 24 hour operations.
(Obviously they'd still have a schedule to empty the registers and take the cash to the bank even if they're not closing. I'm just wondering if they actually don't stay open all night.)
6226023 Some do some don't, I think. Most of the ones around me wrap it up around 10 or 11 at night. During Christmas for several years now they go 24 hours to allow those of us who work shift-work to buy all our gifts for people when we get off at 4:30 in the morning :)
You're at your very best when you write about powerful emotions, both negative and positive.
That juxtaposition of misery in the middle and elation at the end is perfect.
Hmm... and every time it feels as if the whole gender thing is done it pops up to great effect.
And their HPI strategy sounds very well thought out, it's also smoothly written.
Well worth the wait, this remains highly enjoyable.