Grew up as both spider man and naruto fan and I really like fan-based work.
(Naruto and Equestria Girls crossover) With his dying breath Madara Uchiha unleashed a powerful justu sending Naruto in a completely different world. With no way back Naruto must learn to accept his new life while studying in the ever colorful Canterlot High.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is going to go~~~~~od
i feel you got Naruto's character down well
don't know how to feel about his exact copy being made so no one is wiser of the situation
This description could use some editing, and since it's an advertisement for the story within, it doesn't make me want to read it.
There is no capitization. It has no punctuation except at the end. Try breaking it up into a more natural flow, like this:
When I read a description with poor capitization, punctuation, and sentence construction, it's guaranteed I'm going to skip it. I'd expect to see similar problems inside. If that's the case, I'd suggest going to one of the editing groups on this site like W.R.I.T.E. and seeing if they can help you out.
hm...
Yeah. Is there any reason why the title isn't capitalized?
For me the reason is good enough.
that´s okay, just try not to have less words.
That was a random action from Rarity probably, but not out of Character, so i think it is okay.
I think i like the story till now, till now nothing bad happened, try not to rush anything, that should make it even better.
Not sure how much you know, but i often hear that people try to as for someone who wants to proofread their chapters, and someone else who helps with the grammar, or other ideas.
Then i hope you are not one of those you is going to start to many different fanfictions later, i had many people who can´t really keep up with their storys, because they already have 24 storys.
It is also good that Applejack isn´t a lie detector in this story, i mean i beliece that she is able to know if someone is lying, but it probably has more to do with reading their face, and stuff like that, not really magically feeling a lie, sometimes i think this could even destroy a good story.
i give you a like, maybe afave later, but i guess you should get a proofreader, and maybe an editor first, if they correct the chapters a bit, it should look even better. I am not able to tell you what´s wrong everytime, mostly because i don´t know much about the english grammar, but i try to tell you what i saw on this side, what many people seems to think was good, and well stuff like that.
I'd ask the same thing if I was in his shoes.
More words!!!! ..... Just kidding.
I think Applejack and Naruto are a good pare for this story because for every Naruto and My Little Pony crossover that's I read that involved Naruto love life with either one of the girl (like Twilight sparkle or one of the princess), or having harem.
And the funny thing is that I wonder how good it would be IF someone write a story about Naruto and Applejack and look like their someone out their doing that. Can't wait for more
6140054 well ya got one now
FLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSHHHH!!!!!!! I WILL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL!!! *ahem* sorry. I hate that guy. Good story though. Can't wait for more.
6140488 how come ya hate Flash?
6141449 Sorry. Had to delete my comment. Messed up a bit and i can't really concentrate due to fatigue. Anyways, the reason for my hate is how he was put into EQ as a steriotypical teen who is about as useful as a rock and as smart as one. If they made him more useful with more likeable traits, i'm sure not that many fans would have a problem with him. But sadly he will always be a hateable dunce. Not to mention he was kind of a dick in EQ 1 and 2
6142069 If there's gonna be an EQ 3 they should give him more development and charisma.
6130249 just think it a shadow clone but permanent
You kind of messed a bit. It's spelled like this SAKURAAAAAA also
Other then those two things great chapter!
6143058 oh dang. But Thanks
6143192 No problem. I love Naruto. He's a lot like me. We love Ramen and we will do anything to keep our friends happy~
6143201 hey quick trivia for you: where was twilight staying during her time in the equestria girls universe?
6143752 That's easy. Here watch this vid.
6143756 haha I know
6143768 I was going to answer normally then Sokka popped into my head.
6142109 Most definitely. If there would be a third one, I wonder what it would be about...
This looks interesting though for pering i would have liked with Sunset shimmer and/or the dazzlings. Still i will se how this continues
one thing every equestria girls fics doesent do is interactions with background humas i hoope you have naruto interact with the groups not just the humane 6
6148481 Learn to write correctly
Zetsu... oh man was gonna happend now that he is here.
Again this is just personally but k hope he interacts with other students nkt just tbe humane 6
Hey Narutomate storm you should use this picture for a situation in the story and have applejack around. It would really funny. Oh and a quick question, can Naruto still use chakra?
6164097 yeah he sill can. Also what particular picture are ya talking about
6164453 well i look forward to the next chapter.
6164476 though the picture has to be hand drawn since I suck at digital drawing
6164561 wait why does it have to be hand drawn?
6164616 Oh wait never mind. I thought you wanted applejack herself to be in the picture which would require photo editing and digital drawing which I suck at
Well... Better than madara.
6164769 oh no just have Naruto in that situation. Like him getting out of the water after someone pushed him into it. Though it would be the best in a friendly situation, like say rainbow dash accidentally pushed him in.
6164925 okay thanks
6165028 No problem. Im just happy to help.