A long time ago in a TV show many channels away
A goddess of the sun turns bad and attacks the religious order of the jedi
Star wars episode 3 and my little pony friendship is magic crossover
P.s my oc is Kaiber Crystal
Chapters (13)
- Member Since 18th May, 2015
- offline last seen March 28th
Shadow-Aura
Hey my name is Jamie and this is my life.
Shadow-Aura
Joined 18th May, 2015 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Shadow-Aura · 2.7k words · 8 7 · 636 views
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Your FIRST mistake was crossing over with one of the prequels.
6173450 hey I'm 14 and have special needs so cut the crap
6173636 I like the prequels yeah I know the originals are better but it doesn't matter they are star wars
Hey man its alpha2015 here don't listen to what the others say just continue I like the story so keep it up and if you need help pm me I will try to give you some ideas so follow what you think is right. also its nice to know that there is some about the same age as me as I am 13 anyway keep up the good work man. And May The Force Be with You.
And also people don't be assholes to him its his story so try to help and not pester him you should be happy he is at least trying to make a good story so if you dont like it fuck off I'll watch out for my bro here even if we aren't related or have even seen each other i still try to look out for my friend and if you don't like the story then piss off are we clear. Ok good. Also alicornjedi don't listen to them they are just being assholes continue with what you think is good for the story
6174216 Thanks mate I needed that. I get bullied at school a lot so it got me in the feels. And may the force be with you too.
It's no problem bro I know what it's like to be bullied so I try to help and if you need anything pm me and I will try to help as much as I can I consider all of my friends as family so let me know if you need anything and if you want to talk about stuff that is bothering you let me know I will listen to what you have to say because family looks out for one another. P.S I understand alot of what your going through so if you want to tell me your problems I will listen and try help as much as I can
6174387 thanks man why are there not many people like you around the earth
http://imgur.com/9bOIAQK
^ For those who still want to see my review of the story.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/317772/how-to-handle-criticism
http://imgur.com/Y9H0dnJ
^ For the author. Before you delete this comment, please check the above links. Especially the imgur one.
Before you slap your "special needs" again, I myself have severe ADHD and depression. Thank you.
6177431 well thanks for not swearing at me and I read through the post you showed me some of the things in their are good but still contradict what you commented
6174216
Oh, look, it's someone using an alt to give himself words of encouragement.
P.S. Next time you want to pretend to be someone else, make sure your second account doesn't write posts exactly the same way that your first one does.
6178252
How exactly did the contents in the links contradict my statements?
6180236 Well what you wasn't constructive criticism on my part and also I'm writing chapter 5 to be the back story you asked for
6180825
I still gave you a few tips that you could've applied but didn't (minus the backstory part).
6180840 I'm trying my best I have come to terms that you don't like my story but there's no need for you to try and put me down. As my mum says "if you don't want to do something you think is wrong don't do it" just apply that to the story "if you don't like the story then don't read it."
6178613 well that is pretty funny concept but it is not true me and him are a in different countries and b never met in our lives and most likely won't
And if I wanted words of encouragement I have my friends in school
I absolutely love your story, and to you horrible people. Stop. What is the point? He wants to right a story. Then he writes a story. Don't like it, don't comment. End of story. Trying to make your self feel better by putting others down. Don't do it. Alicornjedi your story is perfect as are you.
6311152 thanks for the support
The circlejerk between the author and his fawning attendants is something to behold.
I don't care how good you think your story is. When you have a 5:34 like to dislike ratio, there's something wrong with your fic.
You can either plug your fingers in your ears, delete every negative comment, and keep going as you are.
Or you could sit down, re-examine your life, and listen to criticism, even when it's not wrapped in flowers and chocolate.
6327572
6327580
Do think about the criticism and attempt to adapt that to my form of writing but i have disabilities and it's quite hard to accept comments saying your story is rubbish. i need actual criticism saying what is wrong with my story
6327894 You HAVE been receiving criticism, but seem to be suffering under the delusion that criticism means getting flowery compliments with a sentence or two saying "maybe this bit could have been better" or "this part was spelled wrong."
6328918
Yeah and I've sorted most of them.
6174130 Just... Don't...
From someone who has ADHD, don't try to use it as why you should be treated better.
6340840
Part of my personal problems is I take things to seriously. For example hate comments it may be some people having a laugh or some know it all but to me it is soul crushing
6174130
That doesn't excuse you from at least getting an editor and trying to learn.
Righto, please don't take this in anyway, but this is how I feel the story could be better.
Pros:
1) Intriguing storyline
Unfortunately, that's it. The areas you need help with/ need to improve on are below.
Cons:
1) Grammar, it's a basic foundation. To be honest, it really hurts to read something that contains bad grammar from bottom to down. My advice? Find an editor, there are plenty people on the net who would help you, you just need to ask.
2) Details. Truthfully speaking, stories are supposed to help us readers visualize the image the authors created. However, your story lack that. From top to bottom, I can only 'see' the characters talking to each other in a blurry image. So yeah, details would help a lot. You could refer to a stories of a user by the name of 'Cold in Gardez to see what I mean. (In terms of details, this guy is very good)
3)Pacing. You rush things waaaaaaaay too fast. The time you took to change scenes are as fast as popcorn popping in an oven. Personally speaking, your story just seems like a super rushed version of 'Revenge of The Sith', making it a lot less entertaining. Slow down, most readers prefer nicely paced reads, not too fast, not too slow.
4) Character Development. Your characters may be developed in your eyes, however, we don't know jack about them. it would have been fine if it was just a pony crossover into a star wars fic. However, the fact remains that you added an OC into the story. This OC would be bound to influence situations in a story, most notably that of emotions and the decisions that were created as a result. Hence, instead of telling us that this guy's like this because of he has to be, you could try to show what the characters are in a multitude of ways. Most notably through detailed backstories. Not rubbing salt onto a wound, but you got a backstory, but they aren't detailed.
Anyway, this story has potential, really, I'm not kidding. However, it just needs to be fine-tuned to the fans liking. If you think your story is good enough as it is, then please ignore whatever I said, however, if you want your story to be upvoted (I'm just assuming that most of the downvotes are because of people who dislike the story as it is), you have to improve it. Those cons above are areas that need some work, and if you work properly, yeah, you should get what you want.
No.
Stop.
Seriously, ow.
6174130
Please please please please please please, don't do this. Inexperience is something you can genuinely have some slack for as long as it's not abused but for the love of god, speaking as someone who also has them, do not use special needs as a shield against criticism.
6175300
Most people are more honest is why there aren't more. Hearing negativity isn't always positive, in fact it rarely is, but it's important for us to develop creatively.
*sigh*
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?
STOP DISLIKING THE STORY!!! HECK, YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO READ IT!!! YOU CAN JUST GO ON WITH YOUR DAY, AND STOP BEING A BUNCH OF PUSSYWEEDS!!!!
Anyways.....
Love the story!
6382850
Thanks man. I'm kinda shocked by the ruthlessness you gave the haters.
Hmm, clearly a lot of hate on this story which only made me wanna read this more and to be honest I've seen worse. Not that great, but also not that bad. Ignore the negative comments filled with only hate and focus more on comments with helpful advice so you can improve your stories. Also, I would suggest you find an editor to help you with your stories. Hope to see more stories from you in the future.
6383175
thanks man
I would advise getting an editor. Perhaps even delete the story and re-submit it. I can fully understand why people dislike the story because it's *sigh* bad. The grammar is terrible, you need to get an editor. When I read the first tree sentences of the first, the very first chapter, I completely understood why people disliked it. But don't take this comment of mine too personal. I'm just trying to help you out.
6423847
thanks for your opinion but I'm not deleting my story. If you read my most recent one you will see that i listen to my comments.
Wow it's been a while since, I read a story this bad with an intriguing plot line.
This is pretty good, I love Star Wars so I'll be reading all of this..... WAIT. So are..... In the Star Wars movie Anakin wants to save his wife, Padme, and in this fic Celestia is Anakin, so........ Luna and Celestia are married?! What?!
Please don't publish chapters announcing a sequel or other news. All chapters need to be narrative content. Sequel announcements and other news should be given through a tagged blog post.
6589627
ok sorry i'll take it away
6568962 Just continuing the Star Wars tradition of incest.