Twilight Sparkle has expanded her studies, her responsibilities, and her life since becoming a princess. However, one autumn afternoon she finds herself unprepared to deal with a sudden physical attraction to another mare. The object of her desire, Rainbow Dash, notices and reacts by rubbing it in Twilight's face, but remaining distant. How should Twilight interpret Rainbow's mixed signals?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not so subtle, indeed. But still well written and enjoyable. Have a like.
Nice
6238858 , 6238558 , Thanks!
Very enjoyable so far. Keep up the great work!
Cute!
Even if it's not so subtle, it's still fluffy :-)
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Wow. This is one of the few I'll be favoriting before I've read 5 chapters of it.
Very light teasing at this point, more flirting than anything else. The description describes something rather more frustrating situation. Can't wait to see Dash up the teasing and Twilight's resulting confusion.
(ahaha... wingboners, lol. The bane of all pegasi (and alicorns).)
THE NEXT DAY:
"Be sure to cheer for me, alright?"
"Got it. Now show me what you can do!"
'Alright, do it just like Luna showed me. Inhale, and...
YAY
6241749 I can totally see her going to Luna for voice lessons!
6241503 Fluffy is what I aim for
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~Twi
Oh, boy! New chapter! I'm going to enjoy this!
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Woah, that was just...wow. That was great! Can't wait for more!
Rock on!
-ThePortalPonies
No! No, God! Please no!
Party animals. Very funny.
O_O Don't get that last one, Twilight. You'll wish you were mortal so you could die and forget all about it.
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Seemingly? Considering this is from her P.O.V. and that we know what sort of thing she's looking for, this sounds a little odd.
I don't get it.
Loving this one so far
6257626 Good observations. I'm trying to make it as limited of a third person POV as possible, but also including some of Twilight's thoughts, so I guess it's not totally limited
. Also, I hope the new chapter explains that last odd thing you mentioned.
6255425
6301516 I just noticed I'm not following you. You're one of the few I follow after reading only one of their stories. Then again, I just noticed you only have the one story. So, have a follow.
Pinkieshy, Rarijack, and Twidash as the main six ships here?
*Rubs hooves together* This pleases me...
-ThePortalPonies
My goodness, Rainbow is relentless!
Rainbow Dash in a beanie.
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What episode is the cover picture from?
6241749 Who is the boy in your avatar?
6305653 It's from the first episode of season 5, towards the beginning.
I can't wait until the next chapter!
Good story, keep it up!
Your writing skills are superb! I've been eager to read this chapter since the second I was done reading the previous one! Looking forward to the next! :D
This could have been so much better:
1965
IT'S HERE!
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No! Wait! False alarm!
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JUST. KEEP. MOVING.
And don't look back. Ever.
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No frickin way that's a pun for what I think it is.
Is it?
Wow! For your first story it's amazing
This story is amazing! But it's a disappointment that it looks like it'll only have two or three more chapters left... I highly encourage you to write a sequel! I'm sure many people would love that! Your writing skills are amazing!
Not how I expected Rainbow to react.
Although, really. She "had no idea [Twilight] was like that"? Come on, who does she think she's kidding?
What's The Scroll about?
Lol I love their personalities, reactions, and especially all the shipping going on, keep it up good sir!
And let us just see what this filly flick is about and what happens during or after it
This story is turning out great!Love how Rainbow reacted (even if it was kind of sad) not what I expected at all.
6321123 I have no idea what sort of 'flashlight' pun you might be referring to
6321418 Thanks
! Sorry it was only one chapter left, hehe. I've been planning to write a sequel, there's a lot left to explore in the story. Not sure when it'll be done, though.
I'm impressed. And greatly so.
Instead of the "happily ever after" there is something different, something much closer to real life.
Have a fav, a like and a toss into High Quality TwiDash group ^^
~Twi
I apologize, but this was a discomfitingly abrupt ending. Despite the end of last chapter, the friction between the two was extremely low (even with Twilight's accusation at the end, there's no sign until they actually talk of the strain between them--other than that earflick last chapter, Twilight just fine with going over to watch a movie there, and RD just fine with showing one.
Aside from that, there's a feeling of waste. Last chapter had them go drinking at the bar, but that didn't lead to anything. Yes, Twilight and Rainbow Dash had their talk, but nothing in the entire half of the chapter that was spent on the drinking and those stallions actually had anything to do with or had affected their conversation. It could have happened anywhere, in any context.
The same with this chapter. Half of it was spent on the movie, but after briefly joking about it Twilight and Rainbow make up, with the movie not actually affecting anything. It's mitigated a bit by it being a ruse to set them up for a sleepover, but it still feels like too much emphasis was put on the film.
Finally, the main draw in the description and a running theme in the story is Rainbow teasing Twi wit' her smokin' hot bod, but despite this being the wrap-up to the story neither this nor the last chapter had much, addressed it, or in any way invoked what probably hooked a fair number of readers into the story.
I've been quite fond of the fic, but I'm afraid I don't think as highly of how you ended it. You did mention an epilogue, which might negate the problem with one of these issues--but as-is, it feels lacking.
Also, if you still want to add an epilogue you might not want to mark it as complete, since there's still more coming.
Eh. A good read.
6325830
I'm actually a little bit torn of this. Sure, most of the movie could be cut out, since it was there to cram mane 6 in the same room. I managed to perceive it as leading to AJ giving a subtle hint to Twilight and Dash, aaaand that's it.
I was actually curious how this chapter would start since Dash practically left Twilight alone just after Twilight confessed her affection towards Dash. And then this chapter starts like absolutely nothing happened. It tries to fix it later, but isn't exactly successful.
What I would have done is to add another (short) chapter with Dash dealing with her panicking, trying to process what Twi just told her. I think that'd be VERY effective. Then this chapter would make much more sense, and it would give additional depth to the story.
I still like the ending, though, Dash doubting herself, even tho that more or less comes out of nowhere.
~Twi
It's less of what I was really expecting when you put that Rainbow was rubbing Twi's affections in her face. I thought it'd be more pranky and joking.
6325830 6326306 Thanks for the critiques! I think my style of writing can leave a lot of unanswered questions, or at least questions without spelled-out answers, because a lot happens off-screen and in ponies' heads. Which can leave the reader unsatisfied, so sorry about that. I could definitely include more to lead the reader in the right direction. My thoughts on what happened between and during the last two chapters are: Dash ran away at the Three Horseshoes because she was afraid, like she says later. (She's actually been afraid the entire time, which is why she's pretended not to be attracted to mares. But, deep down she really wants it, so she keeps Twilight interested. Jerk move, maybe? You be the judge.) Then, she and the others of the mane 6 collude together to let Dash apologize to Twilight in her own way. But first, they have to get Twilight to face Dash again. So, they get her to come out to movie night, then agree to stay, and they conveniently have to leave for various reasons, leaving the two alone. Applejack is none too subtle about this fact, which is why Rarity stomps on her hoof. This movie night scenario was probably Rarity's idea. If you want to interpret the events differently, it's entirely your choice
. But that's what I was thinking.
6325830 You're right, I'm changing it to incomplete.
Also, I like to include a lot of things in these ponies' lives that don't pertain to the primary storyline. I like diversions and comedy. But, often, I think small things in the 'unrelated' events do influence the ponies' thoughts and actions.
6326861 Yeah, the story definitely became more serious than it might appear at face value. I hope you liked the happy ending, though!
6327000 Yeah, I guess it was fine, but I was kind of hoping it would be less serious and more comedy though.
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While the writing could use some work, I definitely liked the story. The characters seems a little out of it at times, and I got a little confused at chapter transitions at times, but overall I thought it was a nice story!
I'm sure if you keep writing and getting practice, I'll transition from liking your stories to loving them!
And to make sure that happens, I shall be following you.
Don't try to talk me out of it B)
Felt rushed, could be because the chapters were spread apart. Maybe after the epilogue, I'll re-read from the beginning and give you a final review.
Awesome story! Love it! Best story! WANT MORE!
This was an awesome story! Can't wait for the sequel!