My brain woke up before the rest of my body. Probably something to do with the tingling feeling in my head. ‘Ugh, another headache? I knew I shouldn’t have stayed up that late yesterday.’ I didn’t want to get up yet, as it was a weekend. ‘I’ll just sleep for an extra hour or two.’
Right as I moved a little bit, trying to get more comfy in my bed, I noticed something strange. My bed felt… harder than it usually does, and it felt wet as well. ‘I am way too old to be wetting the bed!’ My body wanted to ignore it, but the sun that was shining directly into my eyes disagreed.
Finally deciding to give in, I opened my eyes, before quickly closing them due to the sheer brightness of the burning hydrogen ball in the sky. ‘Man, that’s bright. I gotta get a better curtain for my window. It’s like I’m sleeping outside on the ground instead of on my comfy bed.’
“WAIT, WHAT?!” I yelled, shooting up, and looking around. I noticed several healthy looking trees. In fact, I was surrounded by them. “A forest?” I asked out loud, before quickly realizing that something really bad happened. I looked down at my body, moving each of my fingers to see that my body seemed to be working properly. I also noticed I was wearing the same clothes I was wearing last night before I changed to go to bed.
‘Wait, I don’t remember falling asleep. Last thing I remember was playing Plague Inc. and then there was… GAH!” I screamed, grabbing my head in pain, as it felt like it was vibrating rapidly.
I felt tears come out, as my head started hurting more and more, and I screamed louder and louder. It felt like someone took my brain, and had put it in a paint mixer. I spent the next few minutes, trying to be able to think clearly again. I struggled to open my eyes, and I noticed a lot of red. They were all small blurs, as if I was looking at someone from far away.
I closed my eyes again, unable to deal with the pain from my head.
I open my eyes again, noticing the forest seemed to be darker. ‘Did I pass out from the pain?’ I quickly blinked in surprise at the fact that I could think properly again. ‘The pain’s gone.’ I looked around, noticing that I still felt a faint tugging sensation, and I could see some red blurs.
I heard my stomach growl, and slowly stood up, before falling back down. ‘Oh right, I’ve been unmoving for a while, lack of blood in the legs.’ I stretched my legs, before slowly getting up, and stumbling over to a tree, and leaning against it, waiting for my legs to act normal again.
While waiting, I decided to go through what I know. “Okay, I’m in an unknown forest, been here for at least seven hours, judging by the sun’s position when I last could see, and the moon’s current position. Last thing I remember was unlocking that new mode in Plague Inc. What was the mode called again?” I shook my head. “No, doesn’t matter right now, I gotta focus on what’s important. I need food, shelter, water, warmth, and protection. Let’s focus on finding shelter, and I might find food on the way.” I took a few steps away from the tree, glad to see that the numbness in my legs has faded.
“I really wish I took survival classes or something in school,” I muttered, as I was about to walk out of the small clearing I was in. “Wait, what am I doing? It’s already night time, and I’m surrounded by trees. I can try to make a fire.” I quickly got to work, pulling weak branches off of the trees. I started piling them up in the center, before crouching next to it, and trying to create enough friction to create a spark.
I spent several minutes on this, with no results. I sighed, before throwing the stick I was using against a nearby tree, breaking it in half. I would have done more, but I was starting to get really hungry. I looked around, noticing some strange fruits on the trees. I cautiously walk up to one of them, and pick one of the fruits, before noticing that it was glowing red like a lot of other things were. It kinda reminded me of a pear in shape, but it had coloring similar to a mango. I gently squeezed it, and felt a soft skin to it, similar to an apple. It also had a stem sticking out of the top of it. I pulled off the stem, and dropped it to the ground.
“Well, dying of hunger, or having diarrhea. I choose diarrhea.” I closed my eyes, and took a small bite of the mystery fruit, before opening my eyes in shock. ‘This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted!’ I quickly gobbled it down and dropped the seed, before pulling off the rest of the tree’s glowing fruits, and ate all of them, making sure to avoid the seeds.
By the time I was finished, my stomach felt full, and I laid down next to the wooden sticks I couldn’t do anything with, before closing my eyes, and falling back to sleep.
When my eyes opened, I noticed I was still in the forest, but this time it was day again. I slowly got to a crouched position, and yawned, before feeling a familiar annoyance on the back of my throat. I sniffed, noticing my nose was running as well. “Great, I got a cold.” I sneezed, spraying snot on the ground in front of me.
I rubbed my nose, trying to get it to stop irritating me, and heard a sizzling sound. I opened my eyes, and saw the grass in front of me was turning brown, and wilting, but only where I could see traces of my snot, which also was a red aura around it. “The grass is dying?”
For some reason, seeing the grass die made my stomach growl. I got to my feet, deciding to focus on the dying grass in a bit. I looked at the tree I ate some fruit from yesterday, and noticed the lack of delicious fruit on it. I turned around, looking to the other trees. I noticed a few of them had fruit growing from them, and they didn’t have the red aura around them.
Too hungry to care, I walked over to another tree, and picked a fruit that resembled a banana in shape, and feel, but had a yellow peel. “So… it’s a banana?” I questioned, surprised to see a familiar food, especially when I saw that other fruit.
Shrugging, I peeled the banana, and took a bite, before spitting it out. “GACK!” I dropped the banana, and tried to get the nasty taste off my tongue. “What the hell was that? That was the worst thing I’ve ever tasted! It tasted like… like....”
My mind stopped for a second, as I realized what it tasted exactly like. “It tasted like a banana. It tasted exactly like a banana. But, I love bananas, did something happen to me?” My right eye twitched for a second, and for some reason, I took that as a cue to turn to my right, and I noticed a tree right next to the banana tree, that had the same fruits I had last night.
I wiped my mouth, noticing the increase in saliva. I ignored it as I walked over to the tree, hoping to taste some of those delicious fruits with the red aura around them. I walked over to them, and pulled one from the tree, before quickly gobbling it down and spitting out the core. I reached over and grabbed another one, but for this delectable treat, I decided to savor it slowly.
I smiled as I looked at the glorious fruit, and took a bite out of it, before slowly chewing. I looked back down at the fruit, before everything stopped. As I looked at the the fruit, I noticed the wiggling body of a partly chewed worm. I was about to spit it back out, as I could feel the live piece of worm in my mouth, but I stopped when I noticed that it didn’t taste that bad. It tasted delicious. As delicious as the other fruits I ate earlier.
My eye twitched again, and I gobbled down the fruit, worm and all. I grabbed more fruits, and gobbled them all, smiling as I grabbed the ones with bugs on them. I took a handful of them, and walked back to the middle of the clearing, and sat down, preparing to have a feast, when a low growl was heard from my right.
I finished chewing the fruit in my mouth, as I turned to see an orange furred, red-maned lion, with two bat wings, and a scorpion tail. It also had a red aura around it. ‘The hell am I looking at?’ I didn’t have enough time to try and figure out what this creature is, and why it looks familiar, as it roared again, and charged at me.
I felt everything slow down, and I assumed I was about to die, as I had no way to escape the strange lion. But to my shock, I rolled to the right with reflexes that I know no normal human, let alone a scientist like myself, should be able to match. The lion skidded to a stop, surprised by my sudden movement.
I looked at my hands, and my body, trying to figure out why my body did that. I wasn’t even planning on moving. I expected just to die there! But something made me survive. I was about to look up, when I noticed something strange about my skin. It was changing shades. Last time I checked, my body was like most humans are, but maybe a tad pale as well due to my lifestyle, but now, it looks like it’s taking on a pale greenish hue.
Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes I ever made in my lifetime was looking away from the beast attacking me. I hear a growl, and I was suddenly trapped on the ground, as the lion creature roared at my face, putting all of its weight on top of me, preventing me from moving.
I struggled to free myself, as the lion started to bring its mouth down on my neck, preparing to kill me. I screamed for help, but none came. The lion pierced my neck, and I felt everything go dark, as the last thing I heard was a roar.
hmmm... old or new? Yeah I have to say I liked this version better and cant wait to see how it continues but um what will happen if everyone else chooses this chapter as well. Will the old ones be deleted?
Prefer old version.
6517022 nah, I'd keep them up. It'd be there so people could see what it was originally, and what it could/is turn(ed) into (I'll probably continue the new version, but I don't really know. It's future me's decision.)
Actually, making the old version the prequel, and this one chapter one makes the most sense.
6517148 ...I don't see it. The original one kinda follows a different beginning. In that one, he becomes a doctor for the animals, and stays in the forest for a month before seeing any intelligent life. In the new one, he's experiencing new feelings (like being able to sense diseases) from the get go, and is showing a lot more emotion. It's hard to explain without spoiling anything, but I don't think the original chapters can be a prequel.
This is something similar to what i'd do.
Instant right into action without many things. Instant confusion.
6517174 Okay, correction, the bit before the time skip should be a prequel.
Like this one better.
Old one wins
Old one
I honestly don't care as long as the premise remains the same.
I kinda like this version. It does explain in a better way most of everything that needs to be known without the protagonist realizing it.
In a way, it seems more of an upgrade rather then an update, and might be even better if you go and synchronize it with the other chapters as well.
That's a must keep, and I enjoyed that he became doctor for the animals. But I do like this chapter more. You doing more showing than telling, and I like the premise of him only being able to eat rotten foods or at least I think that's where you're going. (the fact that it was not explicitly stated but implied is a real step forward. Good job.) This guy doesn't seem to be as serious as the other one, that's just fine but he comes off a bit annoying at times:
Also if you're not awake enough to tell the difference between the forest floor and your bed than you shouldn't be screaming in your head.
That's just me. Would be cool to see the progression from childish to the more serious style from the first chapter.
That is also annoying. One or the other please. (I'd prefer the latter.)
The manticore scene was okay, I liked that he didn't get away like almost all other encounters with a manticore.(That or they kill it with their amazing powers that they just discovered. And know little about.) Would've liked it more if he got caught the first time round but him getting caught is indeed refreshing. It's good.
Would be cool if you tried with a different animal. The Everfree is supposed to be a big place full a monsters but people always go with manticores and timber wolves. We've got so many amazing creatures in mythology but they almost never get used.
So to sum it up, I prefer the old character, I like the new style with the powers and the possible change to his diet and biology, keep the beginning before the timeskip from the old chapter, that's what caught me and a lot of other people's attention in the chapter, the fainting scene was good, the manticore scene was alright, better than most, I'm always pushing to add more creatures instead of using known ones, so far so good.
Proofreader would be good as it sounds robotic in a few places.
No offense, but I prefer the old one.
Why is the edited version of the first chapter shorter XD
I like the old version better.
6518571 because I did a complete rewrite of the chapter.
I like the old intro though this is also good. Maybe you could keep the old intro and reveal it later in a flashback?
To be perfectly honest here. I really prefer the Old version to the New one. First, the old one felt more real to me. The main character was introduced with a name just to start out with. No name means no immediate connection to the character, which means you often can't get people to read past the first one or two chapters, no matter how short they may be. the second reason is that, although this version does go a little more in depth and shows what the character is supposed to be seeing, there is to much emotion for someone, who's supposed to be a doctor, and who just randomly woke up in a forest with no memory of how he got there. This person feels more like an ex-soldier or something, more calculating rather then panicking (especially in a situation like this).
Next, we have the idiot/genius clause, which is kind of my own opinion that for a scientist of any type, this guy is stupid as all get out to just grab a glowing fruit, and just eat it. My exact thought at that moment was, "That quite clearly should have ended the story right then and there, 'Grab and unfamiliar fruit, take a bit!' that kind of thought can literally kill a person." the reasoning behind me thinking that is that there are fruits out in the world that can contain toxins, poisons, etc. Eating an unknown fruit, especially when you can't tell what it is, is basically asking death to come steal you away. The argument that this guy is immune to diseases by the way also got negated when you put the fact he may have gotten a cold the next morning. Might be a big flaw up until he figures out the full potential of his powers.
And finally, I find it very irritating that we have more action over story this time around, it not only hurts the story it self, but makes it far less entertaining to ready. personally I want to get to know a character before we get to into the action, or at the very least, have a solid description of them. As I pointed out earlier, in this version we don't have an idea about what this guy looks like, what his name is, heck I couldn't find anything that even hinted that this was a male or female. It is a big if not enormous pit fall that literally leads to a stories downfall if you don't have some type of general idea of what the main character is supposed to look like. The only way a story like that ever works is if it's a 'pick your own story' type of thing. and this is not. Overall you would be best to go back to the previous version all together.
This is just my opinion, but that's also how I see it. Feel free to do with it what you will.
this guy reminds me of, Alex Mercer, control of diseases, enhanced reflexes, yup, totally reminding me of Alex, wait... maybe Elizabeth Greene
So... Not going to question how you got to the forest and instead eat a mangonana? Okay, that's fine. Love ya.
Idiot.