A couple days after the Summer Sun Celebration, an unexpected, unwanted arrival will change forever the future of Equestria
Now with Edits by ThatNoobOnline and Dimondium
newbie in the Fandom... Brony on the Edge, Doing my Journey Through the Decades.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Could use another run through of editing. The constant use of '....' to end sentences was very jarring. I would recommend only using that for dialogue, to show a pause in speech. Good luck on the story!
6765029 oh OK thank you... I must say the 3 dots are a vice of mine... as you can see I pause... a lot...
Liking this story so far so more please
Giving the same events from multiple POVs can be perfectly fine, but here we don't really get anything out of it other than a bit of schadenfreude* on AJs part about Twlight's magic not working right on him.
*If you don't know what this is... you are on the internet. Look it up!
AI review: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/217075/ai-reviews/thread/520672/enter-the-dragon