Around four o’clock, I put a bowl of freshly prepared, homemade salsa on a round table with another larger bowl of tortilla chips. I realize that Shining Armor and Cadance can’t sit on the chairs around the table, so I take the cushions from them and lay them out on the floor for my guests to sit down at and enjoy their before-dinner snack.
“So you just scoop and eat?” asks Cadance.
“Exactly,” I say, scooping some salsa with a chip and eating it to demonstrate. I had the urge to rub my tummy to tell them that it was good, but that would just seem condescending. Cadance uses her magic horn to replicate my actions. After taking a bite, her eyes brighten.
Is it really that good?
“Oh Ian,” sighs Cadance, “this is delicious.”
“Thanks,” I stammer, blushing. No one has ever been this kind about my culinary skills.
“Listen, I was going down to the bar to get a drink. Do you want me to bring you anything?”
“Do you by chance have any wine?” asks Cadance.
So much for the booze I bought today.
“Red or white?” I ask.
“Surprise me.”
“Shining Armor?” I question, redirecting my gaze towards the white unicorn.
“What was in that box you bought?” asks Shining Armor.
“Beer and Lime-A-Ritas.”
“What’s a Lime-A-Rita?”
“Hold on.”
I go downstairs to the bar fridge and grab a few cans. After going back to the kitchen, I grab a glass from my cupboard, pop the tab on the can, and pour a few sips for a sample. I hand (or should I say, “He took the glass from my hand with magic"?) him his sample. He takes the sips. A large smile breaks across Shining Armor’s face.
I smile as I ask, “I take it that you like it?”
“One of those please."
Cadance stops me before I walk in with, “Actually, I’d like one too.”
I go back downstairs for another can. They’re only eight-ounce cans, and I have twelve-ounce glasses and I’d like to fill them. I fill each glass halfway with ice, and then I pour a can into each glass, topping them with the extra and putting a straw in each one. I grab each glass with my hand until I realize that there is now no way for me to open the door. Shining Armor uses his horn to pull the sliding door open, and I thank him. I place the drinks on the table and give them to each pony.
I seriously can’t believe that I’m drinking with a pair of unicorns.
I lift my glass. “Here’s to safety, and new friendships.”
I clink my glass with Shining Armor’s and Cadance’s and we each take a sip.
“Oh, that IS good,” comments Cadance. “It’s a little strong, but I like it. I might just have another one with dinner.”
“Great,” I say. As we continue to dine on our snack before I get the coals started, Shining Armor begins to talk to me.
“So tell me Ian, what’s it like to own your own store?”
“I really like it. I get to talk to customers who are as big of fans of music as I am, I get to help them with any instrument related problems, and I, on occasion, get to play a little.”
“Assuming since your father’s death, I guess that’s how long you’ve actually been running the store.”
“More or less. I actually began working alongside my dad after I was finished with college just a mere four months before he died.”
“College? What did you study?”
“Mostly business related classes so I could better run the shop when it was officially passed on to me. What about you Armor? What do you two do for a living?”
“Well,” states Shining Armor proudly, “I am the captain of the Canterlot’s Royal Guard.”
“Royal Guard?” I ask.
Shining Armor answers, “It’s the Princesses’ personal protection service, and if needed, the bulk of the Equestrian army.”
“Is that what that tattoo on your rump is all about?” I ask, pointing at it.
“Naw, that’s my cutie mark.” The new phrase causes me to cock my head to the side.
“Cutie what?”
“A cutie mark. It’s a symbol that magically appears on the flank of a pony when he or she finds their special talent.”
“I take it that yours refers to your duty as a captain?”
“Yeah.” I then look at Cadance’s cutie mark.
“What does yours mean?” I inquire.
“Mine refers to my ability to spread love to other ponies.”
“Interesting. Did you use that on Shining Armor to get him to be your husband?”
“Please,” said Shining Armor, “she doesn’t need magic to make me love her.” He leans into her and kisses her on the cheek.
“Oh you!” she giggles while blushing.
These two really do love each other. It’s like their mere presence around one another brings out the very best in them.
“What about you?” asked Cadance. “Do you have a very special somepony of your own?”
“No,” I say, “and I frankly don’t plan to.”
My response almost makes both unicorns spit their drinks.
“You don’t WANT a special somepony? But why?”
“From what I experienced, the relationships I’ve seen, minus yours it seems, are nothing but struggles for power and misery to anyone involved, including and especially the children.” Shining Armor and Princess Cadance can’t believe what I’m saying. Marriage? Misery? It couldn’t be true.
“What happened with you that makes you think so lowly on relationships?” I tell them more about my past.
“When my dad was in his twenties, he met a young woman named Mallory. When they began dating, my dad said he was madly in love with her. She knew that he was the son of my grandfather, and thus the heir to the music shop, but she claimed that she loved my dad for my dad.” Cadance looks a little uneasy as she already has a feeling she knows how this story will end.
“My mom and dad were finally married on July 19th, 1985. Four years later, they had me. Once my grandpa died, my dad became the full-fledged owner of the shop. That’s where my personal agony began. I mean, I was too young to fully grasp my grandpa’s death, but I certainly remembered the tears my dad shed. With the full ownership of the store, my dad was able to buy his wife the luxuries she always wanted. Nice car, valuable jewelry, this house.
"Unfortunately, it only filled a fraction of the hole mom had made for herself. She continued to have my dad buy things for her: fancy dinners, expensive trips, exquisite coats, all to the point where she was having more money spent on her than me or even my dad combined. She certainly gave more attention to her new valuables than she did either of us.”
Shining Armor and Cadance start to look angry upon learning of the manipulative motives of the one that was supposed to be my dad’s "lover."
“I was sixteen on the day where everything really hit the fan. My mom asked my dad to buy her this fancy gold choker, but my dad told me he couldn’t, on the grounds that by doing so, he couldn’t afford to keep his shop, just to let you know how far of a hole she was digging for us all. My mom was always so used to being told ‘Yes’ that she had a huge tantrum about my dad not loving her enough to buy her something.
"Taking interest of business in my public school experience, I certainly understood the value of money and how much this act of indulgence could set our family back. I certainly had a better understanding than my mom anyways. My mom then made a rage-drunken comment about selling the store for her. Curses were launched, and then she had the audacity to kick my dad of the house that he bought.
“The days I spent with my mom and the divorce trial that ensued were among the worst of my life.” Shining Armor and Cadance gasped at the word “divorce.” They tell me that despite the act existing in their world, it was a very rare and very sad occasion. I continued. “She clearly didn’t know how to raise me, being more focused on her possessions than her own son. When the divorce trial finally came, the only solace I can say that I had was that it was the most time I spent with him in that period. That and the actual trial.”
Cadance and Armor gave me confused looks.
“When my mom took the stand for the rights to the house, her entire platform was basically nothing more than empty attacks at my dad about how much she claimed he didn’t love her. When my dad took the stand, he had receipts and bank account information from the course of their entire marriage that proved that among all of the transactions made, a vast majority of them were spent on his wife."
I solidified this defense in the custody hearings, saying that the fact that all of these expenses were a testament to how much my dad tried to make her happy. I also broke apart my mom’s defense of her 'love' for my dad and I. I gave her simple questions about ourselves. I asked things like what my favorite foods, music, movies, and books were. She didn’t get a single answer right, but my dad had them all right. I even asked her what my dad’s favorite musical instrument was.”
Shining Armor answered, “Chapman stick, right?” I nodded.
“You were able to correctly answer what you learned in a single second what it took my mom 20 years to answer incorrectly.
“I finished my defense saying that any mercy shown towards my mom would be an act of injustice. After considering everything, my dad was given full custody of me and his house without having to spend a single penny on her. It may not have been the happiest days of my life, but it was certainly one of my happiest moments. Ever since that day, I have not heard or seen anything of my mom.
“It took about 6 years for my dad to pull us back out of her debts, including helping me through college. I even took an intern job to help my dad out, since he was paying for my studies after all. When I graduated college, we were finally back on track. I was 22 at the time. I thought that without mom and the hole she put us in, we could finally get back on with our lives. Of course, 4 months passed... and…”
I lower my head, hoping to conceal the tears that were beginning to run down my cheeks.
“Ian?” asks Cadance, putting her hoof to my hand. Upon feeling her, I stand up and quickly wipe my eyes with my wrist, sniffling slightly. I then open the sliding door and run into my bedroom.
Feeling alone again, I feel comfortable to let it all out. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I had relived and told my darkest memories to a pair of unicorns that I have only known for less than a day. In fact, they’re the only ones I’ve ever told about my past. It’s something that I’ve always hoped to bottle inside for all of my life so I could spare anyone, including myself, the telling and reliving of my story.
So why did I tell these two everything?
“Ian?” said Cadance, opening my door and peeking her head in.
“Go away!” I yell, as I throw my pillow at her head. She screams a little and pulls her head away before the pillow can hit her. “Why did you have to press on?” I continue to yell. “Couldn’t you just let me be? I…” I begin to realize what I am saying, and I begin to cry even harder.
Not only was my telling of my past entirely my fault, but I had lashed out at the only ones who tried to help me. Despite them being of an entirely different species and having known them for so little, they still cared for me. I suddenly began to realize that in the year since my dad’s death, there really hasn’t been a single person I could call a confidant that I could tell my story to.
The experience with my mom, a person who was supposed to care and nurture me, disillusioned all sense of trust and compassion with anyone from me. Sure, I enjoy my time with the customers at my shop, but I know that they will leave eventually and I can be alone again.
These two ponies came into my life and showed me such kindness and compassion, even beyond their gratefulness that I let them live in my home. They appreciate my being with them, even though this world isn’t their home. They love me unconditionally despite me being a different species. I begin to realize that that is why I told them. With the trust I began to have for them and they with me, I felt like they would finally be the ones to help me alleviate the burden I’ve carried on my shoulders for so long.
Hopefully my outburst didn’t scare them off.
“Cadance? Armor?” I expect a long, uncomfortable silence, either from them being too scared to face me in my state, or they have run away altogether. Instead, to my surprise, I immediately see Cadance and Shining Armor walk into my room, having been waiting for me the whole time.
“Ian,” began Cadance, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know-”
“No,” I interrupt. “It’s my fault. I was the one who decided to tell you.”
“Why did you though?”
“I wanted to give you an answer. Judging by the reactions to my story, love seems like a very important thing to you two. I knew that I couldn’t just settle with, ‘My mom was a total jerk;’ It doesn’t seem justifiable enough of a reason for my decision to live alone. So I told you hoping that would suffice. Plus,” I sniffed, “you two have been wonderful guests, and I really like you two.”
“I like you too,” coos Cadance, brushing my hair with her hoof.
“Anyways,” I continue, sitting up on the bed, “ever since my dad died, I haven’t told anyone about it; I just couldn’t feel like I could trust anyone after what my mom did to dad.”
“Your mom?”
“Me and my dad spent the last six years of his life cleaning up the mess she made. I’ve always attributed the stress of his debt as the reason for his heart attack. Seeing as my own mother caused the person whom I cared about the most to die, I closed myself away. And then you two showed up. I began to enjoy your company, and then you asked me the question.
"I felt that I shouldn’t hold it in any longer. I decided to tell you because I had this strange feeling that I could trust you to be there for me. I just didn’t know that it would be this hard.”
I begin sobbing again. Cadance and Shining Armor approach me and give me a hug.
“You never have to be alone,” says Shining Armor. “There will always be somepony to let you cry over their shoulder. They’re out there; you just have to find them, that’s all.”
I still continue to sob as I hold the furry arms holding me.
“Ian,” says Cadance, “I’m so sorry that had happened to you. No one should have to go through that, but no one should ever think that they have to live alone with that kind of burden. You’re our friend, Ian, and we will be there for you.”
My crying begins to cease significantly as I squeeze my friends tighter.
“Thank you so much,” I weep. “And I’m sorry for lashing out at you.”
“That’s alright,” sighs Cadance. “Come on, let’s continue our drinks.”
“Would you give me a couple of minutes?” I ask.
“Sure thing.” The two give me another hug and leave me in my bedroom.
I lie in my bed contemplating all that happened to me in the past fifteen minutes. I had just told my past to a pair of unicorns that I’ve hardly known. I guess it was safe to say that I really trusted them. In a year of wallowing in sadness, they come right out of the blue and accept me as a friend, something that I thought I never needed.
After feeling how happy I was having gotten that off of my back and how supportive they were, I begin to see how necessary friends really are. Feeling the most alive since my father’s death, I practically run down the stairs to the back deck, eager to join my friends.
“Feeling better?” asks Shining Armor.
“Much,” I respond. “Now, where were we?” Cadance remembered.
“I was discussing if you had a very special somepony of your own, but you’ve already made your point on that.”
I smirk.
“Actually,” I admit, “there is this one girl…”
Oooh, things are getting interesting!
Yay! We got a song title from The CURE!
692241 I was relating to the Dream Theater song of the same name, but sure.
692269 I thought it was The Cure because they were the one with the song title the first time, which was released in 1990. The song you referring to was released 15 years later.
Oh well
Not to mention that your mentioning of Jewel-Osco perked up on the setting being in Indiana, Illinois, or Iowa. I'm guessing Illinois.
692376 psdgraphics.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/bulls-eye.jpg
Poor Ian. Great chapter.
The song, "Why don't you get a job" by The Offspring, perfectly shows us what Ian's dad should have done a while ago.
693480 Don't you mean Ian's mom? Even if that were the case, this was supposed to be a really dramatic chapter, and a chapter titled with a song with as much tongue in cheek as that one would not fill that dramatic quota.
The main problem I have when reading this is the Dialogue (its like 2 characters speak in one paragraph... it's suppose to be only 1 in a paragraph).... aside from that this story looks good
695224 In all honesty, the "correct" way of writing bugs the literal hell out of me. I don't like moving my head and/or eyes down 3 times every second after a bout of short sentences, especially since doing so forces me to interrupt my reading every 15 - 30 seconds to scroll the page down.
I do say, this was quite the chapter. Nice cliffhanger as well.
Ian's story was quite well done, just about to the point of
695925
695349
That's alright I suppose, but you gotta realize that not doing so detracts from the story for readers that are used to that. What "literally bugs the hell out of me" is trying to keep up with the changing speakers in a single paragraph. Once again, I'll say your story has potential; but trying to get through a chapter is an annoying endeavor, and unfortunately diminishes the enjoyment of your idea overall.
695825 You make a lot of good points, and I'm currently rewriting the story to fit the paragraph style you speak of (which in turn will help me proofread my story). However, I'm not sure about your pronoun or verb arguments.
Firstly and frankly, what other pronouns could I use to describe myself in 1st person? I could try and replacing "he" and "she" with Armor and Cadance more, but other than that, that's as much as I can do.
Also, the poem, while helpful, doesn't really fit with my narrative. My characters are simply talking to one another. If I try and change my verbage up too much (I could try to use "speak," "state," "etc," more), it's going to turn into My Immortal (and we all know how that turned out).
I want the best for my story, but know that I only do this for fun. I know that quality is imporatant to ANY medium, but please understand that I'm not Stephen King or something. I'm just a 20 year-old college student going for a degree in film editing, and this is merely a hobby. I appreciate your concern for the well being of my story, but please just accept it for what it is.
696236 I fixed it.
696358 After meeting Gilda, would you really even want to? BTW, is the formatting better?
696358 You do know that the meat that we eat comes from an animal that's sentient in Equestria, right? For all I know, Cadance has a cow or something for a friend. If I found out that an alien creature was eating a sentient animal that I could consider a friend right in front of me, I wouldn't feel comfortable either.
"Does the protagonist have sever self-esteem issues?"
Please, for the love of God, read the next chapter.
This was very amusing. ME GUSTA
I'm really liking this thus far!
The one question I have is, Don't you think the three are handling this break from reality just a little well? it sounds like Equestria has no knowledge of Humans whatsoever and (obviously) the reverse is true. Its not enough to detract from the story, but something that you might want to think upon if you plan on doing any revisions.
698616 You know, I never did say that humans didn't know of Equestria; it seems only Ian doesn't...
Ok, this is as far as I'm going. Any further, and I'm going to drown myself.
Rigid dialogue standing around with no shame in the fact that it was put there to be put there.
No detail at important parts (hints at this guy getting more upset as he retold his life story would have been nice, because his sudden GTFO mood came out of freggin nowhere)
And yet we're flooded by details in parts we have no reason to give a single fuck about ("Hey, that's a good recipe the author just showed us, I'm going to try it!" Said noone ever.)
The only thing you got right was the hinting at this guys possible relation with that female customer. Unless of course that's another attribute of fucking pointless scenes and details, in which case, prime the exit browser launcher.
Even if that did infact lead to a relationship, that wouldn't help anything as the problems I just moaned about would persist.
2634542
You make some good points; there is occasionally too much emphasis on unimportant details, some important details didn't get stressed enough, and the dialogue is a little stiff. However, you went about the wrong way criticizing it. If you want to see improvement, you must use constructive criticism. The object of constructive criticism is to maintain or improve the authors self-esteem while gently pointing out flaws and offering alternatives. For instance, "It's good that you're showing the bitterness that Ian has, but it would have translated much better if you had been dropping hints at it throughout his narrative," would have worked much better than "...because his sudden GTFO mood came out of freggin nowhere." You see, this encourages the author to improve, whereas insults and threats demoralize him or her. You certainly have the eye for detail to be a good critic, you just need to work on being constructive.
The whole thing about the mother reminds me of my Dad's ex-girlfriend: she was a total bitch, who only cared about two things- herself and her grand-kids, and I mean the latter in a bad way, because she would use MY money to buy them things - using my money without me knowing. You see, after my Mom died back in 08, this woman came into our lives. At first she was all nice and even help got me my Social Security Income and Health Benefits. But, as time went by, my Dad and I discovered she was "a wolf in sheep's clothing" sorta speak. She would always yell at me and my Dad if we did something that she didn't like, or didn't do as she told us. And worse, she was bi-polar, maybe a little paranoid too.
Getting back to using my money, at first, she asked me permission to use some of my money to help her out. I thought it was just her finances, and said OK, but then at Christmas time, I found she spend $1000 of my SSI to get presents for her grand-kids - I NEVER approved of that.
Also, she would also use my Dad's money for herself, buying her own stuff including these collectable baby dolls, and not have any of my Dad's money left over for ourselves. Not only that, but when she and Dad argued, it was BAD. Very Bad. So bad, it made me depress and scared every time I heard her yelling. Also, if Dad and I were to fight back over something we were right about, she would get domestically violent: for example, one time, my Dad and her got into an argument, and she did hit my Dad over that head with a dish plate, shattering it. Dad called the police, and when they arrived, she put up an act, saying she was the abused one, and the police ended up taking her side.
Luckily, in 2011, they broke up, and me and my Dad moved out of the small excuse of a "doll-house" she forced us to move into when we moved back to Michigan. It was overall, 3 years of hell on earth.
3172238 You deserved much better then that.
I wish I could find that person.