Everybody has their own Hearth's warming family tradition, and Rainbow, Fluttershy and Soarin are no different. But, Soarin has brought something to mix things up. (I'm not the best with descriptions)
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 17th Mar, 2015
- offline last seen Last Thursday
randomkid
Just your average, hopeless shipper.
randomkid
Joined 17th Mar, 2015 ·
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Good story. There was some grammatical mistakes but other than that, it was perfect
Can't wait to see more
6644893
You read practically ALL soarindash stories on this site!
Just kidding!
Anyways, you have a pretty nice story here mate!
6645133 thank you. I'm writing the next chapter now.
As Bluey Shine said, there's a few grammar 'hiccups', but it's super cute
6645893 Well could you please point them out so I can fix them and learn from that?
Should be a comma between besides and I
*swung
Two o's, not one
A comma between Aw and I would make it sound smoother
Comma between here and I'll
*forgetting
Pegasi,(plural) unless you're Pinkie Pie. Then it's pegasusususes
Me and Fluttershy here
Well, both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle Apple Bloom is two words and Sweetie Belle is spelled like the Disney princess
*mushy
*perform
*held
Those are just the ones I noticed. Try asking around for an editor, a lot of people will gladly help if you ask nicely
6645947 I already have. Well, this was the first story that I typed right up to fimfiction. I have a notebook that I write my stories in first then I type them up correcting the mistakes. Not to mention I wrote this chapter at 11 PM so I didn't notice those little mistakes.
6645947 I must have been really tired because a lot of these are mistakes I would usually catch. Life lesson: Don't write close to midnight.
6646703 But that's the creative time!
Jk XD
Rainbowshine.. I had a theory that was her mother too haha.
awesome!
6651963 thank you.
6645133 Of course I do. I go and read the stories that are tagged Soarin and are Soarindash
So awesome!!!
.Can't wait for the next chapter!!
Im sorry, but Blitz's (Rainbow's dad) image as a calm pony was ruined with A Dash Of Happyness Soared through The Sky
6658072 I haven't read that one yet.
6660032 really good fic
6661065 I have it under read later.
UPDATE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!
6671920 quality over quantity man. Sorry. My writing seems to have suffered lately.
6658072 XD
Yup. I like writing dark, mysterious stories.
Please update soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This story is AMAZING!
6679509 XD
6679510 I wanted to ask you something but I'll just mail you.
Yasss update
I like the dash has a brother with a kid
UPDATE NOW!
You MUST update soon!!
6689330
6689527 I just did... Give me some time, the only part of the next chapter I have is the title.
6689165 Yeah I kinda like the idea of Rainbow Blitz being Dash's Brother and I wanted something original about him. Plus I have a story planned for Prism when I'm done with this one.
I like the story, but I'd like to point out a few errors.
Did Soarin just answer himself, or did he answer for Fluttershy because she took too long to answer? If the latter is the case, it's not very clear.
Suggestion:
can't
Also, something I noticed was your punctuation after dialogue. For example:
In this quote, along with much of your other dialogue, you ended the dialogue with a period, followed by the dialogue tag. When the quote and dialogue tag are in the same sentence, they are always separated by a comma, not a period.
Revision:
Note the comma.
When a quote ends with a question or exclamation mark, don't capitalize the dialogue tag if it's a pronoun. Ex:
Should be:
One more thing, when a dialogue tag is followed by an action in the same sentence, a comma should separate the tag and action.
Ex: "Blah blah blah," he said, doing a generic action.
Sorry for such a long comment, but I hope you take it into consideration. Again, I'm enjoying the content and plot of the story.
6690693 No this is all stuff I didn't notice. That was actually Fluttershy talking. I'm going to go edit that now.
6690693 I actually appreciate these kinds of comments because they help me as a writer. Thank you.
6691052
No problem, and if you'd like a beta reader, I'd be willing to do so.
6690023 Take your time! We'll all be here waiting!
6691281 I might take you up on that offer. As soon as I finish writing the next chapter...
cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/63884324.jpg
Take as long as you need.
Just kidding
6731782 sorry, I got caught up in something else.
6732420 It's fine, I was just joking anyways
6735447 I have a goal to get it done before Christmas and upload the last chapter on Christmas day.
Update? That is if you dont mind me asking, um, sorry.
I love this story
when is the next update gonna com
Can you please update
6904229 This story is finally back baby! Yeah!
Grammar.
7675976 Tell me where and I'll fix it please.
7677471
Don't capitalize "you're." Also, you may need a comma after "words."
Add a comma after "brother."
Comma after "places." As a general rule, you should always separate dialogue tags (who is speaking) and dialogue with a comma.
There are consistent problems with run-on and verbose sentences which I don't have time to point them all out. I like the story otherwise,
7677984 Thanks for the advise and sorry about the run-on sentences. Yeah the part about putting a comma part after quotes is an issue of habit, as I didn't know that was wrong for most of my life.
*EXPLODES*
Awwww, there was so much fluff. I NEED MORE FLUFFF!!!! I really liked this story