• Member Since 10th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Scholar_of_the_Dream


I'm a laid back kind of guy, i like good food, good drinks, a good story and sleep. nice to meet you guy's.

T

When a resident evil merchant offers a great deal on an item beyond authentic, do not accept. Terrible things happen, strange and terrible things happen. All I will say is that the insight to this mess is almost worth it, almost.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 12 )

Okay, so it seems to start off with a tiny amount of world building, which, done in moderation is good for any story. I'm assuming that the one who cut the dlc hunter was either Simon or one of the titular characters. It seems that the dream seal is a plot device to explain why things happen now. I do wonder though why everyone can see the messengers, considering that they seem to be only capable of being seen by inhabitants of the dream. So your going with 26 hunters, one for each weapon I presume, but does the story hinge on it? Do you need 26 people in different places? If not, maybe you could combine some hunters and their weapons into 13, to both cut down on reader confusion and to help you write. Finally, it's important to remember that you have to stop power creep in this story. I would suggest that you make the charchters completely ineffective with the weapons at first, in order to show how they are simple people put into this world. Also, a tip. Keep the princesses on top. You can't make a good story if you just abolish the top scale in power level. Also; another final tip. Don't use human logic to solve the pony problems. Not a large amount of people like a displaced doc where the main charchters just say " oh just eat grass" and "oh the sun moves on its own!"

One thing, please don't use questions like "Why did I have to scare the ponies for life?" as chapter names.
One, It should be 'scar' not 'scare'.
And two, It makes your main character look so misanthropic, which to be honest I think we've all seen enough of. It was funny at first but now it's so overused.

Now that's out of the way, let's have a look at the positives! This is great for your first story! The writing quality's not quite as good as I would've liked it to be, but when it can only get better as it goes along, this is a great starting point. There's enough world building to get everything started smoothly. Though some more detail in the situation would've been nice, how Celestia and Luna are aware of the Beckoning Bell would be pretty cool to know.

At that moment did princess Celestia for the first time in hundreds of years use the royal canterlot voice.
“QUIET!!!”

Finally, someone who can portray Celestia with some forcefulness...

“PPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGAAAAATTTTTTTTTAAAAAACCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I'm not quite sure what that noise is supposed to be. Meh, what can I say, I've never heard someone be split in half before.:derpytongue2:

“The seal to the dream realm is breaking.” answered dusty pages.

"The seal to the dream realm is breaking." Answered Dusty Pages.
Make sure you're capitalising nouns and keep an eye out for Sentence openers in need of capitals too. Not a major issue, but people do pick up on it.

This also implies the 'dream realm' as they call it, is somewhat connected to the world in Bloodborne through the same realm. The 'Nightmare' as Hunters refer to it is a manifestation of the Great One's powers, and from what we can observe in it at the Nightmare Frontier and the Fishing Hamlet, they are layered. Yharnam in the Hunter's Nightmare is at the bottom, the Fishing Hamlet is on top of that, and the Nightmare of Mensis floats above that. We can also assume the Hunter's Dream is on the mountains which surround this area, judging by it's location.

So I think that the realm they are referring to in this story must exist in the same realm if Hunter's are breaking through it. Which means Equestria exists somewhere in the 'Nightmare', probably far away from everything else if the Great One's don't take much notice of it. Either that or Celestia and Luna both count as Great Ones. They are alicorns who have 'ascended' in a similar way to the Great Ones, so maybe they do. Which would explain things.

So far, promising. I look forward to the next chapter to find out which hunter is on the prowl here.

Never played blood born but I am still interested in this story.

So this was all Patches' doing...

So sick of your shit, Patches!

"I trade for souls, everything's for sale, Nehehehehe"

I actually really like where this seems to be going, aside from somewhat fast pacing and obvious grammatical errors, you are doing really well on this story! Can't wait till next week! :trollestia:

Good luck my friend! Don't let the blood infect you!

Update? *Said in a very small child's voice*

IS this stories still alive.

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