After protecting the six ponies from an attack by Timberwolves, Big Mac is badly hurt and is put into a coma. Each of the six friends blame themselves, and each one reflects upon how Big Macintosh helped the ponies become what they are. Can they save him? This is my first fimfic story, and I hope you all enjoy it!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good job!
Oooh, looks interesting. Lemme see...
It was very good, looking forward to the next chapter.
Just one problem:
"Applejack suddenly felt herself being pulled by the desperate arms of Applejack and Rarity."
Yeah, you might wanna take a look at that.
703478
Agreed, I think it was Rainbow Dash. Also "arms"
I really like the premise--keep up the hard work!
I always read it if it's someone's first story. I like to see how newbies are with words. Cus I'm no good. You were AWSOME!! Good story.
Shit I knew Big Mac can kill anything with his strong ass watch he'll come through this and be the same like always and stronger than ever
703617 Thank you for commenting. Could you explain which parts were hard to get through? I'm trying my best to improve my writing skill and would very much like to know.
i really like this story great job it made me cry
just a bit but still it was good keep it coming!!
That is pretty good idea for a fanfic. Keep it going
I'm enjoying what you've got here so far. I would suggest you take a little more care with paragraphs and dialog. When you change speakers, switch paragraphs.
Like this:
~"Hey there Rainbow Dash...." Applejack said, wiping her eyes and forcing a smile, "What's up?" Rainbow Dash walked up, her eyes glancing back to Big Mac, "Well, the girls were thinking about giving you some sort of a break today. We've decided to finish your share of work too so that maybe you can have some time to yourself to...think and such. You know, take a walk around and gather yourself. Maybe visit sugarcube corner and have yourself some delicious cupcakes or something." Applejack smiled at her friend, "Thank you guys so much but it's alright. Ah'll be fine. Tell the girls that I'll be back to work any minute now. Ah just wanted to come by and see how Big Mac was doing was all..." ~
Would be easier to read like:
"Hey there Rainbow Dash...." Applejack said, wiping her eyes and forcing a smile, "What's up?"
Rainbow Dash walked up, her eyes glancing back to Big Mac, "Well, the girls were thinking about giving you some sort of a break today. We've decided to finish your share of work too so that maybe you can have some time to yourself to...think and such. You know, take a walk around and gather yourself. Maybe visit sugarcube corner and have yourself some delicious cupcakes or something."
Applejack smiled at her friend, "Thank you guys so much but it's alright. Ah'll be fine. Tell the girls that I'll be back to work any minute now. Ah just wanted to come by and see how Big Mac was doing was all..."
There are some grammar things here and there. I'd be willing to go through it in more detail if you like. Just shoot me a PM or some such.
love this chapter
Itty bitty mistake here “I can't get through to Timberwolves!” Fluttershy screamed, her tears flowing from her eyes like crazy, “Their hearts are as black as night!”
“Then we gotta outrun em!” Appledash growled, kicking ahead, “But which way do we go?!”
small mistakes aside i like the story.
Whoops almost forgot.
I'm really a fan of this story rightnow. The writing is good and it is just a very well done fanfiction. Of course there are some simple spelling and grammer mistakes, but nothing so major that I feel the need to point them all out.
So far this is great. Keep up the amazing work!
/)^3^(\
I swear Big Mac is always big and I believe he gets all the mares
Great story! Lotsa awesome faces for you! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cloudchaser_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_dayum.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Soarin_dayum.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowkiss_flip.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png
Wow I cant wait to see who ends up in the room next sharing memories. This is really good reading material
Come on Applejack." Rainbow Dash said, walking up to her friend and placing a hoof on the yellow mare's shoulder. I thought she was orange
you should ad the SAD tag.
Awwww
e.deviantart.com/emoticons/moods/sadness.gif
hey good job cant wait for the next one
also i found a small error near the top :he entered into the room.: when fluttershy entered it was he not she but nothing to big keep up the good work!!!!
Not bad.... I give you 10 Spikes
I'm really liking this story. I agree with the others in that a sad tag could help people better identify what they are about to read but at the same time it's not fully needed since the flashbacks, which are the majority of the story, are more under the slice of life tag. Just my opinion any way.
Keep up the good work.
Oh my gosh cant handle the sad cuteness
Goodbye Cruel Ponyless World!!!!!!!!
Hmm, are we going to see a story about him with each of the main six? Very good story so far, keep it up, I'm looking forward to the rest.
I NEED MOAR CHAPTERZ
YAY NEW CHAPTER
!!! this is getting better i cant wait for the next chapter!!!! keep up the good work!!
I wonderwhy Big Mac
kept Smarty Pants?
Excellent job
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!
BIG MAC HANG IN THERE
Wow you came up with some good random memories from almost everybody in the group good job
919201
Thanks!
Awesome. That's all I have to say about this chapter. Well that and it's so sad yet epic. You have earned yourself +35 Internets. Bravo.
YAY that was awsome i shed tears so sad
man i cant wait for the next chapter keep it up!!!!
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/000/052/064/Mullet.jpg
Really awesome job man, i cant wait to see more of this, and something that i was thinking and i hope not to spoil or ruin anything is if you are going to make a chapter about big mac in his own head trying to get out of the coma, i think it would be kinda cool but you are the author and i can tell that you are really good at this
so yeah cant wait for your next update 
Another good chapter. If you end up killing off Big Mac, I swear I'll...I'll...I'll cry. So, like, don't, k?
Only one thing. You didn't explain why he wasn't at the funeral. I guess it's because he had to work on the farm, but you'd better clarify.
Meinos Kaen
920307
Don't worry. I'll explain later on in the story.
920325 Hmmm... Proceed, then. Also, great story.
Meinos Kaen
Not trying to point stuff out but I noticed a possible grammar mess-up: "Big Mac maybe have not woken up, : shouldn't it be might and not maybe. Truth be told my grammar sucks so this could already be right.
When can we expect a new chapter?
Another good chapter; I enjoyed getting to see Pinkie's story about Big Mac, especially the point about living on a rock farm being hard work. To tell you the truth, I can't remember who out of the mane six we've got left, since I'm figuring you're gonna do a story for each one. Also, six months is a loooong time.
I'm glad you're having the mane six return to a "normal" life, getting slowly better; grieving is a process after all, and seeing how they return to their daily lives is neat--it also helps to keep things interesting. I mean, after six months they aren't going to act as sad as they did in the beginning. I think they would still be just as sad, and guilt ridden, on the inside, but after so much time I feel it would manifest itself in different ways, you know? Plus they would also probably be a lot more numb to the emotional pain--6 months is quite a while to feel like crap.
Keep up the good work!
The new chapter finaly here!!
WOooooooooo!!!
Yay