It was amazing how fast you got used to waking up in a giant changeling cuddle pile.
I had somehow ended up snuggling with Xax in front of me and Pinkie spooning from behind. I considered my situation.
The hive's main bedroom had plenty of clocks on its walls, so it was easy for me to tell that I'd woken up early. Even Xax was asleep and he was usually the changeling who took care of the place.
I looked down the row. Apparently the people who worked days had come back because there were a good sixty changelings scattered about, on the joined mattresses. Trying to extract myself would cause quite the domino affect so I'd need to carefully...
It was at this point I realized that I could teleport. And extracted myself instantly, replacing myself with one of the handy stuffed animals to keep the bed consistent.
I looked down at my grandchildren (and Pinkie Pie who was there for some reason) with a smile and let myself out into the hive proper.
The hive's construction was fascinating, with chitin walls dug into the stone. The place looked so different it was hard to believe it was the place we'd scaled to remove a dragon so long ago...
So, so long ago...
I shook myself, focusing on the task at hand. This world was going to take a lot of getting used to, but if I broke down every time I thought of my old life I wouldn't get anywhere.
Still, my friends...
Fortunately, all of that emotional angst got shelved by a certain biological urge.
I desperately needed to find a bathroom, but I didn't see anypony (anyling?) who could point it out.
The pressure was building. I needed to think fast. Breathe Twilight!
Logically, A lot of changelings would want to use the bathroom to brush their teeth and such before their day. That meant the bathroom had to be close by. There were three doors in the hallway just next to the bedroom. One had a list of weekly meetings for subgroups in the hive (apparently yoga and zebra martial arts were quite popular), a second door had a lock on it (clearly a private room or a janitor's closet) and the third had no lock and the faint hum of a fan in the background.
Satisfied with my deductive reasoning, I swung the third door wide open.
I was greeted by a changeling sitting on one of several toilets. She waved at me. "Hi Grand Matron!"
I slammed the door shut, blushing furiously. "OhmygoshI'msosorryI'mleaving!"
"What?" Came a voice from behind the door. "No! Don't leave. Come hang out! There's like nothing on early morning TV."
I glared at the door. "I'm not 'hanging out' while you're using the- Wait, you have a television in the bathroom?"
"Yeah, it's not a great one, but it helps pass the time, even if certain hive mates I could mention tend to hog the remote."
I felt my legs getting weak, and stumbled against a wall to support myself. "Wait, you're telling me, that not only is using the toilet considered a communal activity, but you pass around an undoubtedly disease ridden remote while you're doing your business?!"
"That's what the hoof sanitizer is for! And it's not like we can't just use... Hang on a second." There was a flushing sound followed by the sound of a sink. My grandchild, a traditional black changeling with green eyes, stepped out. "Look, I-"
I rushed past her, got to the bathroom and practically leaped on the first toilet I saw (of which there were six, none of which were in stalls).
Intercultural exchanges were important, but so were the demands of the equine excretory system.
My grandchild promptly walked in after me with a concerned look on her face.. "Grand Matron, are you-"
"GET OUT!!!" I shouted.
She held up her hooves, "Okay! Okay! Sheesh..."
That said, she finally left and I finally got to relax and take care of business.
After realizing this was going to be a more extended sitting, I spotted the infamous remote and used my magic to flick on the device... Which considering that all changelings had access to magic made it seem considerably less weird...
I shook myself. That still didn't make barging in on me right! I turned my attention to the TV. I had seen them in the human world before, and they were often entertaining, even enrapturing with their ability to put on live plays right in front of your eyes.
But... As I flicked through the channels all I found were weather reports and some long winded earth pony talking about beet gardening.
I turned it off. The room grew quiet. Really quiet. All I could hear was the hum of the fan...
#
A few minutes later, I found myself sitting behind the grand child I'd shouted at. She hadn't actually been that hard to find, she and the two security guards were the only creatures awake at this hour.
"H-hey..." I said, somewhat awkwardly.
She turned her head from the rec room TV. "Yes Grand Matron?" She asked. Her voice was stiff, formal.
I winced. "I'm... I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier. You were just trying to be nice and I guess there's still a lot about living in a hive I don't understand."
She let out a breath, "It's okay... I screwed up, you'd only ever used the bathrooms in the front before and those are pony style. Dad even told us there would be some stuff like this so I really shouldn't have expected you to-"
I held up a hoof. "It's okay... I'm sorry, what's your name?"
"It's Grell." she said.
I nodded. "Right, Grell...I'm in your house, not the other way around. I should learn what the rules are, as fast as I can."
She smiled, faintly. "I guess I get a really neat story for how I met my grandma one on one the first time, eh?"
I chuckled. "Let's try to avoid bringing that one up at the next reunion okay?"
My little, buggy grandchild nodded. "My lips are sealed... So, want to make fun of morning TV with me."
I smiled. "Sure!" I plopped myself next to her on the couch. She was watching that same show about the beets.
I groaned. "Seriously, why would you use a miracle of modern technology to talk about beets?"
Grell shrugged. "Earth ponies like their beets."
I frowned. "That's racist."
She raised an eyebrow. "Coming from the mare who freaks out at the sight of changeling customs...?"
I gulped. "Fair enough."
We watched the show in silence for a bit.
"It's yours too you know?" Grell said finally.
I blinked. "What?"
"Your house." She said. "It's your house too grandma."
I smiled. "I guess so..."
This is far too dependent on the reader having already read A Long Life and it suffers terribly for it. The first chapter we have "Twilight is gone forever!" and the very next chapter is from her point of view! I get that you might not want to just copy/paste things from the other story but this would be a bucking fabulous opportunity to show some of those major events from the perspective of the Hive. I imagine that Spike's learning about Twilight's return was well covered but what about when the Hive at large found out? How about showing that from the perspective of one of those little buggers like the first chapter? The Hive doesn't stop existing when it isn't being featured in the original story which gives plenty of potential material without repeating anything and not giving this thing which frankly isn't really a story... it is a quarter of a story... maybe a third. I mean dang if this doesn't fail to engage a new reader! Whoever's perspective you used for the first meeting between Twilight and
Spike's changeling descendantsher grand-lings, this story should have that event from the other perspective. The other side's thoughts and feelings as this major life changing event happened. Instead you skipped to the middle of this story.*EDITED FOR RATING*
*sees cover image*
Hissssss!!! Heretic! Teach him the error of his ways Bookling!
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*flips page*
Yeeees... You feel that burn? Do you repent, misguided one?
Good start. keep it up
Cute start, very cute start. Even if the communal bathroom with no stalls is a bit odd.
6772583
Huh, interesting. Perhaps I'll have the next chapter I write be a midpoint update instead of what is currently planned..
However, you could have phrased your criticism a bit more politely. Frankly, the fact that you said it that way made me less likely to follow your advice.
6772641
It was supposed to be :).
Changelings! Great with community, not so good with privacy.
6772583
Yeah. I have to agree. This chapter came out of knowhere.
At the very least have an authors note suggesting to read the other story.
Ideally, have an introduction chapter or two from the hives point of view.
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6772583
Agreeing with these two. Highly suggest additions to, or some sort of prologue inserted before chapter one. This story does not do well standing alone, which a side-story should be able to do. Giving you relevant information that meshes with the flow of the story, putting the setting in place early on, major events that are required to know.
That or a note to not read this without having read the story this shoots off from. Which will cost you readers but the ones who do read won't feel confused or that the story is lower quality than those who've already read the originating material.
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6772583
6774169
In response to all of your concerns I've written another chapter taking place between the first two published. I may write yet another.