A month or so after the Battle of the Bands, Principal Celestia calls Sunset Shimmer and friends to her office, for a long-overdue discussion.
Edited and smoothed over with help from the ever-patient Little Jackie Papercut.
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- Member Since 6th Sep, 2011
- offline last seen Jan 27th, 2022
Conner Cogwork
I swear every time I blink this site has fifteen new features. Six months isn't /that/ long a time to blink, is it?
Conner Cogwork
Joined 6th Sep, 2011 ·
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Well done.
Nice little transition piece and I like the explanation at the end of how she decided to soften her look. It does seem odd that they'd only be asking about magic and Twilight now after the Sirens given what happened at the fall formal, but I'd let it go. I'd also think the two principals would d be more curious about their otherworldly counterparts, who are ageless while they are not? Or is more storytelling planned down the line?
Either way, no big deal, I enjoyed reading. Thanks for sharing!
That's a lovely Sunset character piece. I think that you also got the Principals correct and are spot-on about how much they knew and when. I have to agree that unburdening her conscience to Principal Celestia would be an emotional equivalent in Sunset's life to doing so to her Princess.
The bits that are wild speculation are interesting too. If you ever plan to continue this story with the origins of Canterlot High, I'd definitely read it!
A very nice bridge between the second and third movies. Not much new ground covered, but the emotion was genuine and the evolutionary history of ponies was especially interesting. Thank you for this.
Very well done
I liked this. It covers a lot of the problems that would occur from magic appearing randomly like it does in the movies and develops Sunset's character nicely.
That being said, you do not need a period in your title and the description is phrased incredibly awkwardly. I almost didn't read this just because of those things.
Oh Luna, you do have the best lines in every fic.
Very enjoyable scenario, man! I definitely liked it.
Awesome to see you back on the writing track Conner! You were missed, buddy and now you come back like a freakin' phoenix with Whisper and this story?
nice!
6741673
Force of habit on the former. On the latter, if there's a better way to have written it, I'm all ears. The only idea I have right now for it would be to tack on 'about magic' at the end.
Ok this is a nit pick but I had the proper way of writing species drilled into my head for the better part of a decade; it would be Equus sapiens arcana, the species epithet would be all lower case along with the subspecies name. Sorry that's nail on a chalkboard to me.
The rest of this is pretty well done, and I like that you touched on the unanswered question in canon: how in the hell did Sunset enroll?
6741673
I changed 'talk' to 'discussion'. Hopefully that wards off unfortunate implications.
6741743
No harm in pointing things out to me here. Just gotta gimmie a bit.
6741769
It's alright, keep forgetting that most writers tend to accept the nitpicks.
There's one thing that stood out to me; how would Sunset know about Princess Luna? When Sunset left, Luna was still imprisoned as Nightmare Moon?
I guess you could say that Twilight told Sunset about it via the journal, but a little mention of how she knows would go a long way, methinks.
6741707
I'm assuming the 'morning song' is a reference to The Past is not Today. (Actually, It sounds a lot like 'mourning song', which really threw me.) However, I would nil that part of the description entirely and just go with:
This is just my opinion though. You can do whatever you want.
I enjoyed this. Goes very well with canon.
Princess Celestia
Shouldn't it be 'Feeling better'?
Vice-Principal Luna
Some of the stuff before this would be likely, but this isn't. Any nation involved would know that locking in first-contact by immediately going all black ops and butt probes on a foreign national and her friends with close ties to a foreign sovereign of unknown temperament and power would be reeeeally dumb. Especially when even the native humans have mirror analogues who are also foreign nationals that might be a bit miffed if their human counterparts get treated poorly.
Most likely, you'd see the school shut down, stuff appropriated, and the statue moved to some kind of base. The girls would be taken in for questioning and some basic physical tests, then released under a gag order (again, detainment would be a diplomatic disaster). A few days of awkward deliberation while pen-pushers debate contact. And then Sunset and/or Rainbow Dash gets fed up with waiting and drops a line to Twilight with the journal to force the issue. The most awful thing likely to happen is Celestia's inevitable inferiority complex upon meeting her immortal sun goddess counterpart, or perhaps some rather terrifying SCIENCE from two Twilights.
6741874
Going to have to steal that one.
ho men fue hermoso
Just uploaded, and already featured and hot?!
Holy cow!
Finally, some better explanation to the outfit change than BECAUSE TOYS.
Wonderful piece of work!
Very nice, well done.
6741874
While your point is accurate that this option is unlikely, this could be seen as Vice Principal Luna outlining the absolute worst possible outcome. And if it's the military that's called in to deal with it, rather than scientists or politicians...then this is definitely the worst possible outcome, and distinctly possible.
6741874 It really depends on what the bureaucracy learns, in what order, and on what levels. It's real easy for some analyst with half the facts and a fuzzy timeline to fit Sunset Shimmer with the twin labels of "alien criminal on the run from justice for treason against their crown" and "threat to our children." After that, bad things happen.
I just kind of reflexively went "oooh crap" at that. Someone is so going to get his ass busted, like you wouldn't believe.
6742792
Military folks are very definitely Not Screwing Around, but would probably be playing security or even bodyguard instead of fanning flames. Honestly, I'd trust them more than the politicians.
You (and Luna) are thinking of intelligence agencies -- who would definitely be around, but even they save the dark warehouse abductions for stuff related to imminent threats instead of randomly antagonizing people who can breach the fabric of space and time at will. They'd probably just find out that there are definitely two Twilights running around, confirm stuff for the politicians, then quietly monitor things a couple degrees more invasively than is morally acceptable and copy everyone else's notes.
Heck, they'd probably be more interested in asking Sunset about the sirens and any other Equestrian threats that might be or come human-side.
On the plus side, it was a nice story.
On the negative side, your prose has about five times the amount of commas it actually needs, and the characters quite often don't sound like themselves.
love it!
I like it.
I love how you had the Principals Luna and Celestia reacting to the idea of Equestria. It was very well done. I think this scene should have been put into the movie , since Celestia speculating on the ramifications of the events of the movie could have been juxtaposed against the human Twilight learning of the anomalies.
You ought to do a prequel, showing Sunset's adaptation to the human world, since you handled the revelations of Luna and Celestia pretty well too.
THANK YOU!!! Thank you so much for not calling them "seaponies" or something similar! Finally, someone who knows their mythological terminology! They are hippocampi. NOT seaponies. Seaponies do not exist, and are not a word. Thank you so much for using the right word!
Oh, and by the way, this was a good read.
6743604 I beg to differ
orig04.deviantart.net/7c2c/f/2012/157/3/a/3ac70b8ce0508d517ffa90cc601cd3a5-d52h3fz.jpg
Hmm.
Well, I'll say this: I'm sure all of us have had a scene like this floating around in our heads, where Sunset has to explain Equestria to the locals.
My problem here is that this was a very dry, uninteresting read for most of it, and around the middle where they got into talking about conspiracies and experimentation and coverups and what-not, I just completely lost interest.
Really, this just didn't do anything for me.
I wonder, how many commas, did this story have? There were, at least, three that I noticed. It was jarring, seeing so many commas, in one story. I couldn't even.
Aside from the whole comma mess (fixable, but it's probably the biggest issue, so be happy!) the only complaint I have is the long and windy wording. I get that the Dickens style of writing has its appeal; I'm just not part of the group that enjoys it. Oh well, no harm done. Take a like and a moustache.
I think comma usage is definitely a thing to look out for in the future. My brain kept putting things into an over the top Shatner impersonation in a couple places. But it didn't really detract much from the story. This was a great little read and deserves the like.
6743870 Eh compared to the last bit of Dickens I read this is as sharp and to the point as a scalpel.
6743700 Just because some Hasbro person thought it would be more cutesy and engaging for the little girlies to call them seaponies doesn't mean it's a correct term for the creature.
6743937 Well, alrighty.
To be completely honest, I don't think I've ever read Dickens at any point in my life. He came up one time in a conversation I had about purple prose, so I thought 'why not?'. It's just the story seemed really...stretched might be the best word for it. It wasn't to you?
6743952
From a Watsonian perspective, they're sea-ponies. From a Doylist perspective, they're...hippocampi, right?
It's all about context, really.
6744017 not particularly. It did' feel like it dragged out at all for me. But then I tend to like maybe a little more description than some perhaps so long as the descriptions continue to further something in the story.
And yeah last Disckens novel I read back in collage lets just say the descriptions of a room could literally go on for a page and a half or more. More than enough off point description that I often had to turn back a page to remind myself what was actually happening, or in a few cases being described...
6743952 It...kinda does for their world though. I mean, I was just making a joke but that doesn't mean their name is any different. In their universe those are seaponies even if that's not what they're called in ours. The sirens are definitely NOT seaponies. I'm not saying that at all just incase you may have thought that's what I meant.
Anyway. I'm done saying what I mean. I wish you a good day and a fine night.
Nice story, now tell us about the whips.
THE WHIPS!
I assume that Twilight had told Sunset about Princess Luna, because otherwise, how would she had known about her?
I have to say, I found this story quite satisfying. It's always good to find another author who acknowledges the school's awareness of magic (the movie novelizations insist that everyone's memories of it were erased, which is silly and pointless and one of the reasons I don't like them). This story, however, is the first one I've seen where the Rainbooms actually make plans for informing and educating everyone on the matter and of the importance of keeping it a secret. Wish I had thought of that.
I really liked the private moment between Sunset Shimmer and Principal Celestia. I've always liked the idea of those two bonding, with Principal Celestia helping to fill a void left in Sunset's heart when she abandoned the Equestrian Celestia.
Keep writing.
So, you allowed two unidentified teenagers to attend your school, and it took all this time to realize it?
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/71/fc/fb/71fcfb5993e4d31a2238e9a537386ca0.jpg
6744124 Okay, I can see that. Sorry if I took it a little too seriously, that's a bad habit of mine. I bid you good day.
It was good, even so, Sunset still did not reveal everything... she did not tell that have a diary to contact Twilight
:') This is a really great and fabulous story...
6741874 This is a fantastic point.
6742934
6742792
On the other hand, if there are other monsters either in this world from Equestria, or who later come through the portal, and the government isn't prepared to deal with them because a High School Principal and Vice Principal decided they have the international military and diplomatic experience to make this decision on behalf of an entire planet, you're looking at duo tried for treason, and then those "worst-possible case" scenarios happening anyway because the government was forced to react unexpectedly to a crisis, instead of being approached properly through diplomatic first contact.
The only bothersome errors I've encountered are the repitious "the redhead" and "the elder." Thanks for a great read!
technically, that means they couldn't find information on the human twilight, which is just a google search away.
6744727
About her existence, or about her return?
6743604 Artist on Deviantart called MustLoveFrogs has been calling Adaigo that forever.