Celestia read and reread her latest letter from Twilight, and then let out a long and weary sigh as she set it down on the table.
"I am angry," she declared. "Angry about dragons."
Cadance cocked an eyebrow at Celestia's stoic expression, seemingly contradicting her claims. "That's... that's what you look like angry, Auntie? You look pretty calm to me."
"I assure you I am seething. Twilight just sent me a summary of her events in the Dragonlands."
"Oh?" Luna cocked her head with genuine curiosity. "Anything interesting?"
"It is a damn miracle they did not burn themselves to ash long ago," Celestia said. "Twilight says they had to compete for dominant right to rule in... in, barbarian games. So, our next door neighbours, the fire-breathing behemoths, must follow the will of a ruler selected merely by his physical capabilities. Oh, and those who aren't considered strong are discouraged from competing."
"Wow," Cadance said. "That is kinda troubling."
"I mean fortunately, the ruler who was victorious seems somewhat capable—as in, not willing to go to war for the purpose of going to war—but again this is only thanks to the intervention of Twilight and her friends. Had it not been for a moment's hesitation on the part of Spike, we'd be in the middle of a hostile invasion by the dragons performed on completely tactless grounds." Celestia gave another weary sigh. "It is somewhat troubling to know how frequently a thousand years worth of effort on my part to keep this place peaceful and content could be shattered by the will of such..."
"Degenerates?" Luna offered. "Barbarians? Buffoons?"
"Uh... not something I would say myself, but if you wish." Celestia rolled her eyes. "I mean, first of all, arbitrarily ditching good leaders 'just because' doesn't make a lot of sense, but even so I don't understand why creatures gravitate towards us with hostile intent. The Yaks, the Changelings, the Dragons. Why am I being punished by other nations for being a good leader?"
"They're probably jealous. Or maybe we live on a really big leyline." Cadance shrugged. "Historically, have you two ever ticked any of them off?"
"Not that I can recall," Celestia shook her head. "Luna?"
"Nope." Luna pursed her lips. "Well, actually, maybe Chrysalis."
Cadance and Celestia stared.
"It's a long story."
Luna fiddled with the basket of toast condiments.
"A long and boring story," she added. "Involving ladybugs."
Cadance and Celestia continued to stare.
"Let's just say I did some things during a formal meeting with them a few centuries ago and changelings are really easily offended," Luna said. "In my defense I thought it was customary."
Celestia facehoofed. "On second thought, I don't believe I wish to hear the details."
"I think the most troubling revelation of all of this..." Cadance mused. "...Is that the three of us are technically the most sane rulers this place has. Or at least the only non-warmongering ones."
"That... is a little troublesome," Celestia agreed. A glance across the table at Luna, building a castle out of jam and cream packages and sticking out her tongue in concentration, and sane was hardly the first word to click into Celestia's mind.
Luna's jam castle promptly fell, the blue alicorn cursed, and then rejoined their conversation as though nothing had happened.
"Y'know what I think is the most troublesome thing?" she asked. "How me and Celly took the throne."
"Wait... what?" Celestia cocked her head. "How is that troublesome?"
"'How could they possibly pick an adolescent ruler based solely on her physical capabilities?"' Luna poorly imitated Celestia's voice. "You tell me, Miss We-Defeated-Discord-When-We-Were-Young-And-Then-Became-Rulers."
"Huh." Celestia blinked. "I think I just accidentally discredited my own rule."
"Eh, don't beat yourself up," Cadance said. "You're doing fine, Auntie. A thousand-plus years of peace and happy ponies is kind of a bragging right. You've got a pretty stacked resume if Equestria ever decides to rebel against you and boot you off the throne."
"Gee. Thanks, Cadance," Celestia rolled her eyes again. Then, she gave Luna a faux-glare. "Y'know, if anypony deserves the blame, it's probably Luna. Tell me, sister, why the bulk of all conflict we faced occurred directly before and after your banishment?"
Luna snickered. "Maybe I'm a living leyline? Personally, I'm more curious why our attackers suddenly feel that their chances for successful invasions would be increased by the introduction of three other alicorns and a problem-solving-rainbow-friendship-nuke."
Celestia and Cadance nodded their agreement.
"So what are you going to do about the dragons, Auntie Celly?" Cadance asked.
"Nothing, hopefully. I'll meet with Princess Ember, do my best to put in place lasting relations between us, and perhaps out of this whole ordeal I can go back to not being punished for my failure to warmonger. I mean good heavens, a break from being under threat of invasion long enough to have lunch with Twilight would be nice."
Luna gave a snorting laugh and Cadance shook her head sadly.
"At the rate it's been happening recently? Not likely, Auntie."
Poor Celestia. And as for the enemies gravitating towards Equestria, wasn't it only Garble wanting to attack and burn Equestria? A stupid hotheaded teenager if a dragon whose number of years going through puberty likely outnumber the number of brain cells he has? I didn't see the whole Episode, but I am pretty sure it would have only been him wanting to lead such an attack if he became Dragon Lord.
Not likely indeed.img15.deviantart.net/a893/i/2015/079/7/1/princess_celestia___facehoof_by_mremerald34-d8mear6.png
It's because those other warmongering nations lack really good pillows. Honestly, have you rested your head upon a cloud-pillow covered in sweet cool silk? It is simply DIVINE! And dragons have to rest their heads on rocks... As do diamond dogs, and probably yaks. Changelings get pillows, but not all the pillows they want.
No way. No way! Are you referencing this thing?
Holy shit, that's fucking fantastic.
all the threats to equestria seem to Drag-on. That one group talking about war I think they were just yak-ing on and on about it to try and get some leverage. Maybe they heard about how luna went loonie and was sent to the moonie and that's why they didn't attack for so long. Do you really want to call someone who sent their own IMMORTAL sister to the moon and trapped her their weak? Just saying.
The way I see it, the brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Equestria being as peaceful as it is, it's not that surprising that everything from jerks to megalomaniac centaurs want to fuck with it.
i3.cpcache.com/product/299999094/its_just_a_show_you_should_really_just_relax.jpg
Is it so wrong to want Equestria to have a war?
7134991 Isn't shamelessly leaching off the popularity of a recent episode like you did with a Comedy Slice of Life, like, the most effortless thing I can do though?
7135020
i.imgur.com/IfE5byN.jpg
It's not Tuesday but I shouldn't complain I guess.
EDIT: Fuck trying to do any god-damned thing on a fucking phone piece of shit I hate that.
7135089
Seriously though, Tuesday is the scheduled date, but I usually drop chapters depending on whether or not I feel inspired to write one.
I have a couple chapters stockpiled for Tuesday publishing (like, two of which are Twilight ones which tend to be my favourites) and any others are usually spur-of-the-moment things.
My guess would be that Equestria would look like a good target to invaders due to being at peace for so long giving the allusion that the ponies are soft and easily conquered. Also, Equestria has a lot of resource and magic that would useful to an invader. Wanting to avoid war is a noble pursuit but if done for too long it likes like you are a doormat who is weak. Diamond dog, griffons, and dragons are all predators. A sign of weakness to a predator is an invitation to attack.
Really, my guess is that it's a simple case of confirmation bias - we think the whole world is Equestria, so we assume what we see happening there is all that happens. We basically only ever see or hear about Equestria, so the only conflicts we're going to know about are the ones that happen there. *shrug* It's the place the show is about. Sitcoms that take place in Jersey probably wouldn't reference conflict in Latin America a whole lot.
Perhaps everything that would have otherwise been threatening Equestria had assumed that the Nightmare Moon thing was just a lie to cover up for Celestia murdering her sister, and decided that they'd be better off staying away lest they end up "banished to the moon" themselves.
7135145
I can see that argument being made by those predator species, right up until someone brings up the "You remember it's the country ruled by incarnate alicorn goddesses, right? And they're multiplying."
"...yeah, fair point. Let's invade Yakyakistan instead."
"Good idea. I've reached my limit on being hit in the face by the sun this season."
"When did that happen?"
"Never. And that's my limit."
7135489 Well alicorns are powerful but I do not think they are goddesses more like powerful ageless mages. They are far from omnipotent and not even that old compared to the age of the world.
7135489
I have to conclude that nobody else in the world believes in alicorns until alicorns happen to them.
There are no atheists in a foxhole in Equestria because oh god she's right there help.
7135544
True, but there comes a point at which the difference stops mattering, and that point's probably somewhere below "controls the sun". I suspect that while the Princesses and their close associates are comfortable with the "just old, powerful wizards", the pony on the street who doesn't exactly have day to day contact with them may be more along the lines of "Well, if the Princess-and-Goddess doesn't want to be called a goddess, then I won't call her one. My goddess told me not to, so I'll not do it."
(As a side note, which is purely my headcanon -
In the Exalted RPG, there's mention of how the sun, the chariot of that universe's solar deity, is equipped with all manner of awe-inspiring totipotent weaponry - but that said solar deity has resolutely refused to ever use it, because then the sun would be seen forever after as a harbinger of death and destruction and a threat held over the head of every living being in the world. Despite a number of potentially world-ending catastrophes, he relies on agents to fix the problems that come up, because that alternative is much, much worse.
In my headcanon, Princess Celestia is pretty much exactly that powerful. After all, her special talent is solar management, up to the point where if she really needed to, she could pluck it right out of the sky and beat you to death with it. Which would not take long.
She just doesn't, and for exactly the same reason. Which is both why she relies on the Elements of Harmony, et. al., to solve Equestria's problems - you don't bring a
nukesun to a knife fight - and why most people who do try and attack Equestria tends to be somewhere pretty far down the crazy spectrum.After all, it's not like anyone likely to try knows that she won't weaponize the sun except for something worse than Discord, worse than Tirek, unfixable by the Elements, et. al., and in general of such a scale as to make global armageddon look nice by comparison. They may suspect that she won't. But they can't know.)
Simple enough--Equestria is wealthy. That makes them a target.
^This. I'm with Luna on this one.
7135706 maby they feel that the armies would be more chaotic split between for princesses and as to the nuke simple if i was a dragon and they dived at me breath fire break them away from each other and take one out then no more elemt powers till who ever is most likely killed is replaced though i dout theyd mess with fluttrshy seeing as she made one cry
7136708 The joke though is that opposing forces would've had ample opportunity to invade when Celestia was ruling alone, but instead they waited until she had three princesses at her back and the Elements of Harmony in order to do so. As Luna points out, they have no discernible (sane) reason why they would suddenly wish to invade, given their chances for success have fallen significantly compared to what they'd been ten or even five years prior.
7136739 maby its due to discord being back and chaos has returend to normal plus dont forget her and luna had just beten discord and she banished her wn sister to the moon would u pick a fight with a po no nonsense more warlike leader or more peacefull one whos content not to fight
A question: What is a leyline?
Also: Brilliantly amusing tale! 8D
7137232 In common new-age usage, and put incredibly vaguely, leylines are sites where various supernatural or extraterrestrial activities are said to converge, meaning strange events are believed to be very common. So a forest with many UFO sightings is said by enthusiasts to be a leyline. It's also used to describe sites where certain geographical phenomenon happen frequently (like another word for faultline)
Here's a few real-life examples.
CELESTIA YOU IDIOT! If you call Ember "princess" that's a guarantee cause of war! It'd be like calling the Queen of England a Duke or the Chinese Emperor a Maiden. Seriously, proper title call is essential in political etiquette... hmm, maybe that's why every species in Equestria is invading. Celestia forgot that essential rule and caused international war between nation... uh oh
One more thing; building tiny castles out of packets of cream and jelly is not "sane?" I do that plenty of times waiting for my breakfast.
7137272 Ah righto, I understand now, thanks for explaining, and for the links. Cheers misa pallo!
7139548 To be fair, I think the meeting went somewhere along the lines of:
"Hello! I'm Princess Celestia... the reason the sun rises and sets every day. I heard that you were considering war, and let me just say I'm glad you reconsidered. For your sakes. Anyways, here's a factory-shipping of pillows—I heard you are facing a shortage."
Also rest assured, I do that with the cream packages too—my record is twelve packages high. It just struck me as an image that would look rather immature and amusing if it was a regal and majestic princess horse doing it.
I already commented this in other fic, but the whole "Dragon Lord" seems to be nothing more than a fancy title the Monitor of a summer camp gives to his "aide" to keep the campers in line. Seriously, nobody notized all the competing dragons were teenagers? "King" Torch was simply the guy the other adult dragons (The ones we saw back in the Dragon Migration) put in charge to keep an eye on the fledlings.
Dragon Lord Ember
She got promoted
I'm going with the leyline angle personally.
7140029
Quick question.
Did you read those theories about Torch rigging the competition, and even outright lying in order to pick out the best leader and cull the unworthy?
Hahaha, wow, very nice job well done.
And poor Celly, hmm...
...
My comments suck XD
Hey! The only reason us changelings tried to invade the capital was because we wanted food... And our leader wanted revenge...
7467462 Guess who took your food, eh?
You better find other sources of love-filled pancakes.
Wouldn't it technically be Lady Ember, if dragons have a lordship?
I like to think here's just 1,000 years of unending war we're not told about, and the "land of harmony" we see in the show has been that way since roughly 2 and a half years before Twilight Sparkle was born.
I've thought about this a lot, surprisingly.
I love that description of the elements of harmony. I am so using that.
yep! the timing of all these world-changing events on both ends of a thousand-year-span has always been quite suspect. though i do prefer this reason for Chrysalis's original enmity towards ponies rather than the "just because" we got in the show