Mitchell isn't what you'd call a social teen. He'd rather stay at home alone with his electronics rather than go out to the mall with a friend or go walk around the neighborhood. Some nights he'd dream dreams, big dreams. He knew what they meant, he longed for an adventure. He was tired of the same boring day routines. He wanted something different, something new. One early morning, he woke up in his same old bed in his same old house in a colorful world filled with ponies and other mythical creatures...yep...same boring old---WAIT WHAT?!
Chapters (5)
And so he wrote a story that was the exact opposite of those things.
One thing that helps in writing fiction (besides straying from the popular self-insert path) is to create a protagonist that doesn't make the reader want to pummel said protagonist.
Rainbow Dash does not introduce herself like that...her speech pattern is ooc.
Work on developing your character and build the world that he has to react and adapt to. This is a very vanilla story and the protagonist is not showing normal human behavior from suddenly appearing in an alien world.
For your first story it's pretty good. I can't wait to see what happens next. This story gets a like and a favorite.
Thanks for the comments, I'll try to use these to edit my fanfic. Please just remember that this is the first story I've ever written, so please try your best to refrain from being rude
If I make more fanfics in the future that aren't so good, then you can be rude and I'll accept it. I hope I'm not asking too much. Instead of rude comments, maybe tips? Or just don't comment at all, just ignore the fanfic if you don't like it. Thanks
I know, sorry about that. I often have trouble getting IC when they're first introduced. Just either try to be patient or just don't read the fanfic, thx
Thumbs up for keeping him human.
6957906 That's what beta readers and re-writes are for. But that's not even the point. You couldn't have just down more time thinking about how to write her more in character as opposed to just going with the first thing that popped into your head?
NUUUUU
UPDATE
WAAAAAAAAAAAA