In an attempt to repent for his past mistakes, Naruto Uzumaki left the Land of Fire using a Teleportation Jutsu he created on his own and arrived at Equestria, a magical place where he now considers as his new home. Little did he realize that his sole presence in that dimension alone would cause the entire place to change in ways nopony could ever imagine.
Well, it's a okay for a first time entry, but a few things.
-Drop that "kit" -nonsense right now. It never happened in show, and it never will.
-Where does this story split off from the Naruto story-line? If it's after Pein, you need to go back and remove the part about Kurama, if we're dealing with the normal story-line. If this is after...Actually no there's no real other point in where this could be a thing, honestly. Unless this is end of series, in which case, I feel that there may be more problems up ahead.
-You're misusing terms of past and present. for examples:
Shake
Wouldn't instead of doesn't
Panic
Might want to run this through a MS word spell checker dude. It does wonders.
There a few instances where there seems to be missing words.
Overall, it's an "okay" beginning chapter, but it doesn't really inspire interest in me. All I've really gotten out of this is that something happened, even though I'm just assuming it's the Pein invasion, and that apparently this HAS to be some weird alternate universe of Naruto, because there's no feasible way that he can know Kurama's name, and things are as they are.
Nothing really makes me really care yet.
7029526
7029526
It says it's after the fourth ninja war. Can't you read?
Great job btw. So far it's looking good. Can't wait for the next chapter
7038071
So you downvoted me for one mistake?
I'd definitely not want you giving me reviewing advice if that's all you're gonna nitpick.
7029526
Then i guess Dragon emperor shouldn't listen to your review.
There's nothing that makes him really care yet.
7044590
You're really not that smart are you?
Unlike you who just goes, "Good story, pls updatez", I gave legit criticiism. You know constructive criticism? Oh nevermind you probably have no idea what that is.
Please get over yourself, and stop talking if you have nothing of value to say.
its good and for the fans who read it here its on fanfiction
Great story so far. I can't wait to read the next chapter! I'm curious, though, as to what incident happened back in the Elemental Nations that would make Naruto think he needed to leave. I also wonder how his initial encounter with the ponies will play out. That said, you have my fave!
Keep up the good work!
I've read more of this story on fanfiction.net. It's a shame it's not also being updated here, as there is indeed more content.
When is the next update?
More good