The Millennial Summer Sun Celebration is only a few years away, but Rarity’s fashion career seems to be ending before she can begin it. Now, she has one last chance to find a place for her talent.
But as she works to create the boutique of her dreams, a forgotten piece of Ponyville’s past is waking up. Secret memories lie forgotten in dusty basements, unrighted wrongs scratch at locked doors, and Rarity finds herself caught up in a history that may be doomed to repeat itself.
For although she is the first to set hoof in the Old Town Hall in thirty years, she can’t help but feel that something inside was waiting for her.
A slow-burning, atmospheric horror.
Now with an audiobook by AShadowOfCygnus! Find Chapter 1 here!
Special thanks to Neighrator Pony, GutiuSerenade, and ObabScribbler for pre-reading and feedback!
Cover art by Amiki.
I enjoyed that :) it's nice to see how she got started.
Also,it set the scenes well and the mood. I saw a few typos, but you can chase those things down forever :D
I too like this fanfic.
Not bad. I like the atmosphere you set-up with Rarity as she arrives back in Ponyville. It's like Rarity's own feelings have come to life and are infecting the whole town. There's still a nice build-up to whatever it is that's going to menace her, as it appears to be lingering on the edges of the story, ready to take centre stage once the curtain goes up. Looking forward to more, and to see where this is all going.
PS - Sorry for the deleted comment. I wanted to edit it but I accidently clicked delete instead.
First, I just have to say that the thought of Pinkie Pie, Assistant Realtor is both hilarious and weirdly unsettling.
Secondly, this is a really promising piece. You've got some lovely characterisation for the younger Rarity here- inexperienced, but determined, and always mentally redesigning and making beautiful the world around her. I like her loving-but-exasperated attitude to her mother too, it feels very plausible.
I don't know where the horror aspects are going, but the first incident with the door unlocking and the wrathful pony watching was nicely creepy. I'm following this with interest!
I must say, you really have a way for portraying environment and atmosphere. This chapter, I'm my opinion, gave a different, much warmer vibe than the last one, so it is apparent you know how to weave your words to create different feelings. That takes talent.
Well done, consider me hooked on this.
Right after premier, nice ^^
Noice m8, very noice.
Wow, this is........ I have no words to describe how great this story is so far. The storyline, the setting........ The feeling of being watched even when I was reading this. I so can't wait for more!
I swear, if you let this story die before it's done, I will hunt you down.
Some one get Rarity a priest! Because that place is haunted!
Isn't that the thing that scares people? Insinuate objects that look like there watching you? Who hasn't suspected the doll in the corner is watching you? Or they move at night?
Argh! Inanimate ponyquins that turn to watch you in the mirror. That's incredibly creepy. In fact, darn near everything in the place is designed to terrify; the gas lights, the shadows, the draping fabric that at any point will billow up to form a ghostly, beckoning figure...
Great atmosphere in this chapter. Poor Rarity, too proud too say anything to a friend, and too highly-strung to be able to rationalise away what's she's seeing.
Nicely done. I know it's a long way off, but I am looking forward to hearing this as an audio book :)
Finally got around to reading more of this. I love the mystery you're setting up here. Who was that mare behind the deranged paintings and what horror befell her? It's a great hook to keep the readers wanting to come back and find out just how this is all going to end. Also, I love the atmosphere you set up, as it feels genuinely tense and very suspenseful. My favourite part is the Ponyquins watching her in the mirror. Were they really watching her, or was it part of her paranoia?
I can now see were the 'Drama' tag fits in to all this. Rarity is depressed from her failure and having been rejected from your dream can hit people pretty hard: Speaking from experience. That explains why she's not seeking out advice over what is happening and just chalking it up to nerves.
EDIT: Also, the old gramophone playing away, with disturbing looking paintings... I see what you did there.
And I love it!
OOOH suspense, action, fear, heartbreak... I have no idea where I'm going with this.
Ok, I swear I heard something move upstairs while reading the last chapter. I'm the last one up and it's after 3 in the morning.................. That's how great this story is, makes you a little paranoid to all the little sounds
Oh no, Rarity's being haunted by G3! LOL. Also this story is amazing.
I'm betting Roola committed suicide in the boutique snd her soul still haunts the place. Or she was killed there. A small town murder has a way of affecting older residents to silence.
7108603 Really glad you're enjoying it so far! We do indeed seem to enjoy similar atmospheric themes in our stories, and that scene of yours remains one of my favorites.
This is so well paced and written I'm having a hard time believing that 25 likes.
I think it's pretty convenient that this inspector shows up just to lodge a scathing inspection report and ensure Rarity dives into the history of the place. I bet he knows something, probably the same thing Dog-Ear knows, about the old artist and this was a roundabout way of warning Rarity.
Either way, can't wait for the next chapter!
Will this story have a happy ending?
And the mystery deepens!
NOOOOOOO not the most fluttery pony ever... Fluttershy! img11.deviantart.net/48fa/i/2012/087/b/4/fluttershy___the_face_of_sorrow_by_firestorm_can-d4ua9mk.png
Rarity could solve a lot of her problems if she just opened up and asked for help.
Rarity has a serious problem, much worse than sleepwalking I think.
So many little twists and turns! Good job! :)
7157968 Thank you!
Wow. That was one hell of a disturbing dream there, and the mirror... I was genuinely unsettled by it. Something is definitely wrong with the Carousel. Something that goes beyond simple magic. This is getting really creepy, and I can't wait for more, just to see where this is all going. Creepy atmosphere and creepy dreams all melding together to leave the audience feeling unsettled and apprehensive. Good job.
PS, there's nothing more unnerving than looking up into the night sky and seeing nothing.
Noice m8, very noice.
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Why do I get the same feeling reading this I got from watching Poltergeist when I was young?
Eek :o)
I can't see how she'll patch things up with the girls?
Curiouser and curiouser. It's a little soul crushing to see Rarity in this stage of her life, but it also helps us see how this mare will became the Element of Generosity. Half of me is not only interested in the horror aspect of this story, but the other half wants to see the long road Rarity has to follow and how its all going to end.
It's also a little maddening the way you keep dropping subtle hints as to the history of the place. It's not enough to explain everything at once, but just enough to keep out appetites wetted and wanting more.
Rarity needs to push something up against that basement door. Like a heavy China cabinet.
Well, that's certainly an interesting read so far. Very oppressive. I have to admit, I had to laugh at "Pinkie Pie: Real Estate Agent!" but otherwise, you've really been very good about keeping up that horror tone.
I love the oppressive atmosphere you create with your words, as it really pulls the reader in. Every time you take us into the house it feels exactly like you describe it. Old, lonely and dark, with something else hiding in the shadows. I can't wait for more.
Oooh, nice use of 'equine' :o)
"Pinkie was frowning and tapping her chin with her hoof, but her ears were angled attentively at Rarity"
Hello!
Grand Moff Pony here on behalf of the group You Might Like This. I wanted to let you know that your story was featured in one of our latest recommendation posts!
Thank you for sharing your story with the community, and have a great day!
-GMP
Chilling, excellent. I am anxious for more. I just marathoned the chapters and am left shivering with anticipation for what comes next. This deserves many more words of praise, but I am too worried for Rarity's plight to form them into sentences. Please continue to write, as swiftly and surely as you may.
(I think this would be a shoe-in for EQD if you choose to submit it)
7201157 Oh wow!
Many thanks, it means a lot to me to be given a feature like that!
7201838 Thank you, that is some high praise! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!
Well, this went from 0 to 100 real quick. Rarity must have some big brass balls to just take in the paintings and see all that stuff in the showroom and just go straight back to bed.
7123675 Well it's a prequel and Rarity is doing pretty well now isn't she?
7141514 Rarity needs the Element of Honesty to tell her what's what. Or maybe the Element of Laughter could cheer the ghost up and make her into a friendly ghost.
7218626 I think she needs the element of exorcism. Or Princess Celestia and a bottle of holy water.
I wonder if the..."magic" affecting the building is what caused Toola Roola to paint those things in the first place?
Oh no I'm all caught up. Really enjoying this tale of horror, madness and the occult. And friendship. And ponies.
Present cliffhanger aside (Fluttershy to the rescue?), it's nice to see Rarity getting a handle on things. She's not just a piece now, she's playing its game...