Chapter XIII
“Gamble! Stand down!!” the female warrior shouted as she tried to get the much larger human to lower his weapon.
However, Yavaar could easily detect that she was incapable of stopping him. The body mass difference alone meant that she would have had to struggle just to shove him back a few inches, nevermind trying to disarm him alone.
However, she had some help in the form of her other subordinate, who quickly grabbed the projectile weapon and shoved the now disarmed Gamble to his buttocks.
“Are you freaking insane? They have us surrounded! Your little stunt could get us all killed!!” The yet unnamed subordinate yelled as he handed the weapon to his leader.
Gamble didn’t respond. In fact, Yavaar was about ninety-eight percent certain that he couldn’t.
While Yavaar’s primary mission was to watch over his cousins of Earth, his secondary mission had been to monitor their development, and look for any problems that might arise during first contact. And right now, with how Gamble was staring at Yavaar’s holographic avatar, and how Yavaar’s scanners were detecting a spike in the human’s adrenal production, he was fairly certain he had accidentally stumbled over one of humanity’s more common phobias.
“I’m terribly sorry,” Yavaar said as he shut down the holographic projector. “If I had been aware of one of your number having ophidiophobia, I wouldn’t have used my avatar so recklessly.”
The female warrior quickly turned towards where the hologram had been moments before, her weapon lowered and her other hand held out in what Yavaar could only assume was in a placating gesture. “He didn’t mean it! Please don’t… wait, what?”
“From my sensor readings, it’s clear that your companion has a deeply rooted fear of the common terrestrial organism known as the snake. My people share many physical characteristics with this reptile, so it is understandable that he would react in such a fashion,” Yavaar answered in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. “My compliments to your reaction speed, as well as your jump to fight, instead of flight. Had I been a real, physical threat, I would have been neutralized very quickly.”
Gamble didn’t answer. All he did was stare at the floor, his breathing ragged, and his whole frame shaking as his body’s vitals slowly returned to a more normal level.
The female warrior took a hesitant step forward, clearly unsure about something, though it was just a little bit beyond Yavaar’s capabilities to extrapolate why that was. “You’re… not mad?”
Yavaar hummed a little bit before responding. “I had calculated that there was roughly a seventy percent chance that you would have fired your weapons the moment I showed you my avatar. There was a further fifty percent chance that you would have fired the moment I started speaking, and a twenty percent chance that you would have fired the moment I ended. I am not ‘mad,’ merely relieved that I need not attempt to reason you out of further violence.”
“Are you… a machine?”
Though Yavaar had detected her movement before she said anything, he was still somewhat surprised that the unarmed human inside the van had spoken. He gave out another low hum before responding. “I am not. I am unsure if your people have an adequate word for what I am or not, but it would be incorrect to assume that I am some sort of robot.” He spent several cycles thinking about this before his central processor finally conceded the point. “However, because of your lack of understanding, you may think of me as a computer, or an artificial intelligence. It is not a perfect comparison, but it is an apt one, since that is the role I fulfill on this station.”
Yavaar observed patiently as the human standing guard over the van attempted to get the civilian back inside the relative safety of the automobile, before being waved off by the female warrior. “Let her out. She might be useful, and it’s apparent that we’re not about to be vaporized.”
With a small, rumbling sound, the large human standing guard moved out of the way, allowing the civilian to move towards the center of the room with small, hesitant steps. “Why did you bring us here? And why was it so important that you find out about the aliens who already came?”
“Oh! I apologize for that. I have a few reasons for bringing you here, but the most important one is that it is very illegal among my kind to interfere with the development of a pre-spacefaring species.” Yavaar hummed again, then cut off the interjection that the warrior closest to the van was about to make. “And no, while making it to your moon with your current level of technology is impressive, it does not count under our definition of spacefaring.”
The warrior slowly lowered his hand and closed his mouth, looking a bit crestfallen. The female warrior seemed to take this in stride, however. “So, what does this make you? Some kind of scientific outpost put here to study us?”
According to his records and studies, that sort of question could have been a very belligerent one. However, her tone was more curious than anything else. “That is merely my secondary objective. My primary purpose is to watch the space surrounding your planet and ensure that the Krin, the aliens that attacked you, do not attempt anything untoward against your people without our knowledge.”
This seemed to surprise the assembled humans. “You’re… protecting us?” the female leader asked.
“You’re doing a lousy job of it…” Yavaar heard the one called Gamble mutter under his breath. It seemed that the initial fear response he suffered had worn off, though he still seemed fairly agitated.
Yavaar chose to ignore him. “Yes, my primary purpose is to ensure that you are left unmolested, but I admit that I have failed. The Krin have developed a new generation of cloaking technology—one that I am quite incapable of detecting with my current suite of sensors. Not only that, but they have irreparably damaged my base, making it quite impossible for me to alert my superiors of their incursion.” This seemed to make the humans worry more, which only would make what he had to say next all the more difficult. “That is why I brought you here. I need your help to remove me from this base; once that task is complete, I promise to tell you everything I know of the intergalactic political landscape, as well as your best options for defending yourselves.”
The humans huddled into a group again, whispering among themselves before finally breaking apart. Yavaar could hear every word said, but he chose to pretend that he couldn’t. “We’ll see what we can do, but first we’ll need you to send at least some of us back to Earth. If what you say is true, we’ll need personnel and equipment to get to you,” the apparent leader said as she holstered her weapon.
“Splendid! Now, if I may be so bold, before I send you back, may I ask your names?” Yavaar asked politely.
“I’m Special Agent Vale, this is Special Agents Stone, Smith and Bartlett,” Agent Vale said, pointing to each of her subordinates in turn. Yavaar noticed that she introduced the one called Gamble as Bartlett, and made a note to ask about that in the future in his memory core. “The civilian is Valerie,” she finally finished as the rest of her team holstered their weapons in turn.
“Very well. I shall send you back the same way you came, but I must warn you: It seems that one of my probes was destroyed by your compatriots, so I will not be putting you exactly where I found you. Instead, I will place you a few hundred of your feet away, in an effort to preserve my last remaining probe. If it is destroyed, our link between this facility and your home planet would be effectively severed.”
Special Agent Vale nodded in understanding, her face turned up into a hesitant smile. “I’ll be sure to remember that. Now, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like you to send Bartlett, Valerie and myself home, while Stone and Smith stay behind. We’ll gather at the place you return us to once we’re ready.”
“As you have said it, so shall it be. But please, be quick; time is of the essence, and I do not know when the Krin will strike again. May the Creator watch over you in your efforts,” Yavaar said as he powered up the teleporter for the return trip.
“Wait, what-” Valerie started to ask, but her question was cut off as she vanished from the facility.
“May the Creator watch over us all…” Yavaar muttered as he started making preparations for his removal from the observatory.
* * *
“Aeropus! Aeropus!”
Aeropus looked up from the helmet he was polishing to see quite a few changeling pupa galloping into his shared pod. The sight of so many changeling pupa entering his pod both alarmed and put a smile on the older changeling's face. “Hey, guys… shouldn’t you be getting ready to head out with the caretakers?”
If the little ones heard him at all, they didn’t show it. “Aeropus! We saw it! We saw the Promethean!!”
“Is it true that it’s going to stop the ponies?”
“It looked different than I thought it would… Aren’t they supposed to have more hair?”
“I didn’t think its eyes would look so much like a changeling drone’s eyes…”
“Can they really create order from chaos?”
“Stop! Stop!!” Aeropus said, waving his hooves to get the younger one’s attention. By Themis, was I really that excitable when I was a pupa? he thought as he rubbed his head wearily. “The Promethean’s visit is amazing after all this time, but you need to be more concerned with getting out of here. We’re still not sure if he’ll even think about helping us, so you need to follow your caretakers. Go back to the egg rooms and wait for them there.”
The young changelings all groaned at that, but they turned around as the older changeling instructed, allowing him the precious time he needed to ready his equipment.
He was a pod leader, and as such, it was his job to ensure the safety of the hive. He still fully intended on following his Queen’s orders, but if it was determined that the Equestrians would not listen, it was his job to ensure the survival of the hive’s future.
Even if that meant bloodshed.
With a sigh, the changeling began putting on his gear, starting with the large, purple breastplate.
“Why is da Promefian so spethal?” a small voice asked, causing Aeropus to drop his plate armor in fright. He quickly turned, only to find little Shell, barely fresh from being a larva, sitting on his rump in the entrance, a hoof in his mouth and a question in his eyes.
“It’s not the Promethean that’s important—it’s his connection to the ponies,” Aeropus said, giving the young one a quick smile. He then sent the little rascal on his way with a light swat of his hoof. “Now, get out of here; I bet the caretakers are worried sick about you.”
The young one didn’t complain, though he did grumble a bit as he turned to follow his elder’s instructions. Aeropus just shook his head, then got back to putting on his armor, the joy he felt at seeing the younglings fleeing with every piece he donned.
* * *
“Well? What did he say!?” Malphis asked, nearly beside herself with excitement as little Shell came around the corner.
“He thaid that… uh…” Shell stopped for a second to stick his hoof in his mouth and think. His eyes suddenly lit up as he remembered what Aeropus had told him. “He thaid that the Promefian wathn’t important, but… but conneshion to the ponieth ith.”
Malphis perked up at this, an understanding grin on her face. “Oh! The Queen Mother must want it to tell the ponies we don’t want to fight! Then we’ll all be friends!!”
The other pupa all nodded sagely at the eldest’s words. It was just the sort of plan that Mother would come up with to save the hive. “You think they would feed us willingly after that?” one of them asked.
“I don’t know… but I bet the Promethean would be able to tell us if we asked nicely!” Malphis said as she turned towards the direction of the throne room. “Come on! I heard that Mother was taking it to the Hall of Gaea!”
A little voice interrupted them before they had even taken one step. “But… Aeroputh thaid we need to go to our pod…”
“Don’t worry, Shell, we’ll go there... right after we ask the Promethean about the ponies!” Malphis said, brushing off the youngest’s concerns. “In fact, Father probably made it on the way today! Come on!”
“But…” Shell started to say, but trailed off when he realized that the others had stopped listening, and already were making their way towards the throne room. “But… but guyth! Guyth!!”
Feeling completely ignored, Shell chased after them, trying to get their attention, but failing spectacularly as the older pupa talked about how different the Promethean must be to all the stories the caretakers had told them when they were larva.
* * *
I was faintly aware of the shapechanger queen’s voice, probably expounding further upon the mystery in front of me, but I couldn’t hear her. All I could do was stare at the lettering on the plaque, its flowing, silvery script becoming more familiar by the second.
I couldn’t read it, of course, but I still recognized it. It was Greek, after all, one of the most influential languages to western culture. Being an American geek probably didn't hurt, either. Things like this tended to piqued my interests in ways I didn’t fully comprehend.
The armor was similarly recognizable. History honestly wasn’t my strong suite, but I had played plenty Dungeons and Dragons, and while they might have gotten many things wrong about ancient weapons and armor, they still got some things right. Just enough things to get my old friend Jacob talking about all the differences whenever we sat down to play.
That was beside the point, though. Both the script, and the armor, were clearly of Grecian make. That marked the man wearing it, and probably the people in the other coffins, as ancient Grecian soldiers.
Ignoring the queen, I quickly rushed over to another coffin, then another, then another. Each face was different, but they all wore the same human-made armor, carried some form of human-made weapon, and had the same plaques written in a human language. The facts were clear, and no matter how much I thought it impossible, I could not deny the evidence of my own eyes.
Somehow, a group of ancient Greeks had ended up a very long way from home. On top of that, it looked like they’d became stranded here.
“H...How?” I finally asked, surprised at just how shaky my voice was. “How is this even possible? Earth must be hundreds of light-years away… how did not one, but two groups of us arrive here!?”
“I not know what draw you here, but I know why they came. They fail at reason, but we Changers of Hive Provide remember. We of Hive Provide always remember.”
I turned back to her, my eyes really seeing the shapechanger… no, the changer... No, that didn’t quite sound right… the Changeling Queen for the first time. She was taller than her children, her horn was longer and more crooked, and her eyes had irises, but otherwise she was pretty similar to her children.
More than that, though, I saw someone who had answers. Someone who was familiar with humans, and more importantly, might know a way to get me home.
“Please… why did they come here? And why couldn't they return home?” I asked, hope swelling in my chest.
She didn't answer at first. Instead, she moved closer to Markos' coffin, slowly circling it until it was between the two of us. She then cleared her throat, and ignited her horn in a blaze of purple.
“According to record of the Queens of Provide, in Age of Chaos, there was a demon,” she said, her voice taking on a more formal, theatrical tone. I guessed that this was some kind of oral tradition, passed down from Queen to Queen, so I didn't interrupt; especially since her magic started weaving pictures and illustrations to go along with her story. Instead, I sat on the ground and listened, watching intently as the Queen’s tale unfolded. “The demon, powerful and mischievous. By his will, rivers turned around, fish walk on land, and very bones of earth turned to wine. Many people try fight back, but all turn mad that try. Most run, flee, hide, but he find. Bring madness where order reign, and terror where peace should be.”
In response to her words, the magic above her twisted itself to look like some kind of monster. It was long and serpentine, with its various limbs looking like they were taken from completely unrelated animals. It had a lion’s paw and a eagle claw for its front limb, while its hind limbs were that of a goat and some kind of prehistoric dinosaur. Its tail was also reptilian, but not only did it not share colors with the demon's hind leg, but the tail also spiced things up by ending in some kind of feathery tuft. The demon's wings were mismatched as well, one being from something with feathers, while the other looked like it came from a bat. Its head looked vaguely equine, though the horns on top looked like an antler and… well, I wasn't really sure about the second one. Possibly a goat?
At any rate, its face was long, its eyebrows big and bushy, as was the goatee under its chin. Its mouth was twisted in a mischievous smile that only made it look completely out of its gourd, especially with the single fang sticking out of its mouth and the eyes that had pupils of different sizes.
The whole thing looked like Picasso had gone on a bender, and had decided to paint while he was sloshed.
As I watched, the magic also started to form other shapes. There were unicorns, dirt ponies and pegasi of each kind I had seen, as well as some of kinds that I hadn’t seen. There were even some changelings thrown in there too, but I quickly noticed something weird: the other races were nowhere to be found. No griffons, no minotaurs, not even a single dragon.
Heck, she even showed some kinds of equines that I hadn't seen before. I saw some zebra, buffalo, and even yaks. But… no other species were present.
Before I could fully comprehend this discrepancy, the magic started to move. The demon quickly flew over the assembled equines, turning rivers black, causing the skies to glow pink and rain a brown substance, changing fields into oceans, and generally causing more havoc than I thought possible, all while cackling like a maniac.
I wasn't entirely certain how much of this was fact, how much of it was a metaphor, and how much was exaggeration caused by repeated retelling, but I kept an open mind. After all, the rulers of the ponies were capable of moving the sun and moon. I wouldn't put it past the universe right now to have a being capable of causing the kind of chaos that the queen was depicting.
“How long was this thing's reign?” I asked, thoroughly absorbed into the tale at this point.
“We not know… could be centuries.” The demon twisted around until it appeared in front of a large clock, and with a snap of its claws, caused it to run in reverse. “Chaos cause clocks run back, change motion of sun and moon, destroy our records, even cause time itself to move back. For most ponies, history begins thousand years ago, when Sun and Moon finally stop madness. They have stories about earlier, stories that somehow carry over through Chaos, but they not remember whole truth. Neither we, for matter. But for us, history begin again lot earlier. It begin when they appeared.”
The demon disappeared, as did most of the ponies, leaving behind only the changelings. They all turned, expressions of wonder on their faces as a sheet of pure white appeared in the air, through which stepped a familiar figure. One who was a spitting image for the human carved into Markos’ coffin lid.
“They call themselves o ánthropos, but we know as Promethean, for story of their creation,” The Queen said as more and more humans came flooding through that mysterious archway. “They come to slay the demon.”
Whoa. Talk about a plot twist. Mind blown! I'd love a short or one-shot side-story about the soldiers' attempt to take on the "demon" just to see how it all played out. That's awesome!
I have no idea what's going on. Been a while since I read this so I'm completely lost.
Damn... Alright, this is going to get interesting. Eagerly looking forward to more as always.
Let me guess: Wizards are real, and the gods were dynasties of ultrapowerful magic users. But, the art of magic was lost/corrupted somehow, so only very few people retained the ability to a meaningful extent. These numbers dwindled, and so did the level of magic they could use, until only the capacity/potential was left alongside legends of ages long past.
ive got family members who react to snakes in extreme ways, whether their afraid or just despise them with every fiber of their, im not sure why, they never explained. personally i think the snakes dont get enough boops to the snoot.
Reading about the changeling pupa was just adorable, i bet shell and twist could be friends what with their lisps.
i know it wont be easy but i hope the ponies and changelings can become friends.
8071338
The fear of snakes is one rooted in the DNA of humans and many apes alike, and is most likely one of the reasons that we have good eye sight.
Baby apes(chimps/bonobos) have been tested and shown that, while they don't instinctually fear snakes, they are quick to learn and develop a fear of snakes after witnessing videos of other apes(chimps/bonobos) showing a fear response towards snakes.
Edit: I don't recall/know much on the subject, if you want to know more you should probably look it up.
Discord and The Coyote need to meet up one day.
8071321 If that is the case then I can all but hear the ancient aliens guys on the discovery channel yelling I told you so through the boundaries of time and space.
s2.quickmeme.com/img/1e/1e9494df0b206c608e42ca07e6746e16691b2ccc7e573c32234ee5bb427d7803.jpg
8071338
People with communicative disabilities tend to strongly avoid and dislike other people with the same disability, because it forces them to experience their problem as both the source and the recipient, creating a feedback loop of evidence-fueled-depression and undirected resentment against the reminder of their disability, and tangentially against other holders of that disability.
As a similar example, the same feedback loop occurs when two clinical narcissists are stuck in the same room.
In both cases, neither party has any logical reason for disliking the other party, but each party suffers severe emotional dissonance on a subconcious level throughout the interaction, which expresses itself conciously as an illogical drive to avoid the correlated source of the dissonance.
Discord (breaking out again): "Free! FREE ONCE AGAIN! Ok, time for running another game against the Ele..."
Alex ( looking at him with curiosity)
Discord: ".........well, shit." "
Well, that's interesting. It sounds like Yavaar is probably an uploaded personality, and the twist with the Greeks should have some very interesting consequences.
As for your exposition problem, I think that might stem from trying to use Alex's viewpoint. That limited your ability to really make the narrative of the retelling flow due to the translation errors and forced you to describe Discord which is always a bit of a chore. I think it might have worked better if you told it from the queen's perspective so you could have made the narrative flow more smoothly and given you an opportunity to explore her character a little more. I'm not sure if you tried this or not and it's definitely not worth the effort of a complete rewrite at this point since the scene is functional as is and short enough not to be a serious problem, but experimenting with alternative viewpoints is definitely worth keeping in mind for future bouts of exposition.
I don't know why you hate this chapter. Bit exposition-y, but very solid otherwise, and I suppose the exposition couldn't be avoided with something like ancient Greek soldiers showing up to do battle with frickin' Discord
Exposition problem, Knight? If you're worried about having too much exposition, then let me just say that I think you don't have enough of it. We're finally going to start getting some more lore/answers and you decide to end the chapter here? I'm almost tempted to cry foul for the tease, almost.
Really interested to see where we go from here and what the Equestrians reactions will be when they finally arrive. Hopefully things don't get too bloody.
I have an interesting image of King Leonidas throwing a spear at Discord...
I've been waiting for all of this exposition! You can only build up so much mystery until you absolutely need a big expository exchange just to relieve all of the tension.
Dude a story cant be all action theres gonna be slow points. Keep telling the stories.
8071497
. . . good lord, thats actually terrifying. imagine a situation where extreme cases are forced to be in close proximity with each other for a long period of time.
i dont suppose there are cases where the opposite occurs?
Corrections offered without malice.
these are
pupae
pupae
Well. That's an interesting story.
Whoa! This leaves major ties with why mythology legends seem so similar!
So plans continue on motion, now our hero has a bit of reason to protect the changelings.
There's only one probe left? Wow, talk about going up a creek...
Keep going! ;)
8071703
Arguably, yes, no, and N/A all at once.
The dissonance never stops existing, but its emotional 'polarity' can be reversed by meta-self-aware individuals, where the negative emotional feedback is actively translated into a set of positive effectors, just as an athlete may translate the burn of their muscles as a sign of successful exercise.
It grows more complicated from there on, but as a general rule sticking together two individuals with similar-symptom communicative disabilities will lead each party to internally dehumanize their view of the other party until the dissonance recedes.
The end result is usually a very efficient and forgiving relationship, as each party views the dissonantly-similar-flaws of the other party as an apathetically expected and genuinely unavoidable consequence of their malfunctioning wetware/meatsack.
Those little changelings are giving me serious Muppet Babies vibes.
Shouldn't pony history begin a at least a century or so more than a thousand years ago? I mean, 1000 years ago was when Luna finally got tired of living in her sister's shadow and became Nightmare Moon. Presumably they were around as rulers long enough for that to make sense as happening, which I would expect to be enough that one wouldn't just say "A thousand years" when describing how far back the start of their rule was.
owrtho
Awesome! Lots of exposition, like you said in your blog, but it was interesting exposition.
8072025 Yes, but Titania doesn't want to go that in-depth. It's easier to just say "A thousand years ago" instead of "A thousand sixty-three years ago" and explain why there was that sixty-three year discrepancy. She just wanted to tell the story of Discord and didn't want to get bogged down with details over what happened afterwards, so she fudged some of the numbers to make the story smoother and more easily digestible.
8071321 Not... exactly. You'll just have to sit and wait, because I'm not giving much away.
"they'd become" or "they became"
The plot continues to thicken! I like the name Aeropus, plus it's less confusing than sharing a name.
8072199 Reminds me of one little bit from Xiaolin Showdown...
"Why is it always 1,000 years?"
"It is actually 962 years, but 1000 seems more ominous".
So goood.
Want next chapter.
8072312
"Flooding"? I take it we're talking armies, not just those notable individuals who were immortally entombed.
So the Greeks had already developed at least some of their myths and legends when they first visited Equestria, given the Prometheus origin story. Maybe from some sort of 'magical leakage' from Equus to Earth giving individuals unique gifts (hence the Oracle, which may have been the one who lead the armies to attack Discord to begin with).
Given the time distortion, the actions of Discord may have been directly responsible for the myths forming, or he might have worked the myths into his shenanigans. So I guess it's a 'which came first' question: the mythical creature myths or the humans on Equus? If it's the latter (and given the prevalence of animal transformations in Greek mythology), perhaps Discord transformed some of the humans into sapient versions of their own mythical creatures?
It's interesting to note that Starswirl must have made contact much later, making Alex at least the third iteration of contact. Given the Merlin myth, he likely created his portal and visited sometime in the 4th or 5th century AD. Meanwhile, The Odyssey is thought to have been composed as early as the 8th century BC.
PLUS ALIENS!
This story is not convoluted at all
Nope
I like the scene with the changeling pupa in it. It was pretty cute.
Well, that was quite the exposition.
Also, yay for you for getting over the part you hated! Onwards to the better stuff for you
8071617
This. The chapter ended right as it was getting started.
8073114 Remember, the 'flooding' thing was in Titania's retelling, so she may have been exaggerating just a bit.
As for your concerns about this being convoluted, I understand where you're coming from. But you must remember a couple of things: One, earth's history is kind of convoluted already. I mean, I'm still not certain how all the dominoes fell with World War I. Two: This story (as well as my others) are all tests. I'm using fimfiction to hone my skills as a writer, see what works and what doesn't, and work out the ideas I have inside my head on live people before throwing them out into the open market.
I fully intend on publishing this story once I remove all the mlp stuff from it. I'm also going to be tightening things up, closing up loose ends, and making the whole thing a lot more coherent. Think of what I have on fimfiction as the first or second draft of the final product.
I know that knowing that will probably turn off a lot of people to reading this, but this information has been in both my blogs and my author's notes before. I'm sorry for using you guys as guinea pigs, but short of going back to college and majoring in creative writing (which I don't have the money to do right now), this is really my best option in honing my storytelling skills.
8073488
No apologies necessary. Plenty of pros write fan fiction to keep their writing skills up to par while they hammer out their next work. Supposedly Stephen King and Patrick Rothfuss are among those that do so. If that be true, you my friend are in mighty company.
Gotta admit though... The thought of Stephen King writing a pony fic is incredibly amusing. Can ya'll imagine a version of Cujo or Christine starring the Mane 6? Now that right there is amusing.
8073588 Now that's the only thing I can think of. Thanks for the image of Pinkie diving Pennywise insane. Well, more insane.
8073488
8073588
I agree with Silver; half the point of writing fanfiction is to get feedback on your writing. Adapting it to suit different audiences isn't some great crime. As for my 'convoluted' comment, I never meant that was a bad thing. A Song of Ice and Fire is convoluted, too, yet that would be a poor reason not to read it.
HOLY FREAKING SNAP DUDE!!!! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!?!?!?!? THAT WAS WAY TO SHORT!!!!!
also, am i the only one who feels like Alex is going to end up saving the baby changlings?
WOT?!?
8073488 Why would we think less of you for using Fanfiction to practice your writing? isn't that what writers say all the time? (unless they're Orson Scott Card).
Also, I know it's probably long down the road but I would love a copy of the final book.
To be honest, I really want a printed version of the Humanity Within Trilogy on my bookshelf, this is one the best stories I've read on this site.
Some minor feedback: in formal writing, a sentence may have only one terminal punctuation mark. End sentences with "." or "?" or "!" but never "!!" or "!?". Also I'm REALLY enjoying where this story is going and running into "!!" repeatedly is super distracting. ^_^;
I know I'm weird but I really like "slow parts" and exposition. So far the balance has been pretty good for my taste. I agree with D48 that using the queen's perspective may have made execution smoother.
At any rate, moar plz!
My guess is the ανθρωπότητα came through the Χαπα'ί before it got buried in Αίγυπτος...
8073488
What I'm going to laugh at is when you do get around to finally publishing this under your real name, how your real name author is going to be accused of plagiarism by any of your fans here who missed reading your post
8076565 That has crossed my mind...
Someone needs to tell Yavaar to talk like snek!
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/096/022/b0e.jpg
8076979 Good. 'Cause I was planning to lead the charge then sit back and watch the fun.
Hmmmmm... Greek heroes going to slay a demon but never seen again... nothing off the top of my head... let's see what google says.
8078178 You won't find anything. I'm playing a little bit fast and loose with this one. Sorry.
That's not to say that I didn't look for anything like that, but I couldn't find anything either.
8081442
There are a lot of unsung heroes in history. Not all of them get to become legends.
8082181
That is a pretty funny and accurate description of Discord.