Oops

by Star_Fall

Chapter 1

We sat together in the music room, Tavi having called me in here to look at something.

While I stood there for some reason I could feel a heavy draft on my flank even tho we were inside and the only breeze was coming from the air conditioning unit which I was not close to at the time. Deciding not to worry about it I instead focused my attention on the mare in front of me tapping my hooves impatiently.

"So what is it Tavi, What boring thing did you call me in here to look at."

"Vinyl it's not boring in fact I think you'll rather like it." She said with a bit of nervousness in her voice and eyes locked somewhere behind me. Though I didn't notice, still waiting impatiently for her to show me what it was that was so interesting.

"Um well now that I think about it maybe you won't like it."

"Oh come on Tavi you drag me all the way in here and now you won't show me what it is you brought me in here for just hurry already!" Impatience getting the better of me.

"O-ok Vinyl." Octavia said opening the cello case next to her and extracting her boring old bowstring except that was the problem it wasn't her boring old bowstring something was different about it. The string, it was blue, not just any blue though neon blue just like my mane, it was awesome to say the least. I wondered where Tavi could have gotten such an awesome bowstring.

"Wow!" I said looking at the bowstring "A neon blue bowstring. Where did you get it Tavi?" I asked while turning to look at Octavia who had been sitting quietly beside me the entire time.

"Tavi? Hey why do you have that look on your face come on tell where did you get that bowstring?"

"Eh he he N- nowhere important Scratchy..." Octavia said eyes darting to and fro but where she was looking at I couldn't tell.

"Why do you sound so nervous and, why did you call me Scratchy? You only do that when your trying to calm me down." I was beginning to figure out where she kept looking, I think it was somewhere behind me but I still wasn't sure.

"N-n-no reason Scratchy." Octavia clearly had some secrete she was hiding and I was going to find out what it was.

"Alright Tavi what’s going on?" I asked with a hint of worry in my voice.

P- promise me you won't get mad Scratchy!" Octavia exclaimed grabbing a hold of my withers.

"Oh Tavi you know I couldn't get mad at you."

"I know but still just promise me" she asked a look of worry on her face.

I knew the only way I was going to get an answer was if I promised her and, with her being in my face I could definitely tell it was behind me whatever had her so bothered.

"Ok ok I promise" I said with a sigh turning to look behind me to see what had my marefriend so worried but as I did she grabbed a hold of my head and yanked it back!

"No!" she practically yelled in my face. Now I was definitely curious and a slight bit worried myself.

"It was such a wonderful idea and I couldn't resist please believe me when I say I'm sorry Scratchy"

"Sorry for what?" I asked still trying to look back but my head was firmly locked in place by her hooves.

"The string for the bow... it's from your tail" she trailed off at that point, looking away.

"HA is that why you were worried Tavi? I think it looks awesome why would you think I would get mad at you for that?

"Well I didn't at first which is why I did it but when I sniped a piece of your tail you twitched and I ended up taking more then a piece off" all this was said while she still looked away eyes shut tight her hooves finally reluctantly letting go to allow me to look back.

I wish I hadn't.

Nothing, their was nothing, just a little stubble protruding from the top of my flank if my face hadn't already been white it would have been now I stared in shock for a few more moments before a wave of anger overcame me.

"Tavi!" I yelled turning back to Octavia. Again I wish I hadn't for she was laying on the floor eyes shut tears rolling down her face I felt horrible yelling at her. All of my anger had left just as fast as it had come.

"Tavi" I said again this time in a much gentler tone.

Slowly she turned her head and opened her eyes tears still streaming down her face.

"I'm so sorry Scratchy if I had known what was going to happen I would never have done it" She said her voice shaky.

"Shh it's ok Tavi I forgive you." I laid beside her resting my head against hers her tears soaking the side of my face but I didn't care.

"You're not mad at me?" she asked her crying slowing down and a confused look on her face.

"Of course not Tavi! I told you I could never get mad at you, besides it'll grow back." I laughed and so did she.

"Thank you Scratchy for forgiving me I worried you would hate me forever."

"I could never hate you and there is nothing you could do to make me hate you Tavi" I said. A kind loving look on my face.

"I'm so lucky to have you Scratchy, I love you so much." Octavia said nuzzling me while crying again but for a different reason.

"I love you too Tavi." I nuzzled her back.

We sat there for awhile laying against each other before my stomach made a loud rumble.

"Heh what do you say we get something to eat Tavi I'm starving" I said hopping up and walking towards the kitchen. Tavi tagging behind a smile on her face.

Comments

[tornado bolt]

I like the pic, cant wait to read it

[Danbo]

..No offense, but I couldn't even finish it. You need an editor. Quick. The grammar is..kind of atrocious, to say the least. Words could have been changed to make it..flow better (see, I just did it.)..it's overall, not that great.
Yes, I realize it is your first story, just some criticism.

[Star_Fall]

767523
Yeah grammar has never been my strong point... Sorry it's so bad I'm going to find an editor for it and hopefully make it better

[Xerzes]

Spelling. Spell better.

[Caneighdian Jake]

The story is great (as well as the concept) and you did a good job capturing the personalities of Vinyl and Octavia. However, the story does need some editing; I noticed a few spots that seem to be missing periods or words. If there were any spelling mistakes, they did not stick out to me.

Overall, its a pretty good job for a first story. As grammar mistakes can be fixed with a thorough editing session, I definately think it deserves a thumbs up.

[Ditzy Doo]

You did really good for a first time. It's a cheery little story and I like it.

[Fley_The_Dragon]

I need to point out some errors in writing.

Several times you spelled the word "though" as "tho".

I noticed at least one instance of the word "their" used incorrectly.

This sentence, among others, has some punctuation errors in it.
"Vinyl it's not boring infact I think you'll rather like it." She said...

I believe should look more like this.
"Vinyl, it's not boring, In fact I think you'll rather like it," she said...

When directly addressing someone by name or title you should appropriately use a comma before or after the fact. For example "Fillies and gentlecolts, welcome!" or "Good day, father."

And note that there is a comma after "it". When writing that someone has said something, or how they said something, you should place a comma instead of a period.

Also, don't be afraid to use things like he said. or she said. when writing. It's not a bad thing to be avoided. Honest.

Sorry for the criticism but I suppose it had to be said.

[Star_Fall]

767583
Somepony generously offered to edit the story so I hope to fix that among other things

767671 767710

Thanks

[Star_Fall]

767714
Don't be sorry for pointing out mistakes I made. How else would I get better? So, thanks for the constructive criticism.

[Ralfil]

It'd be funny to have a sequel where Scratch exacts secret revenge or something.

[Magical Trevor]

Yeah, made it past the grammar, somehow. It's a pretty good one-shot, but it should be much better once it has been edited! xD
And just because it stars Scratch... Have a cute pic!
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-but-thats-what-i-wanted.png

[Star_Fall]

767962
Dawwwww

[Caneighdian Jake]

767894 Considering what Octavia has to put up with from Vinyl (at least according to the common depiction of the two in the fandom), I wouldn't have been surprised if it ended up that Octavia did it out of spite (even though she would probably feel bad about it later); no matter how endearing Octavia finds Vinyl's antics, it wouldn't surprise me if she had a 'twitchy-eye' moment once in awhile where she contemplated such dark thoughts.

The Vinyl depicted in "Two's Company, Three's a Crowd" is continually testing his luck by pushing Octavia's buttons.

[Star_Fall]

768151
True but, I felt this would be more of a touching moment between the two. Octavia using Vinyl's tail hair as a show of love... with unforeseen problems lol

[Caneighdian Jake]

768240 Oh, I definately agree with you there; and you captured that moment really well. This is definately more of an "awwwwwww" story than a comedy. That's one thing I love about Vinyl/Octavia stories, they can take the reader on a rollercoaster ride of emotions.

[Patient X]

Liked it, but I would seriously suggest getting an editor.

[Alexander Hawthorne]

@ Dragonfiend

I know you said you already have an editor, but if you're ever interested in a second, I'd love to help you out with that

[Star_Fall]

777221
Thank you for the offer
If I ever decide to write another story, I'll keep that in mind.

[Doctor Agon]

767962 Damn, that's my favorite picture ever XD

The story was good! I.... you really need to add some commas and whatnot, but I can overlook that (especially considering it's your very first story! Congrats!) I think a neon blue bowstring would be awesome!!! =D

[demanji]

the last couple of lines make me wonder if it was on purpose or not not out of spite or revenge though

[dziadek1990]

Fun.