"Dash, don’t worry; I’m sure Twi can fix this. If not, then I know the princess can."
“'Don’t worry,' I said,” mumbled Applejack. “'I’m sure Twi can fix it,' I said. But I ain’t ever heard of no gender-swapin' wooogeewooog magic like this, unicorn or otherwise. An’ why did it have to go being so big? I mean, other stallions can hide theirs, why can’t Dash?”
Ponies were used to seeing AJ walk through town grumbling to herself, but many paused at Applejack’s blush.
“I just hope Dash will stay out of the action for once in her life. Maybe take a nap in a tree or… hopefully the barn. I wouldn’t want Applebloom to find dash in her tree lounging position, all stretched out and, oh here’s Twi’s library. That didn’t take long at’ all. Musta' had my head in the clouds. Guess Dash has it easy, making me walk all over who haw while she gets to take the day off and lounge. Lay out for a nap stretched out...”
As AJ waited for somepony to answer the door, she developed a small blush. The longer she anxiously awaited an answer, the larger the blush grew. It developed from a small cherry on her cheek into to a rose petal and radiated into a full blown colleague of Reds covering everything from the edge of her orange country nose to the tippy top of her now flat twitchy ears. AJ closed her eyes as she slowly began to hyperventilate. Her head turned slowly down and to the side revealing her golden mane covered neck to any who could tear their eyes from the dainty pawing of her left front hoof or the awkward dance of her hindquarters.
“CONGRATULATIONS, APPLEJACK!” smiled Twilight to a startled Applejack. “Come in and tell me all about the lucky stallion!” Twilight’s eyes wiggled something fierce as AJ was magically pulled into the tree house.
“Oh hey Applejack, what brings you here?” said Spike walking in from the kitchen.
“Girl talk!” replied Twilight maniacally rubbing her front hooves together while standing on her hind legs before sharply looking toward Spike, “and they’re not things a young impressionable dragon need worry himself with, so why don’t you see if you can go help Rarity with something?”
“OHH-Kay!” replied Spike eagerly running out the door.
“Now tell me,” said Twilight to a very confused Applejack, “who’s the lucky stallion? Oooohh I can’t believe my first stallion talk is with you, AJ; I always imagined it would be with Rarity or Pinkie Pie but good on you.”
“Wait, how do you know about this kinda’ stuff Twi?” Asked a confused Applejack, “I mean I know you're well-read but I didn’t expect you to have read up on this kind o’ topic. Not that I'm complaining or anything.”
Twilight blushed. “Actually I’ve only really gotten interested in this particular topic for the past couple of weeks. I’ve tried to get to know some ponies in the past. but I never really understood much of it, being such a loner and all.”
“What’s being a recluse got to do with this?” Asked AJ now utterly confused.
Twilight looked at her friend with a hurt frown. “AJ, you know I didn’t know much about the magic of friendship before I met all of you. It wasn’t until recently that I understood how everything interacts on a much deeper level. How was I supposed to understand males before I even understood what…”
“Wait a sec shug’,” Interrupted Applejack with a hoof. “Are you telling me the magic of friendship did this?”
“What else would have that kind of power over ponies?” Replied Twilight, “I would have thought that was kind of obvious.”
“I ain’t nooo magical well-read unicorn Twi, but that ain’t the point. Can you, you know,” Applejack waved her hoof in circles trying to find the word, “reverse it?”
“Reverse it?” asked Twilight completely lost.
“Yeah reverse it, you know turn it back to the way it was?”
“Applejack?” asked a confused Twilight. “I don’t think that’s the kind of thing that could or should be reversed.”
“What do you mean shouldn’t be reversed? This is terrible, Twi! Rainbow's never going to be the same again!”
“Wait... RAINBOWDASH WAS YOUR FIRST!?” exclaimed Twilight with shock. “How does that even work, I mean without a Y how does your X, you know?”
“WHOA WHOA whoa their shug. What do you mean my first?” asked Applejack completely confused.
“You mean Rainbow’s not your first? But then what did you want me to reverse? Was it Rainbow’s first? Is that the problem?” rambled Twilight questioningly. “If it’s Rainbow’s first I still don’t think it should be reversed, I mean it is nature’s way and all, I think.”
“Ok now I know were talking about two different things here Twi cause their ain’t nothing natural about what happened to Rainbow Dash!” Exclaimed Applejack slamming her hoof down.
“Well if it’s that exotic then don’t tell me; I don’t think I'm ready to know about it.” said Twilight backing up slightly.
Applejack gawked at Twilight.
“I mean I am still new to this and I was kind of expecting something more,” Twilight paused “normal.”
“DASH GOT TURNED INTO A COLT, TWILIGHT, WHAT IN EQUESTRIA IS NATURAL ABOUT THAT?” Applejack yelled in furious confusion.
“Hey, I don’t care who the colt was.” Stated Twilight putting her hoof down defensively. “You're all still my fr-Ohhh, is that what you want help with, you want things between you and Dash to go back to normal?”
“TWILIGHT, DASH HAS A HOOHAH!”
“A what?”
“An attachment.”
“Oh, that makes sense I guess.” Stated Twilight after a short awkward pause. “Where did you buy it, or did you make your own?”
“TWILIGHT SHE IS ALL NATURAL. TWO APPLES AND A BANANA, A MIDDLE LEG, A NOODLE AND CHEESE, A DURIAN WITH SALT SHAKERS, A HUM DINGER AND TWO DINGLING HUMMERS, TWO CHERRIES AND A STEM!” Applejack was yelling, at a very stunned Twilight. “TWO PEAS AND A POD, A WUB CHUB, TWO WHEELS AND AN AXIAL, A ONE EYED SNAKE. SHE HAS A WHOLE KITCHEN SINK TWILIGHT, TWO NOBS AND THE FAUCET. SHE IS A STALLION, TWILIGHT!”
Several seconds passed.
“I have to admit, Applejack, I am impressed, . My book, 1001 Unique Euphemisms for You and Yours’ Inadequate Intimate Initiations, didn’t have most of those.”
Applejack stared at Twilight.
“Actually, I should be more impressed with how Dash gained the necessary equipment," as Twilight spoke, she had a far off look in her eye. "Would you mind telling me?” inquired Twilight.
“We don’t know. She just crashed into me this morning and had a Go-Gurt stick where her yogurt cup should hae been.”
“So it replace her, uhum, lady parts?”
“Let’s just say she doesn’t pee sitting down anymore.”
“Is it a complete genetic transformation, or just the reproductive system?”
“Complete gewhat now?”
“Genetic, as in all Y chromosome related changes?”
“Why what?”
“Does she have a square head?”
Applejack facehoofed. “Yeah, yeah she does.”
“Then she has probably been turned into a male at the genetic level.” said Twilight
“Can you change her back?” asked Applejack.
“No, but I can research a way.” Said Twilight ponderously tapping a hoof to her chin.
“I thought you had been reading up on this kind of thing?” asked a concerned Applejack.
“Nope, I’ve been reading up on romance. With the look you were giving I thought you either just had your first time, or something similar,” explained Twilight.
“Nope, just awkward as all giddy up. Creeped out too.”
“Oh... I see.” Twilight said somewhat confused and saddened. “I was really excited to share some mare talk for the first time.”
“And you thought I wanted to share my first time, is that it?” asked Applejack.
“Yeah, I’ve never really talked about it before, you know, outside of a biology class or something."
“Let me put it to you this way shug. I ain’t ever had no first time, but if I do, and I want to talk about it, I’ll make sure to talk to you first.”
“Really?” asked Twilight with a wide grin.
“Really really.” Said Applejack placing a hoof on her friends shoulder before they shared a hug.
“Thanks Applejack, you’re a good friend. Speaking of which, where is Dash staying?”
“What do you mean?”
“If she were to fly around all over the place, someone would see her. A lot of Ponyville’s residents like to watch her perform tricks, so I know she would be noticed.” Twilight said worriedly.
“I guess she could stay in my barn, though I need to get that door fixed.”
“That should work. Rainbow is really lucky to have someone like you to rely on.”
“She’s more luckier to have a brainy know-it-all like you for a friend. Can you imagine the chances anypony else would have if this happened to them?”
“Well," said Twilight clopping her hooves together awkwardly. "Celestia actually holds special, private audiences for ponies with odd magical conditions or situations. Most ponies actually get fixed faster than in Ponyville because Celestia assigned that task to me for this region, as a learning experience. Anyway," said Twilight bashfully, "let's just say that I'm still learning. On the upside, ponies can lay low and don’t have to go days out of their way to see the princess, so overall the satisfaction is nearly the same.”
“Wow, Twilight, that’s great. Anything I can do to help?”
“Help? You already said that you don’t know much about magic, so is there something else you can think of?”
“Look, I just want Dash back to normal and out of my barn; she ain’t got the decency required to transport specialized equipment if you catch my drift.”
“Ahh. No tact or just can’t keep it out of sight?”
“Neither!”
“How bad?”
“Classic Pegasus, right in my face.”
“Oh dear. How close did he, I mean she, get?”
“Let’s just say I was backed into the water by the clubhouse.”
“Wow, that’s bad.”
“Eeyup.”
-------------------------------------------------
Lets all give a big round of applause for our editors Meeester and timaeusTestified. You guys rock
For those of you who are curious a Durian is a type of fruit known as the king of fruit. IT is sulfur rich and smells terrible and is banned from many places of public transportation. It has a strong taste that is not really like the smell. Having had durian I can say I liked it but it is weird.
Basically this reference is AJ making a smell joke, as if that part of the anatomy was dirty.
Also this is as dirty as I plan on getting in the fic. In fact the next chapter, which is already written and just needs to be edited, is fairly clean and is my favorite chapter so far... Poor Poor AJ
Uhh. Making it more dirty ( I dont mean clopfic level of dirtyness) would make it funnier. Still, I loved the awkwardness.
802874
The humor depends on the writer. I seem to do better if I try to not make it dirty but allow the readers mind to make it dirty. That being said the dirtiness varies with each chapter. I am trying to keep it clean enough for EQD should I ever get it to a level appropriate for submission.
803010
No no the prodding and twisting is later . Remember she noticed the square face first and that, along with the effect it had on her flying, is what freaked her out and made her approach AJ.
And I agree as a real character Rainbow is not that dumb. Random tag was not Randomly tagged. Please don't take my portrayal of Rainbow Dash as thinking that is how I see her. I do like her character a lot and think she brings a lot to the show and many fan fics but this is a silly not serious fic.
That said Applejack is best mane 6.
Dat awkward tension.
801454 I'm just saying that it's really awkward.
803128
Hey, enjoy it. And the best part, it only gets better
I wish they had a goat face emote maybe someone should make one and submit it.
803207
Hmmm.........
That is all I'll say to that.
800804 I like the way you think
803010>>803048 not to mention that she's stuck in the barn, for more then three minutes!
??...!!!
803669
Silly alt-tap...
... no seriously, what?
803827??[A Rainbow is confuse.]...[Applexplanation.]!!![ANOMALY DETECTED!]
(Its chapter one in emote!)
803910
Ahhh. alt-tap you are so random. also you forgot [confused apple] after "[A Rainbow is confuse.]
803934IT HAS GREEN EYES!! ITS A CHANGLING, KILL IT!!!
803957
WOW, I u sometimes.
Wow, over 500 views in 24 hours, and a short stink in the featured section. I guess you guys really like your awkward.
As a big thank you I'll post the third chapter tomorrow... today... you know what I mean
807111 Some of us bronies feed on awkwardness. Well, the kooky ones... like me.
Awesome story. But you said that there would be 10 other stories. It looks like from this point of view there will only be 10 chapters.
Oh man I cracked out loud when Applejack was listing names for a man's private parts Funny story so far.
807930
That is correct. It is a bit of a joke title in and of itself. Each chapter has it's own awkwardness, focus, and title.
Sorry.
809385 It's ok. I actually kinda like that movie.
Wrong thing!
I swear I'm crazy...
Sorry.
807930 The title is merely a reference to a story idea proposed by Cereal Velocity back in November in response to a poorly written TV listing for Mare-Do-Well.
"When Rainbow Dash discovers that a new masked avenger has been stealing his thunder as Ponyville's resident hero, so he attempts to reclaim his glory by doing various heroic acts, but he encounters many problems…(cut off at bottom of screenshot)"
Either way, when I see the structure of that run-on sentence with that unresolved "When" at the beginning, it burns my eyes.
In a way, though, this chapter was an awkward event in and of itself, so it might as well be one of the aforementioned Really Awkward Stories.
IN OTHER NEWS.
Piquo, you need to watch your punctuation. There are several missing punctuation marks of different types, a number of instances of otherwise incorrect punctuation, a few spelling typos, and at least one case of poor formatting.
When a character is quoting something else within dialogue, it should look like this (all other punctuation and structure errors corrected as well):
"Dash, don’t worry; I’m sure Twi can fix this. If not, then I know the princess can." Note that since this is a flashback that is currently playing through AJ's head, and not technically part of the scene where AJ is mumbling to herself, it should probably be given its own paragraph.
“'Don’t worry,' I said,” mumbled Applejack. “'I’m sure Twi can fix it,' I said. But I ain’t ever heard of no gender-swapin' wooogeewooog magic like this, unicorn or otherwise. An’ why did it have to go being so big? I mean, other stallions can hide theirs, why can’t Dash?”
As for referring to the title of a book, the title itself should be separated somehow, either by putting it in quotes or putting it in italics. In this case, adding in AJ's name would help denote who is speaking to whom when you don't explicitly specify that Twilight is the one speaking.
“I have to admit, I am impressed, Aplejack. My book, 1001 Unique Euphemisms for You and Yours’ Inadequate Intimate Initiations, didn’t have most of those.”
I'm assuming by "Inadequate Intimate Initiations" you mean "Bad pick-up lines," but the "You and Yours'" would imply already being in a relationship with the recipient. If that is the case, you might consider something along the lines of "Interjections of Intimate Intent." The You and Yours', while technically correct, is still a bit awkward. Might I suggest the title be changed to "1001 Unique Euphemisms for Use in Interjections of Intimate Intent"? That would allow flexibility for use in situations inside and outside of established intimate relationships, and for more than just the initiation of intimate scenarios (read: bad pick-up lines).
I'm going to stop this here; this comment is too long as it is. Suffice it to say, however, if this were in a Google Doc with comments enabled (and were I to have enough free time I'd be willing to spend), it would be pretty much covered in yellow highlights for suggestions and corrections. Do keep in mind, though, that I'm only saying all of this because I'm intrigued by the story's promising premise and potential for awkward antics. If I wasn't interested, I would have dropped this story and moved on without saying much.
809610 Didn't know that and I was thinking about a whole different movie. And about a whole different story. My brain is confuzzled.
Well that almost got out of hand/hoof. The part where Twilight joins the fray kind of came out of nowhere. It felt a but awkward to me.
(You see what I did there?)
809731 Ok. Here's what I was thinking:
I accidentally thought this story was "The Light Goes Out". And in it, I said part of it was like the movie "Logan's Run." And then I found out it was on this story, then I thought crap.
810185 Well, that only seems to further support my own suggestion for an alternate title for the book. I read "Inadequate Intimate Initiations" as "Bad Pick-up Lines," and I'm not really sure what else it could mean I felt my suggestion better left it open for a wider variety of uses, though perhaps I could have worded my explanation for it a bit better (it occurs to me the sentence in question was a bit long and confusing; I just edited it to make it clearer). I'm a bit curious as to the intent behind "You and Yours'," though; to me, it sounds like "You and Your Significant Other's" or "You and Your Family's," and sounds a bit narrow in focus for the purpose of this book (hence the rest of the suggested alternate title). I suppose it could just be me nitpicking, though.
I noticed you took my advice in the first chapter; it really helps with the setup of the story. I kind of like the way I put it, and I did mean it when I suggested you could use it as-is (I would have just deleted that part of my comment after the fact), but the way you put it instead is definitely more consistent with the way you write overall. I suppose the sudden, temporary shift in writing style might have seemed a bit out of place. I do think you could be a bit more specific where AJ is thinking, "What's poking me?" and I stand by the sentiment of using the comparison to not being a pair of apples. At the very least, the one-eyed private likely wouldn't be very noticeable when he's not standing at attention, because he'd be asleep in the barracks (i.e. concealed); so that wouldn't have been what rubbed AJ the wrong way. Euphemisms are so much fun, aren't they?
I'm a bit curious, what don't you like about Google Docs? It may not be quite as full-featured or flexible with formatting as MS Office, but it has all of the basic necessities, and is great as a free tool with integrated features for easy collaboration.
P.S. The "punctuation humor" in the description might work if it were correct, but there really isn't ever a situation where the punctuation that comprises an emote also happens to be functionally correct—well, except maybe (for example): , but I can't think of a way to use that emote in this sort of context that would be humorous, rather than just coincidental. "(sorry for the delay, and for mistaking you for Sethisto)" would have been the correct form, and it should be placed before the period as part of the previous sentence. Usually, if a parenthetical remark like that is going to be independent of a complete sentence, then the remark should be a complete sentence on its own, without parenthesis.
813493 You could have just, you know, deleted your comment when you realized it wasn't relevant, and saved yourself the embarrassment and others' confusion.
814570
Again thank you for the feedback.
In my writing style I have a tendency to be a little less descriptive to let the authors mind fill in a little bit before I just come out and say things. It doesn't always work and that is why I am grateful for your help. There will always be a spot for you as a editor if you want.
Also you motivated me to go out and get a editor for my fic. Some Person http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Some%20Person is interested but has a few other fics to help with so it might be a bit.
In the mean time do you think you would be willing to help with chapter 3. It's only 1356 words or so right now. I just want to make sure it gets edited so I can post it this weekend and have it be better quality. It should also be a easier edit. The chapter is a little more straight forward and I can put it in Google docs for you.
The reasons I dislike Google docs is stupid. Honestly random things that just bug me.
1) Google always wants itself to be capitalized even when I am using it as a verb. I dislike the damndable red underlining.
2) I dislike Google as a company because like many growing organizations they simply think they are better than others. Even if this is sometimes true I dislike this attitude.
3) I dislike how the buttons in Google Docs are placed and some random restrictions it has
4) I dislike how there is no view count.
5) I dislike how it either takes up the whole page or you cant have a toolbar.
6) I find the notifications for feedback when it updates, and the notification when you close the tool bar, very annoying.
7) I hate how often I use the damn thing. Between school projects and the fact that it is really good for editing.
8) I hate how my reasons for disliking Google docs are stupid and pointless and how people try and argue points that they are stupid and pointless. I know this, and they won't change any logical reason, they simply are.
813493
It's ok. One of my earlier fanfics that I used to get in the writing grove confused the pre-reader cause I accidentally titled the fic after a book or something. The weird part was that one aspect of the story was apparently pretty close. It upset him that he thought it was based on one of his favorite adventure books when it was actually a sad fic... I lose more pre-readers that way
Anyway I saw on your page that you wanted some fic ideas. I got a backlog of about 30 stories that I don't think I will ever get to and about 5 that I do. About 10 of the 30 have a solid premise. I'd be willing to work with you on you first fic. In terms of assistance I am good at helping others flush out ideas and impart emotions in the reader where the author wants them. It's weird how my strengths as a editor and completely different than my strengths as a writer.
814828 You could just give me a few. I would appreciate that. Just an idea for a little fic. Not like 10, but about 3. And maybe you can help when I get a bit better at the site. I'm still new.
814846
let meorganizemy randomness and I'll get back to you in a bit.
814862 Whatever.
814846
what kind of story do you want to write. Comedy, sad, dark, random, shipping, etc, etc?
814885 I was thinking some kind of war. But no clopfics. Like a war against "EoH vs. Discord and Nightmare Moon" or something like that. Just some fun stories.
814965
No offence but I don't have any clop recomendations, nor am i going to recomend it to someone who's profikle says they are 14.
814975 Exactly. No clopfics. Ever. Or that would be weird.
814988
I did not have any war fic suggestions so I came up with a Idea and put it in a blog here
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/41656
titled: How to brainstorm a fic.
Also don't feel you have to do or follow the story.
815383 Ok. I'll read the fic. Well, blog post.
Finally tore myself away from Naruto fic long enough to read the 2nd chapter! Freedom!
Liking it, liking it... That WAS a lot of euphemisms! lol I bet the 3rd chapter is dragged down in edits, eh? I know how that goes.
Anyway, ... ... BRAIN.EXE is not responding. End Now? *click*
Yes and no. The third chapter is done at the same quality as the first 2. However waffle911 had some good points and ive been trying to find a editor. I found one who is willing and eagar but had made other commitments they want to follow through with first. To be honest I should have gotten a real editor before I posted the fic at all.
Either way it will be posted this weekend. chapter 4 is giving me trouble, so alt-tap is coming over today to help me work on it. The humor is a little different. I think I need to cram more in there honestly but not in a way the drags the story down.
You know almost as many words for penis as I know words for breasts!....almost
“Is it a complete genetic transformation, or just the reproductive system?”
“Complete gewhat now?”
“Genetic, as in all Y chromosome related changes?”
“Why what?”
“Does she have a square head?”
Thanks to you, I now have 4 more euphemisms to use!
Congrats for the number of metaphors there. Truly an achievement.
Well... that was certainly awkward, so I guess you did your job.
wooogeewooog.
I love this.
I. Just. Love. It.
I am usin' that word from now on.
Woogeewooog!
The really ironic thing? The ad at the bottom of the chapter was "The Kiss Test" See if she wants to kiss you"
There's an ad for that? Really?
I wouldn’t want Applebloom to find dash
- Dash
I’ve tried to get to know some ponies in the past. but I never
- remove period
cause their ain’t nothing natural about what happened to Rainbow Dash!
- cause there
TWO WHEELS AND AN AXIAL
- AN AXLE
and had a Go-Gurt stick where her yogurt cup should hae been.
-have been.
I never realized how many words there are for a penis...
Yes