Filly Cadance begins to lust after Twilight's father. What lengths will she go through to make him her own? Her obsession leaves Orion on the verge of losing his marriage and his mind.
Rated Teen for mild descriptions of sexual themes. My goal is for the chapters to get progressively darker, without becoming too uncomfortable. It starts out like Fatal Attraction, only the obsessed character is an alicorn filly.
Comments are my favorite form of feedback, so please fill those comment boxes up!
Chapters (5)
I read the original and damn you did a good job of censoring the clop parts. I can't wait for the later chapters and see how you censor them.
This is really good, I haven't read the original, but I like how this is going as a clop-free version.
Clop-free version, eh? Well done, sir. Here's a challenge for those who haven't read the actual clopfic:
Try to guess where the "clop parts" are located.
this version was really good
That was absolutely amazing. I'll be tracking you.
I like this just as much as the clop version. Definitely going to follow this story too.
784183
Is that a challenge?
But in all seriousness, thanks for the feedback!
784239
"Then he put his [BLANK] in her [BLANK] and they {BLANK]ed."
"Hmmmm..."
"I give up. Where are the clop parts supposed to be?"
Wheres the clop version? I can't find it.
EDIT: Never mind I found it
Wheres the clop?
I actually think I like this version of the chapter better. But I still like both stories a lot!
786762
I see :D oh well, let this be one of those easy challenges
Oh my goodness.... That's so twisted...
Great read.
959170
I do plan on adding the rest of the story here; when I have more time.
Glad you like it and thanks for the feedback!
Y U NO KEEP GOING?
As she walked over to the bed where twilight was conceived, she placed her hoof on the bed.
twilight should be Twilight.
Cadance thought to herself,"Ambush him in the bathroom?
Needs spacing between 'herself,' and '"Ambush'.
"You're body seems to disagree,"
You´re should be Your.
Cadance felt her world collapsing all around her. "Couldn't Orion see?" She thought, "I love him more than life itself."
The way you wrote her thoughts feels weird, reconsider.
Maybe put 'Bonus' in bold text or caps.
Hope you care enough for this commet hahaha.
She stared back at her big brother, The light emanating from her ShiningArmor's horn caused Twilight's wide eyes to sparkle.
Ah see watcha did ther.
Thats fucked, you're fucked mate. Good work.
This is a good story so far, you need to continue it
Damn you Cadance
wut wut...
That breakfast scene was the best thing I've read all day.
Wow, this is much more family friendly, also making it much shorter.
This is way too tame right now, I'm not sure what I'm doing because of that. I genuinely am not sure what is going to happen because of the tameness, and I read the other one first. However, reading the comments below this, I get the impression that they haven't read the other one.
Such short chapters, it's messing with my brain, also because I can skip the entire chapter other than the changed parts because I read this all yesterday.
2990322
I honestly don't know when I'll get around to editing the rest. I started writing a "clop-free" version in tandem with the actual story. As the main story progressed, I realized how much work it would take to censor everything and still have it make sense.
I might continue it at some point, but there are so many more new stories I want to write before tackling a family-friendly version of an old story.