Progress:
Luna versus The Facts of Life
Andrew J. Talon
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"Say, Luna?" Celestia spoke, trotting up to Luna's usual table in the library. Luna's head was bent over a lengthy tome and her trusty abacus was out.
"Mm, yes sister?" The beads of the device clicked loudly in the still air of the library. "Income taxes need to be lowered in this province..." Luna murmured, making a note.
"What do you think of Windshear?" Celestia asked in a soft tone. Luna paused, recalled the name and face, and then resumed work as she responded.
"Windshear? The newest member of your royal guard? He does his job well, I've certainly seen nothing to indicate he's slacking off. Why?" Luna raised a cup of tea to her mouth. Celestia's lips twitched.
"I think I want him to mate me."
"PFFFFT!" Luna spat out her drink in a great plume, splattering the ledgers and financial records before her. She looked at her sister with wide eyes. "WHAT?"
"Well, it's not like it'd be the first time," Celestia said, offering her younger sister a shrug.
"I-it-WHAT? First time? When was that?" Luna demanded.
"Shortly after I imprisoned you in the moon I think," Celestia said, looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully. She then smiled at the recall of the proper memory.
"Yes, there was going to be a big surprise party held by the Pie Clan in your honor. I went to it afterwards, needed cheering up and... Mmm... So many colts looking to cheer me up~..." She sighed lustily, and Luna felt a shudder run up her spine.
"... As if I wasn't traumatized enough," Luna mumbled, before replying in a louder voice: "But... So what? So he's attractive! He's your guard! It would be quite improper!"
"Ah Luna, always so virginal, so noble, so controlled..." Celestia sighed. She shook her head and clicked her tongue sympathetically. "Such a horrible prude."
"I AM NOT A PRUDE! It's just-just not proper!"
"Well, since I've been doing it for a thousand years now, I'd say it's proper by now, right?" Celestia asked cheerfully. "Given the forces of history and all?"
"You... What?" Luna sputtered.
"Oh yes! Mmm... Sometimes I just see a colt and I think to myself, 'Oh, if only I was an immortal, beautiful, sexy goddess that all would love to mate until I couldn't stand up.' And then I think 'Oh wait! I totally am!' And then-!"
"STOP STOP STOP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE!" Luna cried, covering her ears. "Honestly Tia, we're supposed to be pure, virginal goddess-queens!"
"Maybe you are," Celestia sniffed. "I haven't been for a thousand years. Besides, if you hadn't gone Nightmare Moon I wouldn't have felt so lonely."
"I. Was. Sealed. Into. The Moon. Kind of hard to socialize!" Luna growled. Celestia lifted up a hoof and stroked Luna's back. The moon goddess calmed down a bit, and took a few deep breaths to center herself.
"I am sorry. That wasn't your fault," Celestia said. She nuzzled her sister.
"It's all right," Luna said softly. "I just... I never want to be alone again and you talking about how lonely you were... I'm sorry."
"There's no need for apologies, my little sister. I'm so terribly sorry you feel this way." Celestia brightened. "I have the perfect solution!"
"Ah... What, my dear sister?" Luna asked.
"I've quite forgotten. You've got plenty of family to socialize with now," Celestia soothed. Luna stiffened up again.
"... What."
"Oh yes! I'm afraid that nopony had invented birth control yet, so I gave birth to little Starchild a few months later after that party..." Celestia sighed happily. "Then there was Shadowfax, Arion, Hengroen, Epona, Widow Maker..."
"You... How many...?" Luna asked.
"I've quite lost count. But you and abacus could surely work out just how much family we really have, right? Wouldn't that be fun?" Celestia got a devious glint in her eyes and a smirk on her face.
"Or maybe I can help you start making some fillies of your own-"
"Oh look at the time I have somethings to do elsewhere BYE!"
Luna promptly fled, gathering her soaked papers and documents with telekinesis as she flew right out the nearest window. Celestia watched her go, and chuckled.
"Ah... She's so adorable when she's embarrassed..."
- - - - - - - - -
Can't tell if Trollestia or Molestia....not sure which I prefer.
lol Trollestia
SHADOWFAX MY GOD...
AND I THOUGH YOU COULDN'T GET MORE AMAZING!
Can honestly say... I am LOVING this craziness!!
Very unexpected; I could NOT stop smiling/laughing/snickering
Okay, it's official: You've won the internet for the day.
This is absolutely fantastic!
Maybe, just maybe, she can have one with Big Macintosh...
And here I was thinking she would finally get some, but nope.
Maybe later though...
LunaxAbacus.
Annnd trollesta strikes again!!
I love that every name mentioned is either a legendary horse or somehow related to equine mythos.
Trolling MOlestia. Holy crap, what the heck! I wonder... Oh I am going to kill you dirty mind! I sometimes have little voices in my head. When I type comments they can be heard. Sorry, for thinking
Oh Lord. This was as beautiful and genius as it was fucked up.
I... I congratulate you, Sir. This series is amazing.
...Not sure if she is trolling or serious....
BOOM! you just got trolled
Hmm, LunaXMacintosh, there you go. Maybe if she got laid she could calm the buck down.
... I AM waiting for the fic to go LunaMac, btw. There aren't enough of them.
Sometimes I just see a colt and I think to myself, 'Oh, if only I was an immortal, beautiful, sexy goddess that all would love to mate until I couldn't stand up.' And then I think 'Oh wait! I totally am!'
Kills me, every time.
Shadowfax... isn't that Gandalf's horse in LoTr...?
I'm kind of surprised this list didn't make it here before.
wait you mean that celestia and wow how many
1272079
Epona is a Celtic goddess, fool.
I wonder if Celly has a son named Sleipnir. Maybe with Discord.
fc06.deviantart.net/fs24/i/2008/151/c/4/Odin_and_Sleipnir_by_RipeDecay.jpg
2092409
You, good sir, are awesome... I myself follow the nordic pantheon... I was going to bring him up, but you beat me to it...
A shortie but a goodie
Tia's spent a millenium perfecting the art of sluttiness, and we all get to enjoy awesome horsey references?
You, dear author, are the Goddess here.
(Also, Shadowfacts is best horse: http://xkcd.com/1272/)
Trollestia is awesome. Hilarious,and awesome.
No Molly, keep going. Make a mental image brain bleach will never fix!!
2092409 I'm with ya on Slepnir. I'm sad that reference wasn't made.
...Nope. Mentioning Sleipnir would be too easy. I'm fairly certain it's been said to death by now anyways.
6678978
And besides, we all know that Slippy is Pinkie's grand dad.
Can't tell if Trollestia or Factlestia
Widow Maker