The Regalia
The Sun Hall of Canterlot Palace found it rather difficult to remain true to its name at this time of night. Without its namesake to shine through its stained glass windows, the corridor was dimly lit and quiet. This served its occupants’ needs perfectly. If word of the upcoming events were to get out to the public, the Guard’s reputation, as well as Celestia’s own, would be tarnished.
Walking ahead, the Princess felt it would be best if the upcoming events were to remain a secret. She had enough trouble with the paparazzi already without throwing oil into the fire. Similarly, the second pony hoped that news of the night’s happenings would never be brought to light, lest his reputation suffer a fatal blow.
The broad doors to the alicorn’s private quarters flew open, letting the Princess of the Day through. She strode in briskly, motioning for the second pony to enter as well. Her magic slid the room’s red velvet curtains shut as she sat upon the magnificent cushion at the chamber’s center, watching the door.
Soon, a member of her Royal Guard, a unicorn stallion by the name of Golden Bracer, followed sheepishly in her wake, his cheeks ten or twenty shades of red deeper than his cream-colored coat. Taking a seat upon the carpet as directed by the grinning alicorn, he lowered his eyes to the ground, uncomfortable with being called into Celestia’s private quarters under such peculiar circumstances.
The Lieutenant pondered the events that had led to such a situation. His actions had been brash, for sure, and they would most likely forever sully his impeccable record as a Royal Guard, but the urges had been too great, the desire too unbearable. In a moment of weakness he had fallen prey to his desires. Now his fate was out of his hooves, and all he could do was think, hope, and follow Her Majesty’s instructions.
“Guard,” Celestia ordered, so firmly yet so kindly, “please look me in the eye when I speak to you.”
Called back to attention, Bracer hesitantly lifted his muzzle. He felt himself fill with shame as his eyes traced up Celestia’s long, elegant forelegs, her tall, slender torso, and finally to her deep amethyst eyes. He felt that they could see right through his soul, as if a single glance allowed her to read his past, his future, and his essence alike. He stumbled over his words for a moment, until she placed a hoof on his shoulder.
“You know very well why I had you follow me here.” Celestia’s confidence was otherworldly. That she could remain so calm on such an occasion was a sign of her greatness. “Now,” the alicorn smirked, “shall we proceed?”
“V-very well, Your Majesty,” he stuttered, reflexively diving into a bow only to find Celestia's forehoof under his chin, preventing him from moving any lower.
He shouldn’t have gone along with his plan. The risk was far too great and the potential cost was far too high. Putting his whole career on the line for only a few precious moments of the utmost thrill and delight had been a careless, hedonistic thought.
“Now then, Lieutenant Bracer, please remove my tiara.”
The stallion’s blush intensified tenfold, but he dared not hesitate to follow his liege’s orders. On his horn’s command, the jewelry lit with a golden aura, gently floating into the air. It carefully maneuvered around its bearer’s sensitive horn, bobbing through the air as it hovered back into its jewelry box. It came to rest onto its designated cushion before the box’s silver lid closed over it. “It is done, Your Majesty.”
Yet, against his better judgement, he had gone along with his crazy scheme. Fate had shone the blinding light of opportunity into his eyes, and he had been led astray.
“Very well,” smiled Celestia , never losing her composure. “If you would, Lieutenant, please remove my shoes.”
No sooner had the Princess finished speaking than the guard set to work. He attentively fiddled with the first shoe’s clasp with his magic, but found that, to his great consternation, his teeth were better suited to the job. He undid the shoe’s hold and slid it off, growing ever redder as the Princess amusedly watched his minutious ministrations. He couldn’t help but give a shiver of guilty delight as he watched the golden filigree slowly come free.
Careful not to damage the precious heirloom, Bracer set the golden shoe down at the foot of Celestia’s four-poster bed, just behind the silk comforter so warmly stuffed with the softest of downs from the rarest of birds, all painstakingly gathered, of course, by the most devoted of bird-carers. The other three shoes soon followed the first, set down with the same laborious care.
He could never have predicted where his enterprise would lead him, and he already dreaded the consequences that were to come. Yet, as his sights lingered on the golden hoofwear, he had to admit to himself that it had all been worth the trouble.
It was all that Celestia could do not to chuckle at the Lieutenant’s newfound meekness. Still, she soldiered on. The poor stallion had enough to go through already; she had to remain serious if things were to go as they should. “Now, if you would please, remove my chest plate.”
Gulping as the final phase of the undressing was upon him, Golden Bracer blindly applied his magic to the precious accessory. He was incapable of breaking out of the Princess’ piercing gaze. The object was slowly lifted off, revealing the bare, pristine coat beneath. As if by itself, the finely crafted ornament was placed upon a peg on the wall.
“It is done, Your Majesty,” the unicorn nodded, eyes full of apprehension. The undressing completed, he shuddered at what would inevitably follow.
“Excellent,” Celestia added, remaining unflappable. “From this point on, though I am flattered by such attention,” Celestia chuckled with mischief, “let it be clear that should I ever catch you wearing my regalia again, you will find yourself facing severe reprimands.”
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I...I'm not sure what to say.
Good job
...PFFFFFFFFFFT
Okay I didn't see that coming. Well done.
OH LAWD
GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!!!!!!!!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l43cajeEJQ1qazfy4.bmp
Your fic has now justified its existence. Congratulations and great job.
Well written! I totally didn't see it coming, my mind kept drifting towards the trollestia / send-you-to-the-moon-for-sneezing mode. Cute and clever :)
Pfff- BA HAHAHAHAHA!
There's not much I can say about this other than it was awesome. Seriously, that kicker was so perfectly timed, it's... you know what, it was funny. I was definitely not expecting that to happen.
Once again, a great job.
-SoI
You win.
Everything.
Forever.
That was hot.
OKAY I'm kidding this was pretty great. A lot of tension for one scene. Well done!
BAHAHA! I went back and read it a second time with the ending in mind and
ed the whole way through. Great twist! Very funny fic.
While I predicted the ending joke from the get-go, I didn't see it coming from such a way. I thought Golden Bracer was going to steal the regalia and wear it(though I do suppose that IS what happened).
BAHAHAHAHA
Oh, man. Good on you, mate.
You should'nt've given it all away in the description.
That last line made the whole story worth it.
And that is quite a fitting punishment for the guard.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
811877
I fail to see how the description gives anything away.
Edit: Hm... I think I see it kind of. Altered the description to suit the purposes more. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
ponyfictionarchive.net/images/gallery/galleries/Macros%20-%20Dash/dash%20there%20goes%20my%20wingboner.jpg
DAMN YOU TO THE PITS OF TARTARUS!
I saw this coming but still ended up with a sore face from smiling and laughing too much. Awesome concept and delivery of this humorous little plot bunny Autumn Wind!
I'd say the only thing off is that it felt like it ended abruptly. That last paragraph was at the bottom of my screen and when I went to scroll down to see what came next it was the end. So there was no real zing at the end when there easily could have been.
Saw it coming. Still laughed. <3
As soon as she first spoke I realized "Aw sheet! This joke again." Funny to see it pony-fied.
812028
I (and some of my prereaders) felt that putting anything further just weakened the punchline. I considered adding anything else, but it really didn't work out.
Ooooooooooooooooh!
Well, I have been got.
That was pretty clever I s'pose.
812004
LOL!
Didn't see that coming!
Now all we need is for gabbygums to do one last story!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/277/376/926.jpg
Dat punchline. I laughed loud enough to annoy my roommate.
Well written, very Funny!
I totally expected that, but it made me smile.
Hahahaha, I heard of this joke before, but I must say, it was very well adapted for the ponies
Goodjob
Damn you Autumn :D
This is how you do a one-shot quickie
HAH.
That was solid, defied expectations, and was still priceless.
That was too good to be true
Clever.
LOL I knew it!! Hahahahanhahahahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhhhhahahahhhhhahhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh god my ribs!
I actually didn't think of sex when I read the description. I was delightfully pleased to know that I guessed right.
Can't. stop. Giggling.
lawl
I couldn't properly enjoy the punchline, since I saw it coming before I even clicked to read the story. The combination of title, picture, and summary gave it away for me.
wait a second...Was it HE who was wearing HER regalia? Then that would mean he entered her chambers, she didn't have on her regalia, and he did. So the story was a humorously played, embarrassed stallion removing his princess's attire (that means he was wearing her tiara, chestplate, and hoof things)
Uh...okay? Yet another "dohoho I'm gonna make this sound like it's gonna get sexy but it's not really going to" fic?
These things are getting old.
A nice use of specific description, though~
814031
Read it. Laughed a little at what I thought was something else.
Saw this comment.
Read it again.
I STABBED MYSELF WITH A FLUTE BECAUSE OF THAT TWIST. A FLUTE.
This was short and unexpected. Just the way I like 'em... That came out wrong...
-Glassed
OMG I almost died at the end :) Great fic!
DAMNIT! now my ribs are broken! where can i send the hospital bill?
PFFT! HAHAHA!
farm8.staticflickr.com/7061/6974506299_7b6f838d60_z.jpg
Funniest fic EVER!!! you deserve the featured box!!
814105
I like to think this one at least sets itself apart from the masses through having a punchline that's not just "and they were doing an innocent activity that wasn't dirty." That's gotta count for something, right?
I've got to agree the genre is somewhat overdone, but what the hey.
Truly awesome! This goes to my top favourites - comedy section
YOU DID WELL.
All i could say at the end was "Wut?"
But then i thought about it for a second, and i really did laugh!
Great fic!
Called it.
Also, what the hell? I have posted exactly two fics up here... only to find you posted one minutes earlier! (Ok so maybe the other one was just a song version of yours but this time it makes no sense whatsoever!)
I could tell it was something non-sexual early on, but you actually threw me off with that ending. Well played.