I'm like an iPhone. It's just worst versions of this every year.
After Nightmare Moon is banished to the moon, and Luna forces Nightmare Moon into hibernation after 400 years, she has 600 years left, and no idea what to do. So what does she do? She decides to play chess... with herself, sort of.
*Warning!* Sad-ish Ending!
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Great story man.
My only problem was that a couple paragraphs were a bit too long and could be cut to a couple smaller ones, but other than that a great story.
Nice little story, with a good dose of humour.
The ending doesn't seem terribly sad, considering we know how Nightmare Moon's return works out. But still, it was a nice ending.
Have a like, assuming the site ever lets me.
Thank you both! Thank you to StrategyBrony for the constructive criticism and thank you to you both for positive feedback! It's nice to know people and ponies alike care.
Master strategist?
SO MUCH HEADCANON!
(My headcanon is that Luna is Equestria's commander in chief, cuz Luna is war princess, and head of foreign policy, which is why we don't see her a lot.)
>>Circuit Breaker
Headcanon accepted
‘I can’t wait to beat Celestia at chess.” LOL. When destruction is about to come, she thinks about that!
Luna: Mate in three moves
Celestia: We haven't started yet.
Luna: (Pause) Mate in four moves.
(Royal facehoof)
8092998 The most royal of all the facehoofs!!
How does a pony made entirely out of rock fly?! Haven't you heard the expression "sinks like a rock?"
Anyway, this was a goofy little cute story, and I have to say I liked it. Ordinarily, I'd complain about those page breaks, but it kinda fit in with the pace of the story, so I'll just shut up. The only negative thing I can point out is the structure of your paragraphs. I see someone's already pointed that out, so I'll go a bit further.
You see, this one paragraph has three separate subjects. The first being Luna's thoughts, the second about her exploring her surroundings, and the third is the construction of the statue. So, you should start a new paragraph at *For the next few months* and then another new one at *She gathered up rocks*
Anyway, good story. You get my like, and I'll check out some more of your stuff eventually.
8101961 Thank you! Yeah, I've been meaning to go back and fix those page breaks for a while but I never have time, so as soon as I get some, that's what I plan to do.
8102274
The page breaks are fine. You use them to speed up time and although I'm not a big fan of that, it works in your story. I wouldn't recommend changing them.
Honestly, one thing that makes your story a bit unique is that the story's pace is very fast, and yet the story doesn't suffer from it. But I suspect that's due to the story being on the moon. It's a very bland environment so you really don't have to describe it. You just focus on her thoughts and feelings and then move right along with the plot.