"Get out of the castle for a little while and make some friends. I'll look after everything while you're out."
That's what Celestia had said to her younger sister, Luna, several months after her freedom from the corruption of Nightmare Moon, though the regent of the sun expected her to go out during the day, while a great percentage of her subjects were awake.
The moon princess was more of a night pony, and, as such, moved about during the night, watching her ivory plate in the deep-indigo sky move with slow grace among the stars. There were no subjects to be found on the streets of Canterlot at this time, and any nearby townships only had a small group of stargazers that she was already familiar with after holiday events such as Nightmare Night.
It was boring and lonely, but it was all brought on herself. Each day at the castle, she would confine herself to the royal library. Every night, she would take more control over her darkened skies. It was predictable, and she loathed each moment of it.
There was nothing to break away from the norm. Nothing that rocked the balance of predictability. Well, nothing until a very recent event.
They began to show up. Ponies that acted unlike ponies should. It was the greatest curiosity to the dark princess. They though differently. They were defeatist turned enlightened, to a degree, though she examined them to have next to no reverence of her crown, or that of her sister's.
She would watch them from the clouds that hung in the dark of night. These individuals elected to stay up past the night, yet it was not to worship her hard work of painting the sky. Instead, they worked. They worked on building their homes. They worked on starting their gardens. They worked on a whole manner of things that was necessary in building whole communities.
Villages began dotting her nation, taking not of each and every one. Much to her amusement when two villages were built a mere creak apart, to be named the Sister Towns, Celest River, and Lunasdale. Quite amusing indeed, though hardly any of the inhabitants even recognized the living goddess when she walked through on an inspection.
It was not the best way to make friends when you stuck out above others with a presence that demanded respect and admiration. Often, she was forced to leave the quizzical glares of the unwitting subjects and hold herself up in her library to study about the odd affliction among them.
They did not exhibit signs of dementia, and mass brain damage was an absurd idea. Nay, she discovered their condition by the word of her sister over the dusk-time meal.
Newfoals, as the goddess of the sun would call them. Why had the moon goddess not have heard of them? Of course she was either resting through the day, oblivious to the world while the other monarch kept vigil, or secluded within her fortress of ancient paper and history. Alas, there were no books about these questionable ponies, only news articles or immigration papers.
One of them stood by her sister's side, always talking about the welfare of his "people". He seemed to have designated himself as a sort of leader of these newfoals. Initially, she had thought it arrogant, though a quick explanation that, to them, a Prime Minister was second in a political tier system as a representative, with a monarchy at the helm. It made a little sense, considering that the Equestrian kingdom had grown at an exponential rate, government would certainly have to change to fit the times.
The entire talk of politics was actually rather boring. Having been uninvolved for such a long time, she had become disconnected with the current senate and their radical ideas to make living conditions better for everyone and still make a profit. With nothing holding her back on nights aside from her celestial schedule, she took up the habit of aimless wandering through the capital, learning how much her home had changed in the past thousand or so years.
Tonight, she chose to pay a visit to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.
Memories of Canterlot's founding ran through her mind by just a gaze at the exquisite exterior of the establishment, back in the days when the first brick was laid, and much of the kingdom's leadership was still based at the Temple of the Pony Sisters, which was also her base of operations when Nightmare Moon tried to usurp her sister's position as primary ruler. A shudder shook those dark memories away for the time.
No door was ever locked to the dark princess. At a whim, her body took the gaseous form that made of her mane, slipping under the cracks of the doors and reanimating on the other side. It was tribute to the hallowed halls of learning, to exhibit magic that only a pony of great power can. She would look to the papers that lined the halls. Posters advertising bake sales, book sales, and general news of the school.
She took particular pleasure in viewing over the work of students. There was so much dedication to their studies, so much potential to be the next Starswirl the Bearded or Marelin the Great.
Though first years always had their little prodigies that surely amused. Every year supposedly had one student that excelled above the rest, but this one was just absurd in some topics.
Their math was flawless, their grasp of written form was grammatically perfect aside from the odd, strange typo. And their art... Impossible for a foal. There was no way this "Ken Neth" could have done all this by themselves. The way the pencil lines flowed deliberately towards the focus of the image showed signs of prior training. The shading made the alien creature seem almost alive and breathing on the page. They probably took the work of their parent and passed it off as their own.
"Excuse me, miss, you aren't supposed to be here," Called a voice from further down the hall. A turn of the princess' head showed her witness to be a young stallion with a slate-gray coat and a long, wind-blown mane held together with an elastic band, "I'm afraid I'm going to ask you to leave."
Luna eyed the unicorn for a moment, with mixed feelings of sincere apologies and righteous disapproval. "ONE DOST NOT SIMPLY TELL ROYALTY TO LEAVE A PLACE THAT THEY PART OWN," the princess bellowed in her Royal Canterlot Voice, "THOU WOULD BE FOALISH TO MAKE SUCH A DEMAND OF US."
His expression remained blank, sans a quirked eyebrow. "I don't know who you are, but I think I'm only supposed to be taking royal orders from the princess, miss."
"THOU DOST NOT KNOW OF US? WE ARE THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT, SISTER OF THE DAY. WE ARE PRINCESS LUNA."
The stallion tilted his head now in obvious confusion. It was certain that this individual was one of those newfoals that had spread throughout the land, and had taken up employment as security for the school.
She let out a defeated sigh, lowering the pitch of her voice. Newfoals, nor any modern pony for that matter, appreciated being greeted in the traditional, royal fashion. "We are Princess Luna, one of two rulers of Equestria."
This seemed to have a far greater reception. "Oh! I'm very sorry princess!" He apologized in a sincere a manner as he could muster, "I'm not all that familiar with Equestria, I'm a newfoal from the human world."
"We could have guessed..."
"I'm very sorry for the mistake, your Majesty. I'm Kenneth Baxter."
"It is a... pleasure, to meet ye, Kenneth Baxter."
"You were looking at student work?"
The princess straightened her posture into a proud pose. "Yes. We doth enjoy seeing the progress of the younger generations. It lightens Our heart to see open, intellectual minds grow to be prestige leaders and scholars."
"Ah, then you may want to ignore mine right here," The stallion raised his hoof to the image of the alien creature, "I'm not exactly part of the younger generation, you're Highness."
Luna gave a vexed stare at the young stallion. "Art thy trying to bid a jest?" She asked, adding a little scoff of amusement.
"No, that's mine. I'm a student here, Princess."
"May We ask how? My understanding is that this is a place for foals."
"Princess Celestia had me accepted."
The Princess sighed, surrendering at the mere mention of her sister. "Thou seems such as what Our sister would do. She had always a mind for charity."
"I think that's exactly the situation. I got a letter from her after my conversion saying that I had an aptitude for magic. I'm still learning though, and I can only levitate things."
"Levitation may be novice, though it is a staple. We use it for many things... And what, pray tell, do thou speak of on 'conversion'?" The princess squinting, resuming her ever-questioning gaze towards the stallion.
"Um... To put it simply, I was a human," He starts, pointing with his hoof to the drawing he had done earlier in the day, "And I got turned into a pony."
"Why would thou forsake thine heritage to adopt another?"
"I guess, because... It was either change or die. Humans can't live in Equestria for some reason."
"And what of thy kin? Were thine forced into being such as thou?"
"I think there are a few still left, your Highness. Some humans want to live out what's left before their choice is made a little more clear. Others just want to keep the race going, no matter what."
The Moon Goddess shook her head. She understood fully as to why a species would bite at the face of inevitable extinction. She read reports. Humans had lost their capabilities for magic ages before Kenneth's time, and it was not something that could be adopted again quickly. Magic had to be introduced slowly, it seemed, and the sudden, strong exposure to it had necrotic effects. From one report, she had come to the conclusion that magic was unavailable to humans around their "Dark Age". How foreboding a name.
"Would thy like to tell Us more of the humans? We have only read short notes on the topic..."
-=-=-
Time flew by with little notice. To Kenneth, night was just a period of darkness. To Princess Luna, it was the only time available to rule her country.
"Thou kind seem to be beings of marvelous intellect. We must certainly speak of this again another night."
"Past your sleeping schedule, your Majesty?" The newfoal said, finding something witty in his comment, which was blown over completely by the monarch.
"We must return to Our solarium to put Our moon to rest for the day, as Our sister must rise to wake her sun. Thou must be quite tired, though, are We not mistaken?"
The sudden realization of having stayed up a fun night donned on him like a door to the face. A long yawn broke away from his lungs, forcing his eyes shut for a brief moment. And when his eyes opened, he found himself standing by the "wall of fame" by his classroom.
"Hey, bub, you alright there?" Called Rusty, the next night watchman to take his shift. "It's time for you to go get some rest. You got class in the morning."
"Ya... Thanks Rusty. Good night."
"I hope Luna didn't give you too much trouble now."
"What? Oh... no. It was all good."
-=-=-
Author note: I hate Ye Ol' English... It makes me sad that I had to use it.
50697
The writing style is strange, but it's done for a reason - it's called "stream of consciousness". The fact it sounds at times like it's supposed to be in a diary changes it to a sort of hidden camera video-diary, which is admittedly confusing at times. I think it's messy and it does hold the story back, but I can still understand it. More to the point, I think it's done with a reason.
Quite apart from your terrible English, you seem to be missing the point of this story, and if you've been posting these tirades which really have nothing to do with this fanfiction again and again, I can see why he's fed up with you. If it's as boring as you say it is, why the hell are you reading it at all, especially commenting on chapter 3?
This story is no epic, it's fluff from beginning to end, oftimes badly structured but it's amusing enough. It's short, it still makes me giggle and doesn't overstay its welcome. If I didn't like it, I don't think I'd have read past chapter 1. It sounds like instead of wasting your time on tirades that do nothing, you should be writing your own stories.
Call it a weakness for silly, not everything has to be Gilgamesh.
The creed of the Brony, I would like to reiterate, is Love and Tolerance. Kindness and Friendship.
That's what we're here about, doing Friendship Is Magic fanfiction. It doesn't matter if the fiction is shipping characters or writing Conversion Bureau stories or doing Grimdark or writing Clopfics. What matters is being nice to each other. That is what makes a Brony a Brony. Being nice, even if we can't or won't understand something.
The points made by Gapaot and Intellectual Compass are lost, because they are not being nice. Maybe they don't know how to be nice.
That's OK, it's simple enough to learn. I'm willing to help.
Being nice is simple: if you don't like something, that's OK, just leave it alone and go find something you like. Don't rag on anyone, don't say harsh things, just... go on your way. Just go find what you DO like, and forget you even saw the thing you didn't like. Simple!
If you want to be REALLY nice, then, even if you don't like something, it costs you nothing to offer encouragement. If you absolutely must say something, find anything you kind of liked at all, and thank the writer for that. Anything, even if it is only that they spaced their paragraphs well. You don't say it backhandedly, like "I don't like your story, but at least you do punctuation well". Don't do that. Just say something like "I really appreciate your attention to punctuation." Leave it at that. No one needs to know you don't approve, that is your business. Yours alone.
That is how to be nice. It's actually quite easy, and has countless rewards. It's the magic key to being a Brony, too!
I know, the world teaches people to be critical and harsh and tough and mean. We don't have to be that. We can choose a different path. That's the subversive little message of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. We can be kind.
Even to people who write things, or draw things, or think things we don't approve of.
Please be nice. It's nice to be nice!
all I can say is that some of your middle english is terrible, I would suggest trying to learn German to help improve it, the formal 2nd person singular works almost exactly like it did in middle english(so Thee=Sie and Thine=Sein) if you look at the forms of the formal 2nd person singular and how the verbs tend to react together it should greatly improve the dialogue involving Luna
50924
Amusingly enough, the show writers got the middle english wrong in "Nightmare Night" almost constantly - but then it's taken that Luna is more putting on the accent than really using it, and I can forgive them anyhow. It's interesting how modern English has only "you" and "yours", whereas older English had thee and thine and a few more.
50936 the older english's were more germanic, it's the french influence that has gotten rid of most of our formal dialogue and added some of the more confusing tenses like the continual tense
50777
go comment on the latest entry in my blog, if you wish, since it's likely your unwanted comments will be deleted from here. As long as you don't use personal attacks, I won't delete.
50895
you can come too, but I suggest you get an account.
50737
The one problem I have with this approach is that it doesn't encourage writers to get better. To an extent, if reviews and criticism aren't requested, then giving harsh words can seem overly negative. On the other hoof, if you do not, writers can get lazy and complacent and puff up their own sense of accomplishment far beyond what it deserves. You have to strike a balance between constructive and criticism, as blank praise is what you give a six-year-old when s/he comes home with three blobs on a piece of paper and proudly proclaims it to be mummy, daddy and child.
At that age, you don't tell them off for forgetting feet, or toes, or necks, or even faces, but at some point, you do.
53893 No on asked you to read this, Trill. If you wanted to watch a porno, you've come to the wrong site.
54435 Any similarities to any person/character, living, dead, or fictional, are purely coincidental. Kinda.
54021
Hah, your arrogance amuses me. To be blunt, you victimize your own species, and you constantly rely on the great sources of power that are the other conversion bureaus writers, which shows you lack any type of strength or confidence in yourself. Furthermore, you censor anything that you don't like, you fucking communist. Go away.
55191 I'm not relying on anyone, although their assistance is appreciated. In the story, sure, I victimize, though only to aid plot. It's a story, plain and simple. Personally, I'd choose fingers over hooves anyday.
As for being communist... Sure, I do believe everyone deserves the exact same treatment.
I think the real term you want to use for me is... *puts on shades* ...A Bureaucrat. Pun not initially intended.
And no, I'm here to stay. I'd suggest you deal with it by living and let living.
Every body can have their own opinion hence the character in my story has a friend who is a pony he may not agree but he accepts
the fact that they have their own choices to make for good or bad hence yes my character wants to save man but he Absolutely hates the HLF/PER because they take away peoples free will to live or to die
hence I am on pencil sketch's side with this.