- Member Since 30th Mar, 2016
- offline last seen 40 minutes ago
Randomfastreader
I read a variety of literature quickly.
Randomfastreader
Joined 30th Mar, 2016 ·
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No, just no.
Well... It feels hollow. Grammar is not bad, but the idea is weak or it apear to be poorly executed.
ok It gets better and it may feel hollow because it is hollow so far.
...okay, what?
I've seen some things on this site but this is...I'm not even sure.
I have to be honest here. I literally cannot tell if this is a serious attempt or a trollfic. If this is a trollfic, then...okay. If this is a serious attempt...I highly recommend studying the site's writing guide or at the very least, reading some of the excellent fics available here (or some real books would help too). Your grammar needs serious work and your plot has been done ad nauseum. It's actually so far-fetched that I cannot suspend my disbelief, which is essential when writing fiction.
Might wanna try something different to start your writing journey.
7608747 For once, I agree with you, Kyuubi. This story about made me have the same reaction first sentence of the synopsis in.
Oh God, not another bad self-insert story...
And just like that, if it wasn't already before, this story is unsalvageable, because this is Displaced levels of bad.
7617630 thanks very much actually i have rewritten this 3 times already and am now r writing it AGAIN and hope to make it good at least with some conflicts and some depth.
7617643 *shakes head* So far, ye haven't succeeded. Hire editors and proofreaders and stop doing self-inserts.
7617646 i had two other stories up but i removed them.
7617658 Don't delete stories. You only accrue more bad juju to yourself that way. Use this story as a stepping stone of sorts; a reference to the past when you write something far better.
7617663 sorry it's just i was getting scared i was getting close to the lowest ratio ever held on this site of dislikes to likes at 72 down votes 5 up votes and i still have them i just unsubmited them
Oh...
7619477 You don't have the lowest ratio ever. There was a story that reached... 500 or so dislikes before site mods canned it.
7619791 Dang that would be bad.
7619821 Yeah. It had no likes, either. You're much better off, because you have some likes and your ratio is much lower than that other fic's.
This feels Rushed to me, try slowing the narrative down some and more descriptive paragraphs. Also what does your character look like and does he feel any moral obligations when he introduces higher rates of production and transportation to Equestria?
7623970 Ok I will take these statements into account for the next version of this story and yes there will be multiple versions each one better then the last hopefully and yes I will agree I need to put in more detail.
For Everyone
THIS STORY WILL BE UNDERGOING HEAVY EDITING SHORTLY AND WILL HAVE VAST IMPROVEMENTS! HOWEVER TO DO THIS I NEED TO UN PUBLISH THE CURRENT CHAPTERS AND REWRITE THEM! WILL BE UP AGAIN SHORTLY.
this story goes into my long list of failures, needless to say i will try harder next time. however it has come to my attention that i am honestly polishing a turd and have decided to scrap and go for a better turd or something to polish.
Oh goody joy, another blantantly obvious self-insert.
8357832
Exactly why else do you think I canceled it?
8359732
Yup
8359786
Actually, I have another story out the lunar engineer that you can read to it is much better quality.