(SPOILERS FROM THE NEWEST MOVIE EXIST IN THIS STORY. READ WITH CAUTION IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT YET.)
After the events of summer camp at Everfree, the dreams never evade Flash Sentry. Every night, he dreams of Twilight Sparkle. And every day he goes to school, the Twilight that attends Canterlot High is his world's. And he misses the magical, other worldly girl. However, despite his dreams, the boy is not the only one coping with emotions.
This cover art is only half of the original. Here is a link to the artist ZeldaronDL: http://zeldarondl.deviantart.com/art/Twilight-Sparkle-x-Flash-Sentry-Equestria-Girls-496472613
Chapters (8)
Now this looks interesting. I wonder where you'll take this.
That was a sad nightmare at the beginning. I feel for you, Flash. It will work out in the end.
This is a very interesting story so far, I haven't seen a story where Flash decides to go reach Twilight in Equestria, or at least I hope this is going to be the case; I wish their where more of those kind of stories. I am looking forward to see how the story going to forward to see the next chapter.
7623023 Thanks for liking it thus far. I have a good idea on how the story will play out and conclude, but I worry that it won't be enough for what it is right now. Oh well. I started it, so I shall finish it.
7623044 So is he going to go to Equestria to find Twilight?
7623047 That I will not say if he does or not now.
I'll keep an eye on this.
Though, you may want to revisit Flash's dialogue in the beginning. He doesn't sound like a teen.
I mean, what he's saying is fine, but how he's saying it seems a bit robotic.
I mind you, the dialogue seems more natural later in the story.
Still, that's just a nit-pick.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
--Spade
I have seen all this about Flash trying to move one but i really wonder if someone would do one were Twilight says to Sunset and the rest of the human's that she does love Flash and is willing to atleast try to make it work. Heck only theIntegration story managed to have that
I feel so bad for the guy.
don't worry we're all hoping you get your happy ending one day
7623259
I'm a little more annoyed by the fact that Sunset apparently never considered letting Flash use her book to write to Twilight. He'll never have true closure because she's the only person who can contact Equestria Twilight. And she's got the nerve to tell him to "get over" her. For that matter, I doubt Princess Twilight agreed to this, or even knows about it.
7623216 I should have mentioned that this is a first attempt at a first person narrative. So any amount of critisizm is actually appreciated. I just hope the thumbs downs don't hinder my progress :P
7624201 True. Wish there was one when Twilight confronts sunset about that
just ask sunset to send a letter twilight in Equestria say he want to go there!
and live with her in her world!
Whatever Flash´s intentions, Sunset seems quite offended about the boy not wanting his mind trespassed against his will. How rude!
A few misspelled words like cafeteria -> kafeteria and guarantees -> guaranties, but still good. Man, a lot of this could be avoided if these people would just communicate more.
7624201 unset has a closer bond than Flash with Twilight, since she was originally from Equestria. Lending Flash the journal is definitely a possibility, but Sunset might see it as encouraging a love that would be doomed to fail.
Great story so far. Everyone is well-intentioned, but convincingly unhelpful, nice emotions.
7634807 damn spellcheck telling me otherwise... but thanks for pointing that out.
7634807 It is not that the girls don't communicate, it is because Twilight is worried about her friends thinking differently of her (in this story of course). This of it like this: Let's say you are having family issues but you do not wish to worry your group of friends. So naturally, you tell them nothing. But then you have a branching friend, who is not apart of the main group, and you tell that individual just so you can ventilate the issue somehow. It is quite a common thing that happens among insecure people.
Well this certainly show that Flash is just an other typical anxty Teenager, that much should be expected, I hope he will stop feeling sorry for himself, and just seem to give up with out trying and start thinking of a solution to get to Princess Twilight be cause it doesn't seem that he has really tried to explore other options to talk to her. I would have imagined that he would ask Sunset if there is a way for him to at least talk to her at all in some way. I would imagine that he doesn't know anything about her journal book that she used to talk to her a few times. I would have wished to see how where his friends in Canterlot Hight-school.
7634885
That's still taking away Twilight's ability to make a decision. And Flash's too. If that's her reasoning, she's basically thinking of them as too immature to make the right choice on their own.
Pinkie is being interesting I hope she gets more time to interact with Flash.
flash just sunset connect princess twilight thought book then he go live there.
Ohhhh boy~ the emotional rollercoaster has just begun...
This should be good...
Drama started. Shouldn't have lied Sunset.
Okay, I feel that that the teen drama is getting a little too much for me, the last chapter I could take it. I feel that Flash's wining and feeling sorry for himself especially sense he is skipping on some of the more interesting stages of grief which is bargaining or at least ask try to pries some information out of Sunset.
Sunset's jealousy toward Princess Twilight because she didn't completely moved on from the spit up is interesting, but it somehow feel forced for some reason in the scenario. The idea of Sunset hiding things about her book is not bad even understandably, I wouldn't necessarily be hot at the idea of constantly lending my phone to someone else when they asked for it. I hope the story will move on from this type of drama soon.
This is what I was talking about. These guys have to communicate more often.
It was a nice surprise as to why Sunset demanded Flash move on.
7655926 I currently don't think I am well versed in teenage drama (despite how I used to be a teen
). This story is proving to be more of a challenge than I thought and it is starting to stress me out. Maybe I am looking at the thumbs down rating a little too much...
yes! flash is going to EQ.
Ok, golden opportunity! When she becomes a pony have Sci-Twi do the same scream PonyTwi did in the first movie! It'll be hilarious!
7659043 Just for you
7659057 If it's possible, could you please make it so that Sci-Twi starts with; "I'm going to have to"?
I assure you that I like this story. It's simply not well received by the majority because there are so many people who can't stand Flash Sentry. I am not one of them.
As for the chapter itself, yay for progress. All of them going to Equestria will be fun.
7658667 Don't take the criticisms to harshly, normally they point out that there is something wrong or incoherent in the story, but unless they really know their stuff in writing they are only pointing out a symptoms of the problem rather then the actual problem; I am mostly of the former rather then the lather so you should only take it as a gain of salt. The best way that I see it the story doesn't seem to be planned out that much ahead, and the focus on the characters constant hesitation or ambivalent about everything they do makes it anointing because they aren't doing anything to progress the story further and having mopping around feeling sorry for them selves. Stories are interesting because of how characters react to a given situation and what they do has to be decisive and be willing to go thought with the consequence of their actions. Also there are a lot of inconsistencies in the characters behaviors as I always find myself wandering why didn't the characters to did instead of that or wouldn't be easier if he does that; in those kinds of sensation the sense of disbelief of the story is often broken broken because of those razed questions.
In this situation, Flash looks weak and feeble doesn't seem to take the time to try and reach out for Twilight because he wants to be with her but instead keeps feeling sorry for himself and just wait to see her again. He could have tried to go though the porthole, and abysmally fail at it, to try and see Twilight again, make things clear between the two of them. There is also the issue that it was never stated in the story so far that Flash was aware didn't know about the book and that Sunset and the Mane five didn't tell him about the the book when they knew Flash mist her didn't even think of mentioning it to him just in passing, or even ask Sunset to contact Twilight by the book, why should they know anything about Sunset's still holding out for him, which doesn't make the girls look very good or considerate as a whole. I still don't understand why is Princess Twilight even present in Canterlot Hight in the first place. I presume that she is there because of Flash but she is rather lukewarm upon seeing him. Flash didn't get angry with Sunset for not telling him the truth that she had a direct line to his Twilight, and what ever she still feels about him wouldn't matter she still hold out on him when she needed her out of omission, it would destroy what ever trust there would have been between them because of how incredibly petty she is. There is also the issue of how the relation between Flash and Sunset ended as it was really unclear seeing that she was a bitch at the time and doesn't explain how he did put up with her in the first place.
All in all, with all this said their are just too many inconsistencies in the story to understand the characters actions or lack there of, that makes it hard to go past those issues.
I hope this gives you fruit frp thought for your story.
7659795 Thanks for the feedback. I realized too late on how I made Flash's character and perhaps I have been too light on the repercussions. I think what hurts more (no pun intended) than the criticism is that I have to live with what has been set in stone. I know what I have created. I guess this is a huge lesson in my story writing.
I need to read more than I write.
7660944 I am really sorry for what I have said, I din't want to destroy you motivation of writing this story at all, I just wanted to explain what I saw as an issue for you story and hope you could take the advice and better write you story. I think you could still fix it with rewriting the fourth chapter completely and maybe better plan out you story from there. Flash can still be ambivalent on some things(I wouldn't expect an average teenager to think of a lot of a solutions) but could still try to take at least charge of the situation a little, like trying to think of a way to reach her or ask around or to Sunset and the mane 5 about how he could reacher reach Twilight or read up on "magic" and fail miserably at it. Sunset would probably have to give in to Flash's request to help him if at least to be honest with him; he would most certainly be peeved at her for holding out at him, but at least the relation could still be fix sense she gives him a way to help before he learns it from someone else, which would be worst. The Mane 5 could have hold their tung on Sunset's behest, but would have to ask her why she can't tell him about the book.
All the problems that I have pointed out could be easily fix with a little forethought to fill in the wholes in the story and even with that you can use does elements to expand on other aspects of the story and the other characters.
I hope this helps you out for your next story at least.
Sorry again
7661007 No no no, I am not upset at all with your feedback. In fact I take it very well and am glad someone came forward and told me what problem is in my story. Here is how I wanted Flash's character:
I did want him to feel a bit whiny and have him desprite for Twilight. I wanted him to be a softy. Unfortunately, that may not be the character some would want. As for the inconsistancies among the stories, I have to look into the story to find that out for myself.
Don't worry about upsetting me and having your input be the downfall and abandonment of this story. I just need to improve if I want to make more of these stories. After all, I do want to become a professional writer and this place is where I can start.
So don't be sorry dude. By the way, love the Space Marine profile icon. And art too.
7661064 Thank you,I really hope you will keep writing, I did actually really liked your "Fundamentals" that you wrote, I am a big Fan of Party Favor actually. Anyway thanks also for liking my current avatar and that you recognized it as as Chaos Space Marine Raptor. If you with to see the rest of my work you can go see them on DeviantArt here
http://amalgamzaku.deviantart.com
7661526 Consider having a new follower. As for myself in terms of the 40k Universe, I am for the deathless army. The Necrons.
Purge all life from the galaxies.
That was cute.
Still enjoying how this story is turning out. Keep up the good work!
--Spade
This looks likes a massive improvement over the chapter 4. Flash is still a bit whinny, but that would be perfectly expected when he is going into a world he knows nothing about and have his species changed in an instant, and he is still taking it rather good. Still, he seem to be curious about the world that he find himself in, and is finally getting out of his funk that he previously was in, and asks the interesting questions of if he would still be attracted to Twilight or not. I think it is odd that Sunset would be worried to use her own actual unicorn magic rather then the one she uses on the EQvers which should feel much more familiar to her then the other kinds she had used. Still I wander what will happen during her meting with he former teacher will go long for her. I am a little worried of having EQG Pinky followed, I hope that the rest of of the girls will not follow her as for other similar meetings, previous attempts there is an endless and pointless comparing of notes all at the same time. I wouldn't mind both Pinky interacting together.
I am looking forward to see the next chapter now.
I imagine suddenly becoming a different species can be disorienting. Can't wait for the dream discussion.
It's great to see an other chapter gain I'm happy to see that Flash has the chance to talk to Princess Twilight( you might want to find as short nicknames for the doubles characters) which will help get the story to move forward a lot faster now. I have a little issue with having a lot of the sentences look a like, you might want to try to mix it up if you will, to keep things interesting.
So glad things are getting resolved and he's no longer getting nightmares. The part with the two Pinkie's and how they solved it so easily was funny.
if i was flash i chose to stay. true love once life chance. stay there!
Ok to me it's odd that the head canon that Shining and Cadance aren't married in the human world is so popular. I mean there nothing particular wrong with it but it would just make more cense to have them married in both worlds
7706721 When I was writing this chapter, I did scratch my chin and think it was odd as well.
I like Flash's family.
I'm looking forward to Celestia's story.
Interesting chapter, a bit short, and I feel that too much of a flash forward in the future, as I don't get how Twilight and Flash manage to settle their feelings and I feel that Flash's family should have been presented sooner in story to make sense for the presents in the last chapter. I am sorry to say this but I am rather confused over the conclusion of the story. Still the story had it's good moment and I am happy that you decided to concluded the story over leaving on Haiatus.