I don’t suppose I need to detail every last performance I put on. That would be long and tedious. It should suffice to say that Trixie forced me to perform in much the same manner as the first time.
From what I understand, I do a show every two or three days, but I will reiterate: It’s very difficult to keep track of time without the sun as a reference.
I suppose it’s a good thing that I have an expansive repertoire, because my performances last a good half hour at a time. It’s needless to say that Trixie is not pleased if I repeat a piece two performances in a row.
Speaking of Trixie: I find her... inconsistent, and extremely contrary. Almost every performance leaves her in a good mood – an extremely bearable one at that - save for the one performance where I repeated Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ , which I had played at the one previous. That was apparently enough merit for a black-eye, which she of course fixed a few hours later.
The way she treats me is odd... frightening, in its spontaneity. She can be congratulating me – literally congratulating me – one minute, and then be striking me for a curt remark the next.
Anyway, if my internal clock hasn’t been completely screwed over by the lack of a day-night cycle, then I believe that it was about a week – long enough to do three shows – later that I got my second chance to escape.
I’ve already said that it didn’t exactly go well – and that it was my last chance to escape. Trixie implemented new ways to stop me from getting out after my first attempt, and I had no doubt that she would do so again if I failed a second time.
Really, this is all filler... just building up to a little while ago… when I snapped.
But in the long run, I might as well put this all down here. All for the record, I suppose.
***
Two Weeks Ago…
If I have any grasp on time at all anymore, then I’m fairly sure that I’ve been here for just over a week. Eight or nine days, probably.
Time is just another thing out of my reach in this cell. My internal clock can’t function properly like this – and my sleep patterns reflect that. I can fall asleep at any time, which is actually interesting. When Trixie isn’t around, I can do whatever I want – except that ‘whatever I want’ is limited to sleeping and playing the piano.
That’s what I’m doing now. I’m just sitting here, playing random octaves and chord progressions.
This could be my last chance to escape. I will need to be fast, accurate, and above all, I would need to surprise her. Like my first escape attempt, the plan itself is simple, and the real problem is still in the execution.
Trixie should be coming in soon. I haven’t had a drink in a… well, a while. Normally when I’m at this level of thirst is when she graces me with a bowl of water. It's like a whole new system of keeping track of time. The thirst clock.
I think Trixie’s using some other kind of magic on me, because I haven’t had a single piece of food since I was pulled through, and yet it has taken me an incredible amount of time to start feeling hungry.
That said, my stomach is now growling every few minutes, and all I can think about is when Trixie is going to actually feed me.
My body itself is looking markedly worse-for-wear. I can make out individual ribs. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that Trixie’s using some sort of spell to ‘mute’ my feelings of hunger. She’s probably building that up as leverage against me. I misbehave, she lets me feel just how much I'm starving, or something to that effect.
By now, nothing would surprise me.
But surely this can’t go on. She’ll have to feed me eventually… Or she might just wait until I starve to death, and then get another human.
Could she really be doing that? Just… running me into the ground, and then picking another human? What if she’s done that before?
It was that thought that made me decide to act. I have this plan of escape, and if I wait any longer, and Trixie doesn’t feed me, then I will be too weak to try.
All I need to do is to wait for that water.
I’ll need to get some rest – even a little, and when Trixie arrives, I’ll need to move fast.
With that in mind, I flop backwards, laying down on the thin layer of hay strewn across the floor, wrapping one hand around the leg of the piano stool. Trixie will be suspicious that I’m not on my mattress, but I doubt it will stop her from delivering the water.
The angle will be terrible, and I’m probably going to hurt myself, but it’s worth a shot.
***
The sound of the lock of the cage turning rouses me from my light sleep, snapping my eyes open.
It’s time.
I wait tensely, my back facing the cage door as it swings open. After that, Trixie will slide the water bowl into the cage, and lock the door again.
Each noise is crucial, for I need them to keep track of when to start. I can’t screw this up. If I do, Trixie won’t give me another chance – In fact, she’ll probably just barbecue my head again. The very thought of it nearly makes me shiver, which would alert Trixie to the fact that I’m not sleeping.
‘Wait…’ My mind screams the command at my body. ‘Wait… NOW!’
I roll over, bodily gripping the leg of the piano stool.
With a loud shout, I lift it off the ground, nearly dislocating my shoulder with the effort of lifting something so heavy from such a bad angle – and with one arm.
I release my grip, and the stool sales across the cage, and Trixie shouts, backing away from the door as her horn lights up.
Too little, Too late.
The stool collides with her face, producing a satisfying crunch as it knocks Trixie off her hooves and lands on top of her as she collapses.
Meanwhile, I propel myself across the cage floor, grabbing the door before it can close and using it as a prop to rise to my feet.
Trixie is lying on the ground, dazed from the impact, while I flee, running straight past her. I’m sorely tempted to stop and wreak my revenge on the mare for what she’s done, but everything I can think of would involve bringing her back to her senses with the pain, and then she would simply seize control of my mind again.
It’s infuriating. She’s right there, helpless, but trying to do anything would just get me recaptured.
With that in mind, I bolt for the door, ripping it open and making my way up the steps, taking them two-at-a-time.
There’s no lantern to stop me this time.
Now I’m backstage, headed out for the main area of the café. The first thing I notice is that lack of any light except for the one above the basement door. The windows aren’t letting any in either, which means it's either night time, or all this is the result of the rapture, and I'm about to get fucked over by demons - Which is still higher on my to-do list than getting recaptured by Trixie.
I run out into the main area of the café, which is filled with tables and stacked chairs. It seems like a nice little place. At a glance, you would never think that it was using a slave for its entertainment.
I wrap my hand around the knob of the front door and pull it open, before stepping out into the open.
“Yes!” I breathe out enthusiastically, savouring the taste of fresh air – something I haven’t been able to enjoy for some time... and I'll admit it, I was also pretty happy that there wasn't a squad of demons waiting outside the door to use me as a kebab. That not happening is a plus in any situation.
Unfortunately, I can’t stay to enjoy the sensation of freedom, as an enraged shout erupts from the innards of the Café, forcing me to take flight once again, sprinting through the streets.
This place isn’t Ponyville, Canterlot, Cloudsdale or Appaloosa. That much is clear. The architecture is totally different. I can tell that, even in this low lighting. Everything is constructed out of an ugly looking brick. Is this Manehattan, or Trottingham? It doesn’t look like it would be Las Pegasus.
The streets are slick. It must have rained recently, and considering how ‘heavy’ the air feels, it’s probably going to start raining again soon. I never thought I would see the day when I couldn’t wait to get caught in the rain.
Wow... the things we take for granted... from internet access to the 'privilege' of getting caught up in the mischievous doings of that nefarious troll called Nature.
Another shout echoes behind me, startling me as I sprint through the streets and causing me to slip on the wet cobblestones.
“Oh god, no!” I pant as I slide to a stop. My legs skinned and aching.
I scrabble back to my feet, and continue running, now limping from my fall.
This is bad. I can run, but Trixie can gallop. How did I not think of this before?! I either hide, or she catches me, and drags me back there - and she’ll probably beat me unmercifully in the process.
Suddenly my left leg falls out from underneath me, inexplicably sliding to the left and dropping me to the ground.
Well, inexplicably isn’t exactly the right word, because the magenta aura surrounding it probably had something to do with it.
My face slams into the stone cobbles, briefly stunning me.
‘No, no!’ My mind races as I scramble forwards. Was it really over this quick? I’d only been on the run for three minutes at the most! It couldn’t have been that short!
“I can’t go back there! I need…” Tears are streaming down my face. “I…”
A hoof plants itself in my back, cutting me off with its presence.
“Don’t worry. You aren't going back there.” Trixie’s voice whispers in my ear, before I’m flipped over by her magic.
She’s looking down at me, an angry cut and bruise combination marring her forehead, yet a shockingly calm – possibly even compassionate – look on her face.
“Do you want to know why?” She smiles, the benevolent expression distorted into a terrifying grin by the angle at which I view it.
I let out a small choked sound as she raises a hoof, still smiling like a sympathetic mother. For some reason, despite everything she’s done, this is the most terrifying trixie has ever been for me. She’s been hit in the head by a piano stool – thrown by me. No one should be smiling after that.
Using my choked whimper as a surrogate answer, Trixie lifts her hoof a little higher, and I realise that she is about to strike me.
“You aren’t going back there, because we are taking this show on the road.”
Before I can react, her hoof comes down, striking me on the side of the head.
I look up at her face, still smiling in that same caring manner as the hoof impact jars me to the core, before she raises the offending limb again.
“Sorry.” She says insincerely. “This wasn’t meant to take more than one try.”
“No…” I mumble weakly, raising one hand feebly in an attempt to ward-off what’s certainly coming next.
Her only answer is to bring the hoof back down.
The world is lost in darkness.
Author's Note;
Okay, so I decided to make Trixie a bit more benevolent in this, because I was starting to get concerned with how much people were hating her. Seriously, I'm not trying to incite hate at a fictional character, I'm just telling a story that happens to involve a well known character behaving like a monster with no morals or ethics.
See? It sounds bad. Remember the fact that this is a FIMFiction. Non-canon. Don't go ripping apart Trixie plushies, just leave angry comments.
Roadtrip... Ponyville... Justice
I've never liked Trixie, even before this fic. She's too... hollow, I guess. Lies (Ursa, anyone?) put a bad taste in my mouth, especially when someone else has to do your self-declared job when the situation arises that you have to put your money where your mouth is.
I'll be hugely surprised if you have the protagonist murder Trixie, but I suspect the beating of her life is going to happen. Maybe some curbstomping. Enslavement also puts a bad taste in my mouth.
All that said, this is a hell of a fic, and I can't wait to read more of it!
I can't wait 'till he introduces Trixie to the heel of his shoe
I think Celestia or Luna are gonna do something to her once they see him
Attacking her with a piano bench?.......Jeez, that just gave me a funny but disturbing mental image of this whole thing ending with Trixie getting crushed by a falling piano....But given the cartoon physics of this world, she would probably be okay!
Alright, I can't take much more of this. Pointless tales of a fellow person being tortured without closure or a turn for the better are not the kind of fic I like. If we don't get anything with at least the slightest smidge of hope in the next chapter, I'm unfaving this.
Nothing professional (I have only compliments to someone that can write well - maybe even too well), just my personal feelings on the matter.
940767Seconded.
941047 Yeah, I think I'm with Jack on this. Two chapters at most.
Should have killed her, but that's just me.
She's gonna go to Ponyville for redemption, and Fluttershy is gonna rip her to shreds.
I would've just thrown a grand piano at her, and stage a grand exit. Nothing more ironic than a piano falling on your head...
940754
It feels like you've simply managed to make Trixie more terrifying. Perhaps a little pitiable, seeing as this chapter is giving me the vibe that she is mentally ill and doesn't completely understand the situation. Although I'll have to echo some of the other comments- you can't drag this on for more than a couple chapters. Six chapters of tormenting a character in the same manner is definitely pushing it. I do however applaud your decision to condense the performances, because that was probably the only thing that has bought you several of your readers for one or two more chapters.
I'm okay with this.
940835 Thanks for the feedback! I'm sorry, but I don't have any particular responses to any part of your comment.
941047 941759 942460 Okay then, in the interest of keeping readers for the end: Would it help if I told you that I have done my best to condense the rest of the story down into roughly 4 chapters and an epilogue? Are you able to hang in for that long?
And because I REALLY don't want to lose readers this close to the end, would you like me to give you a little 'heads up' statement through PM's? Just a basic statement - a frame, really (Barely any detail or context) - of what will happen in the next few chapters?
Oh, and I should add that this chapter didn't actually involve Trixie beating the Piano Man. It involved her knocking him out, which she was unable to do in one hit. Please don't consider that a beating.
942606 Oh, I suppose if we are that close to the end I will hang in there. Don't worry about sending me a PM though, I'd rather read the story as it comes.
942606 To me, no it doesn't, none of it. Especially since you promised nothing regarding what I complained about. Your proposal sounds exactly like you're going to rush towards the same unsatisfying ending you had planned before we complained.
Same deal: an improvement in the piano man's situation by the next chapter, or I'm getting the hell out of here, and you better not expect me to come back to any of your other stories, even if they get recommended on Equestria Daily.
Oh, and regarding your statement: "... this chapter didn't actually involve Trixie beating the Piano Man. It involved her knocking him out, which she was unable to do in one hit..."
That DOES sound like a beating to me all right. I've had enough of him taking physical violence.
942606 You're a good author, but you forgot something important: readers want closure. You can't make fiction completely dark and expect people to feel attached to it, because what is there to compliment if the whole fruit is rotten? After a while, the most you'll get is the audience uttering the eight deadly words, something I'm this close to doing.
"Meaningful conflict is the soul of drama."
If you want the source, this is the page.
Both links are perfectly safe, and I think you'd really benefit from reading through them.
942648 Okay so firstly: 'Same unsatisfying ending'? No one knows what the ending is but me. To arbitrarily label it as unsatisfying seems very unfair, as does preemptively claiming that the story's ending will not carry any closure.
To disregard all of my stories simply because you think this one is too dark and meaningless is also completely unreasonable - as is your demand. I am the writer of this story, and I will not force something into a chapter for the sake of keeping a single reader. The next chapter WILL contain a glimmer of hope. You asked for a smidge, and coincidentally, that is what the next chapter contains, although it most likely won't be in the form you want it to appear.
Your points on audience responses (The Eight Deadly Words and Darkness Induced Audience Apathy) are fair and well thought out, I believe that I can get most of my readers to hang on for another few chapters based on good-will and a desire for closure.. And the burning need quite a few of my readers seem to have for Trixie to get her comeuppance.
Sorry I took so long to reply. There were distractions, and I wanted to make sure that this was a reasonable counterpoint.
(And also, isn't the idea of beating to strike someone repeatedly with the intent of causing pain? Trixie wasn't intentionally causing pain)
942990 "No one knows what the ending is but me." Based on everything you've written, that is the only conclusion I can take. You haven't done anything to prove otherwise.
"To disregard all of my stories simply because you think this one is too dark and meaningless is also completely unreasonable - as is your demand." I've heard this promise before, at least five times, and it never comes through. So excuse me for thinking otherwise if I learned that the apple never falls far from the tree.
It's good to know that you've taken those points in consideration. It should give you more readers in the future.
And for a final point: "(And also, isn't the idea of beating to strike someone repeatedly with the intent of causing pain? Trixie wasn't intentionally causing pain)" Say whatever you want, physical abuse is physical abuse, no matter what name or silver lining you try to apply. And that's really not how the text reads - what it looks like is that Trixie crossed the threshold of anger and condensed it into a cold flame hidden behind a crazed gentle expression.
That said, I'm done. I'm completely turned off by this story. Goodbye, godspeed, and have a cute .gif that expresses what I have to say.
allgraphics123.com/ag/01/8122/8122.gif
942990 Oh, and finally, don't take any of it as personal attacks – that is not my intention, and sorry if it sounds like that. I have nothing against The Sentient Cloud the person.
943074 Of course not. This is a disagreement over a piece of literature, although I do have to say that it seems rather illogical to decide to quit watching early simply because I decided to make a rebuttal. Oh well. Thanks for reading anyway.
(The Brony community is the only one in which you can actually de-escalate an internet argument without outside intervention. Go team!)
943114 That's us alright And yeah, can't say I'm exactly mature when I'm angry. But your version of Trixie pisses me the fuck off.
940754 Leave angry comments. Okay, I can do that.
i.imgur.com/7KEdM.jpg
Can't wait till he can escape and tell about the horrors!
943114
I wouldn't say its the only one.
Anyway, this is really one of the few fics that I look forward to reading/get excited when I see its updated, no idea why its so good, but I have ended up really want to see this guy escape, or as you said snap... Looking forward to more.
945286 The word 'snap' is SOOOOOOO vague... Anything could happen.
The only inconsistency I can see is that he didn't straight murder trixie after hitting her with the stool. She was stunned, and he just walks over her body to get caught 5 minutes later. Great planning buddy.
947133 Given the scenario and resources available, could you come up with a better plan? Trying to knock her out would have kept him in her room, and when she regained consciousness she would have taken control of his mind again. Running was the only viable option, and - as it so happens - ponies can gallop much faster than humans can run.
Well, I would have gone with choking. Keeps her unconscious/unfocused, or maybe that wouldn't have worked.
Either way, the story would be rather anticlimactic if that happened, so I'm glad it didn't.
find it strange that after he hit her with the piano chair he did just enact revenge right then and there
just keep hitting her with the chair until she's a bloodies stain on the floor, why didn't he do that?
Did you know you can technically bite off your fingers as easily as you could a carrot? An insane person might do that to stop having to play the piano.
952128 That still has the danger of startling her back to her senses before she can fall into unconsciousness, and all she would need is a second of alertness to seize control of his mind.
952757
TRIXIE MUST DIE. HAVE HIM RIP OFF HER HEAD AND THEN SHIT AND PUKE IN IT.
947719
Grab her by the head and twist until the neck snaps. Be over in less then a second.
Trixie is lying on the ground, dazed from the impact, while I flee, running straight past her. I’m sorely tempted to stop and wreak my revenge on the mare for what she’s done, but that would involve brining her back to her senses with the pain, and then she would simply seize control of my mind again
..........well....im stund of the stupidity of the carecter......are you deliberatly making him this dumb ?......
....coz this doesnt make any sence at all...what abiut the words he said what will he do to her once
he is free ?
or is this youre way to prolong the story...coz if it is (im sure it is) them i say,,,,MEH !
TRY HARDER !
ok one short comment this where the second time he got the chance to kill her and jet he don´t do it...WHY? you got her on the ground and in reach just punch her in the face until she is dead. Problem solved
ima do a segment of an alternate ending for this it starts at the end of this chapter.
Rakdarian woke up to a pounding in his head. He was in a dark forest on the border of some town.
"where am i?" he said. 'better go to town. catch my bearings' he thought
Rakdarian walked into town. The first thing he noticed was the lack of humans/dwarves/elves/goblins ect. the second thing being that there was music echoing down the the streets.
'maybe theyre all at the music source. might as well follow it'
after a few minuets of walking i came to the source of the music. i pushed my way to the front of the crowd (for some reason it didnt bother me that they were all ponies. probably because ive seen much weirder) what i saw was a human playing somthing similiar to an organ. and a blue unicorn in a magic hat and cloak making dramatic gestures to the human.
'hmmmm i wonder if he knows a way to get back to gielenor? id better ask him after the presentation he looks pretty focused. or hes angry and misererable. either way.
20 minuets later after 3 more songs and a dramatic ending by trixie (wait my bad "the great and powerful trixie" ) trixie and the human walked stiffly to the end of the stage and disappeared behind it
'well that seemed suspicious'
Rakdarian walked slowly toward the stage. 'this feels strangely foreboding. better safe than sorry' he pulled out a bright red, long, and curved sword. 'okay i feel safer now. rakdarian walks around to the back where he hears a scream and then
"Fuck you! Trixie!" a male voice says 'it must be the human.'
"tsk tsk human you know i dont like it when you say such things." a feminim voice says. i hear a crunching noise and a thud.
'okay i cant take it anymore whats going on?'
i burst through the door, casting a quick monster examine spell
The great and powerful trixie
combat level 104
max hit 617
Attack style magic
"okay i already dont like you trixie." rak said
"another human? another slave." trixie said maliciously
"ughhh." the other human said.
"oh so thats how you want to play it?" rak said putting his sword in front of him "Guthix protect me from magic!" rak swings his sword and misses but just barely and trixie tries to blast rak with a beam of magic but it bounces off harmlessly melting all of the bars of the cage.
"shit!" trixie says jsuts before rak give her a horizontal slash cutting her front legs off. "argghh-!" she says but is cut off by a gurgle as her had gets chopped off.
'id better leave'
Rak walks off away from the gore exiting the town
The end.
Well what did you think?
Why cant i break the 4th wall and shoot trixie with a wooden block shot out of a cannon at 150 psi?
I can't help but notice how the most recent comment was 26 weeks ago...
1265483 Why would you want to do that? If you're breaking the fourth wall, then you must have access to at least a 3000-psi air cannon.
2282474
Screw air
Use gun powder
Read all the chapters up to now in one sitting. It's a good story...which deserves far more intelligent comments than it currently has, sadly.
Trixie...You will die a slow death.
5433413 Yeah, breaking her horn sounds like the best solution. You're not a murderer, she can't replace you, and she loses her advantage.
947719
Snap her neck, bash her skull in with the stool, anything really. With that much pent up rage, I'll find it hard to not literally eat her alive.