A business executive hires a seasoned crew of loggers to head deep into the Everfree forest. They aren't supposed to be there. They shouldn't be there.
2020-05-28 update: The dialogue and whatnot after the 2020-05-27 update flows a lot more smoothly now
The plot thickens. Looks like corporate has some quite progressive ideas on workpony's compensation... I guess retirement plans and medical benefits are out of the question?
I did have a few issues with some things that pulled me out of the story and threatened my suspension of disbelief. (I apologise if this comes across as too whingy; I still enjoyed the chapter nonetheless)
The whole bit about "evil corporation mounts illegal logging expedition, uses PMCs to silence witnesses after operation" really strikes me as unfeasibly complex and unrealistic. In my mind it cheapens the threat of the forest; the real dangers now are the mercenaries private military contractors and the unscrupulous bean-counters at corporate headquarters. Corporations do perform skeevy and illegal acts, but typically it is a result of bureaucratic cost-cutting in an attempt to maximise profits.
IMHO, something like the following would put the focus back on the forest and its denizens while still setting up the unfortunate loggers as unsuspecting sacrificial saps:
Corporation obtains legal logging permit from Twilight/Celestia/Luna/government official. (Everything above board and legal in this case)
Engineers plan to take the more direct but much more dangerous route to the tree stand near the Castle and its high background magical radiation versus the longer, more difficult route around Froggy Bottom Bog. (saves 3 days of travel, no mucking around in the marshy bog, loggers should not spend enough time in the vicinity of the magical radiation around the castle for it to be a problem...)
They are all outfitted with minimum level of required equipment; best money can buy, but not much in reserve if something goes terribly wrong. (meets standards, but not excessive in order to save money)
The corporation takes Twlight's advice and obtains magical wards to protect the loggers. However they go for the cheaper "budget" variety (Hi Flim! Hi Flam!). (works just as well for a fraction of the cost. (once again meets standards, but not much in reserve if something goes terribly wrong.)
Corporation hires a protection detail (two guards instead of the usual one!) to guard their skilled loggers from harm. However, they hire PMCs of dubious provenance (illegal weaponry) instead of the more expensive Royal Guard
This would set up a compounding series of corner-cuts and inter-departmental miscommunication that individually would not be too serious, but when taken together spells the almost certain doom of the loggers...
Those issues aside, I really enjoyed this chapter. I cannot wait to see what you do next.
Side note: the utility co-op in my town was trimming the right-of-way of the big power lines this morning. Something like this:
Reminded me a bit of how you described Blazer clearing a trail through the forest
7705483 Oh my goodness let me try and wrap my head around what you just said for a moment. You may have lost me just a little bit somewhere in the middle. All I can say to your various comments about the complexity and unrealistically of the situation is that... I've thought about that. All I can say to that for the time being is that I would never plan on making a story such as this based on man vs. man conflict.
I've already got the next two chapters written out partially and an outline for the rest.
I really appreciate your comments. I'm glad that someone's reading this!
2020-05-28 update:
The dialogue and whatnot after the 2020-05-27 update flows a lot more smoothly now
The plot thickens. Looks like corporate has some quite progressive ideas on workpony's compensation... I guess retirement plans and medical benefits are out of the question?
I did have a few issues with some things that pulled me out of the story and threatened my suspension of disbelief.
(I apologise if this comes across as too whingy; I still enjoyed the chapter nonetheless)
The whole bit about "evil corporation mounts illegal logging expedition, uses PMCs to silence witnesses after operation" really strikes me as unfeasibly complex and unrealistic. In my mind it cheapens the threat of the forest; the real dangers now are the
mercenariesprivate military contractors and the unscrupulous bean-counters at corporate headquarters. Corporations do perform skeevy and illegal acts, but typically it is a result of bureaucratic cost-cutting in an attempt to maximise profits.IMHO, something like the following would put the focus back on the forest and its denizens while still setting up the unfortunate loggers as unsuspecting sacrificial saps:
(Everything above board and legal in this case)
(saves 3 days of travel, no mucking around in the marshy bog, loggers should not spend enough time in the vicinity of the magical radiation around the castle for it to be a problem...)
(meets standards, but not excessive in order to save money)
(works just as well for a fraction of the cost. (once again meets standards, but not much in reserve if something goes terribly wrong.)
This would set up a compounding series of corner-cuts and inter-departmental miscommunication that individually would not be too serious, but when taken together spells the almost certain doom of the loggers...
Those issues aside, I really enjoyed this chapter. I cannot wait to see what you do next.
Side note: the utility co-op in my town was trimming the right-of-way of the big power lines this morning. Something like this:
Reminded me a bit of how you described Blazer clearing a trail through the forest
7705483 Oh my goodness let me try and wrap my head around what you just said for a moment. You may have lost me just a little bit somewhere in the middle. All I can say to your various comments about the complexity and unrealistically of the situation is that... I've thought about that. All I can say to that for the time being is that I would never plan on making a story such as this based on man vs. man conflict.
I've already got the next two chapters written out partially and an outline for the rest.
I really appreciate your comments. I'm glad that someone's reading this!
7705836
Looking forward to it!
Coincidentally, Trouble by Rene Aubry makes for good ambient background music for this chapter