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Big Mac is a strong stallion, no doubt about that, possibly even the strongest pony around.
However, that changes when he meets a filly by the name of Lily Longsocks, whose raw strength might even rival his own.
It is from this filly that Big Mac will learn where a stallion truly draws his strength.
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No way! did I actually get the first Like AND the first comment?! it's like Christmas!
...
well that's a tough situation but I love that it'll work out. Small steps Big Mac, you'll make it just fine.
More words than he said in the first 2 seasons of the show right there.
I'm so glad you explained why her cutie mark is a hedgehog, although if that were the case I think mine would be a dragon...or a cake, maybe a gun? A GUN TOTING DRAGON EATING A CAKE!! best...cutie mark...ever
Oh, moving to Ponyville is a good step, no doubt about that. I would personally disagree with the choice of not telling Big Mac though, because I believe he would be a good husband and father.
Good stuff, keep it up!
>Hedgehog cutie mark
This is where I turn around and walk away.
Any chance for you to expand this beyond a single chapter ? would be nice to see more
I missed her in the song, where is she?
I liked this story. It was sweet and showed Big Mac in what I have to say is his best. Thank you for doing that.
Lovely.
Well then, this is...
Wait, Lilly Longsocks? Why does that sound familiar?... Oh, like Pippi Longstockings!
I have to say, I liked this story. At first I didn't get it, but once I did and got to the end, I felt a sort of genuine sentiment. Thank you for writing it.
D'aww. Super cute. ^^
I will say, first and foremost, the dialogue was well-done. I don't mean technically (though I don't not mean that, either), but I mean the heart of the dialogue. I could hear Big Mac's voice in his words and Applebloom in hers. I got a sense of Lily and Mendy from their words and actions. I feel like I can confidently say that your image of how things looked and sounded and felt traveled safely to me through the text.
At first, I only saw the connection between Big Mac and Lily based on their shared superstrength. The further it got, however, the more I realized... wait, no—it couldn't be—could it be—it could!
I'm happy and satisfied with the development and the conclusion. It's fluffy while not being without meaning. It's sweet without inducing eyerolls.
Well-balanced and a nice heart-warming tale for the holidays (that isn't about the holidays)!
[edit] Oh, is the hedgehog an inside joke? Did she have that cutie mark in the show? Or... if not... then, hmm. Looking up hedgehog symbolism...
"big things really do come in small packages [...] Those with the hedgehog as their animal totem know how to take care of themselves and do so with grace and style [...] Same goes with those who honor the hedgehog as their totem - these people always land on their feet and go through challenges with the same calm, cool practicality as the hedgehog does." — http://www.whats-your-sign.com/animal-symbolism-hedgehog.html
"The Hedgehog Concept is based on an ancient Greek parable that states: "The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing."" — https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/hedgehog-concept.htm
7814852
Thank you, Daddy!
7813904 why?
During that last scene out by the swing, I couldn't help but picture how they looked sat there. Very cute.
I feel like I have a class suit against Paw Mend. Or at least an explanation.
7815158
>.>
Coincidence?
Excellent. I also just realized that Apple Bloom is an Aunt. For some reason, that made me giggle. I love this story.
"his voice didn't raise a single octave, yet there was a stern tone behind it."
Decibel
The only thing I didn't like about this story was the whole 'Big Mac's parents are divorced' thing. Canonically, they're dead. The two shooting stars over the farm at the end of Apple Family Reunion represent AJ and Mac's parents, and them being dead was also part of Lauren Faust's original vision for the setting. Officially there's no mention either way because it's a show targeted at little girls, but the show staff keep implying that they're no longer around.
Other than that this was a fantastic read, though.
m8, are you gonna leave us like this? dats cold mang real cold
also new ship
7815363
My reasoning in this fic is to emphasis that Mac's father is up and about, but not around.
Please... sir... is this really just a one-shot?
Aha, I'm on to you. Don't think I didn't see what you did.
7815661
Ok, you caught me.
7815665
Ha ha! I knew it! Carry on.
OH
COME
ON!!!
MOAR
Hmm. Cute story, but big Mack isn't that strong: for one thing, he has a weak back
If I'd expect Lily [1] to be related to anyone on the show, it would be the true strongest Pony
[1] Don't care much for the fan name either: aside from the strength, she has little in common with Pippi: she's a shy filly, who doesn't want knowledge of her "freaky super-strength" spread around, while Pippi cares even less than Honey Badger what people think,
I didn't make it past the weather report opening. Try not to do that with future stories.
But isnt Maud Pie the strongest pony in equestria?
7815929 Wow, can't even make it past a basic story opening? Maybe reading is too complicated for you. Try another hobby.
7815835
Granting what I call artifacts from it being an episodic show: that was a joke about the size of the cake.
Conversely:
blanc.leponeyblanc.fr/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Direction.png
Best I could find of it from an image search, but it's from Hearts and Hooves day. The same episode where he wound up dragging a house and it not slowing him down, to the point of him possibly not being aware. Yes, also a joke, but so is everything with Maud.
7816223
More like I'm not interested in going past a bad opening. If I'm going to spend my time reading, then I want it to be spent reading something worthwhile.
7816635
Your loss then.
7816690
Sure it is.
if someone doesn't want to read a story then they don't want t read it. No sense in telling them they are wrong for not wanting to.
7817036 If they don't want to read it, then they could've just moved on.
7817223
Except now the author knows why I didn't read it. If I write something you can be sure that I'd love to know when people pass on it because of some perceived problem with the writing. I'm banking on Enigmatic Otaku not being a wimp.
First, let me say that I enjoyed the story very much and my comments are in no way meant to be insulting to the writer or other readers.
Now then...
7817223 you're right, he could have just left, but instead they told the writer what they didn't like about the stories opening which is something that may be taken into account in his/her next work or simply ignored. The important thing is that they stated what they didn't like, rather than just saying "its bad." the person said they didn't like the weather opening which is how a lot of fanfics tend to start as its a easy way to set the mood, although it isn't always an interesting one. Now perhaps EO may try a new and better opening or perhaps they might do it again anyway. But the information is there and its the writers choice on what to do with it now that they have it.
Odd, I came down here to say personally I dislike the idea of a woman having a child and not telling her partner about it. It actualy scares me.
Eitherway about the dude who couldn't get past two sentences, fucking weird but whatever. The only time I can't get through two sentences is when its glaringly obvious the writer is 12 or english is his third language. Nothing seemed atrocious about stating the weather in the first sentence and in the second stating Mac wasn't bothered by it. Im actually wondering how he wanted the sentence to start and what he has against the weather? If I mention its raining in one of my stories will it throw him off of reading it as well?
Beautiful
7817244 Or it might tell the author that you have very thin skin and that you will pass on a what could be a good story over something so small (I'm not accusing you of being that way, I'm just saying that some may see it that way). If you had read the story and then written a review on the whole thing, including your critique of the beginning of the story (explaining why it is bad and maybe even have some suggestions on how to improve it), then it would have held more weight with everyone.
Plus, you could have skimmed a little ahead and see if the story is going in a direction you like.
But this is just my personal opinion and you probably have enough people harping on you over this (and I'm probably just telling you things you already knew), so I'll just stop here.
Sorry about all that.
7816826 Thing is, not everyone has the time to read the entirety of every story. Reading time is precious, and everyone has their way of filtering out time-wasters, be it ugly/non-existent cover art, bad grammar, boring synopses or in 7816635's case, cliche'd intros.
He/she might very well be mistaken about the overall quality of the story, but he's clearly decided that the amount of time saved by his filter outweighs the risk of missing out on good stories with weak intros. I highly doubt that this equates to a claim that the whole story is bad, as some seem to think.
Besides, stating his/her reasons for skipping out on this story can help the author to avoid losing picky/discerning readers the same way in the future. At least it's more useful for improvement than comments that just go "This is amazing, keep it up!"
10/10
Good story
Nice
(imagineathumbsuphere(-_-))
7817244
I wouldn't get your hopes up.
7815835
You're right Big Mac isn't that strong--
...
Riiiiiiight.
7816826
Agreed. By the end of the second episode, I thought we were getting a Magical Filly show, with the Mane Six cleaning up the remnants of those loyal to Nightmare Moon.
Then we got "The Ticketmaster", which, much like the effect Shippuden had on Naruto, kinda looks bad if you think about it with information from later on. (You'd think that Twilight would have gone to the Grand Galloping Gala in the past as Celestia's
living accessoryFaithful Student and might be trying to discourage some of the wild notions her newfriends have about the GGG)You could possibly have chosen a less obvious chapter title.
Well let me try to give my two cents on the topic everybody's talking about, though i apologize in advance. my brain is messy and i might not be fully able to put in words what I'm trying to convey.
To start, 7817312 I think the problem was less about the weather itself, and more so that it is a rather cliche and overused opening, 7818388 which can indeed speak for the quality of a story. According to most literary teachings, the opening of your book is the hook for your story which decides whether or not people want to read your story, so it's very important that the first few lines of your book convey the heart of your story. If we take a look at the first lines of some novels who are widely considered to be good, you will notice that nearly all of them feature an original and unique first line. For example:
See how from just that first line alone it's not only artistically appealing, you can also get a deeper grasp of the story and you get an idea of what it ultimately will be about?
In comparison new writers often tend to start their stories with a time or the weather. In a way, they picture the scene in their head and then start simply writing down what they are seeing in order, the same way you'd fill out a report for your school or the police or the likes. This way your text will end up more methodical and easier to digest, but the way you write will be far less artistic.
So to summarize, being able to catch the essence of your story in such a way and boiling it down to be put on display in the first sentence alone is at heart what truly differentiates an experienced writer from a beginner.
Of course comparing a simple fanfic on a site like this with those bestselling novels is a bit overblown, but in the end it's just meant to give you a basic understanding on the subject.
(Tldr: Judging a story by the first line alone is a valid thing to do, though a bit excessive on a site like this)
Ohh, been too long since I read a Lily Longsocks fic