Designation ManeFrame, an experimental construct created by the Equalists, has only one purpose – to crush the remaining resistance that struggles against the mighty Empire. However, when the construct gains conscience in a bloody, unmerciful battle, it is thrust into one last, titanic struggle that would decide the fate of Equestria.
Information is scarce to come by, and every clue reveals three more questions. What happened to the Princesses of the Old? How did the Equalists seize power? And just why does the name Twilight Sparkle sound so familiar?
Featured 28/01/2017. Thank you so much, everyone!
Massive thanks go out to my editors and proofreaders: Garzeel_, Flicka Ravenhide and Destella Morningdew.
Character tags maybe updated in the future. The cover art is edited from the original artwork by zolombo, which you find here. If you don't like the story, please tell me why in the comments description. It would be greatly appreciated!
Daaaammmmnnn. That was an absolutely fantastic first chapter.
There are a few lines that could do with a re-read though.
But seriously, that was awesome.
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Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
Very nice. My first thought after reading was: "My Little Pony: Modern Warfare or My Little Terminator? Both?". Can't wait for the next chapter to come out.
Pretty much on the same front of Conspire. Great start! :)
well this is interesting, I hope Twilight gets her consciousness back early
Dude. This is awesome.
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Thanks!
To make this even better, this is my first story ever to get featured!
I don't tend to like dark distant-future-style fanfics, but this one was done right. Great job, and I can't wait for the next chapter.
Why do I get the feeling Twilight's friends are gonna try and kill her and she's gonna have to kill them? Oh right because it's about the Equalists and thus they're eternally jack asses.
PS: Don't take this the wrong way. I do like the story but it just feels like how that's gonna happen.
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Besides, there is an actual legitimate story behind the Equalists, something along the lines of 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.'
Nope, none of that killing each other stuff. Otherwise, I have to add a tragic tag.
Glad you enjoyed it so far.
7902372 Well then here's to hoping they reunite!
Looking forward to seeing where this goes.
This is giving me a Star Wars vibe. AND I LOVE IT!!!!
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Funny you mentioned that. I was working on a few segments of the chapter after watching Star Wars: Rogue One!
Purely unintentional.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4137-132434205267.jpg
...Holy crap it's Pony Fulgore.
I'm unclear, were the grunts manufactured machines or ponies turned into cyborg slaves of some sort?
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Grunts are mostly mechanical.
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And she was a machine with the processor partially combined with a brain?
7902598 The 'mostly' just makes them more unsettling.
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I have no idea what you're talking about
(Intrest intensifies)
https://m.youtube.com/?reload=7&rdm=26enpk5b8#/watch?v=dnbbYWRQXSw
That was playing in my head the whole time as well.
Shit got real.
Actually amazing
ill keep an eye on this. this fandom needs more sci fi
Pro tip: Find editors and proofreaders before you publish your story. It looks much better on your behalf.
dude when's the next chapter coming out I'm hooked now, good job man
This is a awesome story
going straight to favorites and it only has 1 chapter XD
Aside from some minor typos, you've thrown us into a high-octane battle sequence that establishes the setting as a futuristic wartorn Equestria and establishes who/what the main character is.
That said, I do hope you'll expand on the war itself.
While everyone is saying it's reminiscent of Star Wars, I'm seeing a bit of Metal Gear Solid as well.
That said, I did find two things that stuck out to me:
1.) You've used clip where the correct term would be magazine.
2.) You've had saluting in an active battlefield. That's to be avoided as it tells the enemy who the leaders are, making them a prime target for snipers.
Ugh, I gotta say dude, I hate this story so much! it's got one huge glaring problem that I just can not ignore. It's too damn short!
No but really this has some serious potential. I'm going to love to see where this goes.
7904591 High praise coming from Meep Changeling, ha!
Not a bad start; I'm curious to see where this goes. Lovely cold open, interesting characterization, and exposition occurring naturally in the dialogue. My compliments on the double-meaning in the title.
A couple of brief things on the proofreading front: "flak" or "flack" are both singular and plural, like the related word "shrapnel"; "flaks" is improper, unless it's used as a troop abbreviation for "flak cannons" or the like. As an example:
In this, it should be "flak". Second, in this particular instance I believe you meant "mortars".
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Thank you guys so much! I love all the positive vibes I'm getting from the feedback.
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Thanks! Fixed point number one, though I think I will keep number two as it is. The blizzard did make any type of sniping a little past impossible. Besides, why snipe when you can just decimate your target (and everything within a 20 meter radius) with a Anti-Infantry shell?
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Whoa guys, calm down with the downvotes. I sort of agree with your point but this story is strange in that it was mostly just written for myself. I had sent out a few requests to potential proofreaders beforehand but they haven't replied yet.
To be honest, I wasn't really expecting anything more than a hundred views or so, much less an actual feature...
Well I'm sure it could've made sense in the context of the story.
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Mortals...
Anyways, thanks for catching onto those typos. Really appreciate it!
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Presumably because you're a younger male who thinks that stealth is always the most practical approach due to it being so easy to sneak about in videogames.
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Fair enough. I haven't played a lot of Stealth Games in general, but I always enjoyed sneaking up on an enemy in Fallout and then vanish them with a critical hit from the Fat Man.
Wait, that's not stealth is it...
7905140 Nah :P That's just common courtesy right there. Gotta keep the RadAway merchants in business!
You have by complete and unadulterated attention. Well done, comrade!
Well... this is definitely something I'm gonna keep track of! So we have Twilight as a partial cyborg/AI called Maneframe, and an terminator-esque force called the Equalists... this I'm gonna enjoy...
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Ssshhhh You're gonna ruin it for me
Excellent start to this. This story has a lot of potential, and I am really looking forward to more.
Nice ! But kinda remind me of terminator
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The plot is, however, much more relevant to the MLP:FiM universe at large.
Thanks!
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Ha, it does to me as well, but only after I wrote most of it.
In equestria, this is a legitimate concern.
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Too right
Quick question; at what frequency can we expect updates to this wonderful story?
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Unfortunately, I cannot exactly say. School starts pretty soon for me so there's that to contend with. That said, though, I've already started working on chapter 2 and I'll be sure to work on it whenever I have the time.
Besides, I have 5 wonderful editors who can kick my arse into gear if I'm too lazy
You sure it should be in Fall of Equestria? Seems like a different theme overall.
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Oh? Did it somehow get in there?
I must've clicked on the wrong group since I'm on my phone. Thanks for notifying me!
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Happy to help!
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Damn, that's actually happened more than once in my notifications. X3