Her Royal Morning Coffee
The Best Part of Waking Up
Dry Roast had a good reason for opening Java Le Choza every morning long before the sun rose, despite the rest of Ponyville still being sound asleep. It was not a particularly large reason, or a profitable reason, but he had stumbled onto it by accident one morning when he opened the store early because of a bout of insomnia, and had made up his mind at that point to never miss that special time of the morning ever again.
On normal inky-dark mornings, he would get everything set up in the coffee shop just a few minutes after he walked through the door, with the complicated chrome machinery heating up and the cheery lights in the window declaring ‘Open’ as brightly as they could shine. It made the little shop a tiny island of light in the pitch black night filling the town and helped chase away some of the imaginary creatures which he could far too easily imagine lurking in the shadows.
Not that he was actually afraid of the night, of course. One of the best parts of his morning was the slow stroll through the quiet town streets on the way to work under the beautiful stars to guide him and the moon to light his path. The bad part was that with the Everfree Forest a mere stone’s throw outside of the town, some of the less fearful denizens of the dark woods would share his nightly commute, with the occasional bat or curious opossum passing within touching distance before continuing on their way as if he were not worth their attention.
The early hours of the morning had become a comforting, special time for Dry. Once the store was open for business and the first frozen pastries popped into the oven to cook, he would look around the empty booths and allow his mind to enjoy the peace and quiet. Most of the time when the sky was clear, he would ignore the book he brought to read while waiting for his first customers and go stand out in the doorway, gazing up into the starry night and wondering about… stuff. Important stuff, like what the moon was really made of, and if Princess Luna was as fascinating to talk with as many of the town’s residents claimed. Trivial stuff such as why exactly had he traveled to this small town to run a small coffee shop when there were so many opportunities just like it in Canterlot. Deep thoughts about the nature of physical existence and if it was really possible to make a cherry chimichanga and how many ponies (other than Pinkie Pie) would actually order one with their coffee.
Tonight, he had barely gotten the equipment warmed up and his apron on when the cheerful little bell at the front door jingled. It was a little earlier than usual, but there were many nights when she did not show at all, so he took Twilight Sparkle’s bedraggled appearance in stride and smiled at the young alicorn princess where she stood spraddle-legged in the middle of the coffee shop doorway.
She could not see the smile, of course. The Princess of Friendship’s eyes were closed, as usual, although tonight she seemed more alert than Dry Roast had seen her in months, as if she might open her eyes at any moment.
Or not.
Her mane was rumpled and frayed, just like the first time he had opened the shop early and found Twilight Sparkle sleeping with her nose pressed firmly against the door just a few minutes after he turned on the coffee machinery. Much the same as she did back then, Twilight staggered forward, making her way up to the counter in small increments and seemingly driven mostly by scent. Under that frazzled pile of tangled mane, her cute little nose wrinkled up while she sniffed and her eyes remained firmly closed against the bright lights of the shop, but she still radiated an adorable presence which made Dry Roast give a little sigh of adoration back in return.
Her Highness, Princess of the All-Nighters. Someday I really need to get introduced to her when she’s awake so I can find out what color her eyes are.
“Mid grabble fattamatud filbudget macatonit. Mit fulbadagin.” Twilight’s voice was garbled and spoken nearly into the floor, but Dry had some critical experience with Her Highness’ Ritual of Far Too Early In The Morning, and repeated her order, or at least what he had learned to interpret from her odd dialect of Equestrian.
“Double-double espresso latte with seven pumps of chocolate syrup, sprinkles, and low foam, right?”
“Mfgkerswhutlse?”
“Eight pumps it is. Coming up.” Dry Roast got out the largest foam coffee container from behind the counter and proceeded to violate all the known dietary restrictions for caffeine density and chocolate in ways that would have appalled his former alchemy instructor at the university. He foamed and poured, measuring only vaguely and proceeding mostly by feel as the massive insulated container of not-quite-coffee filled up to the top and he clipped the lid on it. Behind him, he could hear the distinctive jingle of bits on the counter which always worked out to exact change plus a twenty percent tip.
“Here you go, Your Highness,” said Dry Roast as he moved back over to the counter, the massive container of coffee wobbling in his magic field until he put it down next to the pile of bits. “Will there be anything else? Bon Bon just brought in a bunch of chocolate-covered coffee bea—”
“lovya,” muttered Twilight Sparkle, taking a deep, deep breath of the steam rising from the top of her coffee, then moving in an almost unstoppable motion upwards until her hot lips pressed against Dry Roast. She kissed him just as hard as any stallion had ever been kissed before in the history of kissing, leaving a blaze of fire which turned Dry Roast’s face a crimson red and left his tail sticking straight out behind him. “Wanahaveyourfoals,” she murmured when coming up for air before resuming the passionate kiss, then, “righthererightnow,” before a third kiss of Royal intensity.
Just as Dry Roast’s knees were about to give out, Twilight Sparkle abruptly stopped the kiss and took a step back. The massive container of coffee levitated up in front of her lips, she took a deep, deep drink with just as much passion as she had put into the kiss moments before, then turned and stumbled toward the door.
“Merglipmuph,” murmured Dry Roast, still trying to get control over his scrambled brains.
“Neglimpth,” muttered Twilight between gulps of coffee. Then she was gone, and the coffee shop was again empty except for the bubbling of the coffee machine and the hammering of Dry Roast’s heart.
~ ~ ☕ ~ ~
It was almost another hour before the next customer came in, which gave Dry Roast barely enough time to recover his wits. Applejack was a much simpler order than Princess Twilight, and far easier to understand despite her rural accent.
“G’morning, Roast,” said Applejack after nosing open the door, leaving the wagon full of apples parked just outside his door. “Gimme the usual, please.”
“One size large coffee, spare the Fancy, coming up.” Since Dry Roast had pulled the cup off the stack and started pouring the moment he noticed Applejack parking the wagon, it was a relatively simple process, even though he could not help but add, “Sure you don’t want a squirt of caramel or chocolate in that?”
“Nope. Never gonna do it, no matter how much you ask. An’ gimmie one of those apple muffins there too.”
The cheerful bell on the front door jingled again while Dry Roast was picking out just the exact pastry that Applejack wanted and by the time he had his head above the counter, Rarity was positioned right behind her friend, stifling a yawn with one hoof and sporting a rat’s nest of curls. She had obviously fallen asleep while in the passionate throes of the Muse of Fashion again, which was the only time she showed up this early in the morning while all the rest of the town slumbered. When the sun was up, Dry Roast had never seen her with more than a single hair out of place.
He finished collecting the bits from his first customer, who hung around while her friend put in an order for a half-sweet white mocha frappuccino, and Applejack commented while Rarity was producing the bits.
“Sugarcube, you look half-starved. Don't tell me you ain’t had nuttin’ to eat since yesterday.”
Rarity yawned and started counting her bits a second time. “Darling, remember the Canterlot Spring Flower Festival is coming up this weekend? All six of us will be making an appearance. I have to get down to my proper weight in order to fit into the dress I made.” She yawned again while counting the bits a third time, then just dumped the entire pile of bits on the counter. “I don’t know how Twilight manages to do it. Her measurements have not changed a hair since she became a princess, and her eating habits are atrocious.”
“Here you go, ma’am.” Dry Roast unconsciously licked his lips while floating the foam cup over to the counter, then picked up the offered bits. He was tucking them away in the cash register when he became aware of Rarity’s intense scrutiny of the filled cup. “Is something the matter, ma’am?”
“Actually… yes.” Turning to Applejack, Rarity asked, “Darling, do you remember a few days ago when we were having lunch with our dear friend Twilight in the castle?”
“Ah’m not sure if you can call that lunch, Rarity.” Applejack took a drink of coffee and nudged the muffin she had purchased a little closer to her friend. “Ah think that was a little more like bait. You snuck in a measuring session for my dress.”
Rarity waved dismissively. “A minor detail. The important part of the conversation was when you were talking with Twilight about all of the places around town she had not visited, despite having been here for several years.”
Applejack nodded. “Ah remember she didn’t even know nothing about—” she paused and looked quizzically at Dry Roast “—here.”
“Even before they moved to the castle, Spike kept a pot of coffee brewing all day,” said Rarity, “but I can distinctly remember several of these foam cups in her castle kitchen recycling when we were talking.”
“Yeah, you asked about it,” said Applejack. “She claimed she didn’t know nuttin about it, though.”
“Interesting.” Rarity moved closer to the counter and leaned forward, which was a little disturbing, but not nearly as much as the sudden squeal of glee she let out and the abrupt smile which followed. Her horn lit up and a light magical touch brushed across Dry Roast’s face before he could react, but by then it was too late.
“Applejack, do you see this?” Something hovered in Rarity’s magic between the two mares, a very small and nearly impossible to see object that even Applejack seemed to be having trouble discerning. “It’s a hair, exactly the same shade as Twilight’s and far too short to be anything but a facial hair.”
“How in the heck would one of her hairs get on Dry’s face, though?” asked Applejack with a thoughtful look indicating the question was somewhat less rhetorical than it first appeared.
“Oh, no, nono!” gasped Rarity as Dry Roast began to open his mouth to defend himself. “Don’t say anything, Mister Roast. We’ve gone too far already. Whatever you and our friend are doing at night is no business of ours. Come along, Applejack. I said come on!” she insisted while walking to the door, practically towing the hefty farm pony along behind her and leaving the forlorn apple muffin untouched on the counter.
Dry Roast sighed while watching the two customers head toward the marketplace in the glow of the dawn, chatting vigorously between themselves. This could not end well.
First comment reserved for the author. This is an expansion of the writeoff.me In Over Your Head minific contest, where it took Sixth place. Be prepared for Dry Roast to wind his way through the minefield of princess pecking on his way to a final confrontation that may cost his life.
...but it's worth it.
By the way, I suspect the end will make you want a sequel (or endanger my life), but we'll see...
The sex tag is *only* for references. Down, people. Heel! After all, we're dealing with an alicorn who... Well, you'll see.
read the summary... and omfg, i am dying here xD
This story is already glorious, and it’s just the first chapter!
Yeah, this is going to go places. Wild places.
And thus the awesomeness begins!
I have no choice but to bow to the magnificence.
This can't end well you say? I can't comment on that, though I do expect the path to the end to involve at least a single genuine Princess Twilight Sparkle's Patented FreakoutsTM.
Well, this is already going interesting places. Can't wait to see where this ends up.
It begins!
It's honestly kind of tragic that after all this time, Dry has never seen Twilight's eyes.
I do love how Dry had college-level alchemy courses. Of course, any potential suitor for Twilight is going to need a capable brain, even if he's used to hers operating at less than peak capacity.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but nice use of emojis in the section breaks.
And yeah, this definitely won't end well in the short term. The long? We'll see. Looking forward to it.
Oh, and one more thought:
This was, of course, long before said ritual was stylized and elaborated upon, making it into what modern Ponyopolitans would recognize it. The Great Procession to the Glorious Font of Life consisted of only the princess herself, clad in only her own coat. Dry had to serve as Master of the Sacred Brew, Interpreter of the Divine Tongue, and Operator of the Heavenly Syrup Pump. Perhaps most surprisingly of all, biscotti were not involved in the least, and indeed would not be for more than seventy years.
Needless to say, Dry Roast's sainthood is often considered one of the most deserved of the Post-Nightmare Era.
What Irrespective said ! By the way does Dry Roast have a sister named Café Au Lait ??
.... Georg, have you been sniffing icing sugar again?
I can't help but notice that you have a favoured literary tool. To wit, a half conscious Purple Smart doing silly things involving confused stallions.
I know that it is totally adorable and/or hilarious, but is there something we should know about?
This is up to your usual standard of brilliance however. Wunderbar!
This is going to be so awesome.
Superb as always... though something strikes me as very, very familar. At least the first part. The bit about Rarity and AJ rings no bells. Could this be a fleshed out version of a previous contest entry or something to that effect?
I already want more of this.
And I look forward to the chaos.
I will love this.. so.. much.
8685533 8685539 It ramps up.
8685542 One?
8685551 Probably the asylum. But they'll have *awesome* coffee.
8685564 Resulting in the Brotherhood of the Pure Brew, a group of monks who pass through the world 24/7, collecting alms for those who are too poor to pay retail at Starbuckers.
8685607 Hey, in my defense, the writers of the show do that too. Without the romance.
8685623 Yep, I didn't get the story notes in the first comment until now because the kids are out of the house, and the wife... Ahem. Never mind.
Jesus Christ Twilight. If there's one letter in the alphabet that you must know it's "bed"
But I'm sure not even THAT matters so we'll wait and see. I love this already.
Keep up the good work my good man
wtf
have a like
So, is Dry Roast going to get thrown out a window or set on fire or both?
Yay, caffeine deprived shenanigans! Poor Twilight. Your subconscious has the coltfriend and won't let you know about him. You probably think it is some kind of dream.
I hope that, one day, someone draws this. I see it being based off a Harlequin romance novel cover.
I must say the idea is rather cute.
It amused me that Twilight's unanticipated show of affection briefly had the two ponies speaking the same language.
I hadn't expected to ever say this, but nice use of the coffee emoji.
Dude...this story...
Just Yes, Yes, Yes!!
All the yes in the world for you.
“We’ve gone too far already. Whatever you and our friend are doing at night is no business of ours. Come along, Applejack. I said come on!”
Translation: We are SO telling the other girls about this while digging up more dirt than a pack of Diamond Dogs on crack.
Then again, it's a kind of Cinderella thing. If the coffee cup fits, drink it to the dregs Twilight.
Oh man, the beginnings of another one of Georg's fabulous works of pony fiction. This is already hilarious so far.
8685658
As is Discord, as he is setting up a lawn chair and has a (bath)tub of popcorn ready.
Of course it isn’t going to end well... it’s a coffee, not a steak! Silly Roast...
It’s gonna end after a double shot-of humerous misunderstandings after adding a generous amount of confused emotions swirled by well meaning (but nosy) friends, a subtle blend of romantic feelings, a tasty dollop of shenanigans sprinkled with just with just the right amount of inneuendo... and VIOLA!!! You end up with a Georg Espresso Special, guaranteed to put a smile on your face early in the morning!
Damn you georg. Why must your stuff be so good?
Thank goodness you update daily.
Of course not. It will end fantastically.
Normally I'm not that into romantic comedy fics like this, but the concept of this one just seems too amusing for even me to pass up reading.
Finally checked out one of your works after meaning to for a while, and this is brilliant!
You have lovely prose that really captures the imagination, you manage to blend any telling with really strong descriptions, and nearly every sentence flows into the next impeccably. It's very immersive and I love the concept. Dialogue's great, comedy's on point, and did I mention how easy it all is to visualise?
I'll be following this one, and likely having a look through some of your other work soon. Thanks for producing this!
mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-3733709-2-full.gif
8686263 She sleepwalks in beauty, like the night... mare.
8686208 Might I suggest The One Who Got Away? It's a good example of my more recent work, with a bang-up dramatic reading by Neighrator Pony. From there, I'd head to Drifting Down the Lazy River.
8686148 I have a number of stories like that. I really don't like romances either, but darnit I've written a bunch lately.
8686117 Yeah. He's perked.
8686108 That's why I get the *whole* story written and edited before publishing.
8686072 You want to know how this will end?
Yay comedy! I hope this ends up as silly as it seems to have started :)
8686208
8686330
I second those recommendations. TOWGA and DDTLR were fantastic.
8685812 Dry does not get thrown out of a window in this story. Rainbow Dash does.
8685842 I *really* want to see some MLP cover art drawn in that fashion.
8685957 I blundered into it by accident, found out it actually displays on all the platforms I use (as opposed to the light bulb, which does not), and like it.
8685977 As the Prince chased after the mysterious mare, he saw the goose-drawn chariot lift up into the sky, bearing her away before he could ask for her hoof in marriage. He stared into the dark sky, then picked up the Starbuckers foam cup she had discarded in her haste.
"I shall search the world for you, my love," he breathed as he read the cup. "I shall find the mare who orders a Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato, and make her my bride."
Have not read it yet but with your stories so far I have great hopes. Will wait until it is more than half done before starting (since I wish too read it as a whole).
Oooh like this already!
This looks like it'll get fun very quickly. I'm down!
Same gurl, same.
:0
what did I say??
Dunno why, but this line was hilarious.
Also, technically, this should be "sneaked", but it doesn't really matter. Snuck has gained enough usage to where it's going to be officially a word sometime soon.
N U T T I N
-----------------
normally (???)
night, filling the town and helping
You added in a quotation mark, how even?? 100% the weirdest typo I've seen in a very long time.
This is a pretty fun and entertaining story so far. Keep it up!
I am more of an energy drink person but I am down with 10 shots of espresso every now and then.
Really, really good first chapter.
Slight mistake here by the way.
This. This must continue. I'll pay any price so long as it doesn't cost anything extra.
8686580 8686425 Careful, you two. I'll draft you as editors, a terrible fate indeed.
8686628 I must warn you. It comes with foam. (Oh, no! The horror!)
8686523 And after they pry you off the light pole, you're good for the rest of the day, right? (10 shots of espresso would kill me dead)
8686765
Do it please, I'm getting bored. I haven't had any chapters to preread in literal months.
I totally read the whole thing before realizing you were the one who wrote. No wonder I enjoyed it so much. It also takes the sting off of the update on Letters being over. Woot!
I used to eat Folgers crystals... I like coffee. Sometimes I have a gallon or so a day.
I do sometimes wonder why is the world shaking so much all the time...
Eh... in Equestria, they're probably not imaginary. The ponies just like to believe they are... until one reaches out and seizes them with cruel talons to drag them away into darkness where their frantic whinnies of terror are swiftly silenced by a wet crunch, soon followed by ghastly munching.
The poor little ponies try ever and anon to mask their minds from the never-ending terror that is Anthony Bourdain and the Italians!!
They're real... and they're coming for your foals! (much more tender)
That was adorable, in a weird way. Carry on
i dont know why, but i feel that last sentence should hang by itself and not part of that last paragraph. weird.
MAKING A VIDEO OF THIS :D