A story writer who is just starting, I hope to make good stories that are enjoyable to read.
Freeze was just an ordinary pegasus stallion, until he moves to Ponyville and ventures into the Everfree. Finding a large ice pillar, he gains a new power that would keep the peaceful land of Equestria from harm. Soon, however, a new threat looms over the land, and Freeze will have to join forces with the Mane 6 to defend Equestria. Will they be able to save their homeland, or will Equestria fall into chaos?
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Oh, I like where this is going!
Havoc...seems like a good name. Maybe he's Discord's brother? The story's good so far.
Oooohoohoohoo! Here we go!
I wonder how many times OCs faint or get knocked out in these kinds of stories...
But aside from that, this is good!
...I'll be honest, some of the seven mares are OOC. It's been proved in the show they aren't defenceless against timberwolves — not all of them would be running for their lives. Running away, yes, but not terrified and helpless.
This would have flowed more smoothly if you instead portrayed a situation in which they at least attempted to drive off the timberwolves, but Freeze ends up saving them after a struggle. Showing them as being scared out of their wits and too paralyzed to respond when cornered gives the impression the seven are there for the purpose of being damsels in distress for Freeze to rescue — that just isn't what they would do.
Alright, Fluttershy probably would and possibly Rarity, but RD, AJ, Twilight and Starlight would definitely be capable of at least making a stand against timberwolves.
Awesome!
8600407
Yeah, I can see where you are coming from. It was a mistake on my part.
Awesome
I wonder what that black blur was.
This isn't you teaming up with them its u interacting with them and you always saving the day I know you're the main character but u said join forces all that happened is you get spotlight other then that its good
Awesome
8685423
i agree
ok Question is their ice in the storie shins one side is a pony named Freeze and the udder is a Dragon who can uses ICE, FIRE, and Thunder so which is it hm