What happens, happens. I think that is one of the rules of Causality as stated by the late, great Douglas Adams. It is a pretty important rule and I use it to guide me through life, no matter what goes on in it. So, when I was driving to an out of town job and found myself in another world, I did my best to take everything in stride.
I would be the first to say the adjustment is not easy. Especially, when the first thing you do is make yourself a pony distrusted, disliked and defamed by some national heros. Thinking about that, I think I have to invoke another Douglas Adams quote. "Don't Panic."
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This is the result of me getting bored one day and starting writing. Now that I got a bit of it done, I wouldn't mind honest opinions, and flame away if you feel the need. I have thick skin.
As you might notice, there are a few chapters with a box at the top. These are the ones that my editor and I went through again, and hopefully improved. I'll refrain from changing plot but spelling, grammar and flow are all up for grab. Especially for the early chapters.
Looks interesting, I'll read it later and give some feedback :)
Good story, can't wait until the next part.
also, have a mustache
Awesome :3 Favorited and liked can't wait to see more
As I sort of mentioned, this is sort of an experiment for me to see if I can actually string a narritive together without riddling it with plot holes and spelling errors. I hope the former I avoid, but the latter is inevitable. Thanks for the time, guys.
This story is great so far.
The premise in particular is quite original. I'm waiting for more!
Well, the more I look at it, the more I need to go over this thing with a fine tooth comb, edit, format and maybe throw "chapter head quotes" up. If you seen them you know what I mean. Again, if you read this, thank you for your time.
The word you were looking for is 'recognizance' not 'reconnaissance'.
There may be a few issues with misplaced words, missing words, and other writing hiccups, But the story is genuinely interesting to read.
Keep at it :)
This story is starting to look really good. Tracking
keep up the good work
Alright, I'll admit that when I first clicked on this story, I was expecting an average ''Human in Equestria'' story. I was wrong, this is actually really good. Looking forward to more.
Thank you for giving it a fair shake and all. And, actually, "Not a normal HiE" seems to be a concensus, though I am not entirely sure what an 'average HiE' story would be. Anyways, I hope to do one more chapter this weekend, and maybe some editting to.
Thank you for the time, guys.
Interesting premise, and I'm looking forward to reading more of it! The introduction of your character to Equestria is pretty unique, and the emotions and reactions of the ponies met so far feels natural and flows easily.
Some of the old english is a bit off, I can think of one part where 'is' was the correct word, not 'art' but the occasional grammar and spelling hiccup doesn't detract from this in the slightest.
I'm very curious to see where this goes, and am on the edge of my seat waiting for the next update. Please, keep up the fantastic work!
There. This one was supposed to contain more but it had a very natrual breaking point and I really have to force myself to edit at some point.
Thanks for the time, guys.
This is pretty good so far, keep up the good work.
For what this is, it's horribly under-viewed. Really, I've seen worse fics with more views.
I'm really enjoying this so far; good grammar (from what I can see at least), well written conflict and characters.
Definitely not the usual Mary Sue HiE rubbish that is annoyingly hovering around.
Please do not stop this story.
I know it's been a couple days. Still working on this. The latest chapter needed a total rebuild though and the longest yet. Hope to have it in a day or two.
~~
And it is up. Sorta. My self-declared editor will get to it, I am sure.
Anywho, thank you for your time, guys.
good start......aand i don't wish to read it anymore. good luck.
Lookit that; this story has forty-two likes. A successful HiE with the answer to life, the universe, and everything. I will read this later...
Edit: Oh, forty-three now. That feature box.
I can't help but think that this needs The Doctor to appear somewhere...
The start of this story is what sets this apart from other HiE stories.
Generic HiE story: Human protagonist falls through the sky, turns into pony, and meets Mane Six in Chapter 1.
This one: Turns into pony then harms main character. With a truck. In Chapter 1.
I love this story.
Make more.
Heh Big Mac rage quitting
You are a perfect example of a good author. Other HiE fics are becoming so bland, but yours is so original. I really love your writting style. Keep up the fantastic work!
i would give it back to big mac... since you have no use for it.
but since you know nothing about him or where he works, i guess you could make an excuse not to.
you could give it to one of his friends and have them give it back.
but who cares big mac is a bad sport. even if he was kinda 'hustling' them.
I cannot wait for the next chapter.
I found it hilarious on how Big Mac rage-quitted.
And I wish I was that good at a poker face.
I love this story so far, and as I said before, I cannot wait for the next chapter.
Until this point in time, I've never believed that there could be such a thing as a 'good' Slice-of-Life/Human-in-Equestria story.
This... has proven that assertion wrong. At least for now anyway. It's still pretty early in the story. As long as it doesn't start shambling and becoming pointless. I do hope there's a set narrative and ending to the story already planned in mind, and that you're not intending to have this stretch on for like fifty chapters about all the aimless things Scriber does in Ponyville... because that's how potentially decent HiE fics become zombies.
But yes, this is pretty good. Not phenomenal, but it's definitely enjoyable. It has a good twist to the common HiE formula by making the main character basically an immediate enemy of the 6 most important ponies in town, and most likely the Princess of the Sun as well, and it's refreshing to see an HiE fic where the main character ISN'T already a brony.
In any case, aside from a few technical issues and a certain lack of tension at the moment, it seems pretty interesting to see where this will go. I do hope more conflict is on the horizon, and given that Big Mac will probably tell his sister about some no-good-dirty-rotten-cheat or something, I think we'll be seeing her soon.
Nice work.
...This doesn't bode well.
I think Applejack was the only one of the Mane 6 that didn't hate Scriber's guts. Wasn't friendly either, but was at least somewhat understanding.
Now though? Yeah, they'll all hate him with a passion.
At least the rest of the minor characters seem to like him.
I'm enjoying this, keep it coming barkeep!
It's pretty great so far, but I have noticed quite a few problems throughout the story.
First (and this is just my opinion), it seems odd that both Pinkie and Fluttershy didn't try to give him a chance to explain himself. You mentioned (and can see in the show) how forgiving ponies are, and I can't see two ponies like Pinkie and Fluttershy going off on him like that several times when you combine that with how Luna herself stood up for him. Yeah, I get they would still be mad, but I would figure that they would have at least given him a chance to explain himself after Luna herself told them it was just a mistake, and not him hurting Twilight on purpose. Again though, this is just my opinion, and I realize not a lot of time has passed in the story so far, so I guess the explanation will just come later.
The second issue I have (which isn't really opinion when you think about the characters doing it) is that the dialogue feels too stiff and formal for the situation in most of these chapters (especially this one). Mainly how most of the characters don't seem to use contractions. For a pony like Luna, this makes since; after all, she is the princess, so it would be more formal for her. For a character like Big Mac, this doesn't make any sense at all. Actually, for most of the characters, it still doesn't make sense. Consider this example of something BM says in this chapter:
"'Nope. Deal me back in. I am goin' to bring mah real game,'"
Do you see what I mean? The best way to find problems like this is to read the part out loud, and you can tell if it sounds right. In this case, you can just look at what he says. Using words like "nope," "goin'," and "mah," makes sense for a character like Big Mac, and it fits. Then, he suddenly says "I am" right in the middle of that line. Seeing that happen for most of the characters really threw me off while reading this story. Big Mac probably wouldn't say "I am," considering his character. Instead, he'd probably use the contraction I'm, since it is more informal which fits him. So, the line should be this:
“Nope. Deal me back in. I'm goin' to bring mah real game,”
See? That reads better because it's all informal, instead of having him suddenly turn formal in the middle of it before going back to informal.
The third problem (dealing with grammar) is that you have fallen for the same problem that way too many authors have, which is saying things like "must of" instead of "must've." Saying "Must of" isn't correct. There's no such thing. What you mean to say is "Must've," which sounds the same, but is actually a contraction of "Must have." The same goes for pretty much every instance in this story where you used a word with "of" coming after. It isn't "Should of," "could of," "would of," etc. Instead, it's "Should've (Should have)," "Could've (Could have)," "Would've (Would have)," etc.
Sorry for the long comment. Just so I'm clear, I am enjoying this story so far. It's a nice change from the usual crap that's put up on this site.
Big fan of the Dr. Horrible reference
It worked. I went for it shamelessly.
I'm still enjoying this, but I seriously hope he actually tries to defend himself in the next chapter because as enjoyable as this story has been so far, all the conversations have pretty much been the exact same with one of the mane 6 going off on him without letting him explain anything, even though Luna herself defended him. Considering how the last chapter ended with him being followed, I'm hoping the explanation will finally come in chapter 10. Because if it turns out to be just another chapter of misunderstanding, then I'm just going to be annoyed. I bet it would still be great even if that was the case, but it would still be extremely annoying.
“You must be new here,” she returned without even looking.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
“Hi, my name is... what? My name is? Who?” I then hummed the musical ending to that and chuckled. I doubt I could pass as a 'Slim Shady' and this was harder than I thought it would be.
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
...Yeah...The mane six-er...minus Twilight who is in a coma, are starting to piss me off. Do accidents not happen in Equestria? Has no one ever lost control of something and hurt another pony? They're not exactly in the wrong right now. But if things go any further than this, the only thing left for them to do is basically harassment. At which point, even though I love these characters to death, I would be all for Kerry/Scriber to just blow up on them. Pointing out how everything they've done is worse than what he did. IE, losing control of a vehicle and accidentally hitting someone.
Hm...That's actually a really good idea...I may use this in a story of my own sometime...
Edit: Or am I just reading this wrong? Entirely possible I'm just angry and looking for something to bitch about...Still may use that idea I had while writing this though.
949722
The Elements are close like that. If one of my friends was injured from some unknown person, possibly due to reckless endangerment to pequestrians (sorry, had to make a pun joke about 'pedestrians' and 'equines.' xD), I would be a bit upset at said person. Granted, they ARE being a bit over-reactive...
Having been in the situation myself, let me tell you, it is hard to get past it, even if you can logically put it together.
The course though, has been charted and I intend to run this out in full.
Anyways, thank you for your time!
Not bad.
949763 He wasn't exactly being reckless though.
I do not recall if they know this. So it is understandable. But as someone above me, say two posts up from my first one, said "all the conversations have pretty much been the exact same with one of the mane 6 going off on him without letting him explain anything, even though Luna herself defended him."
There's being angry over someone hurting your friend. And then there's holding a grudge over someone's head because of something they couldn't control. This right here? Not his fault in the slightest.
And yes, pequestrians is hilarious. Good on you. All the internets for you.
949816
In the words of M. Bison:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!
...okay I'll bite - thumbed up and followed. You tell an interesting story, can't wait to see how it develops.
Om nom nom.
Moar.
I don't like how he adjusted to his change instantly, but that's really the only complaint I have. You've got me hook, line and sinker.
will read later since it is featured... nope, now.
I really like this story!
faved. (and you did deserve that feature
)
I waited, and I was appeased.
I crave for more.
I like it! Continue sir! Faith in the HiE has been restored.
However... The picture is disturbing, early-mid 1990s Silverado with a bodykit?! ಠ_ಠ
Morbid for Chevy-heads right there.
Hehe. I needed a red truck that crashed into a tree without a human in the shot, and looking survivable! After that list of requirements, even the mighty google has to stretch to accommodate a request. I am kind of holding out the actual owner of that truck actually sees I am using the photo.
950653 Still liking the story with it though, it does flow with everything.
"I was going to be late I was going to be late for that job"
Uh...
952816
Thank you. I am going to attend to that brain-fart. The joys of self-editting, eh?
Woo update...
Don't go to the library.
No duh you were being followed.