I'm a jackoftrades, pilot, hobby engineer, writer, philosopher of the creed: The truth is absolute & unchanging, so seek the truths that change for no one & you'll find the truths worth holding on to.
Rumble needs somepony to help him train for an upcoming race. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are having an argument over Dash’s training style, resulting in Fluttershy agreeing to train Rumble.
But can Fluttershy's kinder approach get the results needed to help Rumble?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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What a great story, it shows what a difference coaching style and motivation can make for someone in the spirit of competition.
Haven't read this yet, but...
That's quite a typo that your readers are first going to notice. Might wanna get that fixed.
8384984
noted, and fixed thank you.
8383690
Thank you. Always nice to see when someone appreciates your work. Makes it seem worth while.
8385225
You’re welcome.
Finally got around to reading it. I love the concept and the feeling of consequence that it entails. The two training methods really work with their end results. And I ESPECIALLY loved the consequence of Kindness that Fluttershy has to learn when it's presented in the wrong place. It really shows that even if Rainbow's training seems cruel, it's justified and worth it for the end results.
I only wish it didn't end on such a sad note. Rumble now feels betrayed by Fluttershy and she didn't get a chance to properly apologize and be forgiven. Oh well. Happy ending for Rainbow and Scootaloo, but kind of a tragic/bittersweet ending for Fluttershy and Rumble.
8387605
Thank you for the feedback!
I ended the story where I did because I didn’t want to water down the tough love lesson I was trying to get across.
If it’s any consolation the last thing Thunderlane says is meant to imply that he’s going to talk Rumble into forgiving Fluttershy as soon as he calms down.
Now this is a worthy episode.
8461013
Thank you. Glad to hear you think so.
Hmm... a very good illustration of the lesson and an interesting story. However, I sort of agree with 8387605 that having it end with Rumble hating Fluttershy... I don't think that aspect quite worked. Not because it was sad so much as because it lacked closure. Yes, Thunderlane promised to talk to him, but that's very nebulous and, without actually seeing it, it doesn't really help. It might help, but we have no way of knowing and little reason to think definitely will.
I think it's what TVTropes refers to as the Tethercat Principle - because the last image is of Rumble berating and hating Fluttershy, the natural feeling is that he's still hating her forever after the story ends, no matter what events we're told might happen in the future.
The lack of closue also affects the lesson, though in a different way. I realize you wanted to end on the lesson to maximize its impact, but the trouble is... it kind of ends four-fifths of the way through the lesson instead. We have Fluttershy being told what she did wrong, but then the story just immediately ends, without us seeing how it's affected her - if and how she's changed by the experience. Essentially, we see her being taught the lesson, but we don't get a good sense of her learning the lesson. We still get the lesson, sure, but it feels less... impactful than it should.
Still, I want to emphasize that this was a very good story. I just think it could be better with more closure for Rumble and Fluttershy - a separate epilogue, perhaps? Not that I expect you to after over a year, of course, I'm just giving my thoughts. It could be a bit better, but that doesn't change that it's overall very good.
9201534
First off, sorry for the slow response, as you’ve no doubt concluded by now, I’m not the type that lives on the internet. If I haven’t posted a story recently I only check back in every now and then.
Second, thank you for the kind words.
Next, may answer to Skylight77 stands. While I understand the desire to continue until it feels like everything is wrapped up. (Especially since this is a fan-fiction sight not an episode with a fixed time slot, so why not make the story as long as ‘needed’?) The whole point of the story is to teach a lesson, and any continuation of the story would only serve to add distraction from the point being made.
Possibly because it doesn’t really matter if Fluttershy learns that sometimes unrestrained kindness is the same as cruelty, it only matters that the reader does.
Last, seeing as I have no intention of doing so, if I did write an extended ending it would basically boil down to this:
Thunderlane waits until evening, (When Rumble’s had enough time for his anger to burn itself out.) and reminds him that Fluttershy did try to help him, just because she failed spectacularly don’t mean she meant for her help to be indistinguishable from hindrance.
The next day Thunderlane would bring to/ force Rumble to visit Fluttershy and let them apologize. Fluttershy for unknowingly helping in a way Rainbow Dash would call sabotaging and begging forgiveness, and Rumble for getting angry over said misguided helpfulness and giving said forgiveness.
9549376
Words mean things my friend. And I only said shoot at, not strike with. So technically Dash never “zapped” Scootaloo she only made lightning flash close behind her.
9552031
Neither do I.
The mind set you should be looking for is/are:
#1: some times tough love is the only true form of love.
#2: some times what's best for you isn't pleasant.
Also the best way to build up physical strength is to make your body suffer then give it what it needs to rebuild stronger then before. (Hence the diet control and rest period before the race.)
In a way I was simply playing off of Scoots' behavior in Apploosa's Most Wanted. And just presumed that Dash figured out that scaring her with lightning could get her to push herself beyond what she perceived to be her limits. (And trust me fear will usually get a runner to run faster or longer then they ever thought they could.)
9552501
The problem is, it's not the same result. Most people lack the mental fortitude to truly push themselves to their limits on their own, especially children.
9552534
And now we’re into opinion land. You’re welcome to think that. I disagree.