Princess Celestia is never seen without a smile on her face or a laugh in her eyes. Nopony has ever questioned it. Why should they? A warm bath washes away everything, even a plastered on smile.
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kalash93
Joined 18th Dec, 2012 ·
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Good, a few spelling issues and humongous paragraphs.
IDK if the title matches the content, but that's just me.
Still, good!
Now that would be a traumatic version of Celestia's foresight/dream ability.
Sequel!
This was a decent short read, keep it up.
Dat pony butt.
ahhhhh that's one of Aurelleah's works lol
Beautiful.
That was oddly gripping. I've read quite a few of your works, yet nothing thus far has taken me by the collar and held me to my screen as this one has. Your writing and tone was an incredible mix of narration and internal thought that I've been working to master for the past year of my life, and let me tell you, you did a fine damn job. I enjoy the lack of conclusion, or even context. You set up what you wanted, and this story accomplished what it set out to do: grip the reader and tell a little story. In my book, that makes it successful. I hear many people these days criticize stories of this caliber, claiming they're of poor quality because they tell, and do not show, but honestly, I think its refreshing. You captured three thousand years of past and fifty years of future within a thousand words of writing. Like watching a slide show, I was able to picture, in detail, every little point you struck, be it Shining Armor dying while fighting for his country, or memories of Luna coming home giddy and excited from a first date.
What you managed to capture is what thought truly is like. Quick ramblings. Smatterings of memories and predictions. Highs and lows. The tone shifts rapidly, going from a high and light feeling when going over the past, to a brooding and dark tone when she speculates about the future. That rapid shift in tone, to some, might be jarring, but to me, it fits perfectly with the idea of this whole thing; thought. One's mind, when left to wander, goes over the good and the bad quite fast. The brain hasn't time to faff about with transitioning or pausing, it goes from one thing to another.
There may be some capitalization errors, there may be some long paragraphs, but I don't think technicalities are what we should judge stories by (as long as they're not horribly distracting, of course). I judge whether I like a story or not by how it made me feel, and this story made me feel. To that, I say it was a success.
Just to be that guy, I found this:
I do believe that needs a capital T.
Also, continuing the nit-pick, I wish to formally request you remove the 'tragedy' tag from this story. Tragic events are mentioned, yes, but dammit all I will stand by my classical definition of Tragedy until I draw my last breath. This story isn't a true tragedy, or anywhere close, really.
(This is what reading Shakespeare on your own and enjoying it does, folks.)
Anywho, goodnight, and thanks for this little piece.
Naw, all that is needed for space travel from the ponies is to inflame the wanderlust of pegasi and the curiosity of unicorns. Once the preliminaries are done and planets are found the earth ponies would follow to settle the new world.
Sabaton - Rise of Evil
so sad
話はすごかった！私はキャラクターの発展とあなたがシーンの間でやりとりしたやり方を好きでした！あなたの説明は私を幸せにしてくれました。あなたは洗濯物にソースを入れてはいけないことを確認してください！
8433305
rice?
8433305
Nani desu ka? Onegai, ore wa gaijin.
8433546
どうして？
Whow... that was... somehow awe inspiring and dark at the same time.
But a good short fic.
8398165
Thanks, Mocha. :)
8398215
Indeed.
8398290
What would you intend?
8398375
Is there any butt than can contend with ponebutt? I. Think. NOT!
8398404
Indeed.
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Thank you.
8398612
I have only the best for inspiration, when I'm not writing trolls or clops, old bean. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/2308/the-living-is-easy
8399285
Sounds, Silvadel like you have an idea. I'd like to read that, actually.
8399421
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pfi1UQ_PKQI
8438152
I'm glad to see you like it. Yay! I just wanted to do a quick philosophical exercise. I didn't think people would like it his much. <Squees>
8446843
Quarians?
8446843
The events directly following the end of the story.
8446843
"Is there any butt than can contend with ponebutt? I. Think. NOT!"
Not? And this, fellow brony, is where you are most mistaken.
Nothing compares to human butt.
All hail the human butt.
Butt.
Looking... I mean... Horsing Around across stories based on mortality / immortality topics. I'm crying... All they have to do is fight boredom. Other little things are miscellaneous. It's basically doesn't matter anyhow.
This needs an 'AU' tag.
Celestia's personality aside, some major things don't add up.
I mean, Twi apparently didn't ascend even years after Luna's return (that alone makes it an AU, S1-3 cover less than a year after all), but somehow reformed Glimmer is there anyway and repaired the sisters' relationship?
How does any of that work without Twilicorn, a castle and a cutie-map?
Dash, a member of a reserve/demonstration squadron, is going full spec ops behind enemy lines?
Okay, if OoC Tia really needed her dead to get enough martyrs out of this clusterfuck, she could somehow make that happen, I guess.
Rares has multiple lovers, foals and is part of canterlot's nobility? Good for her but ... wut?
Tia's masterplan involves a lot of pones literally facing the wrong end of a gun, so ... Yaks with firearms.
Interesting concept, but too many random ideas thrown into this without the necessary editing passes.
Could've been great, but didn't build a coherent enough world to evoke any emotions. And the absolute silliness of her plan just killed what was left of the immersion.
Also, not sure if the title fits the content. Makes the first couple paragraphs feel even more like filler.
That's quite the take. Do you review much?
11298875
That's quite the take. Do you review much?
11300888
I never "review".
I'm not a professional writer or anything like that, so I can't comment on technical aspects from a point of authority.
Everything else is subjective in nature, and calling my subjective thoughts on someone else's works a review would simply mean I'm declaring my opinions superior to others.
I occasionally leave my thoughts in a comment section and voice critique when I believe it justified - and I am aware that my wording is a bit harsh sometimes - which is more often than not driven by other comments rather than the story itself.
Happens mostly with sad/ emotional pieces, where half of the comments are hollow flattery like: "flawless, 11/10", "Soo sad, amazing." or my favorite "I'm not crying, you are!" . A useless mix of 50% sarcasm and 51% virtue signaling/ pretending to feel emotion x because it seems appropriate. Reading too much sh!te like that sometimes gets me into 'harsh critic mode'.
Wasn't really sure how to interpret your question, so I hope this covers it.
If you want me to elaborate on something I wrote, or want me to shut up entirely, just tell me.