"10-year-old Negi Springfield is a wizard-in-training, and needs only to pass one more test in order to become a Master Wizard. Unfortunately, his final task is a bizarre one—to become a English teacher at an all-females boarding school. As soon as he arrives, he completely embarrasses one of his students, Asuna Kagurazaka, and replaces the teacher she loves, which garners her hatred. To make matters worse, Asuna learns that Negi is a wizard, and promises to tell unless he helps her out. But unfortunately, circumstances force them to work together to do many things, from fighting evil wizards to helping the class pass their final exam, with a lot of humor, magic, and romances thrown in.
Based on the comments, this seems based on Mahou Sensei Negima, correct? Is it based on the anime or the manga?(I consider the manga, the original, to be far better.)
This chapter reads more interesting to me than the first one. There, the whole making Spike a super-badass got really distracting. I'm a little worried that's going to be the main theme for the story, apart from the sexy times that is.
Okay, I thought going by the synopsis alone, it would be similar to Negima, and I was right to an extent, but damn this is a lot more entertaining than I thought it would be. A school like this with Spike being a teacher? I know this may seem a bit unlikely, but I'm hoping for a Spike harem. I can already see it with the Mane 6, but maybe a few extras too.
Also, "Miss" Cadence huh? I guess her and Shining Armor never got married. If Spike plays his cards right, he could get her too.
8449241 I'd advise you to re-read your own comment. You're handing him excuses for the problem.
I've said this before and i'll say it again, i dont want people to write on this site (or any site) just to have stuff to read. That is a fortunate side effect. I want people to write so they can improve. And as part of that the readership MUST criticise and encourage in equal measure. WriterWriter has capable ability to write (although he does tend towards leaner prose than some might prefer), but quality is only one portion of competence as an author. the other part of Competence is Consistency. it matters not how well you can construct a dish, if you never cook.
I will be judging this story, and most likely as harshly as I can without being unfair. Let me explain a few things about the judging: First, things like grammar, writing, structuring. Basic conventions of the English language. Only one mistake found so far:
except he was walking, and by the time he realized there was someone standing there after turning a corner he almost walked right in her.
You forgot to capitalize the first letter of this sentence.
Second, there will be the story. Things like pacing, plot, and things like that. So far, I see the premise for a harem comedy: Main male character is contrived into a situation in which he's surrounded by females, main character gets flustered.
Third will be characterization. First thing I must do is say that I am happy that you didn't have him be weak, helpless, and going to school rather than teaching it. It's good to see a character that, while thrust into a situation in which he's surrounded by females, is not a weak wimp that gets stomped on, and is also a semi-strong character who got into this situation of his own free will, despite not knowing about the lack of a dress code. Most harem comedies will have a male that is weak, and he just lets life tread on him as he randomly gets girls throughout his education, while Spike here is stronger, and actually took a chance to get a job rather than just letting life go on. Although, he's getting extremely flustered at everything, which is a point off, as a 15 year old could handle this better than him. This may simply be because some 15 year olds are emos, and act like they don't care and thus will pretend to not have emotions long enough for pretty much nothing to happen.
Of course, the characterization of the females is important as well, but all we have in terms of characterization of females so far is that some are modest, some are quite the opposite. Also, that the Dean likes have a guy stare at her tits. Luckily, they seem to be fine with promiscuity, so hopefully we won't get the trope of the female character who the guy accidentally gropes and then slaps him or otherwise assaults him while shouting "Baka!" You know, the tsundere. I hate those characters due to how they act like a sociopath yet nobody seems to care, and they just think them to be a perfectly sane character.
Overall, it seems that this story is a positive on the scaling, and while it has things I take issue with, it's not too cliched and is well written. Spike seems a bit inconsistent with his character, but overall the characterization seems to be fine.
8451918 Ok, dude, first off, he's not handing me excuses, so don't go there, ok? I apologize if that's not what you were trying to sound like, but still.
Second, I am still working my other stories. I might only be able to a few sentences at a time, and I've had moments were most of the work that day on a chapter is going back over what I had so far and tweaking parts, but I AM still on them. Plus, I know what I want to happen in the current chapters I'm working on, but I have trouble putting that down into writing the way I picture it. I mean, I've had full paragraphs and just thought 'no that's not what I'm wanting'. Also, I've tried to keep a steady flow on a few of my FFN stories, but after a while, I've gotten sick of writing in that particular fic and had to go to something else. It just started feeling stagnant. Even a cook can only make burgers so many times before he has to switch to tacos or pizza.
Third, WinterSolder, more or less, is right. You know how many times I've been working on a chapter and a fic idea just worms itself into my head? I've lost count, but when I get one that screams 'write me!' I cannot resist putting it down and sharing it. To be honest, I wanted to try and wait until 'Surprise' was finished before posting, but I couldn't.
That's just me, I'm not apologizing for my method, I'm not making excuses, just laying it on the table.
8447195
Boob hat? Imma bing that and see what pops up XD
Why am I getting Mahou Sensei Negima vibes?
8447415
Kinda where I got a bit of the inspiration, heh.
8447428
That explains it
Dang cliffhangers
kay, this looks promising.
-Dark
8447415
Whadat
8447967
here's the synopsis from MyAnimeList
"10-year-old Negi Springfield is a wizard-in-training, and needs only to pass one more test in order to become a Master Wizard. Unfortunately, his final task is a bizarre one—to become a English teacher at an all-females boarding school. As soon as he arrives, he completely embarrasses one of his students, Asuna Kagurazaka, and replaces the teacher she loves, which garners her hatred. To make matters worse, Asuna learns that Negi is a wizard, and promises to tell unless he helps her out. But unfortunately, circumstances force them to work together to do many things, from fighting evil wizards to helping the class pass their final exam, with a lot of humor, magic, and romances thrown in.
8447991
K
8447991
I loved reading the manga and watching the anime. That Negi Springfield was a textbook example of a lucky bastard.
8448118
...yeah, he is a lucky bastard.
Based on the comments, this seems based on Mahou Sensei Negima, correct? Is it based on the anime or the manga?(I consider the manga, the original, to be far better.)
8448423
There no place around here that sells the manga, and I haven't seen the anime (what litte I was able to watch) in a while.
8448474 Ah. I think you'd like it. Been reading it on mangahere
Looks like I was right to worry about that last sentence in the previous chapter.
I definitely have to keep track of this now
Oh look, another story that won't get finished.
8448872
Hey now, he was able to finish In the Sea of Amore with a broken paddle.
Well, there goes my hopes for the story. This is far too over the top for this to be reasonable or believable in any faction.
8448911
Yes, and what of its sequel?
or the ten other works (including this one) still unfinished?
oh sweet jesus.
8449048
Look, the guy probably has a lot on his plate and his head is filled with ideas that he can't help but make abd they just keep on coming.
8447195
You know that you've been playing TF2 for too long when you instantly picture the characters running around with THAT as an accessory.
This chapter reads more interesting to me than the first one. There, the whole making Spike a super-badass got really distracting. I'm a little worried that's going to be the main theme for the story, apart from the sexy times that is.
No offense, but I like the premises of your story 'Exposure Therapy' better. I'll pass on this one.
8449350
Don't worry, there's a reason for what happened in the first chapter.
8449392
No biggie, I figured this wouldn't be for everyone.
Well this reminds me of an anime that I cannot remember the name of
8449466
Negima?
8449469
Yes that the one
8449471
That was my favorite anime and this story is basically a perverted version of it
8449524
You are amazing
More, I DEMAND MORE
this is an excellent chapter, keep going
8449524
Which is saying something.
Okay, I thought going by the synopsis alone, it would be similar to Negima, and I was right to an extent, but damn this is a lot more entertaining than I thought it would be. A school like this with Spike being a teacher? I know this may seem a bit unlikely, but I'm hoping for a Spike harem. I can already see it with the Mane 6, but maybe a few extras too.
Also, "Miss" Cadence huh? I guess her and Shining Armor never got married. If Spike plays his cards right, he could get her too.
Here's to hoping some sexy, romantic fun.
Are other characters such as Sunset, Starlight, Trixie, & Skystar gonna appear in this story? Just asking.
8449760
Who's Skystar?
Talk about throwing fresh meat to the lionesses!
8449762 This is Skystar.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/d/df/MLP_The_Movie_Princess_Skystar_official_artwork.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/150?cb=20170803222939
8451045
Ah. Well, I think we've got maximum for now.
Please do continue this, this is amazingly funny.
8451217
Ch 3's almost complete.
8451258
Will you also include Starlight and Sunset or will you focus at first the mane six?
8451530
probably not going to include them in this one.
8451535
too bad, Maybe if the Story progressed long enough and then later introduced them? If not then that’s alright
8449241
I'd advise you to re-read your own comment. You're handing him excuses for the problem.
I've said this before and i'll say it again, i dont want people to write on this site (or any site) just to have stuff to read. That is a fortunate side effect. I want people to write so they can improve. And as part of that the readership MUST criticise and encourage in equal measure. WriterWriter has capable ability to write (although he does tend towards leaner prose than some might prefer), but quality is only one portion of competence as an author. the other part of Competence is Consistency. it matters not how well you can construct a dish, if you never cook.
I will be judging this story, and most likely as harshly as I can without being unfair. Let me explain a few things about the judging:
First, things like grammar, writing, structuring. Basic conventions of the English language. Only one mistake found so far:
You forgot to capitalize the first letter of this sentence.
Second, there will be the story. Things like pacing, plot, and things like that. So far, I see the premise for a harem comedy: Main male character is contrived into a situation in which he's surrounded by females, main character gets flustered.
Third will be characterization. First thing I must do is say that I am happy that you didn't have him be weak, helpless, and going to school rather than teaching it. It's good to see a character that, while thrust into a situation in which he's surrounded by females, is not a weak wimp that gets stomped on, and is also a semi-strong character who got into this situation of his own free will, despite not knowing about the lack of a dress code. Most harem comedies will have a male that is weak, and he just lets life tread on him as he randomly gets girls throughout his education, while Spike here is stronger, and actually took a chance to get a job rather than just letting life go on. Although, he's getting extremely flustered at everything, which is a point off, as a 15 year old could handle this better than him. This may simply be because some 15 year olds are emos, and act like they don't care and thus will pretend to not have emotions long enough for pretty much nothing to happen.
Of course, the characterization of the females is important as well, but all we have in terms of characterization of females so far is that some are modest, some are quite the opposite. Also, that the Dean likes have a guy stare at her tits. Luckily, they seem to be fine with promiscuity, so hopefully we won't get the trope of the female character who the guy accidentally gropes and then slaps him or otherwise assaults him while shouting "Baka!" You know, the tsundere. I hate those characters due to how they act like a sociopath yet nobody seems to care, and they just think them to be a perfectly sane character.
Overall, it seems that this story is a positive on the scaling, and while it has things I take issue with, it's not too cliched and is well written. Spike seems a bit inconsistent with his character, but overall the characterization seems to be fine.
8451918
Ok, dude, first off, he's not handing me excuses, so don't go there, ok? I apologize if that's not what you were trying to sound like, but still.
Second, I am still working my other stories. I might only be able to a few sentences at a time, and I've had moments were most of the work that day on a chapter is going back over what I had so far and tweaking parts, but I AM still on them. Plus, I know what I want to happen in the current chapters I'm working on, but I have trouble putting that down into writing the way I picture it. I mean, I've had full paragraphs and just thought 'no that's not what I'm wanting'.
Also, I've tried to keep a steady flow on a few of my FFN stories, but after a while, I've gotten sick of writing in that particular fic and had to go to something else. It just started feeling stagnant. Even a cook can only make burgers so many times before he has to switch to tacos or pizza.
Third, WinterSolder, more or less, is right. You know how many times I've been working on a chapter and a fic idea just worms itself into my head? I've lost count, but when I get one that screams 'write me!' I cannot resist putting it down and sharing it. To be honest, I wanted to try and wait until 'Surprise' was finished before posting, but I couldn't.
That's just me, I'm not apologizing for my method, I'm not making excuses, just laying it on the table.