Pony fan inspired by great writers such as Pen Stroke and Conner Cogwork
Luna Is The Best Pony4,645 stories ·7,272 members
King Sombra Fan Fiction1,388 stories ·1,697 members
Completed Story Compendium21,125 stories ·1,704 members
In an alternate universe summoned by Starlight Glimmer, King Sombra holds the Crystal Empire in his tyrannical grip and is waging war against Equestria to expand his reach ever further.
Princess Celestia is leading her forces in a desperate losing battle, but Princess Luna has a plan to develop a secret weapon. Will she find the six ponies she needs and can she complete it before King Sombra stops her?
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Why did you make this story so short?
8430637
15,493 words?
8430644
To be fair, the stories that I prefer reading are 10,000 words at a minimum, and I usually like them to be around 100,000 - 200,000. That seems to be the perfect size for a story to have a good build-up, a well written climax, and enough of a cool down afterwards to make finishing the story really satisfying.
That said, not every story needs (or even should) be that long. If that is the case with this story I'll find out when I read it later.
8430833
We all have different reading preferences, and I would agree that there are some excellent long stories such as Past Sins by Pen Stroke at 200k words that take real pride in their character and storyline development and are a joy to read. Equally, there are many very good short stories too.
Out of interest, a quick check shows that ≈ 90k/112k (80%) stories on FIMfiction have 16k words or less, so you will understand why I was a little surprised to receive criticism that it was too short!
Feels like you banged this out way too fast and there is soooo much more to explore. Also did we forget, AJ should have a very large reaction to meeting the others, especially Twilight. I doubt she's forgotten about the alicorn she met with the wild story and the crystal map on the outskirts of ponyville. It would further confirm things and strengthen the resolve of the elements. More explanations and character interactions would flesh things out.
8431162
Thank you for your comments. Ironically this was my first attempt at writing such a long piece as I’ve always been round the 3-4k mark, but the feedback seems to be suggesting that I should have written more.
I pitched the story in this AU where regular Twilight hadn’t appeared, hence no interaction with her. You’re right; a different version of this timeline could lead to scope for some interesting Twilight : Parallel Twilight interaction. *** ideas forming ***
Thanks for your interest.
This sounds like a really interesting story, but i do not read gore. How much is there?
8432190
There is very little gore. There are a few scenes in chapter4 "Equestria's Last Stand" during and immediately after the battle that I would not choose to read to children, but by the generally accepted standards of "gore", these references are very mild. That said, I chose to overclassify and protect those who don't like any descriptions of violence, just to be safe.
All the other chapters 1, 2, 3 and the Epilogue can be read as rated "E" (everyone).
Following your comment, I have added an author's note to this effect at the beginning of each chapter.
Thank you for your interest.
Hardly gore, I think what details you gave could still fit an E rating.
8435384
Fair comment.
I agonised about how to rate this piece and what tags to apply, but ultimately decided that I would feel uncomfortable reading parts of chapter 4 to children, so chose to err on the side of caution - I don't want to under classify.
However, having thought hard about your observation I will be dropping the “gore” category, but still leave it at “T” as guidance for children and those who read to them.
Thank you for your comment – I hope I have now struck a better balance!
Decent story, a weak thumbs up. Lots of good ideas here, but the pacing is a bit quick, even rushed now and then. Leaving out Dash's metal wing was prolly for the best, I can't come up with any way you'd explain that in canon, but then the episode was a terrible example of giving stuff to fans that they wanted. On the other hand, cutting out Princess Twilight's visit seems like a bad idea, it could been used as a vehicle to jump start their friendships.
Still, I must say that over all I liked it.
Short story is short. Interesting premise and flow, though it did feel rushed. Interesting alternate world.