Just an introvert who likes My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I also like to write MLP fanfiction. Twilight Sparkle is my favorite pony.
Everything is going perfectly for Twilight. She's been crowned Equestria's newest princess. She has six very close friends. She has her own castle, and a library filled with untold volumes of books. She even has a special somepony, and things are going well between them.
Rainbow couldn't ask for more. She's the best flier in Equestria. She's a national heroine. She's achieved her dream of being a Wonderbolt. She couldn't be happier with Twilight.
And then one mistake...
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Put on my read later list I'll tell you what I think of it when I get around to reading it.
This is... quite the start. Also, the first few lines were riveting. I can only imagine how traumatic such a thing for twilight to experience would be.
I did see that checkovs gun you set, so I have an inkling as to who the villain will be. let’s see how this pans out.
Rainbow Dash is the most teenage of all the other 6, and it would fit that she’d cheat. But I just get the feeling that, being the Element of Loyalty, she would never do that to one of her best friends.
8991844
I think I would agree with you, but... still. Rainbow often has a hard time choosing, and, as an example, the episode where Rainbow struggles to choose between flying with the Wonderbolts or flying for Ponyville for the Friendships Games. Rainbow seems to act before she thinks a lot of the time.
Additionally, no one in the story really would have expected this either, and that should become obvious in the next chapter(s). Another reason will become obvious in the next few chapters as well. I hope you enjoyed this! I have Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 written already.
8991909
Hmm, I still have my doubts. But I’m quite curious to see what you have in stock for the next few chapters.
Honestly,
If they manage to get Twilight to calm down and really go through what she saw, even though it would be painful and hard, I think she would have very little trouble figuring out what happened.
Getting her to calm down is the real struggle here.
Woah. Liked and followed!
If there’s anyone who can help them it’s cadance. Then again cadence seems like the type to pick and choose carefully, not just stay with whoever, so she likely has little to no betrayal experience. But she may still have some unique insight given her position.
I dunno, the Element of Loyalty cheating on her soon-to-be spouse a month before their wedding seems pretty dramatic to me.
9017568
Perhaps, but it just doesn't feel that dramatic to me. It just doesn't feel like what I think a "dramatic" or Drama-tagged story feels like...
I suppose I'll have to see how it goes.
There better be a REALLY good reason for this happening, I LOVE the whole heartbreak thing, but Rainbow is the element of Loyalty, there HAS to be a believable reason for her doing this.
Rarity didn’t come off too hard IMO, if I was her I’d be pretty damn pissed as well.
9045975
Phew... I was really worried about overdoing her reaction to it. I was worried she'd come off as kicking the puppy. I felt like I was treading a very delicate line there.
Also, to a lesser extent with Applejack. And sort of with Luna. Luna's perhaps more upset than expected over this, but, you know, former bearer of Loyalty and all that... And Celestia's ever the peacemaker...
I knew something was up, and that “flash of green light” that you said happened in the first chapter. I’m calling it and saying changelings.
Thank god you didn't do the cliche thing, and have Twilight and Rainbow talk it out. But now that we know there won't be any forced drama, i wonder where the story will go. Probably what caused Rainbow to do what she did.
9200810
I don't particularly like forced drama. It feels so cheap and detracts from a solid story. Plus Twilight doesn't really come across as the sort of character to really hold grudges... excepting Trixie.
I forgot about this story for a while, and now here it is delivering a fantastic roundhouse kick to the feels.
This is so rough to read... And I understand it perfectly from Twilight's side of things. It took me a long time before I stopped blaming myself and constantly wondering what I did wrong and why I wasn't good enough. Through the whole thing I've just had tears brimming in my eyes. You seem to have the intention of them working things out in the end. I only wish that I had been so lucky. This is very well written though and I don't feel like it is forced anywhere. These are difficult emotions to convey and it is very hard to know how anyone will react in this kind of situation. I really hope you finish this someday.
9858417
I plan to get back to this fairly soon. Either before or after I finish The Night's Stars, I'm going to do a reread of this and then finish it.
This is the most emotionally compelling story I’ve ever read holy shit