When he finds the perfect replica to complete his costume, William is ecstatic! Only, upon putting it on, he encounters some... unforeseen consequences.
A bad first impression can be hard to undo, especially if you're dressed as a villain.
Oh well. Time to make some noise.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is going to be rather fun. And I have competition over here
Slides over my own LOTR crossover
The plot is stale, there's grammar issues, multiple instances of useless exposition, the "party" scene feels like it was written with TV being the only reference guide (shocker), and cliches abound.
The "OC" is a bland Sue with the charisma of dry horseradish powder. The transition from useless lump to dispatching hostile predators in CQC is given no build-up and the arbitrary nature of said lump just getting his Awesome Super Powers does nothing for reader immersion.
I'd rate this, but the only thing that sets this dessicated clone from it's other checklist designed peers is from what franchise the requisite Awesome Super Powers were pulled out from.
P.S. This comment has been screen capped in case of the author rushing to delete it and involving site moderators.
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Off to a pretty good start. Doesn't take itself too seriously, and seems pretty fun.
How do I know this story won't die after only one chapter?
Interesting start to this! I like it so far! Update again soon!
I like it!