Escalation
Celestia watched her former apprentice collapse into the guest sofa, lying facedown on a pillow, with legs and wings spread haphazardly out of the furniture’s boundaries. It didn’t take long before muffled snores were audible. Her old student had yet again overextended herself. Luckily, the energy of youth was easily replenished, and if fortune would allow it, they’d still have a few hours to rest. The pegasi guards following the alien had lost sight of it near the Everfree Forest and reported that it was undoubtedly heading for Canterlot.
She moved over to the window and looked down on her city. Torches moved between homes in the dark streets and alleys, as guards and volunteers informed the citizenry of the curfew now in effect. The process was going smoothly, but even Celestia didn’t know what would happen once the news spread of aliens roaming unchecked through their cities. If the situation were to escalate any further, the city bells would signal the beginning of the complete evacuation of Canterlot.
Celestia moved away from the window and took hold of her bedsheets, then pulled them over the sleeping Twilight. They had retired to her bedchambers after the emergency briefing, and now all they could do was wait.
What happened at the meeting worried her. Not what was revealed about the alien exactly, but her sister’s response to the revelation. Twilight had informed them of the alien’s claim that it was the one responsible for the destruction of the stars. Stormwielder and Blueblood had responded with disbelief and skepticism. The stars are too far apart to be simultaneously destroyed, they’d argued, and held on to the belief that there was an illusion spell blanketing the sky.
Celestia and Luna knew better. They’d not told anyone yet, but Luna had confirmed that the stars no longer existed. Her magic could reach their position, but even the location of the constellations was now nothing more than empty space. When Twilight told them the alien had caused it, she’d immediately tried to gauge her sister’s reaction. What she found, however, was the worst possible scenario. Her sister’s expression was an unreadable, vacant stare, and Celestia feared what laid hidden beneath it. They’d talked privately after the meeting, and Luna had coldly dismissed her worries before excusing herself.
Twilight let out a loud, unladylike snore.
Celestia giggled to herself, then with a wing moved Twilight’s mane so it wouldn’t get messy during her nap. No matter what happened tonight, so long as Twilight remained safe and happy, she would be content.
With little else to do, Celestia turned to the paperwork on her desk. The letters which needed signing were unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but if she lifted the spirit of a few of her subjects, then it was a task worth doing.
She retrieved her reading glasses and took hold of the one at the top of the stack. It was from a trade union, asking if the current crisis would allow for a higher percentage of food to be exported to neighboring countries. Celestia thought about it for a moment. The next harvest would be a bad one when so many farmers had abandoned their field to seek shelter in the shielded cities and towns, but Equestria’s food reserves were still the largest of any nation.
Celestia accepted the increase, but added an annex to the document, stating that prices needed to be fixed at last year's rate to prevent price gouging. Content with the answer, she let out a yawn before continuing with the next case.
The doors to her private chambers suddenly swung open, followed by a guard peeking in.
“Your Majesty,” the stallion whispered when he saw the sleeping Twilight, “the beacons on the gate are lit.”
Celestia dropped her quill, leaving an ink stain on the paper. It was too soon. How could the alien have traveled so quickly through rough terrain?
“Are our preparations complete?”
The guard nodded. “Nearly the entire city has been informed. West Gate and East Gate are prepared if an evacuation proves necessary. The mayors of nearby towns are expecting to receive evacuees.”
“Let us hope it won’t prove necessary.”
Helena walked along the packed dirt road leading to the city gate. Ponies were patrolling the battlements, but the torches they carried would only serve to ruin their night vision. Not that there would be any need for her to take the stealthy approach, as there was a significant gap in the shield and the gates were wide open. Stuck to pillars on either side were white flags dangling in the wind. A single pegasus held the entranceway, armed with what appeared to be a stone sword holstered to his back. The stallion hadn’t seen her yet and quietly stood there with a resolved pose.
When she appeared from out of the darkness, he unwittingly took a step backward and seemed to curse the fact that she startled him so. Though, he remained and waited patiently for Helena to approach him.
“Princess Celestia has granted you an audience,” he said when Helena finally stood in front of him. “If you follow me, I will lead you to the palace.”
Helena looked past him. There were only a few guards along the roadside leading to the central parts of the city, and all the houses were dark and quiet.
“Very well,” Helena said, amused. “Lead the way.”
The stallion simply turned and began to walk up the road at a measured pace, and Helena followed closely by.
“I’m surprised Celestia agreed to a peaceful meeting,” Helena said, mostly to start a conversation. “Unless you’re leading me to a trap?”
The middle-aged stallion mumbled to himself as they continued on the road. The pony guards all shied away when she came close, and from the houses, she saw curious heads with erect ears peer out from the unlit windows.
“Were you ordered not to converse with me?” she asked.
“No.”
“I noticed a statue matching the description of Celestia at the entrance, and also a dark one with similar features.”
“Princess Luna,” the stallion said and appeared ready to draw his sword. Helena sensed the stone weapon was more than it seemed, and wouldn't be surprised if she found that magic had enhanced it. ”Now answer one of my questions.”
Helena let out a chuckle and tried to move closer to the stallion's side. His response was to use his wings to propel himself sideways and assume a fighting stance with his weapon half drawn.
“I will, if you would walk with me,” Helena said, gesturing to her side.
“What happened to the guards you took captive?” he asked instead.
Helena turned to the castle and continued without him. “They are asleep in a cave nine miles southeast of my ship. Even if you don’t find it, they will have regained consciousness at sunrise.”
The stallion reluctantly hilted his sword and galloped up to her side.
”Why did you attack them?”
The stallion’s head barely reached her waist, so she had to bend down to face him.
”It’s my turn to ask a question. What’s your name?”
The irrelevant question caught him by surprise. ”Captain Stonewielder,” he said, and met her gaze without flinching. ”What’s your name?”
”Good, you learn quickly,” Helena said and returned to her original position. ”My name is Helena.”
Every armored pony they passed on the road left their post and followed them at a distance, and it didn’t take long until there was a small column of ponies marching in step behind them.
”Will you answer my question now?” Stonewielder asked.
Helena thought about it as they reached an open area with a central fountain. ”There was not enough time.”
Stormwielder frowned skeptically at the vague answer.
Helena let her hand slide against the water as they walked around the fountain. She didn’t detect any dangers directed at her from anywhere in the city, though strangely enough, it reminded her of a time long ago when she’d been overconfident in her newly developed abilities to manipulate time.
At that time, a nearby world which she had helped in the past invited her down to meet with the local government, and they’d arranged a grand parade from the ship to the meeting area. Unfortunately, there was one among their leaders who greedily sought the ancient information hidden within her ship’s data vaults, and decided to take it by force against the wishes of his peers.
Helena detected the projectile, fired from miles away by a sniper, only when it was far too late.
She’d spent almost a day in diluted time, watching the bullet inch closer to her. In the end, the only solution she found was to abandon parts of her mind and relocate the stored information temporarily in the other half. In retrospect, she’d found the recording of the event to be quite amusing. The expression on the spectators' faces, when she ran back to her ship with half her head missing, was very entertaining.
It had taken a week for her to make a full recovery in the safety of her ship, and she woke up to find an entire world fearing retribution. Luckily for them, she’d only tracked down the assassin and his contractor and made sure they’d repented their violent ways and would act more cordially to the next visitor.
”My species are called human. Have you seen or heard of one before?”
”Of course not,” Stormwielder replied. ”Are there more aliens out there?”
”In the galaxy? Many.” They reached a large flight of stairs, and she raised the sides of her dress upwards as they ascended. ”But no, I came here by myself.”
When they reached the top, the entrance to the castle became visible. The guard ponies that had initially followed them veered off into the city one by one, scattering into much smaller groups. Helena could only guess as to why, but she sensed that they presented no danger to her.
It was Helena’s turn to ask a question. ”How old is Celestia?”
”I don’t know,” Stonewielder admitted. ”At least a thousand years.”
”Must be strange to be ruled by someone so ageless.”
Stonewielder scowled as they reached the castle gate. ”And who are you to judge her? She is the wisest and oldest ruler that ever was.”
Helena couldn’t contain her mirth as the gate opened up before them. ”I’m sorry, but there exists so much beyond your comprehension. I am about six times older.”
”Then what?” he asked, unimpressed. ”Celestia?”
”No,” she mused. ”Your world.”
Twilight awoke in a groggy state, her body feeling slow and overworked. She remembered a voice calling out to her. Telling her softly that it was time to wake up.
“Just five more minutes, mom,” she said, eyes closed and snuggling deeper into the pillow. It took a few more moments, but eventually, her mind pieced together where she was, and she leaped off the sofa with a loud yelp.
“It's been years since last time you called me your mother by accident,” Celestia said, chuckling to herself near the dressing area. She was in the process of combing and making sure her regalia was in its proper place.
“Sorry,” Twilight said, followed by a loud yawn.
“No need to apologize. It’s a mistake even the most grizzled of veterans will make on occasion. I quite enjoy it.”
There was a loud knocking on the door, followed by one of the guards. “Your Majesties,” he began, walking inside, “Captain Stonewielder is on his way here with the alien. They’ll be here in ten minutes.”
Twilight prepared as best she could with the precious few minutes available. Her crown was still back at the camp, but fortunately, the maids had been informed beforehand to find her a proper necklace and dress to wear. Celestia herself wore simple white silk along with her usual regalia.
“Where is Luna?” Twilight asked once they were both out in the corridors.
“Luna will not be attending,” Celestia said, and pushed open the door to the throne room. “I asked her to sit this one out until she feels better.”
The remark made Twilight fold one ear in confusion, but Celestia’s expression betrayed nothing when Twilight gazed up at her questioningly. Instead, Celestia appeared resigned rather than resolved. Not knowing what else to think of this, Twilight followed her to the throne room.
There were guards stationed between every major pillar, and they all saluted with stone-faced expressions when they passed. Some held spears, while others used large golden shields that towered over the burly earth ponies that carried them.
The guard presence had been a highly debated topic in the meeting. Celestia wanted every available guard to remain outside, helping keep the city safe and calm, and if things turned to the worse, they’d need all the help they could get to evacuate Canterlot safely. Shining Armor and the crystal ponies he leads would arrive in the morning, though Twilight doubted her brother would be enough to tip the scale in their favor.
Twilight took her place at the side of Celestia's throne. The alien would be inside the castle by now, and there was little to do but wait.
The tension in the room was palpable, and the only thing that echoed through the room was the occasional shuffling of armor or loud yawn that Twilight was unable to hold in.
Eventually, the main doors were opened by a guard.
”Ahem,” he said. ”Let me present to her Majesties, the visitor from outer space, Helena the Human.”
The announcement was enough to wash away all of Twilight’s prior fatigue. They now knew its name and species! She ignored everything and began a frantic search for something to use to take notes. That’s when she remembered the secretary desk near the back corner of the throne. It was currently unoccupied, and the top was cleaned out, but there had to be some office supplies in one of the drawers.
Twilight could see Stonewielder, followed by the human, approach the entrance. If she was fast enough, she could still procure some pen and paper. Weighing the pros and cons of doing so on a scale, she judged that this wasn’t the time to be tip-hoofing around in the background.
It was the first time she had a perfect view of the human. She still wore the same dress as when they’d met in Copper Hill, and somehow it was still in a pristine condition. Twilight made a mental note to ask about the spell it used later, assuming the meeting didn’t spiral out of control.
Helena is her name, Twilight reminded herself.
”Greetings,” Helena said when the alien reached the halfway point to the throne. ”I must commend your efforts.”
Stonewielder trotted ahead to stand at attention near the base of the throne. The room was silent for a few moments.
”What do you mean?” Celestia asked.
”You’ve crafted a beautiful world,” Helena said, stopping only when Stonewielder blocked her path. ”But I’m not overly fond of the weapons in orbit. How many spacefarers have fallen victim to them through the ages?”
Twilight turned to observe Celestia’s reaction to the absurd claim. Not surprisingly, Celestia appeared as taken aback as Twilight.
”I’m sorry,” Celestia said. ”But I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Helena folded her thin arms in a cross and smirked up at Celestia. ”Playing ignorant won’t work on me. Only those with the knowledge to travel between the stars know of the secrets of agelessness.”
Twilight ears perked. Travel between the stars. How did they accomplish such a feat? Maybe a continuous accelero spell on those large engines at the back? She wanted to know.
”I’m an alicorn,” Celestia explained. ”Those born as such have always been blessed with longevity. But I have no idea how or why you would put a weapon up in space.”
Celestia motioned her head to Twilight.
”Oh!” Twilight said, and gulped audibly when the alien raised an eyebrow in her direction. ”Hi! We’ve met before. Sorry that I tried to stop you with that spell of mine.”
There was a long pause in the room, and Twilight waited for Helena to give her an apology in turn. There was none.
”Ahem,” Twilight continued, sheepishly. ”How about we start the meeting by getting to know each other better? We also have some really comfy bedchambers prepared if you want to continue with the discussion tomorrow.”
“No,” Helena said and advanced on Celestia.
Stonewielder drew his sword and pointed it in the human's path, while the guards from the sideline rushed over. The ones carrying tall shields formed a barrier on the carpet leading up to the throne.
The human's response was lightning fast. Before Twilight could react, the blade of Stonewielder’s magically imbued sword was snagged from him by two of Helena’s fingers, and thrown away with such force that it lodged itself in one of the marble pillars. The stallion tried to rear and kick instead, but the human was quickly beside him. With a fluid motion, she shoved him hard on his armored side with her palm, sending him tumbling several yards along the polished floor.
”Stop!” Celestia said, and held out her hoof. The guards, moments from lounging out with their spears, halted midstep. ”How can I prove to you that I’m telling the truth?”
Helena paused momentarily. ”Allow me to place my hand on you, and I will know if you speak the truth or not.”
The guards shifted nervously at those words. The earth ponies with shields tightening their formation.
”Very well,” Celestia eventually said. ”I will allow you to approach and—”
”No!” Stonewielder interrupted, addressing Helena while also trying to regain his balance. The stallion was clearly disoriented but seemed otherwise unharmed, at least from what Twilight could see. ”Tell us the truth, alien.”
Helena turned to him briefly.
”Can your touch take her life?” Stonewielder asked.
”Yes, it can,” Helena replied without pause.
The carefree way she said was enough for Twilight to activate her horn, though she had no idea if they were any spells that would be effective. The few unicorns among the dozen guards had similar notions, as their horns began to crackle with arcane energy, without any plan on how to unleash it.
Helena knew her exterior radiated a calm and imposing presence. Her interior, however, was the complete opposite. Inside, she felt a rush unlike any she’d experienced in her lifetime. The culmination of her long search was finally within her grasp.
”I command you all to put down your weapons,” the false goddess said, in response to her soldiers inching closer to Helena. They reluctantly withdrew.
“Princess, you must not!” Stonewielder cried out.
Celestia turned to Helena and gave her a genuine smile. ”I trust our visitor from beyond the mist of space will do no such vile deeds.”
The act of playing deity was convincing, though Helena believed that the oversized white wings and horn were overselling it. She continued forward and pushed away the shield-bearing ponies with ease. Celestia regarded her with that same motherly smile, and nobody else tried to stop her reaching out.
Nobody except for the smaller, purple alicorn at her side. The younger mare had her ears splayed backward, and seemed ready to jump in and bite Helena’s arm off if the opportunity presented itself.
Helena ignored her and gently touched the white coat of Princess Celestia, and felt time come to a complete halt. Pulses were sent through her fingers into every part of Celestia’s body, searching for possible signs of human tampering. The information was thoroughly processed by her mind, and was so unexpected; she had to repeat the search. The princess had spoken the truth; it seemed, but not the whole truth. Celestia was indeed as much of a pony as any of the others.
With one notable exception.
The magic within the alicorn was continually renewing its body, giving it a perfect regeneration of cells without any sign of decay. The process behaved differently than the malleable magic she’d encountered so far, and it couldn’t possibly have been a coincidence. There were no doubts left. A human was responsible for engineering the process of Celestia’s agelessness, and she deduced it happened fifteen hundred years ago.
Whoever made this world was still active.
Helena removed her hand from the neck. To her, an hour had gone by deciphering data, while the ponies experienced less than a second of real time.
Celestia blinked in surprise. “That’s it?”
Helena stepped back. ”It seems you speak the truth.”
The ears of the purple mare perked up again.
”Does that mean we can be friends now?” Twilight asked, and took a step closer. “We could maybe help you find the missing person?”
“Do you know who made this world?” Helena said, switching her focus to Twilight. There was a bit of edge in her question, enough for Celestia to shield Twilight with a wing.
“We have no idea who you’re talking about,” Celestia said.
Helena considered her next move. Attaining sufficient information from the ponies would be a time-consuming process, and she’d revealed her presence to the world. Giving her opponent time enough to escape or plan a counter-move against her.
“I assume this castle has a library?” Helena asked Celestia.
The purple mare seemed to burst out of the protective wing she was under and was bold enough to trot up close to Helena’s side.
“Oh yes!” she said and pointed a hoof at the throne room entrance. “The castle library has the most expansive collections of history and spells in all Equestria.”
“Would you show me?”
The purple mare sat down on her haunches and beamed up at Helena. “Of course!”
“Lead the way, little one,” Helena said and turned her back against Celestia. The pony guards around them scattered to make way for her and Twilight.
“I’ll also have to introduce you to the emissaries,” Twilight continued, and proceeded to lead Helena away from the throne. “The only one currently in the castle is the gryphon ambassador, but I’m sure he’d love to meet you.”
“Gryphon?” Helena looked quizzically down at Twilight.
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Twilight said, and waved a dismissive hoof in the air. “The gryphons can be rough around the edges, but they’re usually nice and fuzzy beneath all those feathers, once you get to know them better that is.”
Helena felt her time dilate. Was the mare insinuating that there was more than one intelligent species living on the planet? Finding one was news of galactic proportions, but here there were several?
“Where are they?” Helena suddenly demanded. The speed at which she’d swirled her head and the coldness in her voice was enough to make the pony increase the distance between them.
It did not matter. Helena scoured her memory of the castle and easily deduced which section would be used to house foreign diplomats. Ignoring the ponies, she hastily made for the exit with such determination that the two guards at the door bolted when she approached.
Twilight watched the human leave through the main doors and disappear out into the hallway. She still had no idea on how to bond with something so foreign as Helena. Even when Twilight believed she found something they could connect over, the human’s personality would turn on a dime.
But Twilight wasn’t a mare to quit so quickly and prepared to follow the human. She didn’t believe that Helena meant the gryphon ambassador any harm, and someone needed to be there to make sure the human didn’t cause too much havoc to their foreign relations.
“Twilight,” Celestia said, softly from behind her. “Come here; we need to speak.”
Twilight turned to Celestia and noted the relieved look on all the guards in the room. Stonewielder slowly limped his way back to his guards, who all sat slumped as if they’d just finished a mile’s march in heavy armor.
“Yes, Princess?” Twilight said, trotting back to the throne.
Celestia sat rigidly on her seat with a somber expression. “I realize now what the human truly is.”
Twilight tilted her head. The irksome sense of familiarity she felt in the human's presence had remained a mystery to her.
Celestia lowered herself until she was level with Twilight, and whispered into her ear.
“We’re yet again faced with a mad god.”
Helena left the throne room and hurried through the numerous hallways, sending maids and guards alike shuffling out of her way, sometimes overturning the tables or statues that they hid behind. When she neared her destination, she sensed a clear danger waiting for her at the next junction. She stopped and took in the potted flowers of lavender on each of the pillars along the wall. The hostile presence was invisible to the naked eye.
“Show yourself,” Helena said, focusing on a dark area at the very end.
A dark blue alicorn emerged from the shadows, with black cloth of magic swirling around her before dissipating entirely. Helena recognized Luna from the statue at the gate.
“You are very perceptive,” the alicorn said, slowly closing the distance between them. “I am Princess Luna.”
“Helena,” she said and walked to meet her at the center.
The princess must have been through a rough time, as her eyes were as dull as a doll’s, and her lids were weary by restless nights.
“Are you responsible for the stars?” Luna asked.
Helena didn’t pause her step. “Yes.”
There was cold steel in the ponies words. “Why would you do such a thing?”
“They attacked me first,” Helena said.
“Lies!” Luna reared up on her hind legs, then smashed down on the ground, sending cracks all along the polished floor.
The magic in the air seemed to vibrate all at once, and the ripples around Helena grew in size and frequency. Suddenly, one of the marble pillars smashed down in front of her, spreading dust and pieces of rubble in every direction.
The show of force didn’t faze Helena, who casually stepped through the dust and over the fallen pillar. Time was dilated to such an extent that very little could surprise her, and it was clear the pillar was only a display meant for intimidation.
“If you do not relent on the path you’re taking, I will be forced to restrain you,” Luna said when they were only a few paces from one another.
Helena responded with a burst of speed, and the alicorn's eyes widened in disbelief. Arm outstretched, Helena’s palm reached out for Luna’s neck.
There was a burst of light, and Helena moved straight through the area previously occupied by the princess.
Luna had teleport behind her to the entrance of the hallway and was already preparing another spell. Helena spun around and didn’t give the alicorn any pause, as she’d predicted the position of the teleport as soon as the magic activated.
Helena watched in slow motion as a slab of solid stone, roughly half her size, was dislodged from the castle wall, and sent whizzing against her at high speed. This was no warning shot, as the projectile was aimed straight at her center. Helena could easily evade it in time, but decided upon a different approach.
The stone slab was surrounded by a blue aura, connected to the alicorn through a thin line of magic, an easily exploitable weakness. A quick sidestep changed Helena's direction enough to avoid the majority of the stone, and she stretched out her hand to make contact with its surface.
She once more abandoned the defenses in her hand, causing the ripples around it to vanish and magic to soar into the limb. Helena only needed to touch the stone for an instant to disrupt the blue magic propelling the rock forward, and send a feedback loop strong enough to incapacitate the princess.
The slab hurtling towards her was only inches away when the unexpected happened. The magic surrounding it suddenly lost its bluish coloring, and when she touched the stone, it was as if all the ambient magic had gone dormant. She sensed it would be possible to activate it again, but there would no longer be enough time for the magic to redirect the stone’s trajectory.
Instead, she watched in slow motion as the impact tore the white sleeves of her dress asunder and smashed into the rest of her arm, crushing it and shattering the stone in the process. Despite her best efforts to limit the damage, her arm ended up hanging limply at her side.
Dismissing the pain was an easy feat. The arm was still usable to a certain extent, though the less she used it, the quicker it would mend. She’d need the assistance of her ship to bring it back to peak efficiency.
“You are injured,” Luna said while keeping her distance. “Yield, and we will offer medical assis—”
Helena answered with another dash to close the last distance to the pony, who quickly responded with another teleport. This time, Helena observed each millisecond as the pony dematerialized and traveled in particle form to a place far behind her.
Minutes of careful calculations allowed Helena to know precisely where Luna teleported, and then she increased time to a tenth of normal. She swirled around and used all her momentum to hurl a hidden stone in her left hand, a splintered piece of the one that broke her arm, down the hall.
Luna, barely finished with the teleportation and unaware of the situation, was struck right on the cheek with enough force to send her crashing down on her side. Before the alicorn had enough time to recover, Helena was at her side, placing a hand on her neck.
What followed revealed that Luna was indeed a pony, who'd been given the same agelessness as Celestia by an unknown actor. Not wanting any further conflict, Helena sent an electric spike into the center point of Luna's brain and watched as the alicorn's eyes drifted back into her head. The pony would stay asleep for at least one local cycle, but from her experience in the cave, she knew not to trust that estimate.
She guided Luna gently down to the ground and observed how the swelling increased on the side of her face. There was no perfect way to heal the damage, but a quick shock to stimulate the pony’s organs would help shorten the recovery time. Helena’s arm was in an equally poor state, though with the help of some of her augmentations, it was possible to at least hide the damage, except for the ruined sleeve.
After confirming that the alicorn hadn’t suffered any permanent injuries, she stood up and surveyed the damage to the hallway. The cold night air came gushing in through the hole in the wall, clouds of dust and fragments of stone and marble littered the hall, cracks visible all along the floor, and most of the lavender flowers hung haphazardly over their pots. There was a brief moment of tranquility, then one of the ornate chandeliers fell from the ceiling and shattered on the floor.
Helena sighed as she knew the fight had attracted a lot of attention, and she sensed armored ponies already on their way. She expected they’d be less than pleased by the fact that she’d beaten up one of their goddesses and decided it was best to keep moving. There was, after all, a new species for her to discover.
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I kinda really fucking hate Helena.
8811132
Indeed, Twilight is gonna have to read a lot of friendship books to sort out this mess.
8811141
Well, I'm kind of not really bothering to properly read her POV sections because she's an overpowered douchebag that's putting me off the story, so yeah.
I hope they find a way to cut Helena down to size.
8811186
I can understand why she is so overpowered, she is from a super advance super old civilization, to the point where she has seen the human government rose and reset itself couple of times
Jesus Christ, why is she acting like such a fuck nugget? Literally could just talk to them and instead does everything short of actually attacking them to provoke negative responses, then acts like she's the one being put upon.
"No, my reasons would be beyond your understanding."
The fuck, what? Bitch, you're not telling because you know you fucked up and now you're trying to play it off as being mysterious.
Good lord, I was on the fence when chapter 3 came out, and I actually didn't like it, but fuck it, I said, one more to decide. Well, I read another chapter, but no more. She's dug herself too deep for me to care about her character redemption. If you don't have an editor, get one. If you do, fire him/her and get a new one. Then with the new editor's help, redo the entire story so far.
Is this harsh sounding? Yes. Is it personal? No. Is it fair? That's subjective, but I give this advice because the idea presented is great. The only problem is the horrible execution.
8811284
I know, right? The first thing I thought when I got to that bit about her surviving getting domed by a sniper was 'that's stupid, but that's kinda on par with this character'. The second thing I thought was 'it's such a shame that she inexplicably lived'.
8811284
The reason for her douchiness is part of the mystery, and this quote was a clue on what that might be.
“We’re yet again faced with a mad god.”
I think Twilight's line about being unable to befriend her hit home. Helena is unreadable, and she seems to act on easily-changed whims when she’s actually debating with herself through long periods of time.
Other than that, to have a conflict things need to get worse before they can get better. I planned the story to be around 35-40k words in total so you shouldn't have to wait too long.
8811239
We know why she is overpowered, we're just frustrated that she's being a douche for no reason.
8811301
Yeah, this B*tch is honestly sucking any and all enjoyment out of the story. If she were to keel over and die the world (and the story) would become a better place. I don't think I can even read the story and get enjoyment from it any more, because this overpowered, erratic, irresponsible piece of work is too infuriating to read about. Like, I no longer really care about finding out about the things in Equestria's orbit, her getting her just deserts is honestly the only thing I'd care about at this point. And that doesn't seem too likely to happen anytime soon, so ehh ...
8811325
That one she was fired upon by orbital defense satellites, she believes the ponies built them and is seeking answers as to why they was built and how many ships exploreing the nebula have been lost and crews killed by these platforms, she does not know the ponies did not build them, and it appears the platforms was the stars since the planet is in a nebula.
8811323
By getting better, does that mean she will get a actually punished for her actions in some way?
8811323
The issue is that she's kinda like a Mary Sue, but instead of being some self-insert that all the other characters are forced to fall in love with she's just a completely unrelatable god-mode shithead we keep getting forced into the POV of. She's completely above me, you and the ponies and she's not fun to read about.
I don't care about the rest of the conflict if I can't put up with her.
8811353
I can give spoilers to the plot if you want. You’re free to judge my writing choices afterwards.
8811365
I think I'd like that. I'm honestly at the point where I'd rather cease reading if I knew that Helena wasn't going to be dealt with appropriately, rather than keep reading in hopes for something that might never come and keep frustrating myself and you with comments to that nature along the way.
Like Drynwhyl said, no aspect of her is interesting or pleasant to read about in the slightest and the emotional unsatisfaction from her invincibility and actions by far overshadow all other elements of the story and any msyteries it holds. If putting up with Helena is the price to pay for those, knowing that she will never have to answer for her actions in the end, then I'm sorry to say that's a price I'd rather not pay and bow out early.
So yeah - please, spoil away :)
8811325
8811353
8811357
Discord was also an irredeemable asshole. One could say he was way worse. The only difference is that we're seeing the partial point of view of the almighty being. She seems way weaker than him, actually.
Her douchyness I'd believe is for being millions of years old and believing herself above mortals.
For one I think it's rather refreshing seeing a story featuring a "God". Not a hero or a character we should identify with, but something with a touch of real alien to them. That becomes that much more human when we can see what they think.
Not that I'd defend how she did things. But if she's hunting other "gods" and has to act as fast as possible to avoid them running, I can understand it.
Let's just hope she gets to understand friendship is something important in anyone's life, and that right now she's a monster more dangerous than a redeemed Discord.
Having seen some of the plans for the future of this fic, I can say that this isn't, or isn't going to be, one of those fics where the technologically superior space humans endlessly pwns the weak and backward ponies. Helena is a perspective character, but she's not a hero, and isn't really meant to be seen as one to the readers.
The story isn't over yet. Her behavior clearly cannot remain unaddressed forever.
I recommend patience. Payoffs are more satisfying after some buildup.
8811381
Discord wasn't a major POV character we were forced to endure the inner workings of. We didn't have to watch some flashback about how he did some magic shit to his mind to stop a headshot from killing him (while inexplicably not heamorrhaging to death), and coming back to teach his would be killer some vague lesson in manners. He was a villain in a cartoon doing cartoony villain stuff for 40 minutes before he was defeated.
Called it. Superpowered noble with a heroine complex, here to save to poor natives from an oppression she has convinced herself must be present.
But instead of actually communication she once again goes off flagrantly flouting any attempt at diplomacy or following local laws and customs, her heroine complex leaving her to believe she is doing the right thing without realizing she has long ago become the very thing that she seeks to fight.
Overpowered for no good reason, godlike being is harassing peaceful medieval civilization. So thrilling!
What will ponies have to do to befriend this unstoppable brat? Can't wait for more.
8811525
Hmm, I don’t know what to say anymore. I hoped readers would be more interested in the reasons why she acts as she does. She dances and sings while her ship is being blown apart, catches bears in trees, her clothes makes no sense for the situation, she climbs through windows and puts effort into pointless things like repairing a broken lock. Her actions makes even less sense when she sees her long lost goal, she’s literally cackling on the inside. She tried to intercept Starlight’s beam with her palm despite thinking it might pierce the hand. To the ponies she reminds them of a mad god, and so on. Are these really the actions of a spoiled noble with a heroine complex?
She does all these crazy stuff, but nobody seems to ask why. Instead, everyone just calls her an a-hole and downvotes the story.
8811653
Well, she is an a-hole
I believe that might be a result of you probably overestimating how interesting all those things are to people when leveraged against her a-hole factor (or how noteworthy her being a loon is), and underestimating just how grating and annoying she is for the audience. She's an attack on most poeple's sensibilities. And when someone's attacking you your first priority is to get the bloody thing to stop, kick it for good measure to make sure it can't do so again, then figure out the details afterwards once the more pressing issue is dealt with.
8811653
Y'got only seven downvotes opposed to 81 upvotes (mine still pending), that's a very acceptable ratio.
As for the question... to me, yes? Right now from what I have observed of her she comes across as the ultimate example of what near-infinite wealth and power can do to a person. She cares not one iota about material loss because it's just a drop in the bucket to her, she has no sense of caution because nothing on this world can really touch her, she considers herself so far above the locals that she never even deigns to explain herself. She's completely out of touch with reality, mad with power and seeking some sort of justification for something.
Now as for the lack of sympathy most people have for her, that's... honestly because she hasn't really done anything to garner sympathy. She's the antagonist of the story, if anything. Constantly the aggressor and attacking or scaring the tails of the ponies she encounters, all without only caring the barest minimum about who she targets.
8811653
Gotta agree with 8811821 in that she's a villain. A power mad goddess traipsing among mortals following her own agenda. Her moments of insanity are overshadowed by her apparent lucidity, making it hard to realise how broken she is.
Personally I don't see her as grating because I imagine her much more as Q than Picard. My cute is still firmly in the like part. But I can understand, if not agree, with the opinions on her. She's not to be liked, but understood partially from the glimpses in the mind of an broken, crazy God. On that front I think you're doing a nice job. Not perfect, but nice.
I really hope that someone strips Helena of her powers.
8812263
I’d actually argue that Helena is acting like someone who people despise even more, namely a bully. When it comes to insanity, I believe that from the person’s perspective they wouldn’t see themselves as such, which makes it more notable when the ponies offer an impartial viewpoint of her.
Not certain why everyone claims she’s overpowered either. Helena lost an arm to Luna, who wasn’t exactly fighting in a clear state of mind. It shouldn’t be impossible for the princessess to defeat her if they really wanted to.
Well, you have established that Helena can accelerate her time-perception by a factor of one month to a fraction of a second too small for physical reactions even with her boosted reflexes. Even if we're very nice and call that one-tenth of a second, that gives us an acceleration ratio of about twenty-six million to one.
Normal nerve conduction velocity is about 120 meters per second since it involves the motion of physical components - neurotransmitter chemicals - across the gaps between cells.
The only way to make this work with a neural net is to have signal transmission faster than the speed of light and no measurable response time in the processing.
Barring actual control of time - which automatically provides FTL (which she is indicated not to have) and many other capabilities - the only way this speed is physically possible is if you drastically shrink the volume of the brain to shorten the signal paths, use an optical system to optimize signal transmission and processing speeds, and reduce the computation load as much as possible.
This does, at least, explain Helena's behavior: if she isn't just ignoring physics she is at best a stripped-down personality fragment with a narrow set of goals and memories and very limited options running on the smallest possible implant computer - although the rest of her mind might be preserved aboard her ships systems somewhere. That would also tend to explain her remarkable incompetence for a basic human being (much less a transhuman) and not dying of the side effects of having half her head blown off.
The fact that she does not know or acknowledge that would tend to indicate pretty severe damage or limitations as well.
Or, of course, it could just be another branch of magic - and the story is showing some indicators for that. For example...
"There wasn’t a single trace of human influence or interference within the pony. She sent another to confirm, and the results were the same. There was something hidden within him, concentrated near the wings and the marks on his flank, but Helena didn’t register it as human in origin."
So... just what part of the physical universe is being electrically measured here? What is this tag that any form of human meddling inevitably leaves?
This could just be a reflection of having a very limited ability to process what is actually happening or how her abilities actually work (and thus not understanding the limitations of her analysis system) - or it might just be technobabble. Unfortunately, while "technology encountering ponies" can be interesting, physics ignoring technobabble magic thinly disguised as technology encountering ponies is pretty boring. Since it has no rules it is a constant - and quite literal - Deus Ex Machina. I hope it isn't that.
8813790
I treat the time dilation as how a real AI might work, meaning they can process an absurd amount of information in very little time. It doesn't give her a speed boost or anything; she's mainly quick due to augmentations. A human would inevitably become insane if it lived too long in such a slow state, but it would be advantageous if it could be controlled when necessary. I planned to drop a few lines of technobabble once or twice a chapter to explain some of the rules of this universe, and this chapter was a bit light on that since there was so much else happening. But I'm drawing my inspiration from a few different sci-fi novels like Foundation (Asimov), Ringworld (Larry Niven), Hyperion (Simmons) and Alastair Reynolds stories, then putting my spin on them.
All in all, I imagine it would very difficult to have a conversation with someone that can process so much information in so little time. It's at least one of my reasons as to why Helena ignores the ponies so much (The other being her manic search for answers). She could read through a dozen books in the time span of a normal conversation, and she's in a hurry. There will be a few hints as to how magic works in the next chapter. It ties together to what Helena said in the Incursion chapter.
It was a difficult balance to maintain, the ratio between organic and machine in one's own body. Those who relied too heavily on technology were equally exposed to its weaknesses, and magic appeared to work similarly in that aspect.
As for her electronic search of a pony, it's mostly convenient technobabble. It was mentioned before that humans attempted to mimic intelligent life in a variety of ways, but it was never possible to remove evidence that the intelligence was by human design. Helena's search has always been for something that evolved without it—and she finally found it when she caught Soarin in the air. I believe (and hope) it's consistent because it still has a part to play in the story.
8814409
Yes; you have established that she can move considerably more quickly than a normal human in the combat scenes. That is why used .1 second as a maximum for her reaction time (normal humans show reaction times down to .15 seconds). From the scenes shown, it would probably be less than that - but that makes the situation even more awkward.
That's important because you gave her one month of percieved time in too small an interval for a physical reaction. Thus the use of .1 second as an upper bound. If she could have reacted in - say - .02 seconds or less (as the combat scenes suggest), then the required computation speed jumps by a further factor of five or more.
The maximum speed of any computation system is limited by how fast it can transmit information through itself and by how fast it can perform logical operations on that information.
To achieve the level of time-perception acceleration you describe requires either faster than light (and backwards in time) information transfer within the system or a much smaller volume than the human brain - even if the time to perform operations on that information is zero. Since that time cannot be zero (although it can be very small), and both quantum effects (primarily tunneling) and waste energy production limit how densely you can pack components, you also need to reduce the number of operations to be performed - discarding various processes as unneeded.
However indirectly, you have established a physical reason why Helena is severely unbalanced, incapable of normal social interactions, and unable to consider unexpected consequences or alternative ways (such as adjusting her time perception rate downward) of reaching her goals. That's a good thing since she is currently making obvious errors outside her primary focus. That gives her a reason for doing so.
Finally, it was quite obvious that "testing for human interference" is technobabble. I'm pointing out that it is much better to think about how things work when you're writing; when you resort to technobabble you are having something that makes no sense work for the sake of your plot - which makes both the story and its setting more arbitrary and less interesting each time.
8819791
I've not exactly done any research or math on the subject. In hindsight, I'll change a month to a day since the former was a bit overkill. I'm not entirely convinced if we need to know why Helena can do these things, since every reader should be aware that there will be technologies in the future that will seem to be magical by today's standards. It's kinda like how Luna and Celestia moves the sun and moon. We know they can do it it, but not why they can do it. Do we really need to know? Nah, not really.
8823061
Mostly because you've set up your story around some scientific ideas - simply noting that, despite millions of years of tinkering, starships are subject to relativistic limits and star travel takes enough subjective time to call for special measures brings in relativity, the various conservation principles (they are all interdependent and if they can be violated, then you can travel arbitrarily close to light speed and won't need those special measures to make the time manageable), the scale of the galaxy, the limits on computation, and much more.
None of that matters if you're writing adventure, or slice-of-life, or fluff - but if a scientific principle is important to the story, you have to avoid casually eliminating it. Sadly, that makes actual science fiction (as opposed to space westerns, space opera, and so on) considerably harder to write than most genres. That's why I commend you for taking a shot at it!
8824481
I would put all of this as true except for one massive jump (That I kind of actually appreciate.) for Helena's abilities.
Specifically her sudden jump to understanding and usage of magic. While keeping it as unambiguous and as the usual macguffin of magic Helena has been able to utilize, subvert and even seemingly understand it as magic.
Looking at prior chapters this seems like a leap but the ambiuity of it has been used effectively in my opinion.
That being said the effectiveness in story telling is not bad at all and exceeds a number of similar premises from published novels I have read in the past.
On that note. Ugh... I dislike Phillip K. Dick for instance on his use of these tropes(? themes?). A large number of people seem to have liked him but despite the fact his stories would seem to be up my alley I have never been fond of them. They always felt more like a chore unlike this story to me.
I have found in some stories that ambiguity and fudging or figures that are not too unfamiliar from reality (As an hyperbolic example: By strapping the macguffin rocket stages together they reached orbit to succeed in their goal!) unless it was a semi-crack fiction of some sort. Those have their own charm sometimes.
But I wouldn't have ascribed too much of reality to alot of these due to biochemical based nervous system response times. This isn't a (practical or impractical) thesis!
In all I have so far liked the story line; especially as it seems it may apply Humans as sufficiently advanced as to help explain some of the canonical and fanfic based story lines as doable.
That being said I am reminded of the phrase:
"Suspend your disbelief to enjoy a story line sometimes. Reality can be boring but supplementing reality with what you think could be is entertaining and sometimes (Not in this case though.*) doable."
*I don't think magic is a thing at all. But if it was I would both be in awe of it and terrified by it's implications if it was.
On the notes of magic being inexplicable more or less in this fanfic I would like to point out it seems absurd that we can reliably make any demands for matching expectations without knowing the authors intent unless it is just absolutely outrageous.
Unfortunately I cannot give a value for absolutely outrageous.
I say just let the author continue on and grow. This hasn't been so bad in my opinion.
All of that being said I especially like the idea that Discord and past canon history could possibly be explained by Human influence in this story (Discords absence with timely/emotional note, Helena's abilities and Celestia's warning... Gives me a thrill!).