Chapter 6
Sherclop Holmes considered himself to be in good shape. But even he was having a rough time keeping up with the lithe unicorn mare. His heart was pounding as he sprinted down the vaulted marble hallways.
Suddenly, the unicorn stopped and turned around, pointing the rifle in Sherclop’s direction. Sherclop gasped and jumped behind one of the marble columns as the gun fired, barely dodging the round that ricocheted off the wall behind him. He peeked his head back out, and the mare shot again, this time nicking Sherclop’s ear.
'She’s a bloody good shot, that’s for sure,’ Sherclop thought ruefully, holding a hoof to his now bleeding ear.
Sherclop saw the guards galloping around the corner, and he called out, “NO! GET BACK!”
The mare fired off two rounds at the approaching guards, but fortunately, they heard Sherclop’s cry and managed to duck behind cover, barely dodging the two bullets that hit the wall behind the guards.
The unicorn mare then turned down a set of stairs, and Sherclop took off after her, trying to ignore the pain from his ear. The mysterious mare turned right at the bottom of the steps and ran through a set of doors that went into the courtyard, Holmes staying as close as he could get. The unicorn sprinted up to an older brown stallion with a worn-out hat that was tending to some of the plants and grabbed him with her foreleg. She then raised her rifle with her aura, leveling it with the stallion’s temple.
“Don’t you take another step!” the mare yelled at Sherclop. “If you do, Gramps ‘ere will find lead in skull.” The poor gardener looked terrified, shaking in the mare’s grasp.
“Alright, I'm stopping!” Holmes replied, stopping in his tracks.
The unicorn grinned evilly. “Good, good. Now, I intend to trot away from ‘ere, with Gramps as my insurance policy,” the mare said, slowly backing her way past a fountain.
'If I lose her, we’ll never get to the bottom of this blasted affair!' Sherclop thought to himself.
“Wait!” he called out. “If I were you, I would look right behind you.”
The mare rolled her eyes. “You must take me as some kind of fool. You don’t-oof!” the mare grunted as Dr. Trotson rammed into the unicorn, knocking her into the fountain.
The blow also caused her to let go of the gardener and drop her rifle. Sherclop trotted over to it and quickly picked it up.
“Excellent timing, old friend,” Sherclop said with a grin.
“Just in the nick of time, I’d say,” Dr. Trotson replied. He then limped over to check on the gardener.
The mare sat up in the fountain, sputtering. The water was turning grey from her hair dye.
Sherclop leveled the rifle at her as Royal Guards galloped up beside him.
“Now, I do believe we have some questions for you,” Sherclop said with a grim stare.
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Thank you!
And, yes, having a Sherlock Holmes group really helped me out.
I hope to see the next chapter soon, I’m curious who this mystery mare’s gonna be. Noticed some typos here and there, can read through again and report them to you if you want :) Also, one thing that I have noticed is that you sometimes tend to add actions such as yawning or sighing into dialogue lines. That might be acceptable in theatre play transcripts, but not in literature.
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That would be very helpful!
Grammer never be one of my strongest suits.
Most of the things I write are skits and plays, so I am used to having to write those things in. Thanks for the advice!
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And why exactly do you need to show how their friendship started off? What does it contribute to the plot? Also, can you not establish his eccentricity without a flashback—in other words, if he was eccentric in the past, he should be so now as well.
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I’ll try to send those to you soon then
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At the time, I thought the flashback would give an extra bit of background for these characters. Admittedly, I do wish I had left it out, seeing as most people reading this already had a general idea of Sherlock and Watson's original backstory before going into it.
But, you know. Hindsight is twenty twenty and all that.
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Well, it’s definitely good to know for your future stories. And a word of an experience author and editor—the flashback wouldn’t be necessary even if people didn’t know the characters’ backstory, for in this case, the characters’ origins are not important at all